13. PULP

After that weird moment at T's house I made sure to avoid him like the plague. I didn't visit his house anymore and whenever Mr. Hammock had us team up in the one class we shared I made sure to hold on to my pal, Dave for dear life. Of course I still watched him. He stood out to me and not just because of his idiotic fashion choices.

He always sat at the back of the class near the window and I sat on the opposite side. He didn't bother talking to me either so that made it clear where we stood. I mean, seriously. Why did I always have to be the one initiating things? Sure, I called him a fag all the time and mocked everything he loved but.. hadn't he ever heard of a joke?

"Are you planning to kill him or something?" Dave asked.

"What?" I looked away from Timothy.

"I mean, we could always wait till school's out, teach him a little lesson." Dave snickered.

I smirked and averted my gaze.

"He'd make a great pretzel, don't you guys think?" Dave asked.

"Yeah. And since he likes make-up so much I think a little red might help brighten him up a bit." Karl laughed.

"Yeah, and a little blue on his bony arms." Taylor joined in.

My friends were all laughing and thinking of ways to hurt him. I glanced at him again. The thought alone hurt me.

"He already cuts himself so I'm sure he'd just thank us for the help." Dave laughed.

"I can bring a knife, we could give him a haircut-"

"Alright, enough." I snapped.

The guys were all shocked silent.

"Dude.. are you gay for him?" Dave said, causing all of them to burst out laughing.

"Shut the fuck up!" I pushed Dave so hard he fell off his chair. The whole class stared at us.

"Quiet down, boys. Work on your assignments." Mr. Hammock said.

"Nobody hates that fag more than I do, alright?" I whispered. Seriously. Although now the way he made me feel made me hate him more than anything.

"So what are you gonna do about it?" Dave smirked, getting back on his chair.

"Obviously we can't beat him up. We'll get in trouble." I said.

"Or we just make sure he keeps his mouth shut." Taylor grinned.

"Can't speak when you're dead, right?" Dave said.

All my friends laughed. I pretended to find humor in that sentence even though for me there was only agony.

"Look, I don't have time to care about that dweeb. Homework, remember?" I turned away and pretended to read.

"Sure." Dave said. "Homo." He whispered.

I shoved him again but this time he pushed me right back and that guy... was a gorilla.

I slammed into the wall beside me.

"Alright, that is enough. Both of you, to the principal's office." The teacher ordered

"Please, Mr Hammock, we were just joking around." I said.

"Yeah, we were play-fighting." Dave chimed in.

"You were disrupting the class. Again."

"We'll be quiet from now on. Promise." Dave said.

The teacher sighed and continued reading.

I made sure to actually pay attention to this stupid homework. It was hard. All I could think about was how all the guys would think I was gay for not wanting to target Timothy.

Dave shoved his notebook towards me.

We'll get him after school. There's no way he'll tell. Now r  u in or out? Homo or not?

My heart pounded with anxiety. The last thing I wanted was for Timothy to get beat up. To have to participate in that, even worse. But saying no would result to everyone ganging up on me instead and saying I was something that I one hundred percent wasn't! The thought of everyone calling me that made me so disgusted. I had no other option.

I'm in.

Dave smirked at me and slapped my back.

I looked at Timothy, fear in my heart.

After class I waited to be alone with him. He was usually the last to leave anyway.

"You coming?" Dave asked.

"Yeah, just going to take a leak."

Dave nodded and left the class with the guys. Even Mr. Hammock had rushed outside to go meet his girlfriend at the teacher's lounge.

I closed the door right before T could get out.

"What's going on?" He asked.

"You have to get out of here."

"I'm trying to, actually." He attempted to walk past me but I pushed him into the wall.

"Would you just shut up and listen for a moment?"

Timothy finally kept his mouth shut.

"They're gonna gang up on you."

"Who?"

"Who do you fucking think? They're gonna beat you up and it sounds like they've got a lot of built up anger. Go tell the nurse you're sick and go home."

Timothy only looked a little alarmed. "Or we could just tell a teacher."

"No. I'm not ratting them out like that. And if you say something no one will believe you."

Timothy thought about that for a moment. He shook his head. "I'm not scared of them. And I can't avoid them forever so," He moved to the door.

I dragged him back. "How are you so cool about this?! They were talking about blood! Not just pushing you around a little!"

Timothy just shrugged. How could he not care that he was about to be hurt so severely?

"You can't control everything." He simply said.

"I can get them to stop! Just, please! Make sure you're not here today. I promise they won't come after you. Think about how your dad would feel if you were in the hospital! Think about Charlie!"

Timothy looked deep into my eyes. He seemed confused. He was probably wondering why I cared so much especially after ignoring him all week.

The idea of seeing him hurt was unbearable.

"Okay." Timothy agreed. He looked at me funny.

I sighed of relief and touched his neck. I felt his heart race against my finger.

"Your heart's racing."

"Because you're acting so weird." Timothy whispered. He still didn't move away, though.

I could kiss him. I really, really wanted to. And there was no reason not to. So what if it was gay? No one would know.

"I'm only trying to stop you from getting killed."

"Because?"

I sighed and pulled away. Timothy clasped his hands together.

"Why do you always need to know the reason behind everything?" I asked.

"Because it helps me understand you."

I groaned. "You're just like a girl. No wonder they want to kill you."

"Huh?"

"Dude, you confuse people. If you would just.. lift some weights and eat some meat.."

Timothy laughed.

"It's not funny! I'm serious! Enough with the psychoanalyzing everything. I do things because I do them. I'm a dude, alright."

Timothy chuckled. "So you say.." He grabbed his bag.

"Don't fuck with me, Timothy." I warned.

Timothy walked closer to me. Too close, if you ask me.

"You care about me, don't you?"

He was so confident about it. Kinda smug.

I scoffed and looked away. "No. I just don't want blood on my hands."

Timothy didn't say anything so I looked back at him. He was studying me. He was watching me. He didn't believe jack shit of what I just told him.

"Thanks." He turned around and walked out of the room.

I stood there, trying to catch my breath. He never really looked at me that long, that intently.

I ran after him only to find him walking down the hallway, hand in hand with Charlie.

✪

"Bitch, what the fuck?" Dave said.

We were waiting at the school yard, which was empty. We'd been waiting for eternity, trying to find Timothy. Of course I knew he wouldn't show up. Now we just stood there like a bunch of idiots.

"Someone overheard our conversation and told him. It's the only explanation." I said.

"Damn!" Taylor kicked a garbage can.

"Who would even do that?" Dave asked.

"Doesn't matter. The point is; someone knows it's us. And they will vouch if anything happens to him. The plan's off." I shrugged.

So smooth. So smart. I really do love myself.

"Jesus."

Dave sighed. "Whatever. Beer and video games at my place." He walked towards his car and everyone followed. I smirked proudly.

After tons of video games everyone had gone home. Everyone but me.

I got to spend the night, which was awesome because being home was not in my plan.

"So, dude. How come Jen tells me you still haven't gone on that date?" Dave asked.

I lay on the mattress on the floor.

I honestly completely forgot.

"The longer she waits, the more she'll want me." I said.

"The longer you wait, the more chance I get. It's like you don't even want her, man."

"That's not true." I said defensively.

"I don't believe you." He said bluntly.

"Well fuck you, then."

Dave didn't say anything. He was honestly really pissing me off now. What was he implying?

"Is there someone else?" He asked.

I immediately thought of Timothy somehow. That pissed me off even more.

"NO!" I screamed.

"Dude-"

"Shut the fuck up, alright?! Leave me alone!"

I got up with force and grabbed my bag.

"Why are you getting so upset?"

'You care about me, don't you?' Timothy's voice was unforgettable. His look. His courage.

Did everyone know? Did everyone know I cared about a known queer emo? Did they think more of it? Did I?

I ran out of the house into the dark night.

I wasn't gay. I didn't like Timothy like that. He was just someone I... I just wanted..

I just felt protective of him. That was all. But then why couldn't I get his face out of my head? Why was I always distracted with him even when he wasn't around? In the shower when I used to think of Jennifer, now I thought of him. With everything I did, I thought of him.

I screamed loud. I must've sounded like a crazy person. I was crazy. My feelings drove me crazy.

I grabbed my phone.

𝕿𝖎𝖒𝖔𝖙𝖍𝖞

I selected his name without thinking. I needed to hear his voice. Even if it was thinking about him that drove me crazy, his voice always calmed me.

"Hello?" That Australian accent was unmistakable.

I sighed. "Why the fuck do you have his phone?" I growled.

I heard a soft snicker. "Because he's in the shower."

I could hear him smiling as he said this.

I resisted the urge to throw my phone across the street. I wanted to scream at him. They had just.. been together. I wanted to throw up, I wanted to cry. Why was I feeling this way? What'd happened to me?

I heard ruffling on the line. I was hopeful he was handing Timothy the phone. I was wrong.

"I love you, baby." Charlie's voice was muffled, distant.

"I love you too."

I heard them kiss. Timothy moaning Charlie's name.

That evil snake probably had Timothy's phone in his pants.

I hung up. I was so angry. I thought of seriously hurting Charlie. Throwing him in front of a car. Beating him to a pulp.

It was only then that I realized I was jealous of him and then my anger turned inward again and I cursed myself for feeling this way.