16. TARGET

During lunch I avoided my friends and went outside to check how Timothy was doing. I pushed aside my intense judgement for myself and focused on searching for T.

I spotted him behind his usual tree with his boyfriend. Though this time they weren't dry-humping. They seemed to be fighting. Charlie obviously angry, Timothy frustrated and tired.

Was it bad that I was a little happy about this? If I was lucky, they'd even break up.

"They've been fighting all day."

I looked to my left into Allie's brown eyes.

"Thanks to you." She glared at me.

I rolled my eyes. "It's not my fault Australia can't share."

"Share?" Allie smirked. "What does that mean?"

"Nothing." I looked away. Damn, I was sounding more gay by the minute. Can you believe there's still people claiming homo-pheromones aren't contagious?

"I was only trying to be nice, giving him a ride.." I stared off into the distance. I could just feel her glaring at me.

"You were trying to piss Charlie off and you know it." She said.

I'd rather have her believe that than think I actually liked Timothy.

"You have to fix this." She said.

I scoffed. "No."

Call me sadistic but I actually enjoyed seeing them fight. It was like the balance in the world was restored. Much better than them sucking lips all the time.

Allie suddenly grabbed my shirt and dragged me forward. The girl was strong as hell.

"What the hell?! Lay off my shirt!"

"Not a chance." She said as she continued to pull me into the distance. I could see people laughing at me from the corner of my eye, wondering why I was getting disciplined by a girl that was half my size, but what was I supposed to do? I couldn't exactly hit a girl.

"Alright, I'm coming! You can stop now!"

With a triumphant smirk Allie let go of my shirt. Now I understood how Fangs felt.

We were close enough to actually hear T and Charlie's argument now.

"Well, why don't you try being on my side for once?!" Charlie whined.

"I am on your side!" T pleaded.

"Doesn't seem that way to me." Charlie crossed his arms.

God, he was like a sulking child.

Redhead punched my arm. "Hey!"

"Go fix it." She said.

I laughed. "You can't tell me what to do-"

She grabbed a hold of my shirt and pulled it tight. She pulled up her eyebrow.

"Fine!" I snapped.

I made my way to the fighting misfits.

"Alright, you guys can stop now." I said.

"Of course, here he is. Your new boyfriend." Charlie rolled his eyes.

"How could you say that?" T asked.

Jesus Christ, he was almost offended at the idea.

"You didn't even defend me with your dad this morning." Charlie seemed to be taking things pretty personally. What a pussy.

I sighed. "That's all my fault."

"Of course it's your fault, meathead!" Charlie snapped.

"No, I mean, I told T to keep his mouth shut. I pressured him." Admitting all this really made me feel like an evil person for doing it. All I wanted was a little fun?

Charlie looked at me like he could kill me right there. "Pressured him how?" He growled the words slowly.

"Doesn't matter. The point is, T wanted to take your side. So.. you've been grilling him for no reason." I shrugged.

Charlie paused for a moment to let that sink in. Allie gave him a look.

Then he turned to his boyfriend who looked pretty upset.

"I'm sorry." Charlie said wrapping his arms around Timothy, basically smothering him. "I should've known something was up. I'm sorry, baby." Now he was kissing him all over with T repeatedly telling him it was fine. It was disgusting.

I made a gag sound.

Allie laughed. "You don't fool me." She said.

"Huh?" I looked into her smug eyes.

"You like him." She said.

"No, I don't!" What the fuck?! "I don't, I'm not a f-"

"Not like that!" Allie laughed. "You care about him, it's obvious." She shrugged.

I was ready to deny it, to convince her she was completely mistaken but the bell rang. Everyone grabbed their stuff and left.

I was just frozen in place wondering how many other people had seen that I cared about T. At least Allie didn't think I was gay for him but how long was that going to last? Was it really that obvious? Would rumors start spreading around the halls soon? Would the guys know? I'm in the football team. I'm the star. If people knew I was sort of.. kind of gay.. ish...

They would kill me. They would kick me out of the team. I'd be ostracized.

"I think we need to talk." An annoying voice behind me said.

I turned around. "You again." I sighed as I looked into Australia's snake-eyes. "I have class." I moved to walk away but he pushed me against the tree.

"I don't care."

His hazel eyes were piercing. I realized how different they were to Timothy's. Timothy's eyes were always still and calm, vast and blue. Charlie's eyes were always speaking. Giving away how he felt. He had no neutrality, T only had that. Except for when he was with Charlie. It seemed Charlie was the fire, the spark Timothy missed.

"You can't threaten my boyfriend and think you'll just get away with it."

"Dude, it was a joke. Get over it." I tried to move away but he pushed me right back in place. I kept myself from shoving him across the field by reminding myself I'd probably get expelled if I did.

"You're going to stay away from him." He ordered.

I laughed. "And why would I do that?"

"Why wouldn't you? You think we're pussies, you think we're faggy, we wear too much makeup, our pants are too tight so why stick around?"

I had to think of something. Something other than 'your boyfriend is surprisingly hot for a guy and it's confusing me'.

"He's like a pet you don't want. I'm just trying to stay in Joe's good graces so I can get meat." I shrugged.

Charlie frowned and looked deep into my eyes.

"I don't buy it." He said after a while.

"I don't care."

Charlie gawked at me for a little while longer. It was starting to get awkward now, what if someone saw us and thought I was a rainbow-rider too?

Suddenly he smiled.

I frowned and wondered what the hell he was suddenly so happy about. Maybe he was thinking of his boyfriend naked. Disgusting.

"You know what?"

He pulled away and playfully smacked my shoulder. "Have a nice day, you."

He looked sort of smug. He had to be up to something. Or maybe he just figured out that fighting me would only upset T and put him further behind with Joe. Although when it came to T's dad we all knew he had no chance, especially compared to me.

I watched Fangs walk away and once again wondered what the hell could ever be attractive about him.

✪

Back in class the boys and I were going on about our usual topic of girls, cars, and football except this time I did not feel anything for it. It was like I was pretending to be one of them. It was strange, I'd never felt this out of place before. There'd never been a time where I didn't fit in except now.

All I could think about was Timothy. I found myself getting angry again and decided to go to the bathroom to cool off.

I splashed water on my face and tried to snap out of it. What the hell was the matter with me? Timothy was, despite his appearance, a whole guy. Liking him would make me part of team homo and I just wasn't about to get on top of one of those ridiculous pride mobiles. I liked football, hunting, girls! Not boys! How was I ever going to get rid of this feeling? Would I have to stay away from him? Would that cure me? Or would it just make my feelings stronger?

I had my hands against the wall, I was literally about to slam my head against it when Dave came in.

"What the fuck, man?" He laughed.

I pulled away.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"Uh.. nothing, dude." I laughed sheepishly.

"What's the matter with you?" He asked, leaning against the wall.

He'd noticed. Of course he'd noticed. He was my best friend for a reason. Right now he wasn't acting all macho like we did when the other guys were around. He was just speaking seriously now. Man to man.

I opened my mouth to utter some lame excuse when the door opened behind Dave and some freshman loser came in.

"Get the fuck out!" Dave yelled.

Terrified, the guy ran back out of the room.

Where I normally would've laughed, now there was dead silence.

I took a deep breath.

"Dave..."

My best-friend gave me an assuring look. "You can tell me anything, man."

"David, I'm gay." I said, staring at the floor.

After a long silence I finally dared to look up from under my lashes.

Dave stared at me in exasperation.

"You're gay?" He whispered in disbelief.

I nodded. "Yeah. Always have been."

"Dude-"

"No, listen! Back in the dressing rooms, when we'd... change or take showers... I tried not to look! I tried not to look at the beefy gods surrounding me, man. I tried! But... deep down I've always felt like.. The gay best friend. The one with the style..."

Dave shook his head.

"I even forced my voice to sound lower so that I could please you guys but-" I shook my head and nearly began to cry. "I can't do it anymore, bro!"

When I looked up at Dave's eyes I saw that they too were lined with tears.

"I know I'm disappointing you but I just hope we can still-"

"Josh!" He interrupted.

I looked down. "..Yes?" I whispered.

"...You're gay too?"

In shock I looked up at my beef-brother. "Wait, you're-"

"Yes!" Dave flew into my arms. "Man, you don't know how often I've wanted to tell you or to... kiss you.."

"Kiss me? ME?!" I mumbled.

He cupped my cheeks with his hands. "I love you, man."

WHAT THE FUCK?! WAIT!

"That's- that's not-"

Dave pushed his big lips to mine and I was utterly disgusted and mortified.

This was my first -and last- coming out.

"Dude!" Dave slapped me hard across the face.

"God!"

"You were staring off into space. What the hell is wrong with you?!"

What the hell is wrong with me? I hate my mind.

"I've just been... Going through some stuff at home lately."

There was no way in holy hell that I'd ever tell Dave anything about my feelings for Dildo Boy. I just couldn't. He'd never understand, I didn't even understand.

I shivered at the weird scenario about me coming out to Dave. I could never be like that. I wasn't like that. I obviously wasn't gay. Just curious.

"Your dad?" Dave's eyes grew sympathetic.

I nodded and he slapped my back.

"How are your parents?" I asked. They'd been fighting a lot last I heard and Dave was scared they'd be getting a divorce.

Dave laughed bitterly. "A couple days ago I came home to my mom throwing a picture frame at his head, and my dad retaliating by pushing her down. Nothing out of the ordinary." He smiled sarcastically.

"Shit, man."

"Last night I heard my dad say he'd take everything from her if she tried to divorce him. Including me. It was like I was just an object, a way to make my mom unhappy. Not an actual person he loves or wants around. My mom's cheating on him again. So there's that." Dave shrugged.

Family issues. Our way of bonding.

I gave him an understanding look.

Dave fished something from his pocked.

"Wanna smoke?" He held up a cigar. It was one of his dad's- premium quality cigars.

I grinned at him and we spent the rest of the period breathing in the smokey goodness.

✪

I walked to my car feeling better than before. Even if I felt a little disconnected from time to time, I still knew Dave had my back. And this whole homo thing was just a phase. It would pass and when it did, I'd be happy I hadn't told Dave and freaked him out for nothing.

When I saw my car in the parking lot I fished my keys from my pocket.

"Hey," Timothy came to the other side of the car, across from me.

My stomach did an annoying nerve thing. I pinched myself.

"Hey."

Not gay. Not gay. Not gay.

"Are you driving me back home?" He asked.

"Won't Jack Skellington get mad?" I snorted.

"No, he said he was fine with it." T shrugged.

"Fine, whatever." I agreed.

Only when I reached for my car door did I notice it was much lower than normal..

I took a step back and looked down at my tires. They were flat as hell. Someone slashed them.

"My fucking car!" I screamed in horror.

Angrily I looked around. "Who the fuck did this?!" I roared. I was met with confused faces all around.

I looked down at the tires and nearly began to cry. I had no money to pay for new tires and I sure as hell wasn't going to.

"What happened here?" Charlie came to T's side and wrapped his arm around his shoulder. He frowned at my tires.

I stared at him in disbelief as the hot anger in my body doubled.

Timothy looked like he felt bad for me. Completely oblivious to what was so clear to me.

"Well, I guess you won't be catching a ride with him after all." Charlie shrugged. He kissed T's forehead and looked at me. His expression was like he was truly sorry for me. He was a good actor, I'd give him that.

"I can give you a ride too if you want." He said innocently.

"Don't play fucking innocent now!" I screamed taking a step towards him.

"What?" Now you could see he was acting. His look of shock was totally phony. He pulled away from his boyfriend.

"I know you slashed my tires, you cunt!" I yelled.

"What? ..Me?" He kept up the act, pissing me off more.

I stepped forward and punched him in the face with all my power. I was enjoying watching him fall straight to the ground. It didn't take him long to start bleeding. As much as I enjoyed it and wanted to leave it at that, I still felt called to continue. This snake was lying to everyone!

I took a step forward, I was going to go completely ham on the dude but Timothy got in the way.

"What the hell are you doing?!" His eyes were different from usual. No longer the serene pools of stillness I was used to. Instead, a blazing hurricane.

I was taken aback shortly before looking over at Charlie who was grinning ever so slightly. My rage flared and for a moment it was uncontrollable.

At this moment I had only one target, one goal.

And whatever was keeping me from that goal... would be destroyed.