42. JOCK FANTASY

It was summer break at last. It was too hot and I was sweaty. We had two fans on in the living room and all the windows were open but it was still scorching.

Timothy didn't help. He was lying on the couch in obnoxious hot pink jog shorts. He was staring at the TV listlessly. He wasn't much of a summer person. He couldn't take the heat.

I'd gone to the kitchen for some cold drinks.

I placed both on the table near the TV.

I grabbed T's legs and pulled him further down the middle of the couch. He looked up at me.

It was summer break and we were spending it not on vacation because none of us actually wanted to leave. Joe didn't want to vacation without Dahlia, T didn't want to vacation with Dahlia and I simply wanted to spend time with Timothy, wherever.

We hadn't had sex since that one time because Timothy needed time to 'think things through', whatever the fuck that meant.

We just made out a whole lot.

I wasn't sure what we were.. How he felt about me. We didn't really talk about stuff like that. I figured he was still thinking about things but being in the dark was seriously making me doubt myself.

Timothy was kissing my neck and it felt great but I just couldn't focus on him right now. Insecurity was clouding my mind.

I pulled away and got up.

"What's wrong?" T asked.

I was so embarrassed. How could I ask him how he felt about me without losing whatever bit of masculinity I had left?

"It's just... This is all we do. We sit around, hang out and make out. The end." I frowned.

"Is there something wrong with that?" T asked softly.

"See? You don't even see a problem! You just.. For you I'm just.. I'm just fulfilling your little jock fantasy or something but get serious? No! Of course not!" I paced around the room.

"Jock fantasy? When did I say that?" Timothy laughed.

"That's not the point, Timothy! You're fine just laying around and making out. But I need to know where I stand. You never even said that you like me." It was so stupid how much saying that hurt. But it was the truth. I turned away.

Timothy got up. "Josh," He grabbed my arm. I met his gaze.

He sighed. "When Charlie and I broke up I just felt like I would never feel that way again and then you kissed me and we spent that night together.. I was so confused.. Everything had changed so fast.."

Was he breaking up with me? We weren't even together and he was already breaking up with me?

I pulled away.

"But that doesn't mean I don't like you."

I met his eyes again.

"Well, I want to be with you. And not just here or in dark crevasses at school. I want to go on dates!"

I sounded so stupid.

T smiled. "People will see us."

"We'll go somewhere private. Just because we're a secret doesn't mean we're not real."

Timothy looked surprised but happy.

"Okay." Timothy smiled.

I pulled him in.

"I hate when you say okay. Do you want it or not?"

"Yes!" T insisted.

I sighed of relief and kissed him again.

"You're gonna have to dress special." I said. "I want you in a suit. And you have to slick your hair back."

"You're kidding."

"I'm not."

"You're not ready to see my massive forehead, Josh."

"Pfff." I slicked Timothy's hair back with both of my hands. "Your forehead is fine. Now go get dressed."

✪

"Hurry up! Let's eat before the restaurants close?" I yelled up the stairs.

"I'm almost done!" T yelled back.

I sighed. "You take longer than a fucking girl, Timothy. At this rate I'll be dead by the time we're.."

T came down the stairs and I stared at him. I completely lost the ability to speak.

Holy shit. He looked too good in a tux.

He was wearing a sleek black tuxedo and a black velvet tie with a skull brooch on it. His hair was elegantly slicked back, though two strands framed his face beautifully. He was mesmerizing.

T scanned my face. "..You look dizzy."

"I am." I said while taking him in. I gulped.

"Is it that bad?" T laughed nervously. He covered his forehead.

"No, stupid." I slapped his hand away. "You look.." I nodded and licked my lips.

"Hm?"

Was there a word for how he looked?

"Edible."

T frowned. As did I.

What the fuck?!

"Um.. Thanks?"

"Yeah." I nodded, looking away.

When I looked back at him I just kissed him hard. Timothy seemed surprised but he gladly answered my kiss.

We were at the bottom of the staircase. T's bedroom was so close by. We could just take a quick.. hour? And have sex before leaving. Or we could just never leave his room at all.

..Unless we were still taking it slow, FUCK.

Timothy pulled away ever so slightly. He pulled my tie out and played with it.

"I like this on you." T said. He pat my chest and walked towards the door. "Looks good." He said lightly.

I stared after him. So controlled, that guy. I shook my head and followed him.

✪

I'd picked out a quiet little grill by the sea. The golden sun was setting into the water, not that you could see much of that inside. It was fairly dark with soft golden lights providing a cozy atmosphere inside. Gentle guitar music was playing in the background. It was extremely intimate and romantic here.

I was so happy to be here with him.

I held his hand, unashamed. Nobody I knew came here. It was totally safe. T looked a little surprised but then he smiled softly and I felt warm inside.

The waiter led us to our booth somewhere in the back corner.

We sat across each other and I almost started to giggle. I was giddy. It's not like I'd never gone on a date before but I'd never been this excited.

Timothy looked shy. He was blushing and mostly looking at the table. His calm demeanor from before was long gone.

"Nervous?" I asked.

T nodded.

"Why? We've had dinner countless times."

"It just feels different." Timothy said without meeting my eyes. He grabbed the menu off the table.

I took the other one, shaking my head. I began to browse.

I began. I never actually finished because before I could realize I was lost staring at Timothy who was actually reading the menu.

His fingers were so gentle, long and slim. And his hair was shiny tonight as opposed to fluffy.

And he was my date. I was dating him.

How?

A waitress came by and Timothy ordered what he wanted. I watched the way his lips moved.

Then he looked at me. Finally.

He kicked me under the table.

"Oh! I'll have the.. whatever. Just something meaty. Take your pick. And uh.. A beer?" I smiled at the woman and she smiled back as if she was in a trance.

"Coming right up." Her whole tone was flirtatious. And she walked away.

"I can't believe you. You're just going to flirt with someone else in front of my face?" T smirked and leaned back.

"Hey, I need that beer, okay? Trust me, I might be flirting with her but I'm thinking of you."

"Charming." T said sarcastically.

"Always." I agreed.

T chuckled and before long we both got our drinks.

"Here's my number." The waitress left it on the table and walked off.

T raised his eyebrows. "Everything's easy for you isn't it?"

"You're kidding." I ripped the note to pieces. "I'm on a date with someone who hasn't even decided if they like me or not. How's that easy?"

"You can get anyone you want."

"Not you."

"You're wrong." T shook his head wistfully.

"Do you mind dropping the mystery and just spitting it out?"

"I think.. I think all this time we've been spending together I felt like we were growing closer as friends or something. But then you kissed me at camp.. And I was so confused. And then I started seeing you in a different light and I realized.." T licked his lips and played with the napkin on the table.

"I realized I've been.. falling for you. All this time." He carefully looked at me.

My eyes widened in surprise. "Hold up, since when?"

"Winter break maybe? I don't know, it just snuck up on me. I feel so comfortable around you that I didn't think it could be love.."

How do you not realize you like someone? God, this guy is definitely different.

But.. he likes me! That's crazy, I never thought I'd hear him say that.

"And I needed time to figure it out because I don't know what to do with this." Timothy said.

"What do you mean you don't know? I already told you I feel the same way."

"Well, It's sort of hard to believe. I keep waiting for you to say you're joking."

I rolled my eyes. "I would never joke about that."

T gave me a look.

"Okay, I would but I wouldn't fucking kiss you and shove my dick in your-"

A different waiter came in with our food. I decided to keep my mouth shut but the guy had already heard the incriminating part of that sentence.

"Enjoy your meal." The waiter forced a smile.

"Thanks." I said awkwardly.

T laughed when he was gone.

"Shut up." I laughed. I covered my face. "I hope you know what you're doing. You're making me embarrass myself."

"No one asked you to use those words."

"It's your fault. You make me say stuff like that. Ugh!" I rubbed my face.

"It's okay. At least you didn't finish your sentence." Timothy patted my arm.

I sighed. "Guess that's one good thing."

I picked up my fork and knife and started eating. I took a sip of my beer.

"Can I have a sip?" T asked.

I smirked and shoved it towards him. "Don't get drunk now." I teased.

T shook his head and took a big sip.

Quick question, why the FUCK did my eyes fixate on his throat and why did I feel a tingle from that? It's just getting pathetic now.

"When did you know?" Timothy asked shoving my beer back to me.

I sighed and shook my head. "From the start. I tried to convince myself it wasn't true from the moment we met."

And still I wish it wasn't true. God, if my friends found out about us I'd be dead!

"Seriously?"

"Yes. And it was pretty damn obvious from all the crawling into your bed and such."

"I thought you just needed affection."

"You said it yourself, T. I can get anyone I want. Why would I pick you?"

T nodded. Realization filled his eyes. "I guess I missed that."

"You're dense."

T scoffed. Then he ran his hand through his hair and nodded. "Maybe a little." He agreed. And we chuckled together.

"When we.." T began. He looked around self-consciously. "When you came into my room that night.. And we.. I felt butterflies.."

I smiled.

"I was just so surprised how much I like you. And that you were going from being my friend to something else."

"You can say the word. Boyfriend."

T looked surprised. "Is that what you want to be?"

"What, it's still not clear? I took you to a restaurant. I'm wearing a freaking tux!"

"I know but that's different from being a couple."

"What other option is there? Friends with benefits? Absolutely not. You're mine. Consider yourself claimed."

T smiled. "'Kay."

I raised my eyebrow at him.

"If you want a yes or no you have to ask me a question." T said playfully.

I scoffed. "Fine. Timothy Nightingale, will you be my boyfriend?"

"Yes." He answered so fast he nearly interrupted me.

I laughed and grabbed his hand.

We continued eating our food and enjoying each others company and the calm music. It felt surreal. I was waiting for him to say he'd changed his mind or that he was only with me out of pity or something.

"Josh?" Timothy asked.

"Yeah?" God, I sounded insecure. I gulped nervously.

"Are you really okay with this?"

"What?" I frowned.

"Well.. I know you're not cool with being with a guy and stuff."

"And that's why I don't think about it. Like I said: keep it simple. I want you, I get you. I'm still straight. Don't think about it." I shrugged.

"And that works?"

"It's worked so far. What's the point in over complicating things?"

"I just don't want you to do something you might regret."

Somehow the way he's talking about himself angers me. As if he doesn't matter.

"I would never regret you." I grumbled. "Don't even say that."

I played with my food and tried to calm down. As if I would ever just cast him aside. Regret him? How can you regret something uncontrollable? I'm in love with him. I can't turn that off.

And how unfair that would be to him to just call it quits because I've never done this before. To break his heart and for what? So we can both be miserable? He needs to stop thinking about others before himself. He shouldn't even suggest something like this.

Suddenly T was sitting right next to me, holding my arm.

I looked into his earnest gaze.

"Sorry." He said, his eyes instantly melting my anger.

He pecked my lips.

"Don't say that again."

"I won't."

I grabbed Timothy's chin and kissed him intensely. He grabbed my shirt.

"I like you. And that's not a mistake." I said firmly.

Timothy looked at me in a whole new way now. I'd rarely ever seen this look in his eyes. They were sparkling and he stared into mine for a long time.

Timothy looked at me like he was in love.