43. DON'T CRY ALONE

Timothy was sitting at his desk reading when I snuck into his room. I smirked at his bed head. He mumbled the words of his book quietly.

I ruffled his hair and he shrieked in surprise.

"Josh! How long have you been here!"

"Just a while. Why? Were you doing something dirty?"

T scoffed. "No."

"Hm.. I don't believe you." I leaned in and kissed his neck.

"You're distracting me."

I pulled away. "It's summer. It's the time to be distracted."

T momentarily bit his lip. "I have to finish this today."

"Why?" I leaned in again and pressed my lips against Timothy's soft neck.

"Because I promised to send in the book report today. It's the only way I could pass since I was absent so much."

I sighed. "You're a fast reader. You have the rest of the day to do that. I, on the other hand might die if you don't sleep with me."

Timothy smiled. He leaned his head back for a kiss. I met his lips from above him. I ran my hand across his chest and then T moved away.

"Come on." I begged.

"Don't you have that breakfast thing with your dad?" T asked.

I sighed just thinking about it. "That's in an hour. Until then there's no distracting me."

I lifted Timothy out of the chair. "Wait! Josh!" He shrieked.

I carried him toward the bed and threw him on the mattress.

"You're an animal."

"And you're my prey. Time to take off those clothes." I crawled on the bed and leaned over Timothy. I grabbed the rim of his shirt. T held is hand on mine, stopping me.

"We're not having sex."

I sighed. "Why not!"

"Because I need more time."

"Time for what?"

Timothy looked at me for a moment and then he began to blush. "Just to.. Get used to us."

"God!"

"Just a few weeks ago you were my friend and now.. Just give me some time."

I sighed. "You could've thought of that before we had sex. Now I'm all hooked!"

"Well, things are different now."

"What's different?" I asked.

T didn't answer. He only stared at the covers of the bed while his ears turned red.

"What? Are you scared about how fast you're falling for me?" I smirked.

T only shortly met my eyes before looking away all embarrassed.

I laughed. "Aw, so that's what it is, huh? You need time to come to terms with the fact that I'm irresistible." I nodded.

"Shut up." T laughed.

"Sure thing." I leaned in and felt blissful tasting Timothy's lips again. Things were getting crazy. I may have been teasing him about it but I was falling pretty damn hard myself. And unlike him I wasn't so smart to pace myself.

My tongue grazed over his and I felt myself melt into him.

That, and I had a raging boner.

"How about a blowy then?" I said before kissing his neck.

"Okay." T agreed.

"Yeah?"

"Mhm." He hummed. He smiled at me and I felt butterflies.

I let my hand wander under his shirt and soon it found it's own way in the back of Timothy's pants.

Timothy's breaths got louder. "Josh.." He protested.

"What?" I smiled.

Timothy gave me a look.

"Just a finger."

"Josh!"

"Okay, okay!" I laughed.

Timothy smiled at me. Then he put his hand on my face and caressed my cheek.

Lust was replaced by love as I looked at his tender expression.

"Josh!" I heard from the hallway.

I fell off the bed in surprise.

T got out of bed in a hurry and I decided to sit, covering my lower region with the blankets for.. obvious reasons.

Joe burst into Timothy's room.

"There you are! We have to get going."

"Already? Can't we just cancel?"

"Josh. He's your dad." Joe said sternly.

I sighed. I glanced at Timothy.

"Come on! Let's go!" Joe said before heading out the room.

I walked up to Timothy and pulled him against me. "Don't wanna." I pouted.

"I'm sure it'll be okay. Your dad might surprise you." T stroked my arm.

I sighed.

He got up on his toes and I leaned down and kissed him one more time.

"JOSH!" Joe called.

I practically jumped out of Timothy's arms even though Joe was already downstairs.

Timothy began to laugh. "Good luck."

"Thanks." I ran out of the room.

✪

I sat in the passenger seat as Joe drove us to a little cafe in town. I sighed for millionth time.

"Don't worry, you'll be fine." Joe grabbed the back of my neck. "What are you so nervous about?"

"Well, I haven't seen him in weeks. And before he showed up to wave me off to camp I hadn't seen him in months. I'm just scared he's the same old guy but with better acting skills. And then before you know it I'll be sent back there and then he relapses and-"

"Josh, I would never make you go back, okay? For my part you stay the rest of your life, all I want is that you talk to him and hear him out. This is just a start, not the end."

"What if I'm still mad at him?" I frowned.

"Then.. you should tell him that. Tell him how you feel, that's all we really want." Joe pulled into the parking spot in front of a bright looking cafe called 'The Box'. The walls were white and lots of light poured in from the large windows. It looked very 'artsy' with all the colored chairs and weird posters of dogs with sunglasses or mustaches on the walls.

We walked out into the sun. Joe held the door for me on the way in and I instantly spotted my dad in a bar stool next to the window. He looked better, I'd give him that. His usual eye bags were replaced by the regular signs of aging and his skin was no longer pale or clammy, as it normally was. He was wearing fresh clothes that actually suited him. His hair was freshly washed.

He smirked when he saw me and got out of the chair. "Josh!" He said gleefully.

I sighed and came up to him. "Hey dad."

"Son." He smiled. He stuck out his hand. After a short deliberation I grabbed it and he squeezed tight and smacked my shoulder. "I'm glad you're here."

I nodded curtly.

"Joe." Dad smiled.

Joe stepped forward and they gave each other a short hug.

"You look great." Joe said.

I rolled my eyes.

"Thank you." Dad nodded.

We sat at the table near the window. I spent the first five minutes staring out of it while my dad and Joe ordered drinks.

"How've you been?" Dad asked.

I shrugged. "Fine."

"Fine? Josh has been doing great, he made it to senior year despite some of the lesser grades and he's really a great football captain, his team did great this year!"

"I'm so happy to hear that." My dad smiled at me.

I nodded.

"Well, I've been much better too." My dad began. "I'm getting help and things are slowly but surely turning around."

"So you say." I mumbled.

"Josh," Joe said quietly.

"What? I thought you told me to speak my mind, huh?"

"Yes, but- "

"Joe, it's okay. Let him say what he wants." Dad nodded at me.

"Oh well thanks a lot for letting me say what I want! You're such a hero."

"I know I haven't been the best to you-"

"Haven't been the best? You haven't been there! At all! And now you show up here acting like the proud father, acting like nothing happened!"

My dad looked down in shame.

"I had to raise myself thanks to you and I'm not just gonna gloss over that because you feel bad!"

"You don't have to. I know I have a lot to make up for, all I want is a chance. Don't you want things to get better?"

I crossed my arms. "Things are better. I certainly don't need you to fuck it up again."

My father looked really upset. Good. I was sure I'd looked just like that after every missed game, every time I found him passed out, worried that he was dead. After every time he'd gone to jail for doing something stupid.

"You know what? You can suck it." I got up.

Joe rose. "Josh, wait-"

"No! You can fuck off too! I can't believe I agreed to this shit! You just want me out of your house and you're using my dad as an excuse!"

"How can you say that?" Joe said looking confused and hurt.

I looked at my dad again. "I don't care if you're better now. Whether it's a month from now, or two, or a year, you'll be back at that bottle and I'm not sticking around for it. And you know what? I hope that bottle is your last." I ripped my jacket off the chair and rushed out of the cafe.

I was hot with anger. I just wanted to hit something. I decided to walk home. I hoped the walk would calm me down but I was still seething when I got back.

Joe's car wasn't in the driveway. He was probably consoling my dad. What a fucking backstabber.

I went inside, I was ready to go straight to my room when Timothy called my name.

He appeared from the living room. "Hey, how'd it go?" He asked.

How did it go? Terribly. As I knew it would. I frowned. I felt like I was going to cry.

"Josh?" Timothy grabbed my hand. It felt like I couldn't hold back when he was touching me. I jerked my hand away.

"Just leave me alone, okay?" I went up the stairs.

"Are you sure-"

"Just leave!" I yelled and ran the last bit up. I slammed the door to my room and jumped into bed. I crawled under the covers.

"Fuck!" I yelled.

If it was up to me I'd never see my dad again. It hurt too much. I curled in on myself.

I heard the door creak open.

"Get out!" I yelled.

I saw Timothy close the door from the corner of my eye. He made his way to my bed.

"Are you deaf? I told you to leave!" My voice broke. I did my best to hold back the tears.

Timothy made his way into my bed. To my surprise he wrapped his arms around me from behind. And then I couldn't hold back anymore. The tears flowed over my cheeks and they kept streaming, my body shocking in his arms.

Timothy stroked my chest. I felt his soft hair in my neck and something about it made me feel at ease. For once I wasn't ashamed to cry. Timothy was no stranger to tears.

He kissed my shoulder.

"Don't cry alone."