61. RESPECT

He was in the front yard, with a straw hat and gloves on.. gardening.

"Dad?" I said confused.

"Josh!" He said surprised. "Hey, what are you doing here?"

"Uh.." I shrugged. "Just.. I don't know."

"Well, come in." My dad laid his gloves aside and opened the small gate. "Do you want a drink? I started a tea collection."

"What? You?"

"Yeah. Did you know you can pair teas and food together similarly to wine? It's very interesting."

I followed my dad into the house. The walls were bright green.

"What the fuck?" I muttered.

In the kitchen there was a glass closet with an assortment of teas and books about tea.

"What is this?"

"Well, they say to get a hobby. Uh.. in AA. I got two." My dad chuckled embarrassed. He took off his hat.

"Sit!" He gestured to the table.

I sat down. There were flowers in a vase.

"Flowers?"

My dad shrugged. "It's lively."

I nodded slowly.

I looked around. Behind me there was a huge black and white picture of me and my dad in a massive frame on the wall. It's from when I was a kid. It was practically a poster.

"What kind of tea would you like?" Dad asked.

"Um.. any. Any is fine."

"You seem nervous.. Valerian it is. It's good for anxiety." My dad chattered.

"Okay?" I shrugged.

"I'm really glad you're here, Josh. It's so good to see you."

I smirked. He sounded so happy.

He placed two cups and a plate filled with cookies on the table. Then he sat next to me.

I wasn't really sure what to say now. I just kind of wandered over here..

"How are you?" Dad asked.

I was good considering everything that had happened. But I also felt guilty and conflicted.

"I won't judge you." My dad said.

"It's just.. A lot has been going on.."

"You mean about Timothy? I heard what happened. It's awful."

"Yeah, exactly and.. stuff." I sighed.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. We can talk about other stuff. How's football?"

"It's okay. Especially now that those low lives are off the team. But it does mean we have less players. People that were on the bench are full on playing now and then there's the state championship game coming up.. I can't even focus on it." I shook my head.

My dad eyed me for a while. Then he started to smirk.

"There's a girl, isn't there? And she's really got you by the looks of it."

Not a girl. But I can't say that.

"What if I was keeping her a secret because my friends didn't like her?" I said.

"Well.. I understand what that's like. Everyone wants to fit in, there's nothing wrong with that.. It's just.. when you start hiding others you hurt them and yourself.. You can forget who you are.." My dad glanced at me. Then he shook his head. "Maybe I shouldn't be speaking on this."

"No! I want you to!" I insisted.

"Okay.. Well.. if I were you I'd tell people about her. Don't make her feel cheap." My dad smirked.

"But the team will cast me out. The season will be fucked. And... I guess I've never known what it's like to be hated by everyone." I frowned.

"It's.. scary." I admitted.

I realized just how terrified I was. I told T I'd walk through fire for him and I meant it. I'd so much rather a have a couple of burn wounds than have my life turn upside down forever.

"I'm sure they won't hate you. You're gonna have to choose between the team and your integrity. You know what I've learned? Respect is earned, not given."

"Duh, everyone knows that old ass saying." I grumbled.

"Yes but, it's not just about other people, Josh. You need to earn your own respect too. If you do things you know are wrong you'll lose respect for yourself, your confidence, your love.." My dad smiled sadly. "And then you'll find yourself in a hole of self loathing you can barely crawl out of."

He was right. He was so right. It wasn't just Timothy I was hurting. It was myself too. I was losing respect for myself. He hit the nail right on the head.

"Is that what happened with you?" I asked softly.

My dad nodded. "I'd rather die than have that happen to you, son. I know you can do better." My dad grabbed my shoulder.

I smiled. He looked so hopeful and proud.. already.

"Let your friends know. And tell them like it's not something to argue over, just a fact. You have a girl and.. you love her." My dad smirked. "When they hear the certainty-"

"What if it's a guy?" I mumbled. I stared at the ground, not daring to make eye contact with him. There it goes. The small father and son bonding we've had, all gone.

"All the more reason to tell people." Dad simply answered.

I stared at him in shock. He gave me a soft smile.

"It can't be easy to be gay in this town. He needs all the support he can get."

His words brought tears to my eyes. "Dad.." I breathed. I wrapped my arms around him.

"Josh.. I'm so proud of you." My dad said, stroking my hair as I cried. "I've missed you, son."

✪

A week later was the big game. T would be coming back to school in a few days.

My team and I were at a big stadium for the State Championship. I stood on the massive field looking at the empty seats. The grass was bright and green and every inch of the stadium looked shiny and new. The game was going to be televised, and based on what we'd heard the whole tribune would be packed. If we won this game I was pretty much guaranteed to get into the school of my dreams. College scouts were coming, parents, friends..

It was surreal to finally be here. Our team hadn't made it this far in years. I was supposed to be proud to have led our team here but with everything that had happened and everything that I'd seemingly sacrificed for it.. I didn't feel all that proud.

I followed my friends into the hallway leading to the dressing room.

I thought over dad's and Charlie's words. I needed to stand up and say the truth. But it was so much harder when I actually saw my team mates in front of me.

I heard a knock on the door behind me. I turned around. It was T. He smiled at me.

I opened the door and walked out into the cold. "Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked. I glanced behind me to see if anyone saw. All my friends were in the locker room already.

"I know, I should've called or something." T said. He rubbed his hands together before putting them in his pockets.

"It's fine." I squeezed his shoulder.

"I just wanted to wish you good luck for the game." T smiled, his cheeks rosy.

I chuckled happily. "You came all the way here for that? The match isn't for another hour."

"I know but.. I still wanted to say it." T looked at the ground.

Fucking hell, I love you so much.

I pulled him in and kissed him.

"Josh, your friends might-"

"Shut up." I pushed him against the wall.

T grabbed a hold of my shirt and pulled me closer.

Somewhere I hoped my friends would see it. It would make it clear immediately. I wouldn't have to say anything.

"So.. after you win.." T said.

I laughed.

"I have a surprise for you. It's in your room."

"A surprise? Ooh, what is it? Is it sexy?"

"It's really sexy. You're not gonna believe your eyes." T nodded.

"And if I lose?" I asked.

"That's not gonna happen but, even then you'll get your surprise."

I pulled him close to me. "I wish I could take you with me."

T chuckled. "I'll be in the crowd. You know, I'll be the weirdo trying to figure out what's happening on the field."

I kissed his hair a few times.

"You should go." T said. "You have a game to win."

"Yeah.." I said.

T got on his toes and kissed my cheek. "Good luck, Josh." And with that he walked off.

I stood there watching him disappear. And wishing I could go home with him. I didn't want to be in that room. With those guys who didn't understand. Who would hate me if they really knew all of me.

Was it really that important to win this game?

I thought about Timothy, my dad and Charlie and I charged on in.

A/N

So... one chapter left you guys. o.o

I may upload it a bit later cause it's the final chapter and I want to take my time with it. I'll try to get it done Friday but if not I'll post somewhere in the weekend.

Also, do we like/ want long chapters or no?

Thanks so much for your support. Some of you guys are re-reading the story which makes me super happy. I re-read your comments xD

See you in the next one! <3