2014: The Birdy Night

He's here.

I could hear his deep voice slice through the quiet night.

I tried to be quiet as I held my glass of water against my chest, moving closer to where he and my brother were. Nasa veranda sila, with beer bottles filling the table.

He was wearing a blue striped long-sleeved shirt, pulled up by the elbows. His black hair was in a mess, making that bad boy look incredibly sexy with his gentle face. Mukhang galing siya somewhere far and cold.

I tilted my head in wonder.

Tagaytay? He always went there. The group wondered for a while last year kung bakit madalas siya dun. Eventually, we found out that he became friends with Zeo Alcante.

Our midnight drives stopped when he made new friends from that experiment thing, just like I said he would. The only difference is, he never forgot about the group.

He only forgot me.

Akala ko, imagination ko lang when I heard his voice as I passed by the glass doors just now. Naka earphones din kasi ako kaya I wasn't sure. I had to pull one out to be certain.

I'm somewhat thankful to my nightly routine to get a glass of water from the kitchen. If not, wala akong idea that he was even here.

I knew eavesdropping was bad. But this has got to be an exception.

Oliver rarely shows up like this anymore. To talk to my brother. With tons of beers. Looking very serious and troubled.

What was up kaya?

Oliver sighed, rubbing his face with his right hand.

"Audrey made me realize something I wish I hadn't," he said.

"Is that why you brought her to the family thing you had last New Year's day?" my brother asked.

Ooh, siya din pala. Uncharacteristic of my brother to look serious. He was usually laid-back. But tonight, it was as if Oliver's problem was his problem as well.

Ano bang meron?

"Oo," Oliver breathed out, staring at the bottle in his hand. "I was confused back then. After namin magusap ni Auds, I started... looking at her in a different way. I tried to stop it, but it just kept slipping sometimes."

I frowned. Who was 'her'? They couldn't be talking about Audrey kasi I knew she went back to the States before Christmas.

Wait lang. I remember seeing Oliver with a girl at Silvestre around December last year. Siya ba yung 'her' that they were talking about? Lana, I think her name was?

She was... pretty.

"You let him have her, though," Jesse replied, bringing the beer bottle to his lips.

There was a long pause.

"I did," Oliver finally admitted, looking calm. He didn't look defeated.

I tried to understand what was going on. Oliver let some guy take this girl he apparently liked? Or starting to like? Pero he didn't look sad or angry. He just looked calm, like he already accepted his fate long ago.

Hmm, typical Oliver to just accept things as they are instead of fighting for them.

"Why, dude?" Jesse asked, a bit frustrated.

My brother was never frustrated. But he was now.

"You deserve her more than that ass do."

"Hindi e." Oliver shook his head. "It's not right."

"What isn't?"

"Us. Me." He paused. "I admit that Audrey's right. I like her."

He liked this Lana girl.

Masakit ah. Geez. It hurt me more than it should.

"But I just wasn't meant for her," he added.

My heart broke at the sound of his voice. There was only a tinge of sadness in it. More than that, tanggap niya. He accepted the fact that he and this Lana weren't meant to be.

Should I rejoice? Kasi hindi pa rin siya magkaka-girlfriend e. But that was really just selfish of me. And even if wala siyang girlfriend, I knew naman na wala akong chance.

Kaya I was sad. Kung hindi niya kayang maging malungkot para sa sarili niya, ako nalang ang magiging sad for him. It was sort of ridiculous of me, I know. Pero ganun kasi parati si Oliver e, hiding his feelings and accepting things he couldn't change.

Then again, 'like' palang naman yung nafi-feel niya dun sa girl. I was just thankful for that tiny mercy of fate that he didn't fall in love with her.

I didn't want to see him brokenhearted. Hindi ko kakayanin to see him torn apart.

"You think Zeo Alcante's meant for her?" Jesse snorted. "Bullshit."

Oliver shook his head, as if my brother didn't understand.

"No matter which start it is, their chemistry's inevitable. Wala akong magagawa but to step back." A small sad smile made its way to his lips. "They're it, Jesse."

Jesse stared at him for several minutes.

"Thank fuck you're not in love with her, then. That would've sucked more."

Oliver didn't answer as he drank from his beer. His eyes wandered to the pool as he swallowed the alcohol into his system.

"Sucks either way," he whispered.

I had to strain my neck a little to be sure kung yun nga ba sinabi niya. Pero it looked like yun nga kasi Jesse didn't reply anymore.

I didn't personally know this Lana, pero maybe she was not in her right mind if she chose that Zeo Alcante over Oliver. If I were her, I would've chosen Oliver over any guy.

Hello? This was Oliver we were talking about. He was super caring. He was the perfect boyfriend. Maaasahan mo siya whenever you need someone. He was smart and responsible. Mabait pa, especially to his little sister. Athletic din, kahit na mas prefer niya ang street racing than sports. He was family oriented. Alam ko for a fact that he loved them to bits.

Oo nga, he had that chinito broody look going for him. Pero I loved it most when he would smile and his eyes would disappear. Gosh, when he smiled my knees turned Jell-O.

Then again... that was just me.

I sighed and decided na it was time to stop eavesdropping. Bumalik na 'ko sa kitchen and finished drinking my glass of water. I put my earphones back and continued listening to Birdy, drowning out their voices outside.

It had been three years since nung nagsimula akong magka-crush kay Oliver.

Of course, I wasn't fully devoted. I was not head over heels gaga over him naman (for the most part). I've had a boyfriend na. Although, that was before I met him. Michael and I broke up three years ago but last year, we got back together for a brief few months.

Like the first time, it didn't work out.

Anyway, I got intrigued by Oliver's mysterious personality the moment I laid my eyes on him. Until slowly, nagpapakita na siya ng bits and pieces of himself the more I got to know him.

Lucky ako na I got included in their group when I entered college. Luckier when our secret road trips happened. But like I said, that stopped when Oliver started spending more time with his new friends and I got back together with Michael.

Too bad my feelings for him didn't waver. I think it might've strengthened pa nga e. It was like it got stuck somewhere inside me and no matter what I did to remove it, lalong kumakapit.

I closed my eyes as the melody of the song changed. I swayed my hips, wanting to get lost in the music. Gusto ko munang i-forget itong never-ending feels ko kay Oliver.

I carefully placed the empty glass on the counter para mai-raise ko yung hands ko. I slowly turned and swayed, bobbing my head slightly.

I loved music.

I loved singing.

I loved dancing.

But I was not a dancer. Gusto ko lang isabay ang body ko sa beat. I liked dancing to feel-good songs. It made me happy – made me forget reality.

"Dreaming... Mmmmm... I know 'cause I've spent half this morning, thinking about the tee shirt you sleep in..."

I stopped singing for a moment kasi hindi ko na alam ang lyrics. But then my favorite part came next. Only one person ang nasa mind ko while singing the next words.

"When I saw you, everyone knew I like the effect that you had on my eyes..."

I smiled, opening my eyes.

A pair of singkit ones looked back at me.

!!!!!

With my eyes wide in shock, I instantly stopped dancing and froze on the spot.

Oh, my gosh! HE SAW ME DANCING! Major embarrassment right here!

I dropped my head, biting my lip. I removed my earphones but I couldn't move my feet sa hiya! I wanted the floor to swallow me right now! Gosh, nakataas pa yung kamay ko kanina. Para akong nasisiraan siguro in his eyes.

I heard him make a sound, causing me to look at him.

Naka-ngiti siya.

I blinked.

A real smile.

Hindi siya basta lang ngumingiti ng real smile, and I haven't seen him do so in a long time na us lang. Gosh, I was melting.

"Sorry I interrupted you," Oliver chuckled.

Oh. Tumawa siya. Wait lang. Pinagtatawanan niya ako.

Swallow me now, floor!

But then a realization came to mind.

I put a smile on that handsome face. Me, when just minutes ago nagmumukmok siya with my brother. Pero embarrassing pa rin na he saw me dancing na parang crazy person lang.

Gah, I wanted to hide.

"What were you listening to?" he asked me, as he opened the refrigerator to get more bottles of beer.

"Birdy," I said quietly.

He nodded, as though approve siya in my choice of music. Of course, I already knew the kind of music he liked to listen to. It just so happened na I preferred even mellower songs.

Clearing my throat, I added, "It's not nice to sneak up on people like that."

He let out a laugh. "You were lost in the moment."

"You could've closed your eyes," I muttered under my breath.

Apparently, he heard because he said, "Probably."

Him and his one word sentences. Okay, fine. Looked like wala nang patutunguhan ang conversation namin. Time to leave him alone.

"Akyat na 'ko," I told him. "Good night." I turned my back to him and walked away.

"G'night," I heard him say, right behind me.

Paalis na rin siya ng kitchen and I felt na nasa likod ko siya mismo.

"Don't stop being adorable."

My heartbeat accelerated.

Did he just say what I think I heard him say?

I quickly looked at him but he was already heading outside towards the glass doors. Pero kailangan kong i-ask. Hindi ako makakatulog until I ask.

"Anong sabi mo just now?"

He looked over his shoulder to me, stopping by the glass doors. I couldn't see his expression through the dark. I could only make out his silhouette.

"Sabi ko, don't grow up," he answered simply.

I frowned in confusion.

What?

Pero he was already outside before I could ask more.

I was almost nineteen years old na. What did he mean 'don't grow up'? Was I not already a grown up? Ang gulo niya talaga sometimes.

I went back to my room upstairs, trying hard not to think about what Oliver said. Always naman kasi siyang nagsasabi ng mind-boggling things e. Kaya I better let it go.

Also, I needed to get over my crush on Oliver Conjuangco. I knew naman din na there was no possibility of him ever liking me. I was not his type. I heard him say so when Jesse grilled him a year ago.

I opened my bedroom door and walked inside, closing the door behind me. I leaned my back on the door for a minute, tinitignan ang room ko.

Princess style bed with canopy frame. One huge bookshelf. Another princess style white desk. A mini sofa by the bed where my childhood stuffed toys were.

Kahit saan ako tumingin . . . Pink. White. Pink.

Okay, so maybe medyo kiddy yung room ko. But I liked the color pink. I liked the memories held here in my room.

He said, 'Don't grow up.'

What did he mean by that?

Ugh. I really needed to stop doing this to myself. I had to move on and terminate these butterflies whenever he was around. I had to uncrush him.

I had to uncrush Oliver Cojuangco.

Gosh, I hoped it would work this time.