Chapter Sixteen.

Did I just kiss Milo in front of the entire school just to prove a point?

Yes, yes I did. Do I feel good about it?

I don't know.

I hated the feeling of Jayden watching it happen, but maybe it's for the best. Now he knows that I've moved on.

But now, Milo thinks I'm into him. Which I suppose I am, Milo is very hot and treats me well enough.

After I walked out of the cafeteria, it took Milo a couple minutes to come running after me as expected. He invited me to some party tonight, which of course I accepted.

***

"So..are you going to the party tonight?" Rova asked me as I walked into our room, I didn't bother even glancing in his direction, just went straight to the kitchen.

"Please don't ignore us anymore, Lexie. We miss you-" Rova tried before I interrupted.

"Who is us-" I said as I turned around to face our couch to see all three of them sitting there.

"Oh." I mumbled, turning back to the kitchen.

I pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter, putting one in my mouth and lighting it.

"You can live without me, y'know." I said with a sigh.

"But we don't want to-"

"Calla," I interjected, "We've already had this conversation."

He looked down at his shoes.

"Don't speak to him like that." Rova said in an irritated voice. It was the most aggressive I've ever heard him speak.

I raised an eyebrow, "Didn't mean to offend anybody, but I'm- I'm happy now." My voice broke at the end of my sentence, everyone looked at me like they didn't believe me.

"No you're not, Alex. You're not! You are a filthy liar, who only goes around hurting people because you can't handle any shit on your own. You're a fucking coward and you're- you're insane! We all know it- like okay- we get it! Your life sucks but that doesn't mean-" Rova began to rant but a small, "Rova." From Calla made him shut up with ease.

I laughed with no humor in my voice and took a long drag from my cigarette.

They all looked at me sadly.

"I never answered your question earlier. I am going to that party with Milo, and I won't be coming back after." I said, walking towards the front door.

And I walked out.

I'm glad they were finally honest with me.

Because it's true, I am useless and I am a coward.

But most importantly, I am insane.

***

I felt different than I had been as I walked through the woods that surrounded the school. Maybe not different per say, but more.

But not more as in feelings, more as in the most numb I had felt in months.

I didn't feel angry anymore, I didn't feel any happiness not even from the memories of Rova, Calla, and Jayden that sat in the back of my head.

Just...emptiness. So empty and so quiet, but at the same time so full and so loud. Every thought I had echoed against the walls in my head, and would ring and ring.

I hopped the fence like I had done with Calla and Rova just a couple weeks ago.

Milo was meeting me at the party, he had some 'business' to do. I knew he was dealing all types of shit, and I didn't really want to get involved, not after what happened with my father.

***

"Alex! You're here!" Milo said as he ran to greet me at the front door. I nodded, remaining silent.

"Oh you look depressing, let's get you some drinks hm?" Milo said with a smile.

I nodded, not caring.

Before I knew it, I had had three beers and was now taking shots.

Several shots.

Soon enough the alcohol began to take effect. My mind was blurry yet the most clear it had been in days. I felt something, felt emotion. Happiness, of course it would fade the second that the weed effect disappeared and I sobered up.

Music blared through the room, and I was standing on a pool table with a half-empty bottle of vodka while Milo danced right beside me with his mischievous smile.

His hands in my hips and his nails slightly digging into my skin. Not enough pain to cause me to actually hurt, but enough pain to give me an electric thrill.

His lips were marking my neck as I swayed my sides.

It felt good.

It was enough to satisfy me.

But it was nowhere near the feeling of Jayden's fingernails digging into my sides, and his burning lips on my cold skin, or the way he bit my lip when we kissed deeply.

A light tug, enough to make me crave more but not enough to make it hurt.

I was sure that nobody could compare to Jayden's effect on me.

Because no one else in the world is constantly replaying in my head the way that Jayden does.

And that's when I saw him, accompanied by Rova and Calla, walk through the front door.

They immediately saw me, considering I was making out with someone whilst standing on a pool table.

Jayden's eyes flashed with hurt, but were quickly replaced by a sense of uncomfortableness.

All three of them seemed very uncomfortable with the sight, but I couldn't let them know that I was also uncomfortable.

I'm happy this way, aren't I?

The music had quitted, and so had the yelling.

Everybody had calmed and were either off making out or smoking.

And then there were the few people that were doing both, including me.

I had convinced myself that I would fall for Milo over time, but the more time I spent with him, the more comfortable he got. ANd the more comfortable he got, the more of a bad person he seemed to be.

Milo and I were sharing a blunt while sitting on the kitchen counter, alone.

His arm was wrapped around my shoulder which is normally comforting, but he kept such a firm grip that it seemed impossible to escape.

His fingers caressed my arm, trailing up and down them like Jayden's had done once before.

But it didn't feel the same.

"Do you ever think about disappearing? Like– like the people around you may just feel better with you gone?" Milo asked before taking a long drag from the blunt.

I looked over to him, "Yeah, sometimes."

Not sometimes.

Always.

"You've been seeming so out of it since the videos were leaked." He said with a sigh.

Milo didn't even know me before the videos were leaked. He just spilt beer on me in the bathroom and that was about it.

I just hummed in response.

"It's probably because of those shitty friends of yours. What were their names? Jaycen..or something?" He questioned, passing the blunt to me.

"Jayden, Rova, and Calla." I answered.

They were never shitty to me.

Milo laughed, "Oh yeah, those idiots have been friends since... well–forever. I'm surprised they even let you into their little group."

I arched an eyebrow, "why?"

"I don't know, you just give weird vibes sometimes. Like some depressed kid, which makes sense why you would give those vibes because that's what you are. It was just pathetic, I guess."

..What?

"Pathetic?" I repeated.

He shrugged, "It was until I got to know you. But I only really started to talk to you because I pitied you I guess, I mean I'm sure you understand, right? Calla, Rova, and Jayden probably did the same thing."

He was right.

Of course it was a pity, what else would it be. Even when I first met Calla in the front office, he was immediately nice to me. Too nice for just being polite.

They didn't actually like me, they just thought they were saving me.

Right?

I scoffed with the realization.

"What?" Milo asked.

I shook my head, "You're just...right."

"I normally am."

WORD COUNT: 1339

I used to think everyone with the name 'milo' was cool but nvm ig