Chapter 154 - Guilt & Abandonment

Ye Jie listened to Xu Mey without any intention of disturbing. The content of her story was exactly what he saw in the video but the context was completely contrasting. The video only showed the way Xu Mey ruptured an artery of Xu Liqing, hurting her pretty badly. Also, the other content of the video was when Xu Mey pushed that waiter away from herself and he ended up rolling down the stairs. In spite of the fact that Ye Jie was a keen believer of the phrase; Believe nothing of what you hear, and only half of what you see, he still couldn’t stop himself from believing every word that came out of Xu Mey’s mouth.

Her state was right before his very eyes.

He saw the way Xu Mey’s body was shudderring. She appeared to be living that night all over again. She kept biting her bottom lip making it bleed a bit. Her face was blanched and she stood rooted at the same spot looking at a certain location in a stupor.

Ye Jie came behind her and held her trembling body in his arms with her back facing his chest. He made her head lie against his chest and kept rolfing her arms up and down to relax her.

His calloused hand’s warmth made Xu Mey feel at home. His familiar touch, and the familiar scent helped to diminish the turmoil in her heart and mind. She let herself loosen up in his arms and found the courage to speak again.

At the age of 12 when she wasn’t even considered a teenager, she had to see that bloody scene right in front of her and it left a huge stain on her mental health.

She wasn’t considered healthy from the time she was born. The doctors have said from her early age that due to lack of nourishment, Xu Mey’s mental health was weak and she was advised not to overwhelm her mind with thoughts.

But with Fu Lan and Xu Liqing around, how could she possibly have a relaxed mind? She had to take prescribed medicine for her mind from a young age but who knew that those meds were actually worsening her mental state.

After that incident at the rooftop, Xu Mey stayed in a coma for 10 days and when she woke up, she found herself in an unfamiliar surrounding.

Everything was white in the huge room even her clothes were white. For a moment she thought that she was dead but then her father, Xu Cheng walked inside the room with Fu Lan tagging along. She saw her father taking a seat beside her bed.

Xu Cheng held her small hand in own with a depressed look on his face. "What is this place, dad?" Even though her throat was stinging, she had to speak out loud. She was having a bad premonition and her heart was beating uncontrollably fast.

"This is a Rehabilitation Center." She heard her father’s gentle voice but it shook her entire being. "You’re going to stay here for a while, Xiao Mey."

"No! Please, dad, don’t leave me here! I’m absolutely fine. Why do you want to push me away from yourself? I’ll go back to the boarding school, just don’t leave me here." Xu Mey’s young, small self was pleading to her father while the tears streamed down her face without any restraint.

But her words had little to no effect on Xu Cheng. He rubbed his forehead and said, "Xiao Mey, if you’re having issues in school, you should have told me about it. Why did you resort to drugs?" Seeing the accusation in her own father’s eyes, Xu Mey was terribly taken aback.

Xu Mey was frozen still on the bed she was lying on with nothing left to explain to him at all. When Xu Cheng saw her rigid body, he didn’t know what he could do. He just wanted to help her. So what if she wasn’t his own blood, she had the blood of the woman he loved the most in his life.

He was about to leave the room when he heard Xu Mey’s weak voice, "Did you have the time to listen to me?" Xu Cheng turned his body look at her bloodshot eyes staring back at him with an assertion. That look was completely foreign to Xu Cheng who always saw Xu Mey as a weak and timid girl. "Even if I’d told you that dad, I’m being bullied in school every single day. Would you have cared?"

"Of course, I’d have cared. I’d have tried to help you. After all, you’re my..." He closed his eyes taking a deep breath. "My daughter." Although it wasn’t easy to accept it that Xu Mey was not his own blood but he never loved her any lesser. He always tried to be her father.

"Did you treat me as a daughter?" She asked and laughed in a self-mocking manner. "It doesn’t matter at this point. You’re just like that mother of mine." After saying that, Xu Mey turned to lay on her side not willing to see Xu Cheng anymore.

There was silence in the room for a moment before Xu Mey heard the sound of door closing.

"In the end, I’m just an abandoned girl." She spoke bitterly in a soft voice. Up until now, she was scared of saying it out loud. Scared of the fact that if she accepted those words, they will eventually come true. And that was exactly what was happening with her.

"You’re absolutely right." Xu Mey heard a conceited voice right beside her ear. She knew the voice belonged to Fu Lan and that scared her even more. She tried to cower back in fear. "You are indeed abandoned yet again. And don’t worry. No one will abandon you again." Fu Lan touched Xu Mey’s pale cheek making her feel disgusted by her touch. "Because no one will be able to enter your life again. Then how can someone abandon you if no one is left in your life?"

"Do you know why I hate you so much?" Xu Mey managed to shook her head from side to side. "I can’t help it. Who told you to be born in this world? You could have chosen any other home, why did you have to be the firstborn of the Xu family?" Xu Mey was shuddering terribly by the menacing look in her eyes. "Don’t blame me for being cruel. Blame your own mother who abandoned you."

Fu Lan stood up from the side of her bed intending to leave but she halted abruptly and before Xu Mey could make any sense of the situation, Fu Lan had slapped her right on her face with a strong force. "How dare you hurt my daughter?" She delivered another crisp slap on Xu Mey’s face. "I love my daughter the most and you know it." Another slap landed on her already stinging face. "Yet you hurt her so badly?" Fu Lan kept slapping her face until it was swollen up like a sponge cake.

"Now, you’re not just a drug addict." Fu Lan smiled conceitedly, "Now, you’re a murderer as well with unstable mental health. In short, I’ve turned you into a retarded person for the world."

After her anger subsided, she left Xu Mey alone to cry on her own with a badly hurting face. Before she even knew it, Xu Mey’s whole world was pushed into an endless abyss of darkness. She was abandoned at the time when she needed the support of her loved ones the most.

’How could I kill someone? No! No!’

’But you did!’

’You’re a murderer.’

’You killed an innocent waiter!’

’You’re supposed to be in prison not here in a Rehab Center.’

’You deserve to be abandoned.’

’Who would love or want a devil like you who killed an innocent person?’

’You should be ashamed of yourself.’

Xu Mey felt like she could hear the mocking from the people around her. As if the whole world was pointing a finger at her in accusation. She shook her head and covered her ears trying to get rid of all the voices around her. But she forgot that the voices came from her own frenzied mind. And there is no way to get rid of guilt. It stays...

It stays like a never-ending cycle pushing you towards your doom. We all are guilty of something in our lives. But some are left with only guilt to accompany them till death.