My Wolf

Harlyn

Wayne is facing me, and I still feel lost and not in control of my body. How am I even a wolf? My mind goes back; I remember the howl and how it sounded like Thorin; I then saw his body, unmoving, and something happened. I shifted into a wolf and attacked the one person I knew would have hurt him.

My father.

I remember Stefan trying to stop me, but all my mind could see was Thorin hurt. All I could hear was the years of verbal abuse my father had thrown at me. I couldn’t stop myself from attacking until I saw Isaac standing ahead of me.

“My love, you need to try to calm down,” Wayne whispers, but it feels impossible. ” While ever your heart is so quick you won’t shift back.”

Closing my eyes, I try to calm down, and slowly, I feel myself shift back. Wayne drapes a blanket around my naked body. He moves closer and hugs me. I feel so confused right now; I slept with Stefan after I had told Lucy I didn’t feel ready to let anyone in that much.

All those thoughts, doubts and worries disappeared with Stefan. I was so angry at what my father had done to Thorin that I wanted to escape as quickly as possible. Now, I feel like I should go back. I feel like I miss Stefan.

“Why are you here?” I look at him, confused. He shouldn’t still be with me; this wasn’t just a kiss. Anyone else would leave, and now that is worrying me. Why is he staying?

“Where else would I be, my love?” Wayne questions me. Is he really going to act like it didn’t happen?

“Not with me; I slept with Stefan!” He shouldn’t want me anywhere near him. I told Wayne I didn’t feel ready to let anyone in that deep. Then I did with Stefan. At that moment, though, I felt connected to him, safe, and craved Stefan.

Why do I now feel like I love Stefan?

“I love you, my love. I also know you had no control; he had it all.” He grips my face, forcing me to look at him. “The bond from him claiming you hadn’t fully worn off. All I care about is how you feel about me.” He keeps me focused on him. My eyes look around. Right now, I’m not sure.

I was so sure I loved Wayne, but even though it doesn’t feel the same, it’s weird. The more I consider it, the more I feel like I’ve made a mistake in leaving. I can still feel Stefan’s hands on me, and I don’t think I’ve fully awoken from what happened with him.

“Harlyn, focus on me, please.” His words have me looking at him. “You loved me, remember? You agreed to marry me, I claimed you.” He rests his forehead on mine. “Forget what happened.”

“It’s not that easy, Wayne.” How can I just forget when I feel like everything is wrong?

“Look at me, Harlyn.” I glance back at him. “Focus on me, listen to me. What happened with Stefan wasn’t love. He used the mark to make you weak. He knew it wouldn’t have entirely cleared, and he used it to trick you back into bed.”

My head goes to shake, but he stops me.

“Yes, he rejected you, Harlyn. Remember, you didn’t want him near you. You pushed him away. He tricked you.” A weird sense of calm begins to spread through me. “You still love me. We’re getting married, aren’t we?” He smiles at me and I feel myself relaxing more.

“Yes, as soon as we get back we’re planning.” I smile at him.

“Good, now you have shifted back, I will get Thorin for you.” Kissing my cheek, he smiles and walks away. I know that we love each other, but I’m not sure why I doubted it.

I look around myself, why was there doubt? My mind fights to remember what had caused the doubt but there’s nothing. This isn’t right, why can’t I remember?

“Mummy.” I hear Thorin and watch as he runs to me, my arms wrapping around his body. He’s okay.

“I had my first broken bone.”

I laugh slightly; of course, that is what he says. “I’m sorry, darling; you shouldn’t have been hurt.” He shouldn’t have, and that is on me. Why was I in bed with Stefan?

“It’s fine. It helped you get your wolf. It was beautiful, Mummy. Did Wayne tell you?”

Did Wayne tell me what? I look from Thorin to Wayne.

“You had the same eyes as us, Mummy.” What? No. My head shakes, and I look at Wayne. That isn’t possible, their eyes mean they are Lycan’s, how can I have the same eyes?

“He’s not wrong; your eyes changed colour. It wasn’t like the pups, where they stayed that one colour.” Wayne grips my chin. “Even now, they are shining; it’s a weird colour, almost purple, so I’m guessing you’re anxious.” He looks at me.

“How do you know that?” How does he know that purple means I’m anxious?

“I spoke to a lot of the soldiers and such at the kingdom, as Stefan is a Lycan, they were able to tell me about his eyes.” He shrugs slightly.

“Oh.” I don’t know why I asked; of course, he learnt about it at the kingdom.

“Your wolf was also different, Harlyn.” Wayne looks at me.

“Different?” How could my wolf be different?

“It...” He looks at me like he’s trying to work out the words. “You’re a blue wolf, the only one I have ever heard of. They are folklore; no one has ever seen one before and only heard stories of them.”

“Blue?” Did he really just say my wolf is blue? I want to laugh.

“Not like you’re imagining. Think of the night sky, that dark blue. That was your wolf, but with small, almost glowing white specs.” His head tilts. “Can you hear your wolf?”

“Hear my wolf?” What the hell does that mean?

“Harlyn, you have a wolf; if you open your mind, it can talk to you. Try to open your mind up. See if you can.” He smiles at me, and I try to relax, but I can’t.

“I can feel it, but there’s something blocking it.” Why would something block it? Wayne looks at me like he realises something but doesn’t speak.

“What? You looked like you realised something, so what?”

“No, I think what happened with Thorin pushed your wolf into action. Maybe it hasn’t fully connected with you yet, but in time, it will.” He smiles and kisses my cheek.