Finding Out

Harlyn

It’s been two months since that celebration, and my mind often goes back to that night. I’m unsure what to do about it. I know my father will blame me, making it out like I somehow caused it to happen.

I stare at the doctor, his head nodding at me.

“I’m sorry, Miss Harlyn, but you are pregnant,” he says, and my head shakes.

Samuel and Colton stood beside me; they were here for support. I was hoping I would be wrong, but I was not. When my period didn’t arrive last month, I told myself it was the stress of everything.

Then, this month, it didn’t again. I asked Samuel to get the doctor to check me over without letting my father know, and he agreed to. I was so sure the doctor would tell me it was something like stress.

He didn’t, though. Now, Samuel and Colton are staring at me in shock. I couldn’t come to the doctor alone, I knew they would tell my father or mother. Coming with Samuel, however, means there’s a chance the doctor won’t speak to my father.

Still, I didn’t think this would be the result. It was one night, people try for months before getting pregnant, how did I manage to the first night I slept with someone, the night I lost my virginity?

“Thank you; you may leave.” Samuel looks at the doctor and nods. I watch as the doctor begins walking out. His eyes now turn to me. “Harlyn, you asked me to come so Father wouldn’t find out. I thought you said that you weren’t well, and that was why?”

Maybe I should have told him.

“Harlyn, you can’t ignore this. You need to speak to us. Surely you realised you were pregnant if you weren’t having periods?” Colton looks at me.

“I…” God, what do I say? “I thought it was just stress. I didn’t think it was possible,” I whispered.

“It shouldn’t be possible, so who is he?” Samuel shouts, and I shake my head. Harlyn, we need to know, so give me his name.” He stands waiting.

“I don’t know,” I whisper, now realising that I am going to have to tell them about that night; tears gather in the corner of my eyes, and I fight to hold them in. “I shouldn’t be pregnant. It shouldn’t be possible,” I say, trying to argue with my own body. Why me? Why did this have to happen to me? I told myself I wouldn’t get pregnant, not that first time. That is just bad luck.

“Harlyn, please speak to us. Who is he?” Colton looks at me, waiting for me to give a name. How do I give a name when I don’t know it?

“I don’t know,” I say again, feeling myself panicking. This isn’t going to end well for me; even I know it will be bad. I don’t know who the father is, and I know exactly how that will look to my father and the rest of the kingdom.

“Please just tell us before Father finds out. If we know we can sort it before he gets here,” Colton pleads, and my head shakes.

“I don’t know…I swear to you guys, I’m not lying. I don’t know who it was. I didn’t see them,” I finally admit, my words trembling as I begin to cry. How can I even explain it, that night, I can barely remember what happened. I just remember somehow ending up in the bed with a man.

What did I expect? It wasn’t once. He used my body all night, over and over.

“When did it happen? Can you at least tell us that?” Samuel asks, and I can see he is concerned for me. I want to lie, but if I do, then it may make things worse.

“At mum’s birthday celebration,” I confess quietly. Shame washes over me.

“Harlyn, that was over two months ago,” Colton reminds me. It isn’t like I forgot how to tell the date. I know how long ago it was. I just hoped it was caused by stress.

“We need to know who it was and what exactly happened, Harlyn.” Colton looks at me, waiting for my answer.

“I wasn’t lying; I don’t know who it was. I swear it, guys,” I choke out. My head falls forward, and I cry. “I was completely wasted and barely able to walk. Then…I was in bed with him.”

Their eyes widen, and I force my gaze to drop to the floor, refusing to see their disappointment.

“Why wouldn’t you tell us, why leave it this long?” Colton asks. I thought he would realise why.

“It’s yet another failure, another mistake to add to the stockpile that Father keeps of me,” I confess. The tears now finally fall and roll down my cheek.

“Who was it, Harlyn, and what happened?” Samuel asks again. Does he really think I am lying about not knowing who it was?

“I don’t know. I tried to say no, but it sounded like I muttered. I felt like I was drugged, like I had no control over my own body,” I admit. The weight of shame washes over me, and I know this is nothing. When my father finds out, this will be worse. Samuel moves to me and hugs me. It’s something. Still, it’s not enough to calm me entirely.

“We’ll get to the bottom of this, Harlyn. I will find out who it was, I promise you.” Samuel reassures me. I wish they could, but something tells me it won’t work.

“Why didn’t you tell us sooner? We could have sorted it out straight away,” Colton asks.

“I…” God, am I really going to say this? “I was scared. I didn’t know what to do, and I couldn’t bear to face the truth. I know it is something new that Father will blame me for. Like everything else, this will also be my fault,” I admit.

“You’re not to blame. I will find the guy who is, we won’t tell father, for now we will keep it hidden.” His arms cradle me and I cry against him, hoping that he can find out who it was, then maybe the abuse I face from my father won’t be so bad?