00.

Moving on is hard even when you've accepted it, the memories linger still.

A few Months Past.

"Pops we're home!" Klein yelled as we walked into the house, it was unusually silent, I'd expected my husband to be home watching his addiction, football, but he was nowhere. "Dad where is he, I want to show him my missing tooth." Klein worried as I just shrugged. "Probably a business meeting again sweetheart you know he's been busy lately." I told him but the truth is I didn't know where Drake was, he'd been away most of time, distant, and a lot of the time he did come home he felt different, as if there was unknown tension in the air.

"Honey go change, I'll make snacks for you and your sister." I spoke up as we finally closed the door into the house by the kitchen. "Okay, come on Lita." Klein took his sister's hand and they climbed up the stairs slowly, finally the lesson of no running down or up those stairs has been listened to or I was just being hopeful.

It was odd not having Drake home, even on a friday, he always made sure to be home early on fridays but I pressed down my worry, he'd come, then he didn't.

Night time rolled in and the kids finally turned in for bed but he wasn't here. "The number you've dialed is nolonger in service." The operator told me but I ignored it, the annoying message was all she had been telling me everytime I'd called, so I decided to call his parents, it rang first and again, no answer from his mother then his father, he didn't like me, despite of all the years I'd been married to his son, he cut the call on the first ring.

There was no point the keep on worrying, I was probably overreacting, he'd be back in the night, I comforted myself with false words but a part of me knew, it knew that he wouldn't be back.

It hurts to think about, to accept, but the reality was, he didn't come home, and somehow a photo of my husband and someone I knew was not me were kissing very intimately, had made it to me through no one other than his father, I guess he'd be the reaper to my marriage, I don't know where I went wrong, but a lot of things seemed to fit into place and I broke down.

Love had a certain unfair pain, it hurt but the hurt never went away, it burrowed deep and stayed there.

I didn't know if I was going to survive.

Ceres Beau.

You know that feeling between rage and serenity, that pain inbetween chaos and tranquil bliss, when your world shatters yet you don't even know why, when everything goes wrong and you're left wondering why and how did it all go to shit, I was there, I was feeling that pain and it all cascaded down to one man, my husband, I still get butterflies with even the thought of him, he was my world, my everything and now it seems the world was burning and I was trying to escape the flames, I needed to let go.

For months I'd expected him to come back, be in the bed next to me keeping me warm in his arms, I expected that he would be there walking down the stairs with a goofy smile, our son in one hand and our baby girl in his arms, but it never happened, it was never going to be as I placed the eviction notice on the breakfast bar, our marriage had a rocky start, I had nothing, he had everything, so the prenup made sense for his parents, I signed, I never expected a divorce so why worry, I guess I should've worried, but it was too late, the house may have had some of my money put into it but at the end of the day, I had to accept that this home I'd built wasn't mine, what was in it was though, so I'd take what was mine and go.

See life makes you toughen up in the worst of situations, and that's what had happened to me, I had to be brave and strong, because he left in the morning and never came back, a week later divorce papers were served, he hid from me, his parents cut off any connection we had, I had to toughen up, I knew I had to for my children, but it didn't mean at night I didn't cry, it didn't mean I didn't go to his office and scream, it didn't mean I didn't confront his parents about everything and they got a restraining order with the warning of an actual arrest if I got near them, so I stopped, I broke down and broke but it all built me up, my therapist says its being the violent storm then finally finding serenity in the chaos.

The first months were rough, but I pulled through, now I was here, almost a year later and I was doing better, I had to because I had my children, I had unconditional love. So I made breakfast for my angels, Klein could get ready by himself but I still needed to check in on a few things. "Hey baby girl ready for the day?" I asked my daughter who nodded sheepishly, she was probably hungry, Klein had the same habit. So I got her ready after a quick bath, and soon enough we were downstairs. "Good morning dad." Klein muttered behind me. "Good morning sweetheart, sleep okay?" I responded holding him by my side and he came even closer to me. "I did, what's for breakfast?" He asked as we walked into the kitchen.

My kids missed their other father, they had known him their whole lives, he used to be there at football games, at Lolita's day care picking her up, now he wasn't anymore, and his absence was felt, Klein was biologically Drake's son, and Lita was mine, we'd asked the same surrogate mother to carry both our children, she had been happy to do so, and I'd always be grateful.I guess despite knowing that our children were part of us and of him, he couldn't be here, couldn't be there for them, and it gave me no peace at times but I'd grown past it, I was accepting it.

"Hurry up Klein, uncle Gavin and Harry will be here soon to take you to school." I told my son as he inhaled his cereal then grabbed some fried eggs, shoving them down his throat, all washed down by juice before dashing up to his bedroom. Gavin was my friend, my closest friend, he was one of the few that stuck with me after learning about the divorce, and he had been my support system along with my dad in all this, I was grateful for it, Harry was his son and Klein's best friend, they were inseparable and with Harry there — it made things easier on my son, we all assume children cannot understand divorce and everything that comes with it but my children had understood somehow, and in as much as I expected Klein to ask for his pops, he never did, only asked in passing, or if he would come to his games.

I always patched through the message to Drake's lawyer, then hopefully it was delivered but I never lied to my son, maybe deflect on some questions but when it came to his pops, I put in the effort, it just wasn't returned.

I finished feeding Lita who was giggling about some unknown thing, as the doorbell rang, I knew it was Gavin. "Klein!" I called out as I opened the door and indeed Gavin and his son were there. "Hey, morning." He greeted in that husky voice of his that made any woman swoon for him. "Morning, you have three minutes." I replied with a smile as I turned to Harry who had already run up the stairs. "You doing okay?" Gavin asked as he took Lita into his arms, she shrieked in absolute happiness. "I am, just this." I replied waving the eviction notice in the air, he quickly read through. "Bastard." He growled lowly and I just sighed.

"It was going to happen eventually." I told him but his fist was still clenched, he probably wanted to hit Drake. "You could come stay with us." He offered but I couldn't do that to him, he already had enough on his plate with his wife's illness and taking care of Harry. "I appreciate the offer but I never sold my old house, I knew the eviction would come so I used a lot of my paychecks and some of my savings to get it ready, it has space enough for my kids and I plus it's closer to school." I replied as the boys walked down the stairs. "Dad, are we moving?" Klein asked with worry and I wished I didn't have to do this to him.

"Yeah kiddo, you'll be closer to us and you'll have more sleepovers, and imagine all the fun you can have." Gavin intervened and goodness knows I was thankful. "Alright!" Klein highfived Harry as they left and ran outside to Gavin's car. "Thank you." I spoke in relief. "Don't worry, I got you, and you miss are coming with me, I can have her for the day as you pack, seems you need to start now." Gavin stated and my eyes watered. "Thank you so much, I have no idea how you have the strength to be doing all this but thank you." I muttered as my arms tried to wrap him in a hug but the man was large and I was small, it was amusing.

"Friends look out for friends Ceres, it's what we do, and at this point you're my best friend, now get me her bag, we have things to do girlfriend —." He sassily finished his statement with a snap of his fingers making both myself and my daughter laugh. I was grateful for this man, he indeed was my rock. "Bye dad!" Klein yelled from the car as he poked his head out and kissed my cheek. "Bye sweetheart, and please stop forgetting your lunch." I scolded handing over the lunch bag with another kiss. "Bye uncle Ceres!" Harry yelled as the car finally drove off, they were happy, that's all that mattered. Now to tackle the next problem thrown my way.

something about

HOME.

This book is not edited, any mistakes grammatical or otherwise will be fixed in due course.

This book gives me purpose and to all those who've been hurt by love, this is for you, let's take this journey together.

I Am Saint Jay.