Part 17

Sunflowers weren't enough to lift the cloud that followed Ira home. They'd almost kissed. Tawan had almost, but not quite, kissed her. They had a real moment—an I-want-you-and-you-want-me moment—and then... nothing happened.

Well, not exactly nothing.

Tawan's rejection in the field had stolen Ira's breath. But when it ambushed her in the middle of the night, that's when it really started to hurt.

The next morning was hot and quiet. Tawan wasn't in her room. She wasn't in the backyard. The office door was closed. She was probably in there. Ira raised her hand to knock, then hesitated. Tawan hadn't said a word on the drive home.

Not one.

Still. Nothing ventured, nothing won. Or something like that.

Ira knocked. "Good morning! Want some coffee?"

A beat. Then two.

"No." Another beat. "...Thanks."

Ira's chest tightened.

"Okay. Let me know if you change your mind."

She sounded pathetic. Tawan had changed from the woman she wished would go away to the one whose attention she desperately wanted. And Tawan had made it very clear—Ira would never have it. Or her. She wandered into the living room and flopped onto the couch. The book she'd been reading taunted her. She wanted that moment on the cover. She wanted Tawan to press her up against a tree and look at her like she was the only thing that mattered. But that wasn't going to happen. Stupid book. Making her want something she couldn't have.

Outside, the noon sun blazed, making the air thick and heavy. The whir of cicadas filled the silence, and the occasional distant sound of a motorbike reminded her that life outside this house continued as normal. Her loose shirt wasn't helping with the heat, but she couldn't find the energy to change. She could make an iced tea to cool herself down. She could take a walk through the rice fields to clear her head. She could... stop thinking about Tawan.

Ira glared at the book. "You didn't tell me it could end before it even started."

She tossed the book aside and buried her face in her hands. She wanted to call her siblings. So badly that it brought tears to her eyes. But she brushed them away. She couldn't... wouldn't... do that. As long as the stalker was still out there, she was Earn Phongphiphat, not the sister of Ying, Kate, and Wisanu.

Had she become Ira so completely that she'd dreamed what happened in that field? No.

She knew what she felt. Tawan had felt it too. And that's why she ran.

"This is ridiculous. I'm not a teenage girl with a crush."

She told the sunflowers in the vase by the couch. The sunflowers gave her side-eye.

"I'm not," Ira muttered under her breath, releasing an exasperated sigh as she stormed into the kitchen. She needed caffeine.

She grabbed a single-cup coffee packet, tore it open, and dumped it into the steaming water. Too much fake stuff. Kate would hate it. She didn't like it much either, but it was this or ice water, and right now, she needed caffeine.

Wrapping her hands around the mug, she let the cold seep into her fingers. Just as she turned to leave the kitchen, she heard it—the steady, rhythmic sound of a blade striking bamboo. Her breath hitched. She hadn't heard Tawan go outside. The office door was open now, but she definitely hadn't gone upstairs. Curious, Ira peeked through the curtains.

If she couldn't have Tawan's attention, she could at least admire the view. And what a view.

Tawan stood in the backyard, sports bra-clad, sweat glistening under the sun as she swung a machete with smooth, practiced precision. Every time the blade came down, a thick stalk of bamboo split cleanly in two, the fresh green interior glistening in the light. Her biceps flexed, her muscles tensed, and Ira suddenly forgot how to breathe. The fluidity of her movements, the sheer power behind each swing—it was mesmerizing. She looked like a warrior.

Like someone who could cut through anything in her path.

Like someone who could pin Ira against the nearest wall and—

Nope.

Ira squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath. But when she opened them again, it was so much worse.

Tawan turned to grab another bamboo stalk, and—

Sweet baby Jesus.

Ira sloshed coffee all over the windowsill.

She let out a silent curse and grabbed a napkin to mop it up, but her gaze would not stop drifting back outside.

That back.

She'd never been so turned on by a person's back before. Tawan's shoulders were broad, her back sculpted, the powerful lines leading down to jeans that rode just low enough to make Ira's brain short-circuit.

If she looked this good in a sports bra, what did the rest of her look like?

Had the air-conditioning stopped working Because it was definitely hotter in the kitchen now.

She'd been around movie stars. She'd danced with models. She'd partied with the most beautiful people on earth. None of them looked like this. Tawan should be on billboards. Or magazine covers. Or...

In Ira's bed.

She groaned and pressed a cold hand to her burning face. She was losing it.

Before she met Tawan, her life had been easy. Fun. She went from party to party, place to place, never tied down, never wanting more. But then she'd seen her home. She'd met her family. She'd seen the way Tawan looked when she let her guard down. And suddenly, everything she used to want felt childish and empty.

She wanted what her sisters had.

She wanted what Ying had with Prigkhing.

She wanted what Wisanu had with Tan.

She wanted what Kate had with Phong.

She wanted someone who would look at her like she was their whole world. Someone who would stand between her and a bullet without hesitation. And Tawan was that kind of person.

But she didn't want Ira. She had walked away instead of kissing her.

Somewhere in the past few weeks, their pretend relationship had stopped being pretend for Ira. But apparently not for Tawan. Her eyes burned.

Ira swallowed some of the vile coffee, but it didn't help. Irritated with herself, she marched to the back door and threw it open.

"Hey!"

Tawan finished her swing.

Thwack!

She shoved the split bamboo aside, then looked up, eyebrows raised. The slight sheen of sweat on her body made her glow. Ira wanted to tackle her. Right there.

Instead, she said, "I need to go in to work early tomorrow. Really early. Like, let's-take-brownies-for-everybody early."

Tawan nodded, brief and unreadable. Then she picked up another stalk of bamboo.

Ira slammed the door shut, her frustration echoing through the quiet house. She stalked back to the living room and did the only thing that made sense—she started cleaning the counters. It wasn't dirty. There was no real reason to do it. But she needed something to clean.

Something to do.

Maybe if she would scrub hard enough, it would take her frustration with it. But it didn't.

The next day, on the walk from the truck to Sevens, they didn't hold hands. Tawan didn't even look at her. The second they crossed the threshold, she disappeared into the corner booth without a word. She opened her laptop, eyes glued to the screen like Ira didn't exist. Ira stood there, blinking, completely thrown. It felt like being left standing alone at a high school dance—conspicuous and confused. She'd never been to one, but she imagined it felt exactly like this.

For a few seconds, she just watched Tawan, torn between demanding she stop treating her like a disease and dumping a glass of ice water on her head. Picturing her cold and dripping wet helped a little.

But not enough.

She forced herself to shake it off and focus on work.

"Hey, Earn," Rong greeted her with a little wave from behind the bar. "Delivery's here. Can you go through the boxes and let me know if anything's missing? There's a list by the door."

"Sure, Khun Rong."

She tried to smile, but it must have been a weak attempt because his eyebrows pulled together in concern.

"Everything okay?" He glanced at Tawan, then back at her. "You two have a fight?"

"No. Everything's fine."

She let out a rueful little laugh, using a partial truth to lie right to his face. She was getting really good at that.

"I ruined lunch, that's all." She shrugged, playing it off. "I tried to bake chicken and failed miserably. I'm not a good cook."

"Oh, that's no big deal. I can teach you some basics."

He snapped his fingers like it was the easiest thing in the world, then gave her a wink. "When it's not busy, come into the kitchen, and I'll show you how to make the juiciest chicken breasts right on the stovetop. Easy peasy."

Her chest tightened at the kindness.

"That would be great." She straightened her shoulders, willing herself to keep it together. "I'll take you up on that."

Rong nodded approvingly. "It's gonna be busy today, I bet. Be sure to grab a bite before the rush hits."

"I will."

She resisted the urge to hug him for the kind consideration. She had such a soft spot for older men.

They all reminded her of her Pa.

If she didn't get control of herself, she would spill her entire life to this man, which would be bad. Very bad. Once he knew the truth, would Rong still want to teach her how to cook? Would she ever see any of these people again? She was so used to people coming and going that she never really let herself get attached. She had her siblings, and that had always been enough.

But...she'd miss this place. She'd miss these people. She'd miss her.

Feeling dejected, she headed for the storeroom.

The storeroom was down the hall past the bathrooms, tucked behind the kitchen. Since Sevens wasn't open yet, the place was so quiet she could hear the stereo playing inside. A Shania Twain song came on. She loved Shania Twain. Without thinking, she hummed along, letting the music lift her mood. Then she wiggled her hips to the beat and danced the boxes into place. At the chorus, she threw one arm in the air and belted it out.

"The best part about being a woman...!"

She tossed a box onto the shelf and grabbed another—

"Wow."

A voice right behind her. Ira squealed and spun around, heart pounding. Kai grinned from the doorway, holding a box of supplies.

"You scared me!" she gasped, pressing a hand to her chest.

He set the box down on the stack and smirked.

"I didn't mean to interrupt."

Her brain short-circuited. She'd been singing.

Out loud. She wasn't supposed to be singing.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to." Kai opened a box and started unpacking. "You should think about signing up for the talent show. Bet you'd win." A second dose of adrenaline kicked Ira's heart up another notch.

"Oh no. I can't do that," she blurted out, too fast.

"Why not?"

"I... um..."

Her brain scrambled for an excuse.

Tawan was absolutely going to kill her if she found out she'd been singing. Never mind that her little brother had heard her.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Deflect. That was all she could think.

Deflect and distract.

"Were you in the show last year?" she asked, trying to steer the conversation away from her own disaster.

Kai half-shrugged. "Won the Most Likely to Try Again trophy."

She exhaled. He didn't seem to recognize her voice. He wasn't acting like it, anyway.

"It sounds like there's a story there. What happened?"

"What didn't." He turned away to stack another can on the shelf.

"It was supposed to be me on guitar and lead vocal, Grand on drums and backup, and Sun on keyboard, but Scott got sick, so it was just me and Grand. One of my strings broke right as we got started. Left us sounding like a demented duck with anger issues."

Ira burst out laughing. "Oh... I'm sorry. That's not funny."

"It's a little funny." He flashed her a grin.

"You want to see it, there's video all over social media. Anyway, with the new guitar you and Tawan got me, I was hoping this year would be different."

"Are the three of you going to form a band?" She moved her empty box aside and started on the next.

"Nah. Sun's done with that kind of thing. And Grand's too busy with the holiday production. So it's just me doing the show. If I do."

He didn't sound too sure about it. It made her curious. Why had he pushed through all the embarrassment last year, only to hold back now?

"Are you worried about doing it solo?"

"Nah. I do a lot of karaoke. I can handle that."

"Something's changed, though, or you wouldn't have said if," she pressed. "What's the holdup?"

Kai ran his hand through his hair.

"I've been working on my own song. But I don't think I can do it."

"Why not?"

He was such a sweet kid. She wanted to help him, but how could she do that without blowing her cover?

Kate's nagging voice sounded in her head. You promised to behave, Ira.

Stupid voice. Making sense like that. Ira shoved it aside.

"I'm not a songwriter," Kai said. "It was just this stupid set of lines that I wrote for English class. I tried putting them to some random chords on that new guitar and, well... it seemed okay in the garage. But it's not ready."

He meant he wasn't ready. She smiled encouragingly at him.

"Let me be the judge of that."

"Huh?" He looked startled.

"Sing it for me. No guitar." She waved at the empty storeroom.

"Just you and the boxes."

"Nah, you don't want to hear this." He threw his empty box aside and opened another.

"It's just some random sh—stuff. Nothing like Shania Twain."

"You know," she said with a conspiratorial smile, "she started just like you. She just played around with poems and a guitar on her back porch."

But Ira knew most musicians started out in a storage room, a small wooden house, or on a back porch in Isan, with nothing more than an idea, a dream, and a passion that refused to quit.

One day, maybe she could introduce her siblings to Kai. Ying could give him some songwriting tips, and Wisanu could show him how to compose melodies that stick with people forever.

"Go on." She waved at him. "Let me hear it."

Kai shook his head. "Okay, but remember, it's not finished. It's..."

"Just sing," she urged with a laugh. "Pretend you're at a karaoke bar, and there's so much noise, nobody's really paying attention. Just go."

He exhaled deeply, visibly relaxing his shoulders. He cleared his throat, then took the leap. His voice was a little shaky at first, but then it smoothed out into a deep, soul-tingling baritone that sent a delicious tingle up and down her spine.

He sounded like a young Johnny Cash, smooth and rich, but without the pop edge. His voice could reach straight into a woman's heart and set it on fire. Sweet Lord. If Tan was in the room right now, this kid would be signing a contract by sunset. Ira thanked all the stars in the sky that Tan wasn't here.

Tawan thought her little brother was either going into Basketball or university. If any talent scout ever heard Kai sing, university would never happen.

He was a diamond, hiding in a storage room. Kai looked everywhere but at her while he sang. His shyness was adorable. She wanted to clap and cheer, but that would ruin the moment and bring people running, so she kept her hands tucked at her sides and just listened.nThe song was short but full of passion about a girl named Emi.

Ah-ha.

Kai obviously had a crush on this girl.

It wasn't that he was too shy to sing his own song—he was too shy to sing about the girl he had a crush on in front of an audience that would probably include Emily. When he finished, he shot her a hopeful look.

"Now, that's a winning song." She bounced up from her perch, clasped her hands together, and beamed at him.

"Kai, I'm telling you, if you sing that song at the talent show, every girl in the audience is going to melt at your feet. They're also going to be extremely jealous of Emi."

His ears turned pink.

"She's just a friend," he muttered, but his grin gave him away.

"She's been my best friend since elementary school."

He sat on the edge of a sack of rice and glanced at her. "You really think it's good enough? I feel like the middle part is still rough."

She waved that concern away. "Trust me, all anybody is going to notice is that fantastic voice you've been hiding. Your sister told me you practice all the time in the backyard, but she never said how good you are."

Kai's crooked smile spoke volumes. "She's not really a fan of music in general. She's basically tone deaf."

"Really? That explains so much."

She shook her head. No wonder Tawan never sang along with the radio.

"You know, if you sang with me, we'd blow everybody else out of the water."

Kai's eyes lit up.

"We could turn it into a duet."

"Oh... um..."

She fumbled for what to say to that.

"I can't."

"Don't tell me you're shy. You're the least shy person I've ever met."

Kai had his sister's stubborn streak. She wasn't going to get away with a simple brush-off. She had to come up with something that made sense because she absolutely, positively, could not say yes. And not because she was in hiding. She didn't want to steal any of the spotlight from Kai. He needed to be heard.

"It's not that," she blurted.

"It's... well... it's..."

She searched for an excuse so hard, she almost sprained her brain. Then—inspiration struck.

"It's a bet we have going."

Kai narrowed his eyes.

"A bet?"

"Yeah. Tawan bet me that I couldn't go for, uh, three months without singing or humming. I'm so close to winning, I can taste it, and I don't want to lose. She'll never let me hear the end of it. Please?"

She knew she had him the second his face took on the crafty look of a teenager about to screw with his older sister.

"Oh really?"

His grin spread wide.

"How much?"

"Sixty-five thousand baht." Ira winked. "I could really, really use the money."

Kai whistled. "Damn. You got it. I'd love to see her lose that kind of cash. Especially to you."

"Thank you." She didn't have to fake her relief.

"No problem." Kai broke down the empty boxes.

"Hey, I'm still working on the last verse and the bridge. Would you mind helping me out? I'd like a girl's take on it, and there's really nobody else I can ask. Sister is too young, and Mae... no. Just no."

"Oh." She blinked.

Would that be breaking the rules? Tawan hadn't said anything about writing a song or helping someone else sing. She had a feeling that was a technicality and that Tawan absolutely would not approve of Ira going anywhere near music in any way.

But the real question was...

How could Earn, Tawan's fake girlfriend, say no to helping her little brother fine-tune a song he wrote to impress his childhood sweetheart? Earn, she decided, would never say no to that.

"Sure. I'm happy to help. But, um, let's make it our secret, okay?" She lowered her voice. "Bring your guitar to work tomorrow, and we can practice it here during breaks. That work?"

"Yeah, that's great." Kai grinned. "I didn't want anybody hearing it until it was ready anyway. Especially Emi."

Ira thought back to Mason's birthday party and remembered a pretty girl with dark hair and enormous brown eyes.

"Was she wearing a blue dress at your party?"

"Yeah." Kai nodded. "I should have introduced you."

"That's okay. I'll meet her soon." Ira picked up the remaining empty boxes.

Kai paused at the door. "Earn?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for listening."

"It was my pleasure. Believe me."

She followed him out of the storeroom to the back door and dumped the boxes into the recycling bin. Then she headed back to the dining area to get ready for the rush.

Friday night at Sevens was loud, energetic, and completely packed. Tawan avoided her, but she saw her laughing with Kai, which left her wondering if Kai had spilled the beans about her singing.

No.

Tawan wouldn't be laughing if she'd found out about that. Tawan's friend Brick came in for an early dinner, and Tawan greeted him like she'd just been rescued from purgatory. Maybe she really did hate being around Ira. Did Tawan still think of her as nothing more than a brainless pop princess? Her heart twisted.

Probably.

She was glad it was so busy. It gave her an excuse to look at Tawan's table without being obvious.

"You seem distracted, honey."

Cherry's voice cut through Ira's thoughts. "Something wrong?"

Ira turned her back on the corner booth. "Not really."

"Mhmm." Cherry put two beer mugs on a tray. "What's she done?"

"Nothing." That was the plain truth.

Tawan hadn't done a thing to her. That was the problem. Not that she could tell Cherry that.

"Really." Cherry eyed her. "It doesn't sound like a nothing. It sounds like a something."

Ira couldn't help it. The words blurted out before she could stop them.

"Why are relationships so confusing?"

Cherry waved a hand.

"Honey, people are pretty simple once you get down to the core of 'em."

"They want to feel appreciated and respected, and they want good sex."

She gave Ira a knowing smile.

"Not necessarily in that order."

Ira laughed. "Something tells me you speak from personal experience."

"Four kids in five years." Cherry nodded sagely. "Look, whatever is going on, just think, this too shall pass. All you have to do is give it a little patience and time."

"I'm not really known for patience," Ira confessed.

"Patience doesn't get you anywhere," Ken interrupted, flipping a cocktail shaker. "Patience is where careers go to die. Take me for example. I came here with five baht in my pocket and a dream of starring in Bangkok's biggest musicals. Thought I was going to have to sleep in the khao man gai stall out back. But did I wait patiently, hoping someone would see me? No, I did not. I stormed straight into the Bangkok Playhouse and demanded an audition. Next thing you know, I have a part in the holiday production, a full wallet, and good friends like Cherry here."

Ira tried hard not to look in Tawan's direction. Really, she did. But she found herself staring at her all the same.

"You think I should just say what I want? Give an ultimatum?"

"Oh no," Cherry said. "Ultimatums don't work when it comes to matters of the heart. Persuasion and a little liquor might, though. Or better yet, ignore her. I get the most attention when I pretend like my man's not even in the room."

Cherry gave Ken a side hug. "You know I love you, Ken, but if you don't get me that margarita, there's going to be a riot. I have ladies at happy hour in desperate need of liquid refreshment."

"I'm getting to it." Ken picked up a glass and started to pour. "Earn, if that woman doesn't appreciate you the way you deserve to be appreciated, you let me know. I'll be happy to show you what that word means."

"Ken, honey," Cherry said with an amused shake of her head, "you're not into girls, not to mention her girlfriend could kill you, and nobody would ever find your body."

Ken held up his hands in surrender. "I'm an actor, I can play straight. Besides, the best way to show her what she has is by showing her she's not the only option."

"Thanks, Ken, I appreciate that pep talk." Ira gave him a quick hug. "You're a good man."

"I'm a great man." Ken winked at her, then sauntered down to the other end of the bar.

Her coworkers meant to be encouraging, but all the conversation did was make Ira's heart sink. This was all temporary. And her relationship? Wasn't even real.

Tawan had made that clear enough. She sure wished it were, though. She wanted it to be real so much that it was hard to get a deep breath. Cherry glanced at the table where Tawan had burrowed in like a mole.

"You got yourself a good woman there, honey. She had a tough start, and it's made her into a bit of a stubborn ass sometimes, but don't you worry about that. She'll come around."

Ira sighed. "You think?"

Cherry grinned mischievously. "And if she doesn't, just walk through the living room naked. Trust me, that will end every argument."

Ira giggled because she knew it was supposed to be funny.

"I better get back to my tables."

Cherry picked up her tray of drinks. "Whatever's going on, it will pass. I promise. The only stink that stays is that musty towel smell. The rest usually comes out in the wash."

Ira wrinkled her nose. "Eww. Gross."

Cherry winked and carried her tray out into the crowd.

Ira put on her stage smile and checked in on table seven—three college-age guys who looked like they did a lot of Muay Thai training. They flirted and joked with her, and she spent a little more time there than she probably should have.

But it lifted her mood.

When she moved on to the next table, she caught Tawan glaring at her from the corner of her eye. What the hell had she done now?

Then she realized... Tawan wasn't looking at her. She was looking at someone beyond her. She followed her gaze straight to... Ken.

Was she jealous?

No.

Not of her.

She didn't even like her.

Tawan was probably pretending to be jealous of Earn. That made sense. The little ache in her heart that had followed her around all day grew.

She wanted her jealousy to be real. She wanted her to want her the way she wanted her.

Ah hell.

It was worse than that.

She was pretty sure she'd fallen in love with her warden.