22 - Space Shame

Thanks to everyone that voted and commented on the last chapter, I hope you enjoy this one :)

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Milo comes back from the bathroom with tinted cheeks and a red forehead, though I'm sure it'll calm soon. He avoids my glance, walks to the door where I haven't moved. I can't help but to push my hands into the pockets of the jacket when he glances down at them. His nose furrows the slightest bit but he opens the heavy door anyway. I can't believe I finally get to see what's behind it, get to leave the room without having to run and fear for my life.

I tip toe behind him to see over his shoulder. We're in a long corridor, same wood and walls than the room, it's even colder here. I'm struggling not to run when Milo closes the door behind us, I can't wait to stretch my legs. Need to get my head out of the gutter. I feel my heals bouncing with each step, if he sees it, he doesn't react, merely walks us to a staircase at the end of the long corridor. The place looks more like a hotel than a house.

It's spotless and I can smell breakfast cooking now that we're on the first floor. I wonder how many more reside here. Is it a permanent accommodation ? I follow Milo, a hair away behind him, he doesn't look behind to see if I'm still here, must just know anyhow. We don't see anyone else by the time we have reached the front door, it's even grander up close. Heavy and real wood, it reaches to the ceiling with intricate designs. Milo may open it with ease but I have a feeling it might not be that easy.

I'm excited when it opens, not for the cold that slaps me in the face, but for the bare trees and air. I catch no one outside when I look over his shoulder, I push him slight with a nudge of my own torso against his back when he glances around. I've never been on this side of the lake. Well, never had time to look around. When I try to side step him, Milo grabs my jacket to pull me back into him. He does it with an irritated look, but I can't help but to smile behind the thick scarf.

It has been weeks now, months. Just walking around feels like doing something instead of rotting inside. I resume my exploration when he lets go with a sigh, I drink in the air like liquid freedom. The house we leave isn't as big as I thought, it's more like a small manor and disappears quickly behind the trees. The path we follow is graveled, stones crunching under our feet. Milo stays a foot behind as I follow the rocks. I know he's there, not only because of the sound of his own steps but also with the ever present heat that warms my back.

The sun warms my showing skin but I can feel it through the heavy layers too. I take a moment to take it in, I never I would miss nature this much. Milo's front is soon onto me, my shoulders just barely slouching to accommodate the weight of his. His chin comes to rest on my shoulder and when I look at him, eyes already on me, I see curiosity rather than annoyance. I feel his breath on my cheek, glance back at the dark branches lined with sunlight. It's peaceful.

I can't help to scowl behind the scarf, eye pickling with a home sick feeling that I brush away with a scratch of my throat, Milo unravels himself from me and we resume the walk. I still hear his footsteps behind me when I take a path leading to where I assume the lake is. His heat however is gone, I can only feel the sun, light and soothing. The path becomes muddy and I have to squint to see beyond the branches. The lake is beautiful and blinding with the morning sun.

I can't help but to walk to the edge, feet planted on gray pebbles, to sit on dry ground there, calm water barely reaching the edge of my soles. I breathe in the cold and wet air, breathe like I haven't in a while, full inhales untethered from Milo. When I look back, I catch him leaning against the bark of a dark tree, eyes focused beyond. When the initial blinding of the lake dissipates, I see it far in the distance, home. I can't look at it. So I reach for a flat looking pebble instead.

It doesn't go too far when I throw, aim thrown off by my position. But the sound of water and shaking off the surface being calm somehow. After a few throws I look at Milo, he's still there, somehow slightly hidden from view, still leaning but his gaze is focused on me. I can't read his face. I'm grateful for the space so I smile under the scarf, he gives a small smile back, one the doesn't reach his eyes. I look away.

He seemed happy earlier, is it because I wouldn't hold his hand? It seems a little childish, even for him. It might be some wolf thing I don't understand. Now the calm feels awkward and guilty. I let both my hands fumble with the cold and smooth pebbles at my feet. My head snaps behind when I hear Milo's low growl. He pushes himself off the tree, eyes focused on the bare forest on my right. I don't see anything at first when I look.

I begin to see silhouettes behind the dark branches, two walking side by side and towards our direction. I don't think they hear Milo's or maybe they don't care, I do wonder who would get closer to that sound. Even if it's barely above a whisper, the stones at my feet just lightly shake, and my ears pulse in rhythm. When they reach our small clearance, I don't recognize them. They are wolf for sure with their tall and wide bodies.

A woman and a man, both in brown and khaki clothes, heavy boots and hardened looks. Either guards or warriors I assume. They seem surprised, to find us or me, eyes opening with ease. They only look at Milo first, it's not hostility and when I look up, I find Milo perched above me. His face reveals nothing but when I look back at the pair, I find it. It's fright and carefulness all the same, aimed towards him. I tempted to reach for him, to soothe him but when their eyes turn to me, Milo's threat deafens my ears.

It's no longer quiet but full on and even the branches shake with his ribs. It hammers my head and I can't help but to grab his pants where his legs is firmly planted before me. It doesn't stop him though, his fingers are jumping every few seconds and the wolves are frozen, mouths agape and eyes wondering around for salvation. They are still cautious when they walk back a few feet, arms laying limp at their side.

With one last look before they turn back, I see fear and disgust when the woman looks at Milo. But in the man's eye, I see contempt when he cast a glance at Milo and when his stare reaches me before disappearing behind the trees, I see pity. It clogs my mouth and crushes my throat. What was that? It that how they treat him? I turn to Milo with tears swelling in my eyes.

My hand is still tightly clenching just above his knee but he won't look at me. His growl has fully stopped, but I think I see pain in his clutched jaw. So they all hate him, fear him. I understand what he meant by being a different kind. I pull on his knee to get up because he has taken away my strength. They loathe him to the point of pitying me. Then why do they stay on the same territory? Why don't they fight? I think of his strange friendship with the alpha son. Or when he was riding a different car from the wolf queen.

His face is blank and numb when he pulls me up, stare edged on the horizon. His warm hands pull me for what I think is a hug but once he rises, I'm stuck onto him when he moves in between my legs and suddenly I'm carried where he puts an arm under my open thighs. My head is buried in his neck where his other arm pushes my torso against his chest. Warm fingers against my scarf blocking my head over his shoulder.

It's paralyzing, not the fact that Milo is carrying me. No, it's their plain and simple hate towards him. Towards Milo that seems so lonely. That man, just a kid that I've only seen around one friend. That has trouble waking up, that can't seem to be able to eat without making a mess. That never mentioned his parents. Milo that almost never sees anyone but me. I am the only one here for him? Should I be?

I recognize the path he takes us back to, even when I all I can see is backwards. I can't see his face where I'm buried in his shoulder, but I feel the shake in his bones with each step, with each shallow breath. I cry in the scarf, not for me this time. I understand why he wouldn't let me leave, just because I'm his mate. He must have been waiting for me, waiting for someone to be on his side.

So I hug him, tighten my thighs around his waist, clench my arms around his back and neck, I want to whisper sweet and healing words but my vocal cords feel too strangled, too agonizing. He longed for someone and all I've been doing is push him away and spit poisoned words. Maybe I shouldn't feel such empathy for someone that took me away from home. Yet it feels like he needs more than I need him. Like I'm the only one that can help him. If you take the cloak off, who's really the monster ?

Milo rushes us to the house, to the room. Heavy door slamming behind us, that doesn't bring anybody out. Once again we don't encounter anybody, maybe pushed away by Milo's pressure that drowns the air and shakes the sunlight. We reach the room quickly and Milo slams it closed too. I still hug him with all I have because my heart breaks for him, ribcage caving in. He turns and entangles my limbs from him to sit me on the edge of the bed.

He sits on the floor before me, cheeks red and tears finally pouring. It's shame and sadness, fear and anxiety all at once. Face filled with agony. Is he ashamed to be apart from his kind? I reach out to bring him to me, to nest his face in my torso, to hopefully engulf him in my warm body and soothing thoughts. I can't muster the strength to calm him, can't find the right words. His arms snake around my waist and he settles there. Milo shakes in my arms and stays silent, like maybe he can't find the courage or the words either.

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By the way, which length of paragraph do you guys like ? Are they short/long enough to be read easily ? Should I space them differently ?

It's a slower chapter, but an important one for the development of Marshall's and Milo's relationship. Hope you like it still !

As usual, I'm open for corrections and questions :) leave a comment or step into my pm if you want to chat !