Dark Christmas: Chapter 22

“Am? You okay in there?”

A knock at the door pulls me out of my thoughts.

I let out a sigh. “Yeah, come in.”

Claire opens the door, slipping inside and closing it behind her. Her brow is furrowed, worry all over her face. “What’s going on? You don’t look so hot.”

I lean back against the sink, running a hand through my hair. “I don’t know. I just got sick out of nowhere.”

Claire’s lips twitch, and she cracks a joke because that’s what she does. “You mean my cooking finally got to you?”

I laugh weakly, shaking my head. “No, it’s not that. Normally, your pad Thai is amazing. But tonight, the spices hit me weirdly.”

Claire’s eyes widen, and before I can even blink, she blurts out, “Are you pregnant?”

My stomach drops, and I suddenly feel like I might need to throw up all over again “What? No, I mean, I don’t think so?”

Claire raises an eyebrow, giving me that look. “You don’t think so?”

Oh God. Now I feel like I’m in a full-on panic.

“There’s no way I’m pregnant,” I say, crossing my arms like that’ll somehow make the statement more believable.

Claire raises an eyebrow, her expression all sass. “No way, huh? You’re telling me you’re not hitting that hunk of man meat out there on the regular?”

I groan, rolling my eyes. “Okay, fine. Yes, we’ve been having sex. But I’m on the pill.”

“Uh-huh. And how many times did you forget to take it?”

I shift uncomfortably, knowing full well she’s got a point. With the chaos of the last few weeks, it’s highly possible I might’ve missed a pill. Or two.

Shit.

“Looks like you might wanna pick up a pregnancy test on your way home.”

I stand there, looking at her with what I’m sure is a dumb expression on my face.

Claire quickly pulls out a spare toothbrush and hands it to me with some toothpaste. “Here. Freshen up.”

I apply the toothpaste, glancing at her in the mirror. “Was my exit super awkward?”

She shrugs, leaning against the sink. “A little abrupt, sure, but Melor suggested to David they crack open the scotch, so they’re thick as thieves now. Trust me, they’re fine.”

Thick as thieves.

Her words hit me, reminding me of Melor’s past and the fact that I’m keeping this massive secret from my best friend. I push the guilt down for now. There are more immediate problems at hand.

I spit and rinse, then plop down on the closed toilet seat, feeling like the weight of everything is finally hitting me. “How could I have been so careless? So stupid?”

Claire sits beside me on the edge of the tub, rubbing my back. “Hey, don’t beat yourself up. You don’t even know if you are yet. You need to take a test.”

I nod, my mind still racing, then Claire’s eyes widen like she’s just had a lightbulb moment. “Wait, I still have two pregnancy tests left over from when David and I were trying!”

My head snaps up. “You do?”

Claire grins, already heading for the bathroom cabinet. “Yep. So, you’re in luck, or, maybe not, depending on how this goes.”

I try to wave it off, standing up and moving toward the door. “You know, I don’t really need to take it right now.”

Claire gives me a deadpan look, arms crossed. “Girl, you’re being ridiculous. You need to know if you’re pregnant.”

She finds a test, handing it over like it’s no big deal. “Look, I get that you’re nervous,” she says, her voice softening, “but it’s important you know right away so you can make whatever decision you’re going to make.”

I already know what I’d do if I’m pregnant. I’m keeping the baby, no question. But what about Melor? He’s got enough going on without throwing a kid into the mix.

Claire’s eyes narrow. “Hey, just breathe, okay? Don’t freak out. It’s just a test, and it only takes a few minutes. We’ll hang out in the nursery and talk baby stuff while we wait.”

My mind is swirling. She knows me so well. She already sees the panic in my eyes and is talking me down before I spiral. I take the test from her hand, knowing that whatever happens next, I’ll have to deal with it.

I try to lighten the mood with a joke. “Guess I’ll need to ask for some of those baby gifts back… might need them for myself.”

Claire laughs, rolling her eyes. “Okay, funny girl, now go pee on that damn thing already.”

I smirk, but the nerves are creeping in hard. Claire gives me a quick hug and heads to the nursery, promising to meet me there in a few minutes. With a deep breath, I glance at the test in my hand. Two minutes. That’s all it takes to potentially change my life.

I do my business, then sigh heavily as I wash my hands, nerves buzzing in my chest. I tuck the test into my pocket and head down the hallway to the nursery, where Claire’s already waiting for me. The second I step in, I’m hit with how adorable the space is. The walls are painted a soft pastel yellow, with cute animal decals scattered across them. There’s a white crib in the corner, a rocking chair, a changing table, and shelves filled with tiny baby clothes, books, and stuffed animals.

It’s perfect. Realizing I might have a baby of my own soon, emotions slam into me like a tidal wave. Tears fill my eyes before I can stop them.

Claire rushes over, pulling me into a tight hug. She quietly shuts the nursery door to give us some privacy. I lean into her, feeling completely overwhelmed.

“Hey, it’s okay,” she whispers, rubbing my back. “Having a baby is amazing. Being pregnant is wonderful, and just think—what if our kids become best friends? Or grow up and fall in love? That would be a full-circle moment.”

I choke out a small laugh through my tears. “It’s not just that, Claire. It’s… everything.”

She pulls back a little, frowning. “What do you mean, everything?”

And there it is—the truth about Melor—sitting heavy on my chest. The secret I’ve been keeping from her, from everyone. If I am pregnant, I’ll have to tell her. But right now, I’m not ready to open that can of worms.

“I don’t know, it’s just… a lot,” I say, dodging. Claire seems to sense I’m not ready to spill my guts and hands me some tissues. I wipe my eyes as she tries to lift my mood.

“Look, I was just about to show you the crib,” Claire says, pointing across the room. “And check out this super cute diaper bag, I had to have it.” She flashes a smile, doing her best to distract me.

I nod, grateful for the effort to take my mind off what could be an absolute life changer. But then I glance at my watch.

Time to face reality.

I pull the test out of my pocket and take a deep breath.

Positive.

The world tilts like it’s spinning out of control. My heart races, and everything around me feels too loud, too bright. Claire, sensing I’m on the verge of losing it, quietly guides me over to the rocking chair and gently pushes me down to sit.

“I think I’m having a panic attack,” I mutter, my breath coming in short, sharp gasps.

“Hey, deep breaths,” Claire says softly, standing in front of me. “In and out. You’ve got this.”

I close my eyes and try to focus on her voice, breathing in deeply, then exhaling slowly. It takes a minute, but the panic starts to subside, and soon enough, I’m back in the moment. When I open my eyes again, I see tears of happiness shining in Claire’s.

“Congratulations,” she whispers, squeezing my hand.

Oddly, I don’t feel bad. In fact, I feel clearheaded, like I can actually think straight for the first time in days. I take another deep breath and say, “I want to make sure. I need to see a doctor.”

“Of course,” Claire says. “I’ll give you the number for my OB. She’s great.”

She squeezes my hand again and smiles. “Everything’s going to be amazing. You’re going to be an incredible mom, Am. I just know it.”

We hug tightly, and for the first time tonight, I feel a bit of peace. Claire pulls back. “You want me to make up an excuse for you to lie down?”

I shake my head. “No. I’m good.”

With that, I stand up, still uncertain, but also, determined.