chapter 22

The conversation with Jeong Mi-jeong became an opportunity for Shin Tae-oh to bring out a deep-seated secret that he had kept hidden.

The world had always been slightly distant from Shin Tae-oh. He was born into a good

family, but his parents were always busy.

There were many people who took care of him, but they all waited for their working hours to end.

The friend he considered closest sided with someone else. That had always been his life. No matter what he did or in any relationship, there was always someone else as the protagonist. At first, it felt strange and unjust. He wondered why he

couldn't be the main character himself. But he realized that it didn't matter unless someone acknowledged it.

Just one step. With that one step of difference, the world kept eluding him, and Shin Tae-oh gradually stopped thinking that he should be the first. He accepted that there would always be

someone better than him at whatever he did and that the world revolved around someone other than himself.

From the moment he accepted that he stopped expecting anything and  maintained a suitable distance from people and didn't feel disappointed about being pushed aside.

It's easier to give up. With that mindset, he began to grow accustomed to a life of giving up.

However, he also lost things he would never know. Being loved by someone. Becoming the sole existence in someone's life. He didn't know exactly what love was because he had never experienced it, but it didn't matter. He would live his whole life without knowing anyway.

His parents, who realized his state belatedly, rushed to take him to the hospital and sought counseling. However, it had no effect. Shin Tae-oh appeared perfectly normal on the surface, and he didn't have any unusual delusions, so the parents couldn't reverse his condition, even if they tried to attribute it to some common illness.

The unfairness of someone being there by his side and then slipping away when he wanted them most, and conversely, the freedom of having everyone by his side when he desperately didn't want them. These two conflicting feelings gradually gnawed at Shin Tae-oh's heart, just like any other ordinary day.

*****

"Yoo Jin-hyeon?"

"Someone called him, so he went out."

Upon hearing that Yoo Jin-hyeon had already left and was not there, Shin Tae-oh nodded and turned away.

"I'll go."

"Already?"

Since Yoo Jin-hyeon wasn't present at Yoo Jin-hyeon's own house, there was no need to stay any longer. Despite the sweat on his back from coming all the way here, he didn't complain. It had always been like this.

"Tae-oh hyung."

At the urgent call, Shin Tae-oh turned around and looked at Yoo Jin-ha.

"Aren't you hungry? Shall we have ramen?"

"Ramen?"

"Seems like there might be too much to eat alone."

Come to think of it, Yoo Jin-hyeon called him to come over immediately, so he hadn't eaten anything. But having ramen with Yoo Jin-ha... he had never been alone with him before, so he was hesitant, but Yoo Jin-ha's words were quick.

"Come and sit. I'll turn on the air conditioner."

Although Yoo Jin-ha had a smaller build than his peers, he briskly walked into the kitchen.

Shin Tae-oh thought about offering help but stopped himself. Yoo Jin-ha was sixteen years old, so he could handle cooking ramen on his own.

Instead, Shin Tae-oh sat at the dining table attached to the kitchen, and Yoo Jin-ha busily moved around. Watching him find bowls, fill them with water, and cook the ramen, then take out the ramen from the sink, it wasn't boring. On the contrary, being alone with Yoo Jin-ha in this space felt strange.

It felt strange that Yoo Jin-ha would bother to cook ramen for him. It wasn't like he was responsible for his meals, and he had even come here to meet Yoo Jin-hyeon, not Yoo Jin-ha. Yet here he was, saying he would cook ramen for him.

"Hyung."

Yoo Jin-ha, who had finished cooking the ramen, sat across from him and extended a pair of chopsticks.

"Blow on it. Let's eat quickly."

And as he scooped the ramen into the bowl and handed it over, Shin Tae-oh felt like he had been staring at it blankly.

"Hyung?"

Hearing Yoo Jin-ha's voice calling him, he lifted his head and looked at him. Looking into those eyes that were solely focused on him, he thought to himself.

Wouldn't it be okay to have Jin-ha as a lifelong partner?

"Boss!"

"Uh..."

"The ramen is ready. Please eat it now."

Shin Tae-oh, who had been lost in old memories, awkwardly raised his hand and accepted the chopsticks.

He wondered how he ended up having ramen with his secretary. After parting ways with his mother, he expressed his desire for ramen to Se-hyeon, whom he met right after. As a result, Se-hyeon came to his house and cooked ramen for him.

Meanwhile, he had been lost in thoughts of the past.

"You said you wanted to eat ramen, did your mind change by any chance?"

"No, no."

Shin Tae-oh held the chopsticks properly and lifted the ramen. The steam rising from the ramen blurred the pair of eyes looking at him.

"Don't look at me like that. Shall we eat together?"

"I'm sorry."

Se-hyeon's immediate rejection didn't make him feel good. Though Shin Tae-oh didn't know why that day from ten years ago suddenly came to mind, once again, it

felt like he was being pushed aside. It seemed like se-hyeon wanted to leave rather than eat ramen with him.

"What's the big deal about having just one bowl of ramen..."

"The portion is small."

"What?"

The portion is small?

"If I knew we were going to eat together, I would have cooked four bowls."

"How many are there?"

"Two."

"I see. Two bowls. Two bowls are not enough for us."

Shin Tae-oh stupidly nodded his head and looked at Se-hyeon and himself. When the two of them combined reached 370 centimetres, two bowls of ramen were definitely not enough.

"But you don't dislike eating with me, right?"

That was enough for him. So in the moment when he thought it wouldn't be lonely even if he ate alone, Se-hyeon stood up from the chair and brought something.

"I'll eat with you."

He said that and poured the ramen into his own bowl. Shin Tae-oh looked at the portion and compared it to his own.

"Isn't it more than mine?"

"The noodles wouldn't break, so I couldn't help it."

It seemed like he had gathered more, but his expression didn't change, making it hard to know the truth. Shin Tae-oh took a big bite and slurped it, and he also took a mouthful. It had cooled down a bit, but it wasn't bad.

At some point, they both focused on their own bowls. As they emptied their bowls, Se-hyeon would fill them up again, and the ramen quickly turned into just the broth left.

"Really... it's not enough."

Shin Tae-oh had felt the same when they ate king crab together before. Se-hyeon was really good at eating. And with someone who ate well, he felt compelled to eat diligently as well.

Feeling a little disappointed, he was about to put down his chopsticks when Se-hyeon

brought something and put it in the pot.

"I'll make rice."

"When did you bring that?"

"I brought it when I brought the chopsticks."

As if knowing it would be insufficient, Shin Tae-oh smiled confidently. Se-hyeon was really an interesting person…

Instead of accepting the spoon that Se-hyeon was offering, Shin Tae-oh blurted out something impulsively.

"What is love?"

Se-hyeon dropped the spoon he was holding.

At the sudden mention of love, Se-hyeon internally cursed with various frustrations.

'Why are you asking me that when it's not even related to cooking ramen? And why ask me of all people? I don't know either.'

The satisfaction from an otherwise fulfilling job was instantly diminished when faced with such a ridiculous question. But Se-hyeon could not dare to say loud those words.

"I don't know what love is."

'I don't know you either. I thought I did, but now I don't know you anymore.' se-hyeon internally expressed his frustration.

"Just by following what others do, dating and getting married, even if he doesn't know what love is, can't he live a similar life?" Shin Tae-oh said.

As Shin Tae-oh's depth of contemplation grew, Se-hyeon's mouth became even heavier, unable to form a response to his question.

'I couldn't quite grasp what he was trying to say.'

Shin Tae-oh likes Yoo Jin-ha. Because he likes him, he sought opportunities to give him gifts and confess his feelings.

'Oh, he confessed to me. I remember feeling like he had fallen for someone.

And now he's asking, 'What is love?' Why does Shin Tae-oh see love as something separate?'

The confusion in Shin Tae-oh's actions and words that se-hyeon had witnessed so far was throwing his mind into further disarray.

'Is there a side of Shin Tae-oh that I don't know? Was the Shin Tae-oh I saw in the original story lacking?'

"Lately, everything feels tangled up. Did I really like Jin-ha that much? Why do I vividly remember someone's first encounter? What are my true feelings?"

Amidst the scent of ramen wafting through the air, Shin Tae-oh's words sounded somewhat 'spicy'.

[TL note: Spicy as in intriguing or provocative.]

"Perhaps it wasn't genuine, but rather me acting out of habit?" Shin Tae-oh further expess his thoughts.

'There I am... Now I'm getting caught up in philosophical ponderings. Just when I couldn't grasp how to accept it, Shin Tae-oh said something.'

"I've been thinking about it all day." It seems Shin Tae-oh finally came to a conclusion and Se-hyeon finally realized that this was getting to the heart of the matter and lifted his head.

"Sorry for saying that I think I fell for you lightly. I apologize."

Seeing Shin Tae-oh bowing his head, Se-hyeon couldn't hide his bewildered expression. The Shin Tae-oh he saw when dealing with Yoo Jin-ha was someone who seemed incredibly transparent, but now he wasn't so sure.

Se-hyeon raised his hand, trying to stop Shin Tae-oh, and grabbed his shoulder to lift him up.

"It's okay. Our relationship was just a result of pheromones, so you can continue as usual."

He maintained the attitude of liking Yoo Jin-ha.

"No, my casual attitude was indeed disrespectful."  Shin Tae-oh still instead.

"Disrespectful? No, it's not. I'm really okay."

"If I have to kneel down…"

"Boss! I'm really okay, I promise. Why is it so difficult for you to understand and my heart raced earlier when you praised me during the day..."

"Can you say it again?"

No, it's not that... No, it's not that!!! Shit!!

Se-hyeon's words burst out, filled with frustration and confusion.