Save Me: Chapter 11

Meanwhile, the pattern that runs across my sheet looks pretty impressive. The pointed black spikes, small spirals and wild circles seem almost three-dimensional. As if you only had to stretch out your hand to be drawn into the picture. I’m always surprised at what can come out of doodling. And how successfully it distracts you – for example, from the fact that my boys are just a few hundred metres away on the sports field and training for next weekend’s game. Or the fact that I still have to spend exactly one hour and eleven minutes in this room.

‘James!’

I look up. All the people from the event team look at me. ‘What?’

‘He didn’t even listen!’ shouts Jessalyn, looking at Ruby indignantly, as if it’s her fault that I don’t feel like having these useless meetings.

‘Then I’ll do it again,’ Ruby says calmly, looking at me from the opposite side of the table. There’s a rental shop in Gormsey, but you can see from the clothes that they’re not original, they’re made of plastic.’

‘Gormsey?’ I ask, confused.

‘My place of residence,’ she explains slowly.

Never heard of it.

I catch myself wondering what kind of house Ruby lives in. What their parents look like. Whether she has siblings.

Things that shouldn’t interest me.

‘We said last time that we wanted to make the photo as authentic as possible. But it’s not so easy to find good costumes. Beaufort has been around for a good hundred and fifty years, hasn’t it?’

She does her best to talk to me in a friendly way, but that doesn’t change the fact that the all too familiar cold feeling runs through my veins.

I guess what’s coming next.

‘Do you think you could ask your parents if they could lend us some clothes from that time?’

I wish I could just keep scribbling in my notebook. Or would be somewhere else – lacrosse, for example. There, no one wants anything from me, I can just run, ram, execute, score goals and be free. On the field, I can forget. Here I am reminded of who I am and what lies in my future.

I clear my throat. ‘Unfortunately, I can’t.’

Ruby looks like she expected the answer. ‘Okay. May I ask why?’

‘No, you mustn’t.’

‘In other words, you don’t want to help us,’ she says calmly.

‘To be able or willing makes no difference. My answer remains the same.’

Her nostrils puff up slightly as she tries to keep her composure. She doesn’t really succeed, and watching her do it is somehow amusing. I try to ignore the fact that she’s really pretty. I’ve never seen a face like hers: her snub nose doesn’t match the proud line around her mouth, her cat eyes don’t match the freckles on her nose, and the straight bangs don’t match her heart-shaped face. But in a strange way, it all comes together perfectly. And it gets more appealing the more often I see them.

I can’t explain why I lost my temper so much yesterday. It wasn’t the first time that someone accused me of being a rich, spoiled bastard. It wasn’t even the first time Ruby accused me of that. I don’t know why their words touched me so much, but they did something in me – and I didn’t like it. I don’t know myself like that – and neither do my friends. None of them spoke to me about the incident today, although I had hoped that they would have fun teasing me with my reaction and thus take the seriousness out of the matter. But through her silence and her meaningful looks, Ruby’s words have only gained more weight and meaning.

Inwardly I groan. I wanted to enjoy the last year of school, damn it, not worry about anything or anyone – and just have fun. Instead, I’m not allowed to play lacrosse, have to sit in this crappy group room where the air is insanely bad, and hear Ruby tell me that I…

Ruby snaps in front of my eyes.

‘Sorry,’ I say, rubbing my face with both hands. ‘What?’

‘Guys, we can do without him,’ Kieran says annoyed.

‘I could do without you, but unfortunately I have to put up with you until the end of the term,’ I reply and look at him coldly.

‘James!’ exclaims Ruby angrily.

‘What? I’m just being honest.’

‘There are times in life when honesty is inappropriate.’

It is on the tip of my tongue to reply: ‘That’s exactly what the right person says.’ But I don’t do it. Somehow I find it spicy when she speaks to me so strictly. Which is probably due to the fact that I haven’t been partying with the boys for two weeks and have way too much energy pent up in me. I urgently need to get my mind off things. As inconspicuously as possible, I take my cell phone out of my pocket and send a message to our group. Party with me tonight.

‘Let’s just get costumes from the rental company,’ Lin suggests. ‘With a little Photoshop, we can make them look reasonably authentic.’

Kieran snorts. ‘That’s just stupid. James Beaufort is on our team.’

‘Then I’ll have to make an inquiry to Beaufort myself if James doesn’t want to help,’ Ruby says suddenly.

‘You won’t,’ I say absently, without taking my eyes off my phone. Alistair is writing about how badly the newcomers are doing and that the coach is going crazy.

‘You can’t forbid me, can you?’

I definitely don’t want her to talk to my parents. I don’t want anyone near my parents. This is almost impossible, considering that they finance this school to a not inconsiderable extent with their donations and can be seen at every single party. But just the idea of Ruby near my father turns my stomach.

‘Do you really want me to tell Principal Lexington at our weekly meeting how little you contribute?’

Slowly I raise my eyes and look at Ruby with narrowed eyes. I can’t believe she’s really trying to blackmail me right now. If I weren’t so angry, I’d be impressed.

‘Do what you can’t help doing,’ I growl.

I ignore her for the rest of the hour, and no one speaks to me anymore. I draw angry patterns in my notebook, circles and sharp-edged objects that give rise to little pointed-toothed monsters holding lacrosse sticks in their claws. When Ruby declares the meeting over, I get up so quickly that Camille next to me flinches in shock. I’m almost out the door when Ruby suddenly gets in my way.

‘Could you stay a moment?’

‘I’m in a hurry,’ I say through clenched teeth.

I try to take a step around her, but she slides to the side as well. ‘Please.’

Her tone is no longer annoyed as it was a few minutes ago. Now she sounds tired, as if she can’t wait to finally get out of this room any more than I can. Maybe that’s why I nod and make room for the others. Or maybe it’s the thought of Principal Lexington and the fact that I want to avoid having to attend these team meetings longer than necessary. Kieran is the last to leave, and before he closes the door behind him, he gives me a strange look. If I had to type, I’d say he’s jealous of me. Interesting.

Ruby clears her throat. She leans with her hips against one of the tables and has her arms crossed in front of her chest. ‘If you’re mad at me, don’t take it out on the team. The others can’t help it, and it’s mean to make their work difficult because of it.’

The thought of yesterday almost makes me sick. I can remember every single word she threw at my head. But I definitely don’t want her to know that she hit me with it.

So I return her gaze coolly. ‘I’m not mad at you.’

‘But you don’t give a particularly peaceful impression either.’

‘We had a stupid debate in a study group, Ruby Bell. A debate that at some point became too stupid for me. What do you want from me?’

‘I just wanted to apologize. I behaved unfairly and got personal, and I’m sorry about that.’

Okay, that wasn’t what I expected. I need a moment to search for the right words. ‘You’re taking yourself far too seriously if you think I’m still thinking about it.’

She blinks several times, clearly irritated by my biting answer. ‘You know what? Just forget it.’

‘You don’t have to apologize to me just because you want something from me.’

‘I don’t apologize to you because I want something from you, James,’ she contradicts. ‘But because I am sincerely sorry. I was just… bad yesterday.’

We look at each other for a while, and I look for hidden intentions in her gaze. But I can’t find any. Her facial expression is honest and open. She seems to be really serious. I briefly weigh up my options. I could continue to give her the cold shoulder and pretend I don’t care what she said. But then I run the risk that she will actually blacken me at Lexington and extend my time on that committee. I also realize that I don’t really want to do that. Arguing with Ruby Bell is damn exhausting. I believe that it will make my life a lot easier if I meet her here.

‘Okay,’ I say simply.

All of a sudden, the atmosphere between us is no longer as charged with anger as it was a few minutes ago. I feel like I can breathe deeply again, and Ruby’s shoulders suddenly look a lot looser.

‘Good,’ she replies. For a moment, she seems indecisive, as if she doesn’t know what to do next. Then she nods and goes back to her table.

She takes her calendar, opens it and ticks something off. I wonder if her apology to me was seriously an item on one of her to-do lists. I wouldn’t be surprised.

Actually, I could leave now. We have said everything that needs to be said. I don’t know why I don’t move from the spot, but watch her pack up her things. Everything seems to have its place in her hideous backpack, and there is something strangely soothing, almost hypnotic, about how a folder, a notebook, pens, a water bottle and finally her planner gradually disappear into it.

‘How many costumes do you need for the poster?’ I suddenly hear myself ask.

Ruby freezes in the middle of the movement. Slowly she turns her head to look at me. ‘Two,’ she says cautiously. ‘A men’s and a woman’s costume.’

I can see how she tries in vain not to seem too hopeful, and I decide not to keep her in suspense any longer.

‘I’ll ask my parents,’ I say after a short pause.

Ruby’s eyes light up, and it’s obvious that it’s taking a lot of effort for her to suppress a glow. ‘Really?’

I nod. ‘Are you satisfied now?’

Ruby closes her backpack and heaves it onto her shoulder. Then she takes a few steps towards me: ‘Thank you. You’re really helping us with that.’

I shrug my shoulders, and we leave the group room together for the first time since I’ve been attending meetings with the events team.

‘The planning is actually going well, isn’t it? For Halloween?’

Surprised, she looks at me from the side. I’m just as surprised by my question. Why the hell don’t I just run away?

‘Actually, yes. But I don’t think I can sleep peacefully again until the party is a success.’

‘Why do you care so much?’

She thinks for a few minutes before answering. ‘I want to prove that I’m good at leading the team. That I do justice to the task. I had to fight hard to even get into the team, and then I had to fight hard not to let Elaine get me down.’ She gives me an apologetic look. ‘I know you’re friends, but she really wasn’t a good team leader. I don’t want all the work and passion I’ve put into the committee and still put into it to be in vain.’

I mutter thoughtfully, and she gives me a questioning look.

‘I’m just wondering if there’s anything I’m so passionate about.’

‘Lacrosse?’ she asks.

I shrug my shoulders vaguely. ‘Perhaps.’

We go downstairs, through the library and outside, and for the first time I really realize that the events that seem so pointless and annoying to me are an important part of other people’s lives.

‘What time is it?’ Ruby asks suddenly.

I look at my wristwatch. ‘Shortly before four.’

She curses quietly and runs off. ‘I’m going to miss my bus!’

Her green backpack bounces on her back, and her brown hair swirls through the air as she sprints towards the bus stop.

I go to my chauffeur, who is waiting for me in the parking lot in our Rolls-Royce. Asking my parents suddenly doesn’t seem like such a big burden to me anymore.

Ruby

My phone vibrates as I sit in front of the TV with my parents and Ember watching The Voice Kids. I dig it out of my pants. The unlock button has been stuck for a while, and I feel like I have to press it a little harder every day. When my cell phone finally understands the instruction, I freeze.

An unknown number has written me a message.

I made the costumes for the poster ready. Can pick them up tomorrow in London. – J.

‘I can’t believe this girl is eight years old,’ Mum’s voice reaches my ear in amazement.

‘Why can’t you two sing?’ asks Dad. ‘Then I would have sent you to such a show back then.’

‘Our talents are elsewhere, Dad,’ Ember replies.

‘Oh, really? What can you do?’ I hear a dull sound that makes me look up. Ember threw Dad off with a sofa cushion. He laughs rumbling.

‘My blog has over five hundred followers, Dad. I can sew and show people that you can wear whatever you want with a body like mine – that’s something, isn’t it?’

‘You cracked the five hundred?’ I ask, surprised.

She nods curtly. We haven’t talked much since our argument. Ember is still angry that I refuse to take her to the next Maxton Hall party, so the fact that she made this big milestone has totally passed me by.

‘That’s great. Congratulations,’ I manage. I don’t know why my words sound so forced, because they come from the heart. Ember has been working on Bellbird for over a year. She puts so much work and love into her blog that she deserves to be successful with it.

‘Thank you.’ Ember lowers his gaze to the remote control and begins to fiddle with it.

‘Do you think Ember can sign up there armed with the sewing machine and go to the casting?’ asks Dad suddenly. ‘Or perhaps she could give a lecture. I would love it if you explain to the people there what you have taught us – with Voldemort comparisons and everything, so that everyone understands it!’

Ember lets out a snorting laugh. ‘I don’t think that’s possible, Dad. It’s a singing show.’

‘Ah. Yes. That’s one argument. What about Britain’s Got Talent? It’s a talent show, and if what you’re doing doesn’t belong there, I don’t know what is. In an emergency, we’ll just invite your five hundred followers and put them in the audience. And then we’ll all cheer you on together.’

‘Absolutely!’ I agree. ‘Go and register your designs for a casting show. I will make colorful signs and distribute them to all five hundred followers.’

Ember grimaces. I stick my tongue out at her. Her eyes begin to sparkle, and then a cautious grin spreads across her lips. At that moment I have the feeling that everything is fine again. We got along tacitly, as usual. I feel my shoulders relax with relief.

Dad says something else, but at that moment I’m distracted by the message that lights up again on my phone. I start to reply, but delete it immediately. I have no idea how to react. The idea of going to London with James and spending a day with him, outside the boundaries that Maxton Hall usually draws around us, feels strange. Exciting when I think about it more closely. Again I type a few words.

Suddenly, a pillow lands in my face.

‘Hey!’ I shout.

‘Our discussion wasn’t over yet, Ruby,’ my father says deadly serious. ‘Get involved.’

‘No, Dad, I can’t sing, and no, I’m not going to a casting show so you can make fun of me.’

‘Mh,’ he says, looking at me thoughtfully, while Mum makes a delighted sound. ‘Such a little girl with such a wonderful organ!’

‘There are other ways to win at a talent show. If that doesn’t work out with the sewing machine, you might as well learn to juggle.’

‘If you really want to go to a casting show, maybe you should apply yourself,’ I say dryly.

‘You know what? Maybe I’ll do that,’ Dad replies in a feigned defiant tone.

‘And what do you want to appear with?’ asks Mum absently. She doesn’t let the TV screen out of her sight.

‘How about—’

Danny Jones, one of the jury members, presses the button, and his chair begins to turn. Mum bursts into cheers, and Dad raises his arms euphorically as well.

Ember and I look at each other and laugh at the same time.

‘Did we have anything planned for tomorrow?’ I ask after the girl has left the stage and the mood has calmed down a bit.

Dad shakes his head. ‘No, why?’

‘We’re planning a Halloween party at the moment and have to get costumes. A fellow pupil has been able to find some, and is now asking if we want to pick them up in London tomorrow.’

‘It’s a two-hour drive. Would your ominous classmate drive, or do you take the train?’ asks Mum.

I raise my finger to indicate that she should wait a moment. Then I type my answer.

Ok. How do we get to London? – R. B.

I hope he understands that my initials are meant to be a joke.

My chauffeur will pick you up around 10am. OK? – J. M. B.

I snort and immediately feel Ember’s questioning look on me.

For a moment, I’m on the verge of googling James just to find out what the M stands for, but I’m holding myself back. Googling it would also cross a line. I don’t want to know what is written about him on the net. Hundreds of rumors are circulating in the school alone. My need for James Beaufort gossip will last until the end of my life.

‘My classmate seems to have a driver,’ I answer belatedly.

‘A driver?’ asks Ember skeptically. ‘So it’s one of those snobs.’

‘Beaufort belongs to his family.’

‘You want to go to London with the Beaufort boy?’ asks Dad. His tone is a mixture of surprised and suspicious.

I nod slowly. ‘Yes. We can get clothes from the archives.’

Dad furrows his eyebrows. ‘And you’re going to… Two of you?’

‘Come on, Angus,’ Mum interrupts. ‘Leave Ruby alone.’

‘What? If Ruby has a date, I want to know.’

I feel my face turn red. ‘That’s not a date, Dad. We’re doing school stuff.’

He just grumbles. Ember, on the other hand, stares at me with wide eyes. She lets herself fall back on the sofa and crosses both arms in front of her chest. ‘That’s so… Oh man. You don’t know what a chance it is, Ruby.’

‘I’ll take pictures for you,’ I say soothingly, but Ember just looks stubbornly at the TV.

‘So it’s okay if I drive?’ I ask Mum. She seems to me to be the only sensible person in this living room.

‘Of course,’ she says instantly, giving Dad a warning look as he opens his mouth again. ‘You’re old enough to decide with whom you go where and when.’

Her words inexplicably make my cheeks even redder. Without paying much attention to this, I type an answer:

Ok.

By the way: Instead of champagne, I would like to have Ben & Jerry’s. – R. J. B.

PS: If you list another initial now, I’ll go crazy.

I hesitate for a moment and wonder if I can really send the message like this. James and I are not the kind of people who joke with each other via chat. Or is it?

See you tomorrow, Ruby.

No, we are probably not that kind of people.