chapter 23

Nic's POV

I stared at the sun while waiting for the light to completely engulf my eyes. To blind myself into it's sunlight and I no longer see again. Hopefully feel something from this.

After all, feeling empty is the worst kind of feeling when all you feel is nothing. Numb is all I've become and it's feels like a pile of bricks laying on the top of your heart. Creating this barrier to stop your heart from feeling anything.

I wish I could feel something again, including pain. That tremendous emotional pain I had four days ago is gone and replaced with emptiness. I just want feel something, anything to bring my senses back.

I closed my eyes as I felt a slight burn and It felt good to feel again. I opened my eyes to find bright circles glowing and fading in every couple of seconds. Call me crazy and I won't deny; I felt content to feel the pain.

For the past few days, I've locked myself in this old dusty room, my old room in my parent's house. It brought memories just being here again; playing video games for long hours on the weekend, reading books on my bed late at night, taking care of baby matthew when my parents went out on a date, and hiding my phone whenever my mom checks up on me in the middle of the night.

It aches my heart to see how empty this room is; The bed no longer has the baby blue covers, the curtains are on floor with dust and bugs on them; found a big spider with a tiny ones walking around. The furniture is long gone; my carpet is gone, so is my favourite couch. All that is left is my bed, my closet, my desk and my bed side table. The closet is empty. Although I found some of my old pyjamas that no longer fit and had dust on them. My bedside table had some of my favourite books in the drawer that I would spent late night just reading. I also found some of my old school books on the desk. The first thing I did when I found them is burn my physics book in the backyard. No longer want that piece of shit; It brings me nightmares just staring at it.

Sometimes, I wish to go back to those times even though they weren't my best. Maybe to change things around. Perhaps, to be normal as they want me to be. Not that weird awkward teen that just let people bully her whenever they can. It's pretty crazy to see how time passes and the problems you had, are no longer there. The problems you spent nights complaining about or crying over them, they won't exist anymore. You would laugh about them in the future and maybe feel sad just thinking about them but at the end, they will just be a small memory that's no longer involved in your life.

I heard a light knock from the door and I looked over to see my mom wearing a gentle comforting smile on her face while stepping inside the room. She closed the door and cautiously walked towards me. "Hey there, dear." She said and I looked away, staring down from the window at the people walking down the street. I saw a woman struggling with her dog who sat at our front yard. She was pulling at his string as he used our front yard to poop on the grass. My mom is gonna go crazy after seeing this.

I turned to my mom to see her leaning against the wall while daydreaming at my room. She wore a simple smile that yet holds some much meaning into it. I knew she was about to say something like she always do and I waited for her to speak. It's her who comes around and talk to me about situations like this. Whenever you're down or sad or happy or anxious or terrified  there's someone sharing with you these moments. To me it's my mom. Always has been and always will be.

"It felt like yesterday, you and Jonathan were inside of me. It felt like yesterday, I've been told I'd be getting twins; a boy and a girl." She paused and smiled at me. I saw so many emotions in her eyes but her happiness shined the most. "Time flies so fast and you're gonna find yourself in the middle of your fifties with amazing kids. See your baby girl all grown up. Being the smartest person I know and the most beautiful person I've ever seen." She wiped a fallen tear and I felt a clench in my heart. To see your mother crying is the last thing any kid would want to see.

She came closer to me and held my face ever so gently. My heart hammered in my chest as her words struck home.  "Whatever you're going through right now honey, you'll get through it. Nothing stays forever. Not the bad nor the good. There all moments and moments come and go. You'll be okay and I promise you that." She kissed my forehead, lingering for a couple seconds before placing my head on her chest. Hearing her words and her soft heart beats soothed me and brought me peace. With heaviness inside my chest, I wanted to cry.

Tears welled up in my eyes with deep sorrow and pain. I smiled because I finally felt something other than numbness, but the pain hurts. I thought about my family, I thought about Ryan, I thought about Jonathan, I thought about the people from high school, the ones who made my life a living hell and lastly, I thought about Lauren, the one who hurt me the most. I was confused and I don't understand why. Why would she lead me on? Why would she spent a year pitying me?

My tears fell and they fell hard. I didn't stop them. A lot people say it's good to cry, so I let it all out. My mom stayed as I cried in her arms for the first time in almost 15 years. The last time I cried on her was when I was 8 years old, Jonathan broke my favourite toy; a wooden shaped horse with a black string around it's neck. My primary teacher gave it to me for being the fastest student to Solve the question so quickly. I've been obsessed with it for awhile until Jonathan decided to be a bitch and break it for me.

I looked up at my mom and she wiped the tears on my cheeks, smiling reassuringly. I'm the luckiest person alive to have a mother like her. She kissed my forehead and gave me one last hug before pulling away. "Come on, Rita is waiting downstairs and you know how she'll be like if you kept her waiting; bitch, I'm not obliged to wait for you."

I chuckled when those exact words have been said when Rita met my parents; I gave her directions to our house and told her to stop by so we can study chemistry together. She didn't tell me when she was coming, and after waiting for hours, I lost hope thinking I have been ditched on just like how most people in high school did to me. But when I gotten downstairs, my shoulders slumped down, I was shocked to see her watching t.v. with my parents. She saw me and said "Bitch, I'm not obliged to wait for you nor for you stinky ass chemistry book." while I was the one waiting for hours long!!! I thought my parents would be pissed from her cursing but they laughed about it which confused me but yet again, everyone loves Rita. Except Lucas of course. Didn't see that asshole for a long time.

"Done daydreaming?" I heard my mom's voice call out to me and I immediately looked up to find her smiling. I smiled shyly and nodded. She walked closer to me and wrapped her arm around my arm. I smelt her shampoo which has been very familiar to me since I was a little kid. It brought so many memories. Sad and good ones. "Then let's go, I don't like the way Rita is telling your father about kinky sex."

"What?!" I jumped back, shocked and petrified to say the least. I looked at my mom to see if she was serious but she covered her mouth and laughed silently while shaking her head. "I'm kidding!!" She said. I sighed and held my chest, relieved but alarmed; This is something Rita can do. She would do.

"But mom, you know how Rita can be, she would definitely say that." Mom stopped laughing and realization hit her. She grabbed my arm and swung the door open, pulling me with her as she ran across the hall. I tried catching up as she headed downstairs.

We reached the living room, panting but thankfully, we found them watching a movie on Netflix. We sighed in relief and mom patted my back in reassurance.

"Damn straight, the black person dies first. Racist bastards." Rita said, frustrated and stood up, her back turned towards me. She turned around with a frown upon her face but it disappeared when she saw me. "Best friend!!" She yelled with her eyes wide and I covered my ears while hissing at her loud piercing voice. She ran and hugged me, lifting me off the ground.

My ribs were getting crushed and I wiggled trying to break free. Rita let go and I dropped on the floor, gasping for air. "Stop being a dramatic, bitch." She scolded me and I glared at her. She lifted her eyebrows questionably, "I'm the one who should be glaring." I scoffed and stood up, not removing my eyes of, of hers. "You wanna fight?" She asked, raising her fists up.

Without warning and no time being wasted, she jumped at me. I fell on the floor with a hard thud and we both put our hands around each other's neck, in attempt to choke the other. Her legs were on each side of my hips and her weight was killing me. "Let go of me." I choked out while trying to escape.

"No, you let go." She choked out as well. Both of our voices sounded strangled. "Bitch, let go." She repeated. I would've laughed at how she sounded but the hands around my neck were stopping me from doing so.

"No, you let go." I said.

"No, you let go." She choked loudly.

"No." I replied sternly. Hell no, I'm not giving up. I saw how her face looked like it was about to blow up and I'm sure mine did too.

"Fine, bitch." She said, letting go and fell beside me. We both coughed and gasped for air. I reached my hand to my throat and rubbed it. She had a strong grip. "Bitch." She said while rubbing her neck as well.

"You're no different." I said breathless. We stayed, laying down on our backs while looking up at the ceiling. I didn't know what was that but it felt good. I felt like I was suffocating an hour ago and now, it seems like I could breath again. The oxygen felt new to my lungs and it was refreshing. I looked to my right to find rita smirking at me. She seems to know what I was thinking and feeling. I smiled back a cheeky warm smile and we both chuckled.

Rita stood up and stretched her arm from me to grasp. I grabbed it, pulling myself up from the floor to stand on both of my feet. In a sudden movement, A hand came across my face with a loud bang. "That's for putting your hands around my neck, you piece of shit." Rita said, smiling mischievous. I rubbed my cheek and grunted.

"Come on. We're going to your apartment." She said as she grabbed my shoes from the floor which I didn't realize came off as we were choking each other. Rita gave them to me as I looked at them. Old, dusty a little bit and one of them was ripped on the side. The flames on the shoes were wearing off and I smiled as I saw my signature right underneath the flames. I had these shoes since I was 17 years old. I never realized I was wearing them today. I think I found them in the closet last night and wore them since my new ones were socked in the rain.

"I'm not going." I bluntly told rita, never looking up. I didn't want to see her. I'm not ready to face the humiliation I will receive when entering the apartment.

"You can't stay hidden forever. One way or another you'll see her, that ugly bitch. You're the strongest woman I know and I know you're hurt, but you need clothes to wear." Rita said, her voice sounded so soft which surprised me but it felt nice to hear it. Although, I still don't like the idea of going there, she is right; I do need clothes. I've been in the same pair of clothes for five days. I felt dirty just standing here. Not to mention, I stink.

Rita took my shoes from my hands as I was still looking at them, paralyzed in my spot. She leaned down and lifted my left leg to place my foot inside my shoe. She got it in and adjusted my feet before tying the ropes in a knot. She did the same with my right leg and I just stared in to space as she did so. She stood up when she was done and pulled me into a hug. I smiled softly as I rested my chin on her shoulder. We stayed like this for awhile until she pulled back, saying. "Come on. Let's go, you stink." I laughed and followed her out of the house.

Hopefully, I won't regret this.

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"I regret this. Let's go back." I turned to Rita panicking as we stood outside my apartment door. Rita shook her head as she rang the door bell.

"No, we're doing this; you need clothes. And don't worry, you don't have to say anything. I'll do the talking if you can't speak." She said as she rubbed my back.

I sighed nervously and my left leg started taping on the floor. I knew at any moment, she's going to be opening that door and I do not want to pass out if she does. "Okay, promise me you won't go crazy." I said as I looked at Rita who just stared at me, bluntly. I waited but she just ignored me and darted her eyes away from me.

My eyes grew wide as I knew what was in her mind. "Rita, don't you-" I was cut off when the door flew open. My eyes immediately caught a grey pair of eyes and I frowned. What is Jonathan doing here? His mouth flew open and before I could say anything, Rita "Hell fuck no!!" Rita pushed him away to walk inside. I hurriedly followed her, my eyes gazed away from Jonathan who tried to grabbed my arm but I harshly pulled it away without looking back.

"Lauren you bitch!!" Rita called out to Lauren as she started searching for her. I tried grabbing Rita's attention but all that she seems to think about is finding Lauren.

I heard a small voice calling my name, and when I looked back I found her, staring at me from the kitchen's door way. I didn't know what to say, I was speechless; her eyes were puffy and red with dark circles around her eyes. Her skin looked dry and she seemed to haven't eaten anything for the past few days. My heart broke for her and all I wanted to do was hold her in my arms. But I knew, that I couldn't do that; she's in love with my brother and there's nothing I could do about it. The only thing was going through my mind is that: why does she look so heartbroken when she finally got to be with Jonathan? Does she regret it? Or does she feel bad about hurting me?

"How dare you?! It's only been five days, Lauren. Five days and you're already in his pants." Rita yelled at Lauren who fidgeted as she stood, grabbing the hem of her shirt which seemed to look like mine. She was wearing shorts and a baggie white t-shirt. Her golden-like hair was flown freely down her back and she looks so beautiful.

"You're lucky Nic is here or I would've slapped that pretty white face of yours." Rita had her hand inches away from Lauren's face and the way Lauren was taking all the flamed hatred and anger with no reaction made me feel sad. For two reasons, one is that her bluntness makes me feel like she doesn't care about my feelings and it felt like she really did move on. That all the things she revealed that day was true. That me giving my all wasn't meant to be taken, but meant to be thrown away. It made me unimportant.

The second is because she wasn't defending herself, she wasn't trying to justify her actions nor did she look up to catch Rita's glaring eyes. It's like she accepted the fact she was being neglected and loathed on and I didn't like it. I didn't like that she was making herself vulnerable to Rita. I didn't like the way she wasn't standing up to herself. I don't like seeing her weak and defenseless. No one would like to see that happen to the person they love.

I grabbed Rita's hand that was pointed furiously on Rita and pulled her towards me, away from Lauren. Lauren eyes burned into me but I never once dared to look up. I only pulled Rita further towards the stairs, leaving Lauren standing with no one to scold her. I walked upstairs, feeling the familiar ground as I walked on it a million times before. I reached the top and turned right to walk further down the hall. I saw a picture on the wall and it was Lauren and myself in the beach, laying down, getting a tan. More like Lauren was getting a tan. I was under an umbrella not even touching the sunlight. Let just say I was in my vampire mood. I looked away from the picture not wanting the memories to flow in my mind.

I reached our...... her bedroom door and slowly, cautiously pushed the door open. For some reason, I was scared. Like I was expecting some monster behind the door about to attack me but really, there was nothing out of the ordinary. The room was neat, cleaned and the bed's sheet were made. The curtains were open, causing the sunlight to beam through the windows.

I found the closet door and open it to see my clothes scattered on the floor. I was confused but never once have a question it because it just wasn't worth it. I pulled them up and placed on the bed. I saw Rita grabbing a suitcase from under the bed and placing it on top of it. We went to work on putting my clothes in the suitcase and grabbing my necessary things that I'll need when I move in to my mom's house. It's something that has been discussed when I entered my parent's house with tears running down my face, after getting heartbroken by the woman that meant the world to me.

A half hour has passed and not once have Rita and I spoken, and not once have Lauren or Jonathan came up to us. I liked it that way; no drama or hearing Rita's outbursts on one of them.

Time passed by quickly and soon, we were walking down the stairs, carrying two large suitcases that had all of my things in them. I heard Jonathan's voice beaming from the kitchen and even though I never meant to eavesdrop, somehow I was able to catch a few words that escaped his lips. "Why...... tell........ She...... understood." It didn't make any sense to me, but the last sentence triggered something inside of me and my heart started racing violently. "You're gonna lose her." Jonathan voice rang through my head and some how, I knew there was more to this. There was more to the story. There was something going on that I didn't know.... but what is it?

"I already lost her Jonathan. She wouldn't even look at me." Lauren's voice made a small crack in my already wounded heart. Her voice was so soft and fragile. I was barely able to hear it. I walked into the kitchen and in a couple seconds, both of them turned to me. Lauren stood up from her chair and wiped her tears hastily. Jonathan gave me a small smile but I kept my face straight. Showing no emotions. "We're done here." I said and my eyes fell upon Lauren's who's were welling up with tears and I felt mine doing the same. I could see her resisting to speak and I immediately looked away, knowing if I kept my eyes on hers, I would lose it.

I felt a small rough yet gentle hand grab me by my arm and slowly pull me away. My feet moved me to the front door and as I had one of my suitcase in my hand, I looked back to the apartment and made my final silent goodbye.

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I looked at the rearview mirror and fixed my hair. I needed to cut it back short since it was getting longer again and I didn't like the way it touched my neck. "I hope I don't regret this." I told Rita as I stepped out of the car. She did the same and I heard her chuckling. She locked the car door and came closer to me.

"You won't. Trust me, you're gonna love tonight." She said as we both walked side by side to the entrance of the club. Yes, a club. You see, Rita had this crazy idea that we should go clubbing tonight and at first, I didn't agree to it but then after a long time of begging, I was finally convinced.

"We're gonna have a lot fun, dance with all them bitches and maybe, get some chicks-"

"Don't you have a girlfriend?" I cut off Rita's fantasy as she immediately went to a halt. She opened her mouth to speak but closed it again. "I.....yeah I do." She said and I saw how realization hit her. I chuckled at her idiotic face. Don't tell me she forgot she has a girlfriend.

"Hold up." She pulled her phone out of her pocket and dialed a number. It rang a few times before the other side picked up. "Hey Ashley!!" I laughed at her as she started rambling about going to a club and wanting to cheer me up and how she has no choice since she's my best friend. How she would not touch another girl or boy. I laughed even more at how nervous she sounded but I knew she was telling the truth. She was only saying those words a minute ago to encourage me but I know she'll always be loyal to Ashley; she loves her with no doubt.

A minute later, Rita hang up and sighed in relief. "She said as long I'm not flirting, touching other people then I'm fine." Rita dragged me inside the club. At first the smell of alcohol hit my nose and I wanted so bad to get the hell out. I was nervous and scared but I trust Rita and I know she'll watch my back the entire night. We headed to the bar stool. I told Rita I don't feel like drinking and she glared at me for a long minute but finally gave in.

I looked around and found people on the dance floor, drinking, kissing and dancing with complete strangers. It's a weird thing how when you're a kid, your parents always tell you to never talk to strangers, yet a few years later, you're all over a stranger humping them and having cloth sex with them. I'm mean for fuckssake.

"I'll be right back. I'm going to the bathrooom first and then we can begin our night." I nodded as Rita walked away and was swallowed by the crowd.

I kept observing the club, seeing friends talking and drinking on their tables. I saw one of them, who seemed to be drunk, slip and hit his head on the table. Ouch, that has got to hurt. I looked up to the second floor and it was the exact same thing; strangers talking, friends are partying having a night out, people wanting to get drunk, people wanting to get laid. Same old, same old.

One person caught my attention though. Her eyes were staring down at me and I could hint a small smirk forming on her lips. She had her hair tied up in a messy bun, her face was pale and flawless, her body looked gracefully beautiful. She slowly walked away and I was a little disappointed because for some reason, I wanted to talk to her. She seemed intriguing.

My eyes trailed down to the stairs and that's when I saw her approaching me. I gulped and had a mental breakdown but regained myself as she stood in front of me. This time I could see her features and let me tell you; she looks stunning. wavy brown hair, beautiful captivating brown eyes, her luscious lips.

"Hi there. What's your name?" She asked as she leaned on the bar stool. She wore a small gentle smile and I saw no harm in telling her my name.

"Nicole. I go by nic." I told and extended my hand out for her to shake. She smiled widely and shook my hand. Her hand felt so soft under my touch and I wanted to rub my thumb on hers but that would be weird. I pulled away and she stood straight confidentially. It seems like she's a woman with huge independence. I'm not gonna lie but she's hot.

"The name is Elizabeth. Beth for short." She introduced herself, smiling. Doesn't her lips get tired from smiling too much? Damn.

"Can I buy you a drink?" I asked, trying to be nice. Rita told me to enjoy then night, right? So what's stopping me from enjoying the night with a girl like her? Absolutely nothing.

"Well, I would like that." Beth answering, still smiling. I saw Rita approaching us from behind beth and when she noticed who's with me, she stopped walking and a slow smirk appeared on her face. She gave me a thumbs up and then walked away. I laughed at her and turned my attention back to Beth.

Let the night began.