chapter 25

Lauren's POV

My bare feets dug into the cold yellowish sand as my toes curled from the sand sliding in between. My heels were sinking in to the surface so I took them off and decided to walk bare feet. It was a cold night and the wind was blowing at my face so strongly that I couldn't feel my cheeks or my ears anymore. Strands of hair poked my eyes and I kept pushing my hair back but with my lazy attempts, I failed.

I looked behind me and saw that I was a couple meters away from the loud dancing tent. I smiled as I recalled the smiles on everyone's faces. The beautiful bride and groom had the light switched on, on their faces the entire time. The happiness shined so bright, it brightened my own fragile heart. It was hard to contain your smile after watching these two. I always wanted a love like that.... well, I did have it at some point. Jonathan was having the time of his life too as well as Matthew. They both wore matching suits; a black suit with a white shirt and a black bow tie. It was great seeing these two connect. Mrs Erickson was right about them; they do think alike a lot. I met the entire family member of the Erickson's for the first time and they were all kind and welcoming. I saw Ashley and Rita trying every kind of food and wine they could find. With no doubt they'll be extremely drunk by the end of the night.

Everyone had a smile on their face; a genuine smile, an after laugh smile, a kind smile, a simple smile but there was one smile that got my attention the entire night. It was held by one person only; my Nic. My sweet angel......was mine. The only person who had a masquerade upon their face. The bruises on her face terrified me and I held myself and resisted the argue to caress her visible cheekbones, her chin and forehead. Where all the colorful pain is painted upon her face.

There was something I didn't understand though; why is she faking her smile? Why isn't she happy? I know why and I know that I'm partly the fault or entirely the fault but her parents are getting married. I think a one genuine smile would have showed up at least once the entire day but no, it didn't. I knew that because I couldn't keep my eyes off of her; she looked absolutely attractive with her entirely black suit and freshly cut hair. She had everyone out strucked by her beauty. She is indeed very beautiful. I wanted to grab her face and smash my lips with hers but I can't. I shouldn't.

I rushed trying to catch up. A few minutes ago, I saw Nic heading out of the tent and for some reason, a feeling inside of me made me go after her, like a voice in my head told me to move and before I knew it my feet complied. I couldn't see Nic in my eyesight since she was a good few meters ahead of me but I was able to see where she was heading, right down the street beside the terraced buildings.

Thinking about it now, is it a good idea? If I caught up with her, what am I going to say? A part of me wants to tell her the truth and not the lie I created and forced inside her head. It wasn't right what I did; I don't love Jonathan in that way anymore. It took me awhile to realize she's worth the pain that I'll be getting soon. My heart just feels so empty and apart, it cracked my bones when the harsh words escaped my lips and now, my glass is entirely broken. I have to tell her what's in my mind and what I've been hiding from her this entire time.

My feet hit the cold pavement and rather than putting my heels on, I decided to keep going. I imagined all the scenarios in my head and none of them ended well. I just pray that there is a tiny silver hope for me to make it right. To make us right. I felt this weird feeling inside of me, this warm feeling in this cold air and it made me shiver and made my hair jump up. The feeling wasn't pleasant and it feels like something is wrong. That's when I heard it, a loud deafening bang screaming in the thin air. I knew what it was, and my instincts told me to run. Not away but towards it. I had a great feeling Nic was involved and I didn't like it one bit.

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Few minutes ago,

Nic's POV

I clasped my sides in pain and whimpered as the aching grew. It felt like someone is stepping on my bare ribs with a cold metal boot, putting pressure after every second I run. I knew in a matter of seconds, I'll fall down as the pain will be unbearable, but a part of me didn't want to give up, a part of me was courageous and loathing to end this now. A part of me kept saying 'You have to chase this wicked corrupted man who decide to break the chains of your life.' And my body was fully obeying to that part.

A strong gust of wind blew at my face as my feet repeatedly stamped on the pavement, the sound echoing in the night. My breathing got louder as I grew exhausted and drained. My pace is getting slower and the man was getting away. I saw him turning left, no longer in my sight and I panicked; I can't lose him. Not now. If I don't catch him, my paranoia will continue and I'm no longer willing to bare this feeling.

I turned left, the direction he went to, and that's when a foot slammed it's way on to my chest and I fell down. The air is knocked out of me and my ribs are crushed at this point. I groaned and opened my eyelids, in shock to see a gun being hastily pulled out of his back pocket. I lifted my leg and kicked the gun away as he shot. The bullet hit the pavement right beside my face and a ringing screamed into my ear. I blinked a few times as I felt myself growing dizzy. I yelled in pain but in an instant, I managed to stand up and grab him from behind before he escaped towards the gun. I turned him around and blew a punch on to his face, right on his jaw. He lost his balance and fell against the wall while my knees gave up and I fell down. We were both down and I clenched my teeth as I wrapped my arms around my chest; my insides were burning. I felt his foot collide against my face and I fell on to my back. I saw him rushing towards the gun but I grabbed his foot and he tripped, hitting his face against the pavement.

I saw this as my chance and I towered over him punching his face multiple times none stop. Every rage, ever fear, ever agony I felt is pouring out of me in these moment. All these years, everything I went through, the lies, the hate, the discrimination, the bullying, mourning over my dead friend, my murdered friend, it all sickened me to the core and I wanted to avenge. But before I knew it, I felt his fist slamming against my ribs and I screamed while falling down beside him.

I saw something flash before my eyes and I instantly stopped his hand that is holding a large knife from stabbing me. He pushed and pushed, the sharp tip of the knife was very close to my chest, to my heart. I felt my leg stuck between his, so I took the opportunity to kick him in his area. He groaned and pulled away, I took the knife from grasp and then he jumped on me. In shock I lifted the knife up and he hammered on to me. His eyes grew wide and I knew why. I looked down and saw the knife buried deep into his chest. I let go of the knife as I felt my hands shaking and head spinning. I was shocked and he was too. He pulled away from me with the knife dug deep in to his heart.

He looked at me in rage as we were on the ground; me on my back and him on his knees. He jumped on me and used his elbow to hit my ribs. I screamed and he delivered a punch on to my face. He fell next to me as his body weakened.

The gun was only a few meters away and I saw him crawling towards it. I tried grabbing his feet but the pain from my ribs was taking over. I grimaced and laid my cheek on the ground. Exhausted and panting, I knew he had the gun and I could feel him, aiming it on me. I looked over and I was right; he was standing tall and the gun was pointing downwards on me, a smirk plastered on his pale face. He was losing blood and he knew his time is ticking.

I got up, slowly and very cautiously, my ribs were no longer in pain; they were numb. I looked at him and a part of me in all this mess and the blood stains and the bruises, didn't care anymore. It's sad. It's calm. It's painful. Tears could not bring comfort anymore, not when you're feeling emotionless inside. Not when you feel like you've lost everything. Not when you feel lost. I wanted to scream, to yell, to move, to resist but no, I lost all hope, all strength. I lost myself and the most important thing I lost my hope and will to to survive this ugly universe.

It's crazy how once you were a little kid with countless dreams and endless love but slowly your passion fades. It fades and it doesn't come back. That love you had for everyone as a kid is gone when you realize the truth. How everyone is going to hurt you one way or another. How life used to be simple, how we were protected from the world, in our own world but this is it. At the end, you grow, you become someone you wish you weren't, that little kid filled with dreams lost in the end and feels disappointed. How she lost at the end and now she cries but the water dies and your tears will too. Do you believe me when I tell you that tears die? Mine did. Then you'll no longer be able to cry but to stay in silence.

How the silence is the worst pain. Looking back I was silent for so long, too long and this what lead me up to. Maybe, If I wasn't so silent in school, I would have not been bullied. Maybe, If I told my dad about my problem in school, he would've understood and not kick me out. Maybe, if I insisted on Ryan to get help and not stay silent, he would've been alive by now. Maybe, I would not be chased by some druggie people like I am for the past year. Maybe, If I told Lauren I love her more than anything every damn day, she wouldn't have betrayed me. Maybe, we would have something bright in the future. Maybe, we would have a wedding in my grandma's backyard between all the flowers she had implanted. Maybe, we would have our first official house, a place to call home. Maybe, we would have our first child that I can cherish and call my own. Maybe, we would've been a family. How surprising when you realize things but you're too late. I wish I could promise her something before this ends, I wish I could tell her that even if I die, my love won't. Even if she was a part of pulling the trigger on to my heart, the last beats my heart is going to take is for her. I love her, and I know she loved me. But I guess, love dies as well as everything in the universe. Her love for me died and I'll die too.

Strange how you could feel the strings of your heart is being pulled. Just thinking about the person you love, can cause a massive heart rage. If there's something I could say before it all ends I would say.......

Can you feel my heart?

Can you hear the silence?

Can you fix the broken?

Can you feel my heart?

I closed my eyes in anticipation and a loud bang echoed that night.

I opened my eyes, confused. I looked at the man standing in front of me and his smirk looked frozen. His hand holding the gun unmoving and time was paralyzed. Something wasn't right. I saw his eyes drifting away from me and he was looking at something further away, further way back. At that moment, I knew something that I should've realized; life can never be expected, the scenarios you always play in your head don't always come true. I turned my head and looked behind me; I saw an angel. Not just any angel, my angel. My Lauren. She had tears in her eyes as she watched the scene unfold, her beautiful brown eyes struck me like they always do. The look on her face seemed like she just watched a scene in a horror movie. My eyes drifted slowly, away from her chocolate eyes and down to her dress, her blood stained dress. I'm not the one who got shot, she did.

My heartbeat increased and I ran towards her, catching her before she fell. "Lauren! Lauren!! Sweetheart, don't close your eyes. Baby, look at me." I called out to her as I gently placed her on the floor, her head in between my palms. She sobbed as tears streamed down her face. My heart felt heavy as I watched her crying in pain and I felt tears welling up in my eyes.

Her eyes caught mine and I saw things I wished I didn't see; pain, love, sorrows and regret. Emotions I can not describe enough.

Her tears stopped flooding out and she wore a small smile on her face. A smile I'll never forget. "I-I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I wasn't the bbest. I don't...deserve y-you. You deserve better than me. You always have. I love you. And my love for you....won't die. It never will." A tear dropped from my eyes and I shook my head.

"Stop apologizing. Stop it. You're not dying today. You won't. I got a fucking life planned for us, okay?!" I sobbed and broke down. I held her close to my chest and heard someone calling my name but I blocked them out. The only person who deserves my attention is the girl in my arms. I looked down at her angelic face as she rested on my chest. I dug for my phone but she held my hand and looked up to catch my eyes. She placed her hand on my cheek and weakly pulled my face and touched my lips with her own. It wasn't hard or soft. It wasn't dry or wet. It wasn't perfect, nothing is, but this one, this one felt different from all the times I've kissed her. This one felt like a new beginning. This one felt like goodbye.

She pulled away as her strength weakened. I looked to the person calling my name and I saw rita with fear in her eyes, looking down on us. She saw the woman in my arms and hastily pulled her phone out of her pocket. I turned away and found Lauren with her eyes closed. "Lauren?" I whispered so softly, my heart raced more than it already is. "Lauren, baby?" I whispered again but got no answer. "..no...no........" I placed my hand onto her neck but with it trembling, I couldn't feel a thing. I felt someone kneel down next to me and I saw Ashley crying while holding Lauren's hand. I looked back at my precious woman, the one who I used to walk the streets, proudly calling her mine. The only thing going through my head was the first time I met her in algebra class. I didn't notice her before but I did at that class. That was the first time I saw her. She was frowning at her paper, trying to solve the question and I remember being frozen by her beauty. She caught me staring and smiled before turning back to her test. My heart pounded with heat that time and it did the entire high school years.

I remember seeing her a year ago for the first time in ages. She grown even more beautiful than she already is. I remember our breaking in to our old high school. Our first date. Her kissing me for the first time. Our first time making love. The times where I used to stay with her before we moved in together so I could wake up in the morning to see her face first. The times she would cook me breakfast. The times where she would kick my ass because I was too lazy to go to work. The times where I would find her dancing to Megan Trainor in our living room or early in the mornings or when she would try to wake me up. I hate her music taste but I love seeing her with that bright smile.

I screamed the loudest I can as I realized I won't be seeing any of these anymore. I won't be living these moments anymore. I won't be able to kiss her and hold her. Make love to her like she deserves to be loved. I screamed until my throat hurt but I didn't stop and I don't know how long I stayed like that but I remember turning around, seeing the man who not only killed one but two of my loved ones. He was on the floor dead. There was a bullet hole on the side of his head. I fell on my knees and punched his face. I cursed after every hit and screamed at him. "I'll kill every single one of you. You hear me?! you piece of shit." I didn't stop until my fist hurt. I dug through his pocket to find his cellphone. I found it in his jacket and took it with me.

"Nicole, who is this man? What the fuck happened?" I heard Rita talking to me but I blocked her out. I stared at the man and studied his features. There was only one thing I could do today; avenge. I will do everything it takes to bring this person down and all the ones he know. I don't care. Whatever it takes, I'm going to stop this fucking mind playing assholes who can't leave me alone.

I stood up and notice Lauren being taken away by the medics. My heart clenched as I saw them rushing. Rita grabbed my arm and I turned towards her. "Come on. Lauren needs us now more than ever. She needs you. Whatever you're thinking, don't do it." I stared at Rita's pleading eyes and sighed before nodding. She nodded back and walked ahead of me. I walked a few steps until I shook my head. I stopped and looked at Rita. I mumbled a soft sorry before running in a different direction. I heard Rita calling my name but I refused to stop. I'm sorry Rita, I'm sorry mom, I'm sorry dad, I'm sorry Matthew, I'm sorry Lauren but I can't get back to you unless I take them all down. I had enough. It's time to end it all.