Chapter 93

Chapter Ninety Three

Kayden.

As I walked into the office of my psychologist, Elena Romero, I was met with the familiarity of the

space, and I couldn’t help but feel a sense of both relief and excitement. It had been a while since I last sat across from her, pouring out every thought in my head and knowing that all she could do was listen, and no matter what I said to her, it wouldn’t leave this room.

Elena rose from her seat behind the desk, a small smile gracing her features as she greeted me. “Welcome, Mr. Black. It’s been some time since your last appointment,” she commented.

I chuckled softly. “I haven’t had much reason to visit, Elena,” I replied, the comfort of familiarity settling in my chest at the sight of her familiar face.

Elena rolled her eyes playfully. “I’ve told you before, Mr. Black. I’m your doctor. You can address

me as Dr. Romero,” she chided gently.

I chuckled again. “I’d still prefer Elena over Dr. Romero any day. Besides, you know how much I dislike your last name. I also don’t like when you call me Mr. Black and make things between us too formal. We’re way past that stage now, wouldn’t you agree?” I quipped.

you

Elena sighed, her gaze softening as she regarded me. “Alright then, Kayden. Like I’ve told before, you can’t just pick and choose when you want to show up for your appointments. Consistency is key to making progress,” she lectured, her voice firm.

Taking a seat on the sofa in the room, I met Elena’s gaze evenly. “You already know I don’t come here. to get better, Elena. I’m simply here because I want to have a space where I can vent and talk without fear of judgment, and you just happen to be the best person I can talk to,” I responded with a knowing wink.

Elena took a seat opposite me, her expression mirroring a mix of concern and understanding as she studied me. “How have you been feeling, Kayden?” she inquired.

I shrugged nonchalantly, feeling both uncertain and restless. “I’m not sure, Elena. Some days I feel like I’m okay, especially when I manage to control my temper and avoid hurting anyone. But other time! I feel lost, like there’s something I should be doing, but I can’t quite grasp what it is,” I

confessed, unsure of how else

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Elena leaned forward, her eyes searching mine. “What is it that you feel like you should be doing?”

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I shook my head. “I don’t know, Elena. I just feel restless, like there’s a void in me that I can’t seem to fill. It’s a strange feeling of craving something and feeling empty because I don’t know what it is I’m craving.” I admitted.

Elena simply nodded before proceeding to the next question. “Have your thoughts or feelings perhaps changed in any way since our last session?”

Her inquiry about whether my thoughts and feelings had changed since our last session sparked a dry laugh to escape my l*ps, the bitterness of my amusement palpable in the air between us.

“What could possibly change, Elena?” I countered rhetorically. “The only thing that has shifted, if anything, is my resolve to rid myself of a certain individual who has long been a thorn in my side. Other than that, my thoughts and feelings remain pretty much the same.”

Elena noted down a few words in her notepad, her expression unreadable as she processed my response. “So, does this mean you still harbor feelings of discontent about the impending arrival of your

child?”

A dry, humorless laugh escaped my l*ps once again as I leaned back in my seat. “There’s nothing exciting about bringing a child into this world. Whenever I look at my wife and realize that she carries a child in her, all I feel is a deep well of anger and disgust.”

I could see a flicker of concern pass through Elena’s eyes as she processed my admission. “What is it that stops you from finding joy in the prospect of becoming a father?” she questioned, her voice calm

yet insistent.

Folding my arms across my chest, I met her gaze with a sense of resignation in my eyes. “It’s because I know that this child will only end up like me. Broken, alone, and hateful. Just like me,” I stated

matter–of–factly.

“When you say the child will end up like you, do you mean that you will also subject them to the same abuse you endured from your father?”

I hesitated for a moment, thinking carefully about my response. “As much as I would like to believe that I can steer clear of physical abuse, I can’t make any promises,” I admitted. “But beyond that, I know that emotionally, this child will bear the brunt of my shortcomings, and I have no intention of subjecting myself to being responsible for the well–being of another human being.”

“Why couldn’t you have just been upfront with your wife about not wanting children?” Elena’s voice echoed in the quiet room. “Do you have any idea how she would feel if she heard you speak about your unborn child with such disinterest?”

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I let out a loud, humorless laugh. “I don’t think she would be too bothered by my disinterest in the

child,” I stated bluntly.

“One of the reasons I decided to keep the child after she got pregnant was because I knew Marlene would be capable of protecting our child from me.” I confessed. “That’s why I didn’t mind when my first wife had our unborn baby taken from her. She reminded me too much of my mother–weak, easily manipulated, unlike Marlene, who I knew wasn’t as fragile–minded as my ex–wife.”

Elena sighed softly, a sense of resignation in her eyes as she processed my admission. “So, you’re saying that Marlene has some control over you?” she inquired.

I chuckled softly. “She can’t entirely control me, but I know she wouldn’t stand idly by if I ever lost control and turned aggressive toward our child.” I stated matter–of–factly.

Elena sighed once more. “Can you call the feelings you have for Marlene love?”

I paused, the weight of her words sinking deep into my consciousness before I finally responded. “And what’s that, Elena?” I countered. “I don’t think I know what that is, nor will I ever know what it is.” I continued, “What I think of Marlene is more of an understanding. She’s the one who can comprehen me in ways no one else can, which is why I’ve chosen to keep her by my side.”

After taking a moment to jot down a few notes, Elena shifted in her seat before gently broaching the next question. “Now that you’ve expressed your thoughts on Marlene and your child, how about we delve into this individual who still plagues your thoughts and who you still consider a thom?” she suggested, and I laughed dryly.

“Could it be anyone else but your little brother, Richard? He is the thorn in my flesh that I can’t wait to get rid of.” I responded, finding it amusing how I could say a lot to her, knowing she wouldn’t be able to tell any of it to Richard.

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