Chapter 23: Unknown Purgatory

Soap POV

"Curious, Sargent?" Simon says, Fuck... "Lieutenant Riley" The sargent stands facing him. "Ask" Simon says, "Ask what sir?" the sargent questions, "Now Sargent" Simon demands, his tone serious. "I.. Asked if you fuck him with the mask on.. Sir" The sergeant says, I hear a small tremble in his voice.

Simon's eyes shift to mine, looking me over, "Back to the field MacTavish, Gold looks to be struggling". I look behind me, Gold, who's funnily enough, not doing that well with her sit ups. I turn back to them "Yes sir" I say nodding to Simon, he keeps his focus on the sargent. I turn away leaving, "After training, go see the captain" Simon tells him.

Oh he's fucked, I walk back over to Gold "How many are you at?" I ask. She falls back on the grass, breathing heavily "Fuck... Off" she lets out. "Yeah ok, get up and I'll let you sit on my feet" I say, sitting next to her. "I.. Got 63.. Just so you know" Gold says, catching her breath, I chuckle at her comment. I slide my feet under her, "At least count so it looks like you're doing something" I say. I hear her scoff, flipping me off, resting back down.

Let's go over what the fuck just happened, Simon is acting strange... Not entirely strange though. The drill Sargent saw something he didn't, he got in trouble for it, and Gold is now snoring. I sigh, I'll let her sleep, she wouldn't very useful for this workout anyway. When I sit up, I see Simon back shadowing the sargent, from this distance I can't tell if he's talking.

Assuming from the conversation I just witnessed, I don't think he would be. Just standing there with his arms crossed, menacing to say the least.

Ghost POV

After training, I make my way to my office, I keep my eyes on the floor. Trying to distract my fast beating heart with the sound of my footsteps. My mind littered with nothing but what I saw, John in those shorts, and that almost see through shirt. Fuck Johnny, Seeing him down on the grass, stretching every part of his body.

I enter my office, quickly closing the door behind me, I go over to my desk, sitting. I lean back in my chair, feeling along my leg. My hand gliding along his back, smelling the sweat on his body. I lift my shirt to my nose, angrily throwing it back down. I reach up, pulling my mask above my nose, picking back up my shirt, smelling it properly.

That smell, your smell, in my clothes, quickly fading away. I rub further up my leg, thinking of how you looked up at me, those eyes. I take a deep breath into my shirt, feeling along my zipper. "Johnny.." my voice muffled, your voice rings in my ears, as if it on a broken record. I trace my thumb along my zipper, Slow.. Nervous to open it.

I let out a small breath, nervousness fills in my chest, but the smell of you is overwhelming. I start to rub the bulge through my pants, feeling my stomach twitch slightly. "J..Johnny.." I slightly moan into my shirt, This feels wrong, to think of him like this. "Ah-mm.." I quietly sound.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

I quickly open my eyes, sitting up and pulling my mask back on, fixing my shirt, "Come in" I yell out. Control your breath, steady your heart rate, you're too excited. The door opens and Price walks in, in his hand is a clipboard. "Thanks for sending that sargent for me to handel, I love doing my job as you know" Price says sarcastically.

He walks over, dropping me the clipboard, "Everything's been finalized, we leave in two days, so be ready by tomorrow " Price says. I pick up the clipboard, looking it over, Three month deployment, Riley, Simon. "Never feels real" Price says, I look to him, "What?" I say, "This job, being deployed out, doesn't feel real" He say.

"Why do you think that?" I ask, "To think that someone like me, joined the military not knowing that years later, I would be a captain and in charge of my own task force, feels a bit far fetched almost" Price explains. "Then what would you be doing if you hadn't?" I ask. I hear his foot tap, "I was 16 when I joined, so be a kid, unknown to the things I'd eventually do" he says.

I place the clipboard down, "Eventually" I repeat quietly, "Yeah, I mean, working here for 18 years, things start to get dull, but that happens I guess" Price says. He stretches his back, letting out a small yawn, "Well, what are you planning on doing your last day on earth?" Price asks.

His words hit me, Your last day on earth, Almost as if this is some divine being talking to me through him. Last day? A question I've never bothered to ask myself, cause when you live in survival mode, everyday could be your last day. I often think of the coming of death, being able to lay still, quiet, cold.

Things are different when you die, no longer do you have to worry about wandering eyes. Yet you can never escape the whispers, even the dead face cruelty after passing on. A kind of unknown purgatory. Your mind could pass on, yet no one cares about anything you've thought of, expect what they see. They shouldn't be allowed to see, they shouldn't be allowed to know, but they do.

I look at him confused, "Earth?" I question. He chuckles, "Last days of normalcy, Gaz is staying in the barracks to prepare himself for the harsh conditions we're gonna be in" I furrow my brow at his comment. "Harsh? It's almost summer and we're staying in a cabin" I say confused. Price leans in, "Gaz likes to sign shit without reading, so for the past three days, I've been saying things like 'I hate the cold' or 'How many jackets are you bringing' I'm gonna tell him but for now it's just funny".

He laughs again, turning to leave, Johnny... "Captain?" I say. He turns back to me, "Hm?" Price sounds, "Do you.. Trust me?" I ask. Lets out a hearty laugh "Not as far as I can throw you, but being that we're in the same task force, yes, why?" he asks. I shift in my seat, "I was thinking about what you said, about it being dull" I say.

"Ok, what's on your mind" Price says, walking over, sitting in one of the chairs. He makes a 'go-on' motion with his hand, "What if it never gets.. Dull, what if what you did keeps you up at night? What if there's a thought in the back of your mind, saying that the people you had to kill weren't bad" I say. I look up to Price, he's listening intently.

"Good people die everyday, I know because I've killed good people when I was out there, we all did, and the ones who come back with just live their lives are no different than everyone else" He tilts his head a bit. "Well I guess getting different orders, why?" he asks, "Just thinking" I say. "You've been thinking a lot lately, something stuck on your mind? Maybe.. Someone?" Price teases.

I sit back in my chair, staying quiet, he lightly chuckles at my reaction. "Maybe that cadet is doing some good on you, need to get me a woman like that" he gets up from his chair, walking to the door. "You don't have to be Ghost all the time, just like it's ok for Gaz to be Kyle, it's ok for Ghost to be Simon, don't think too hard on it" he opens the door. Quickly, he turns back to me "Oh and, if Gaz comes in here asking what you're bringing, just go along with with the whole winter thing, thanks" Price leaves.

I lean my head back, feeling the fabric on my shirt, No matter how much I want your smell embedded in my clothes, it's not real. I intertwine the fabric between my fingers, "He never said that he trusted me.." I say quietly. When it was just me and him, and I asked him if he trusted me, and he didn't answer.

He mentioned us being at work, which makes sense, I asked him to stay professional, and I was the one who wasn't. I want him... I shake my head, I want to talk to him, just... Talk. I let out a sigh, rubbing between my eyes. That's not true.. I want more than just talk to him, the more I think about him, the more I want to hear his voice.

The more I want to see his eyes, the more I want to feel his heart beat, the more I want to be close to him. I was right the first time, I want him, I let out a shaky breath. "Two days left and you don't even know that I love you."

Shit..

Soap POV

"We are not friends" I say annoyed, opening my locker. "Why wouldn't you want to be friends with me? I could get you shit" Gold says, leaning on the locker next to mine. I look at her annoyed, "What does that even mean, 'get me shit'?" I question. "I can get you cigarettes, alcohol, and I know how hide overnight visitors from the cameras" Gold says proudly.

I look at her, "How old are you?" I ask, "20" She says. "And you've been in the military how long?" I question "Long enough to have a system" She responds. I close my locker, "Well since you've been in here long enough, you should also know that everything you mentioned to me is not allowed, and you offering it to me, will most likely cause you to lose rank, so you know".

She rolls her eyes, "Yeah, that's why I'm offering it to my friendddss" She says motioning towards me. "Couple things, 1- Again, we are not friends, 2- I don't live in the barracks, so everything you just offered me, is null and void, 3) losing rank is a hell of a lot easier than earning it" I flick her forehead leaving the room. She is not going to make it, I exit the building, stretching my arms up.

"God, I got to start working out more" I say out, I walk through the dark parking lot, arriving to my car, taking out my keys. "Maybe I can get those in home equipment things, better since maddison.." I look through the back window. "GOD FUCKING DAMN IT" I yell out, "I keep forgetting about this stupid fucking carseat" I say. I take out my phone, calling Simon.

RINGGG RINGG, Click.

"Hello?" Simon says, "Hey, I need you.. I need to TALK to you, where are you?" I ask. "Johnny-" Simon says, I turn around and notice him behind me. I put down my phone, "Hey" I say, "Hey, I heard you yelling and thought I should come over" he says. "Oh.. So you just heard-" he nods, "From the car seat up to now" Simon says, keeping his hands in his pockets.

I slowly nod, Fuck, "I was wondering if I could ask you something" he says. "Sure" I say, leaning back on my car, he walks closer to me. "Earlier, when we.. Talked, you were right, the things I did weren't professional, and I'm sorry" Simon says. A nervous feeling fills in my chest, "I.. You're fine" I say nervously, "After you left, I wanted nothing but to have my arms around you".

I'm taken aback by his words, "I kept thinking about you" He grabs my hand putting it on his chest. "The moments I'm not with you, your voice rings in my ear, and all I can hear is you saying my name.. And I hate my name, I hate the way it sounds around me, I hate the way that people say it, but not you" Simon says.

"W.. What's going on?" I question, "I love the way you think, I love the way you get angry, I love the way your eyes look almost translucent in the sun, I love the way you smile" he explains. He takes his mask off, balling it in my hands "I love the way you can look me in my eyes, I love the way you've seen my scars... Some of my scars, and I want to show you all of them" Simon says.

I stare up at him in disbelief, my heartbeat feels unstable, "I-I.." I stutter. He grabs my hand and puts it on his face, his hair a mess from being in the mask all day. He kisses my palm softly, "I don't just want you, but I want you to see me, all of me, I want you to trust me" Simon says, burying his face in my hand.

I place my other hand on his face, tracing my thumb along the scar on his cheek "That's a lot of reasons to love someone" I say nervously. "Not barely enough for loving you" he quietly says, "I don't think I'll be able to say it back" I say. His eyes shift around, reconnecting back with mine, "Then don't tell me, stay.. Show me" Simon says.

His words melt my heart, "Well.. What can I do to show you?" I ask. He chuckling lightly, "I wanna put you in your backseat, rip your clothes off, and push your face in the-" I put my hand on his mouth. His words cause me to blush, "I think we should go to your house" I say. He digs a finger into my pants, pulling me closer "If we make it out of my driveway, I'll think about it".

I pull his face to mine, kissing him on his lips, I smile, "This doesn't feel very Professional" I joke. I hear him let out an angry groan, picking me up, and throwing me over his shoulder. "Excited aren't we" I say chuckling, he opens his passenger door setting me in. Quickly running to his seat, "Wait" He turns to me confused. "Do you have condoms?" I ask.

A moment of silence goes by, He was planning to... "Start the car.. Simon- START THE FUCKING CAR" I yell, quickly putting on my seatbelt.

{LMAO I am so sorry that you guys have to go through my antics that I write. You guys are not not prepared for the next chapter, like I woke up this morning, and I cackled thinking about it. Also shout out to my 9% male reader(s), I didn't know you we're gonna be here #SLAY. ENOUGH ABOUT THAT! Hope you enjoyed!}