Part 77

(POV Marcus)

The grass was slightly damp under his knees, and the air had cooled enough to make the hairs on his arms stand. But he didn't mind.

The headstone was rough beneath his palm, and he felt the guilt burn the inside of his chest. He hadn't taken care of Helena and their son's headstones at all over the years, and the stones had become weatherworn, roughened by the snow and storms beating down upon them season after season.

He hadn't really spared himself enough time to visit them, too scared of how much it might destroy him to face their headstones knowing that there was nothing he could have done to save them. And now, he kneeled before them, the names he'd carved into the stone himself smooth and almost invisible. He would have to replace them, and take care of them this time around.

"I know it's been a long time," he said sadly, the guilt weighing on him heavily. "I've missed you both so much, more than anything."

The chilly breeze caressed his cheeks, lifting the pressure in his chest a little. It was almost as if he could sense their presence around him, sitting beside him so that he wasn't entirely alone. It made him smile, and he found himself wanting to tell them about everything that had happened in the last few weeks.

"The pack had another good harvest, Lena," he said, sitting back on his feet and staring fondly at their headstones. "All thanks to all the hard work you put in. The fresh produce from the Ashryver pack is the most popular at almost all the human markets in the city. It's really saved our necks in the past when we needed that steady income. Jonah was so happy when we were able to upgrade all the beds in the medical rooms. You really saved us there, Lena."

He remembered how she had spent their first few months together plotting out the large open land near the packhouse, and how he had dragged her away from the fields when her stomach grew and she'd become more fatigued under the unforgiving sun. Helena had scolded him and demanded she be allowed to work because she was still fit enough but Marcus had been adamant. He knew how dangerous pup pregnancies were and he also knew how much they drained the wolves carrying them. It was far more intricate than a human birth, which was already complicated enough, and he'd done everything he could to research how to take care of his mate and their unborn pup. He had poured hours into his research and working on making sure every inch of their home was equipped and pup-proof.

Of course, it had been for nothing, and he'd come to accept that perhaps he just wasn't meant to be a father. And he'd carried it with him because he never thought he'd meet someone he'd 'want' to have a family with.

Until Aria.

"She's amazing," he said softly, eyes downcast, counting the blades of grass that had been bent by his heavy footsteps. "I wish you could meet her, Lena. You would have been so proud of her."

Aria had worked so hard, maybe without even realizing it, doing more than just earning her place as Luna. She had so readily stepped into her position, doing so well to remember the pack's names, what they did and who they were to one another, to the point where he was certain she knew things he didn't.

It was fitting, he supposed.

An Alpha led the pack, but a Luna cared for the pack. She was the wolf that pack members turned to for help and guidance, a mother to all of them.

"She's changed everything," he laughed softly. "My whole life. In the space of just a few weeks, I swear I would never have made it without her. She's... so different from you, but I think that's why I fell so easily."

It sounded awful when he spoke the words aloud, but there was no other way to describe it. He had already thought about all the ways that Aria was different to Helena, how she was stubborn despite being soft-spoken, where Helena had been reserved and disliked people altogether. He knew somehow that even though they were almost polar opposites, they complimented each other so well that they would have been fast friends. Aria would have been strong and confident where Helena was shy and timid, and they would have had such a unique insight into one another.

"You probably would have brushed her off at first," he said, more to himself than to Helena. "She looks just like you but, God, Lena, she's stubborn, and so spirited. No one has ever stood up to me the way she does, it aggravates me to no end but I love it when she fights back instead of just backing down. I just worry sometimes that she won't heed any of my warnings and end up in trouble that I can't save her from."

Like trying to find April on her own.

He could tell that something had begun weighing on her mind earlier that day. Perhaps she was worrying over her best friend's health. Perhaps she missed her parents or her old pack. He had tried to make sure she was always happy, wrapping her up in the sheets every chance he got.

Okay, maybe that was more for his benefit, but he couldn't keep his paws to himself when Aria was around. She taunted him every chance she got, trailing her fingertips along his chest as she passed by him in the halls, humming seductively when she sat beside him, or lingering just a beat too long after pressing her lips to his in what was supposed to be a chaste kiss. And he fell into her trap every single time, without fail.

Not that he was trying very hard to resist.

"She makes me want to plan for the future, Lena," he sighed. "I stopped thinking that the future had a damn thing to offer me, but then I met her and now I find myself wondering how she'll look in my arms twenty, thirty, maybe forty years from now, or how she'll look with fine lines around her eyes. God, she'll still take my breath away."

He smiled to himself, his stomach burbling with a brand new kind of excitement.

"Lena, I didn't think I could ever be happy without you by my side, but... I don't want to hurt you or betray you."

Maybe it was silly, or maybe people would think he was being dramatic, but he couldn't shake the feeling that he was betraying Helena by moving on with Aria.

"Is it okay?" he asked softly, picking at the skin on the palms of his hands. "For me to be happy when I lost you the way I did?"

He sighed again, his heart feeling the ghost of an old pain. He wanted to move forward with Aria, to stop living in the past with an impossible dream and a grief that had driven him mad. He would always love Helena and their son, and nothing would ever change that, but he was ready to let go of his pain and be happy.

Making Aria happy is what brought him joy, and everything she did made him happy too. He just knew that she was his future, and he wanted to be hers as well, all or nothing.

"Would you forgive me if I was happy with someone else?" he asked. "Would you forgive me if I fell in love with a wolf who wasn't you?"

In that moment, when the words left his lips in a desperate breath, a soft breeze curled around him, warmer than before. It was loving, in a way, and carried a scent he had once run away from: Helena's.

He could almost hear her voice in his ears, a smirk on her lips.

Be happy, my love', she said. 'Don't die with us, live on and find the love you gave me'.

Maybe some would say that he was only hearing what he wanted to hear, that his troubled mind was fabricating the sound of her voice and her scent to give him the peace he needed, but he knew better.

He remembered her vow to him, a few hours after their mating run, and her promise that even in death, she would be at his side.

He had thought she was being dramatic, considering he had never fathomed a life without his true mate. He understood five years later, kneeling at the site of their headstones, mother and son laid to rest, side by side, so that they could walk through the next life together.

No matter how far he had run, no matter how much he had tried to bury their memory, he was never alone.

And thanks to that, he had found someone who cared for him, someone who was willing to walk away from her life to join him. Someone who already had.

Breathing in deep, he took in his true mate's scent one final time before he got to his feet, his entire body feeling so much lighter than the moment he had knelt before them.