Chapter Thirteen: Elizabeth

Summer was supposed to be bright and cheerful, my favorite time of year. Instead, despite the sun and heat, everything seemed gloomy to me. The only thing that suited my tumultuous mood was the storms that popped up frequently.

Blast Noah Coleman! I couldn't get his last letter from my mind. Why hadn't he told me the truth about his past from the start? How had he thought it was acceptable to keep such important information from me? Why hadn't I thought to ask him where he'd lived before he went west?

Because it had never crossed my mind that I might be corresponding with someone who had been born and raised in the South. Why would it? And now that I did know...

Standing by the window, I shook my head. How was I supposed to feel? It felt like a betrayal of sorts. I didn't know what to think. Could I trust him after he'd kept such an important thing secret? Had I been too eager to escape Angelica that I hadn't been careful enough?

Had I trusted too much, too soon?

My shoulders sagged as I looked over to where Mother slept fitfully. Why was I wasting time thinking about Noah when my mother needed my attention? She'd had a terrible night, coughing fits interrupting sleep. With every breath, her chest rattled in a way that made my heart wrench. Her face was so pale against the pillow.

Once upon a time, I would have poured out my worries to her. But how could I do that now? She thought all was well, and the truth would only distress her. This was something I would have to work through without her advice.

A light tap on the door caught my attention. I twisted around as the door opened and Molly stepped in. "Is it a bad time?" she asked in a whisper.

"She's sleeping for now," I responded, moving to join her. Behind Molly was Mrs. Parker. "She's not doing well."

Those words seemed like such an understatement. Dr. Peters had made it clear that Mother was dying. It was only a matter of when it would happen.

"I will sit with her for a time," Mrs. Parker said, putting her hand on my arm. Her expression was compassionate and nearly made me cry. "You look done in, you poor girl. Go sit down somewhere. Have some tea. If anything should happen, I will call for you."

All I could manage was a nod. I'd been away for nearly eighteen hours, only nodding off for a few brief moments during the night. Molly linked her arm with mine and guided me out of the room. She took me down to the parlor, sat me down, and then rang for the maid. As she was asking Susan to bring tea, Angelica appeared in the doorway.

"Oh, there you are, Elizabeth," my sister-in-law said, her tone sweet. "I didn't think I would see you outside of Mother Garrison's room today. You were so determined she needed you with her."

Closing my eyes, I leaned my head back. Why did she make that sound like a crime? I did not have the energy to spar verbally with her. "Mrs. Parker was kind enough to sit with Mother for a little while so I could rest," I informed her.

"Rest? It seems every time I peek in you are sitting," Angelica responded, her tone surprised. "Well, while you are down here, there is some mending that I simply have not had time to handle. I'm sure you won't mind doing it? You are so good at sewing and making such tiny stitches."

"Not right now, Angelica." I was so tired. Couldn't she see that? Why did I always have to be doing something for her? "Can it wait? I'm going to talk to Molly for a while and have some tea."

"Oh, you know what they say. Idle hands are the Devil's playthings. I'm sure you can sew and talk at the same time. Ladies do it all the time."

I opened my eyes to glare at her. "Mrs. Garrison, have you ever cared for someone who was dying?" Molly asked before I could speak. That was probably a good thing. My friend came to stand by me. I still flinched at her blunt question, but she didn't notice because she was staring at the other woman.

Angelica gasped. "What?"

"I don't think you have. If you had, you would know just how exhausting it can be to watch someone fight a losing battle to stay alive," Molly continued. She wasn't even trying to sound sweet or reasonable. "Elizabeth is practically asleep on her feet, not to mention how heartsick she must be! Let her have a few minutes of rest. Your mending can wait for another day."

To my surprise, tears welled up in Angelica's eyes. "You know nothing about me or what I have done in my life, Molly Parker!" With that, she turned and fled from the room.

Molly looked down at me quizzically and all I could do was shrug my shoulders. I'd never claimed to understand my sister-in-law and I certainly didn't understand her now. Once I might have hoped we would become closer. Instead, it felt as though we were on opposite sides of an ever growing river with no way to find a middle ground.

"Thank you for coming, Molly," I said, putting aside my sister-in-law's confusing behavior. "Dr. Peters says it won't be long now. In fact, he's a bit surprised she's held on so long. I-I hate seeing her struggle so much."

Sitting beside me, Molly put her hand on mine. "I'm sorry, Lizzie. Your mother has always been so kind to me. I hate that she is suffering so much. No one deserves that."

Wasn't that the truth! All my life my mother had been a force to be reckoned with. She'd raised us children and kept house through so many ups and downs of life. She'd helped those in need whenever she could. Never once had I seen her falter or complain about the things she'd faced.

Even when Papa had died, she hadn't complained. Grief had been evident in her eyes, but she hadn't crumbled. Not until the disease took over and now...

"Forgive me if this is none of my business, but is there something on your mother's mind?" Molly continued. "Something that is worrying her that she wants to see resolved? That might be what is keeping her holding on for now."

My heart skipped a beat and I closed my eyes. I'd given Mother my word that I would go west when Noah asked, no matter how sick she was. Was she waiting for me to tell her that I was going to be married? "She wants to know what will happen to me," I muttered. "She is suffering because of me."

If I hadn't shown how much I resented Angelica, would this be a problem? I should have hidden it better. She shouldn't be worrying about me.

"Tell her you will be alright. If you think she is worrying about your future, tell her you're going to be fine."

"I have." But that hadn't been enough, had it? "And she knows when I am lying. Even with the laudanaum, she'll see right through me."

"Why would you have to lie to her?" Molly's tone was confused. "I thought you and he were coming to an understanding."

So had I. And yet, here I was, trying to understand something unexpected. "He's from Georgia," I blurted out.

"What?"

Opening my eyes, I looked directly at her. "In his last letter, he confessed some...things that he thought I should know before we continued our correspondence," I told her. "Apparently, he was born and raised in Georgia. He left eight years ago to go west because he didn't want to be dragged into the war. His sister still lives there, somewhere near Atlanta."

Molly was silent for a moment. "I see. Well, I wouldn't have guessed that," she said slowly. "And?"

Surprised, I blinked. "And he's from the South."

"Yes, I know where Georgia is located." My friend tilted her head as she watched me. "You seem unusually bothered by the information."

Why wasn't she bothered? "It's just...why did he wait so long to tell me? The war only ended five years ago. There's a lot of hard feelings in people. He was on the opposite side of the Union! It would be..." Words failed me as I struggled to voice my concern. "Well, it just wouldn't work between us, would it? It changes things."

My friend shook her head. "How does it change things?"

"Well, he's from the South. I'm from the North."

"You make it sound as though it is black and white," she said with a slight laugh. "You know the war wasn't like that. There were those from Indiana who supported the South's views. No doubt there were those in the South who didn't support the Rebels. Just because a person is from an area, doesn't mean he or she automatically thinks like everyone else from that area."

Startled, I stared at her. "But he—"

"Didn't you say Mr. Coleman left Georgia before the war?" she interrupted. "Clearly that shows he didn't take part in it. So you can't think he was a rebel or an enemy soldier."

"But..." I wasn't even sure what I wanted to say. Why was she being so reasonable about this? Well, maybe she wasn't in a position where she would feel betrayed like I did, but why wasn't she sympathizing with me? She was my friend.

"Surely you're not going to hold it against him that he was born in the South?" Molly said, leaning away from me. "Elizabeth Garrison, I never would have thought you would be the prejudiced type."

"Prejudiced? I'm not prejudiced!"

"Why else are you so upset about where he is from?" she asked, crossing her arms. "You cannot be narrow-minded enough to think that you are somehow better than him because you were on the winning side of the war, can you?"

"I didn't say that!" She was putting words in my mouth! Wasn't she supposed to be comforting me? "I'm not saying I am better than him, but—"

"But what?" She interrupted me again. "You think he is somehow evil because of where he was born? You would ignore the person himself in favor of some preconceived idea you have?"

Groaning, I closed my eyes. Put like that, I could see where I was the one in the wrong, but that wasn't what I was thinking. "Molly, can you just..."

"Maybe it is better this way," Molly remarked, sounding thoughtful. "You cannot know everything about Noah Coleman, so if you were to marry him, there are bound to be things that come up that you don't expect. If this is how you react to the unexpected, I'm afraid your marriage would be a difficult one."

"How do you know so much about it?" I snapped at her. How dare she attack me like this? I glared at her. "You aren't married. You've never even been courted by someone."

Unruffled, Molly shrugged her shoulders. "I don't have to be married to know what will help or hurt a marriage," she said calmly. "I've observed the marriages around me, including that of your parents. How do you think your mother would handle the unexpected?"

With grace and serenity. Mother always had met surprises without getting upset. Even when my brothers brough home a three legged dog, she hadn't been fazed.

"But you don't have to take my word for it," Molly added. "Ask your—"

She broke off before she finished the sentence, but I knew what she was goign to say. How many times had we told each other, 'Ask your mother' when we wanted to prove a point.

But Mother was barely conscious. She wouldn't be here much longer for me to ask for her advice.

"I'm sorry," Molly becan to say.

Susan carried in a teat tray then. "I've taken up tea for Mrs. Parker and lemonade for Mrs. Garrison," she said, her tone subdued. "If there is anything else I can do, please let me know."

Poor girl. She'd come into a tense household.

"Thank you, Susan," I said sincerely. "You've been an immense help already."

Molly waited until the maid retreated. "I'm sorry, Lizzie," she said. Her expression was sorrowful. "It wasn't fair of me to scold you. You needed me to listen to you, and I didn't. Please forgive me. Forget everything I said."

"No. You were right. Again." I picked up the teapot and poured the hot liquid into the cups. My hands trembled. Fatigue? Or a surplus of emotion? "I just...I don't know what I was thinking."

"You were surprised by unexpected information. You've also been stretched thin with taking care of your mother. You haven't had time to think about it quietly and logically." She mimed locking her lips. "I will keep my opinions to myself."

Somehow I doubted she would actually be able to do that. I suppose the gesture was sweet, since I knew it was a sacrifice on her part.

Maybe I was making too much about where Noah was from.

"What else was there?" Molly asked, raising her tea cup to her lips. At my puzzled look, she clarified, "You said there were a few confessions from your Mr. Coleman."

"Oh, right. There was a misunderstanding with one of his neighbors. He's been accused of seducing a sixteen year old girl, or something like that."

Molly choked on her tea. "He what?"

"He says he refused to consider marrying his neighbor's daughter, who is sixteen years old, because she is too young," I explained, even though I didn't quite understand myself. Not why he would have refused, but why a family would set out to ruin a man beacuas of his refusal. "The parents were not understanding and have been causing trouble."

"You said he was accused of seducing this girl."

"Yes. Noah says the family has invented this story and ruined his reputation."

"That has to be the dumbest thing I've ever heard. In fact, I'm surprised you're not more upset about this story."

"Well, it is concerning, but the way I see it, it is so ridiculous, how could it not be true? If Noah was trying to pull the wool over my eyes, surely he would have come up with something a little more believable."

"You don't think he's just spinning the story to make you believe he is the victim?" Molly asked, her tone skeptikal. "After all, you only have his word on the matter. I'm sure the young lady will have quite a different version to tell."

Though I knew she was only being reasonable, and she always had a habit of fighting for whicher side of a disagreement she thought was more interesting, I bristled at her words. "No. I know he is not capable of such a despicable act," I told her sharp[ly. "It is a ridiculous accusation and no man deserves to be wrongfully attacked."

I would have known, I was sure of it. Noah Coleman may have been deceitful in that he hadn't told me pertinent details, but he wasn't a complete cad. There would have been some clue in his letter, wouldn't there?

It was then that I realized Molly was smiling. "What is so funny?"

"You are. Not ten minutes ago, you were up in arms because he happened to be born in Georgia," she said with a slight laugh. "And yet, there you are, ready to tear my head off because I am trying to see both sides. I knew you liked him, but I didn't think your heart was so attached."

Astonished, I stared at her. My heart? "W-what?" I stammered. "No. I never said I loved him."

"Oh, I didn't say you were in love with him, but I don't think you are far from it," she responded, her tone amused. "How could you not when you have poured your heart out to him on paper?"

Had I poured out my heart? I'd certainly shared my grievances and worries. I wouldn't have called it my heart, even if it were the important things on my mind. Isn't that how you get to know someone? By sharing the important things with them?

"Is that why you were so upset?" Molly asked, her expression brightening. "Not because of where he is from or any of that, but because he hadn't told you sooner? Is that all you were upset about? That actually makes more sense. You could have just said that in the beginning!"

My face felt like it was on fire as I sipped my quickly cooling tea. "I hardly had the opportunity to tell you anything." I wasn't even sure if her new supposition was correct. Why was it I was having such a hard time untangling my own thoughts as of late?

"I'm a little jealous, you know," Molly commented, her gaze dropping to her tea cup. "If I had the chance to go to Wyoming, I'd take it. They gave women the vote this past December, you know."

While I hadn't followed the efforts of the suffragists—I'd hardly had the time—Molly was keenly interested in the matter. "I'm not marrying someone just to get the vote."

"Of course not, that would defeat the purpose of a woman having her own rights, and I never said you should. But it is interesting, isn't it? Besides, there's no rule saying you have to marry him once you get there," she continued. "If he is not the man he has presented himself to be, you can just leave. It's 1870, after all. Trains and stagecoaches don't go just one way."

In theory, she was right. But the expense! What kind of person just traveled back and forth across the country? "I can't even imagine what everyone would say if I left, only to come back. They would think I was fickle."

"Who says you have to come back here? If your mother dies, what else will tie you here?"

What kind of woman just left her family behind? It just wasn't done! Before I could follow that thought, Mrs. Parker appeared in the doorway. "Elizabeth, Molly, someone go for the doctor," she said, her tone alarmed. "Mary is not breathing well."

For a moment, I felt frozen. Was this it? Had I lost time with my mother by arguing with Molly over something that really wasn't important?

"I'll go." Molly was on her feet. "Lizzie, stay and talk to your mother."

Right. I would not let Mother pass away worried about what would become of me. Somehow, I would ease her mind.

Even if I wasn't completely easy myself.

~*~

Even though she was propped up by pillows, Mother's breathing was wheezing and laboured. Sweet beaded on her forehead, and I knew it wasn't just from the summer heat. To my surprise, Angelica was seated beside her, holding Mother's hand tightly. My sister-in-law turned towards me with wide eyes.

"She's—" Whatever Angelica wanted to say was lost in a sob.

Her distress was real enough, which didn't make sense. I knew she had been denying how ill Mother really was, but how could she be so surprised by this? Dr. Peters had been warning us for weeks that there was no hope.

Breathing out, I moved to sit on the other side of the bed. Mother's eyes were closed, but I was certain she was not asleep. "Mother, I had another letter from Noah," I said, reaching to lace my fingers with her right hand. "Would you like to hear about it?"

"Noah?" Angelica repeated.

Having her as an audience was not appealing, but I couldn't very well send her from the room. There was a slight squeeze from Mother's hand. I took it as encouragement to continue. "He has been given a cat to tackle a mouse problem," I informed her. "Winston is it's name and he has proved his worth."

A slight smile curved Mother's pale face. "Winston?" ANgelica asked in confusion. "What? Who is Noah?"

"Will you be concerned about having a man form Georgia as a son-in-law?" I asked, ignoring my brother's wife. "I was a little taken aback when he told me where he was raised, but Molly has set me straight. You know how good she is at that. Noah left the South so that he could avoid the war."

That made Mother's forehead crinkle slightly. Difficulty breathing, or worry over what I had said?

"He wanted me to know before he asked me to join him. If you have no objections," I continued, "I will write back to him."

Mother's eyes opened just enough for me to know she was looking at me. "Go," she whispered. "Be...happy."

~*~

Dear Noah,

I'm sorry it has taken me so long to write back to you again. It was rude of me to keep you waiting so long. I have not had the time to think like I would have wanted because...

I hope you will forgive the blotches in my writing. My mother passed away last night after a long struggle with consumption. She fought so hard to stay with us, but the disease won out in the end. I think she wanted to make sure I was going to be alright without her. I'm the last of my siblings to marry, and she knew I was not getting along with my sister-in-law. Just before she died, we had one last conversation about you and me. Mother told me to do what made me happy.

It was upsetting to read your confessions in your last letter. I do understand why you waited so long to tell me where you are from. I was concerned at first but then I realized that it doesn't matter. Not as long as you are not sympathetic to the confederacy and it's causes. I think that is a conversation we will need to have, but not over paper. I want to be able to look into your eyes when you tell me about it.

I was also surprised to hear about your troubles with your neighbors. It is horrible that they would take their disappointment out on you in such a destructive way. I don't know how I would react if my friends were to believe an awful rumor about me. I'm glad your real friends have stood by you.

While I cannot guarantee that I will marry you, I am willing to come to Wyoming. If, after we meet in person, we think marriage is the best course, I will marry you then.

I will start making plans to travel. There is nothing to keep me in Indiana now...