Chapter Seventeen: Elizabeth

I couldn't be sure who told our neighbors, but I suspected Angelica was to blame. After my conversation with my brother, hardly a day passed without someone coming to speak to me. Though they may have begun the conversation with condolences for my loss, they quickly shifted to my plans for the future.

Even the pastor and his wife came to convince me that I was making the biggest mistake of my life. None of them believed me when I said my decision was not a rash one and I eventually stopped trying to argue with them.

With each visit, I would smile and nod as they said I would be a fool to cross the country. When they said I ought to listen to the head of the family, I would say nothing. For each person who pointed out that fraudsters and tricksters preyed on women every day, I would blandly agree.

But I was not swayed by anything they said.

After each visitor took their leave, Angelica would turn to me with an almost hopeful expression. For someone who had been so eager to see me out of the house, she was unusually determined that I be convinced to stay. Did she simply want my help to look after her children? Was she afraid the neighbors would think ill of her because of my actions?

Did she just not like that I was not falling in line with the plans she had made?

"Why are you being so stubborn?" John asked every night at dinner. "So many of your friends are telling you not to do this. These are people who know and care for you, and are in the best position to give you advice. Why won't you listen?"

My response of "Just because someone knows me doesn't make them qualified to direct my life" only annoyed my brother even more. I was almost glad about that.

On second thought, perhaps it was my brother who was behind the whole town knowing my plans. He had taken the news the worst of all my siblings. My other brothers had simply wished me well in their response to my letters. It had taken three weeks of letters back and forth with my sister before she finally said she might do the same if she were the one at home.

It seemed that Molly and her mother were the only ones who supported me. They helped me decide which belongings I ought to take with me. Molly, especially, was determined to learn all she could about the train route I would need to take. That was a help I was grateful for.

Standing against so many people made me wonder if this was how Noah had been feeling. He must have found it hard to have so many of his neighbors against him. Granted, no one had tried to ruin my reputation or accused me of a morally reprehensible act. But maybe it was close?

There were a few restless nights where I worried John would never forgive me. Would he physically try to keep me from leaving? When I confessed my fears to Molly, she assured me that she wouldn't allow that to happen. If more than a day passed without me stepping outside, she would come to ask for me and ensure that I hadn't been locked in my room.

What would John say if he knew what we thought of him? Better if he didn't know we believed him capable of such things!

Angelica attempted to distract me from my packing by sending her children to me. Little hands capable of making such a monumental mess! She would ask how I could even think of abandoning my niece and nephew when they loved me so much. Given that they would be more focused on knocking things over, it was hard to accept that they had even a thought about what I was doing.

When the date of my departure arrived—a cheerful Tuesday morning in September—I knew I was as ready as I could be. A mixture of excitement and nerves kept me from sleeping well the night before, but a cup of coffee revived me. I forced myself to eat breakfast with my brother. It was an uncomfortable meal, given that my stomach felt twisted in knots and John was still in denial.

"I don't know what you expect from me." He slammed his napkin down onto the table. "Just tell me what you want! A bigger allowance? I've already offered your room back."

Bribery. Did he really think I was doing all of this to get something from him? That I would be bribed into staying? He really didn't know me at all.

"I want you to hug me and wish me well on my new chapter in life," I told him honestly. "There is nothing else that I want from you. I understand your concerns, but I am determined to do this."

He threw up his hands dramatically. "I should have listened to Angelica and brought a doctor from Kokomo!"

The outburst surprised me. A doctor? Why would they... Comprehension dawned and I narrowed my eyes. "I am not out of my mind. The very idea, John! Would you really have me locked away in an asylum simply because we disagree on something?"

His face flushed. "If it would make you see sense and keep you from ruining your life, yes!"

"We have disagreed in the past. Why did this disagreement make you think I was insane?" I asked, trying not to throw a plate at his head. That would only cement the idea that I was out of my mind. "Mother would have a great deal to say about this if she were here, you know."

"A woman in her right mind wouldn't throw her life away for some...some man in a wild, uncivilized territory! And for what? The prospect of marriage with a man you have never met? A man who was a traitor to this country, no less!"

"You are contradicting yourself, you know," I pointed out. I folded my napkin and placed it on the table. "Noah is not a stranger, otherwise how would I know where he was born? Many women have responded to newspaper advertisements and been content with their choice. I am sure the same will be true for me."

"But—"

I held up my hand. We were going in circles again. "Enough, John. I leave this morning. It is not my intention for us to part on bad terms, but if you continue to argue... Well, it won't be my fault. I will write to you along my way and when I arrive so you know I am safe."

"I won't come save you if you land yourself in trouble," he warned. But there was defeat in his voice, something I didn't hear often.

As I rose from my seat, I simply said, "I never expected you to, John."

A flash of something I couldn't decipher crossed his face. Did he regret that we had come to this? John stood up and came around the table. He enveloped me in an embrace that startled me.

"You are a headstrong girl, Lizzie," he said. "Our father must be turning in his grave because of you."

A giggle rose in my throat as I recalled a similar turn of phrase in one of my favorite novels. One Elizabeth a "headstrong, obstinate girl", and me merely headstrong. It wasn't intended to be complimentary, so I kept my thoughts to myself. John wouldn't have understood my amusement. He'd always thought novels a waste of time.

Mother would have understood, though, and so would Molly. Tears had to be blinked away as I stepped back. If I showed any signs of grief, John would only take it as encouragement to keep pressing his point.

"If Papa was rolling in his grave, I think we would have bigger problems than those who I intended to marry," I said as lightly as I could manage. "Besides, Mother is next to him. She always could calm him and make him see reason."

"Women," John muttered. "It's a wonder we put up with you."

Now that was rude. I glared at him, almost glad of the provocation. If I was angry, I wasn't in danger of crying. "I think it is the other way around, brother dear," I told him. "I wonder why we women have to put up with controlling and unreasonable men."

Oh, dear. That was the exact opposite of avoiding an argument. "But we are not here to debate on the superiority of gender," I said swiftly. "Perhaps, one day, I might be able to visit. However, I can't make any promises. Please stop insulting me when this might be the last time we see each other."

John's face flushed. To keep him from exploding in anger, again, I said, "Now. Hurry up. You don't want to be late for work."

Spinning on my heel, I left the room before he could object or try to continue arguing with me. First, I went to the kitchen and thanked Susan for all she'd done for me. I suspected it wouldn't be long before she found a better position. She was such a kind-hearted girl, but had a spine of steel and intelligence. The treatment she got from Angelica was undeserved, and she knew it.

Then, up the stairs, I went to the top of the house. My trunks and carpetbag were packed and ready to be taken downstairs. Hat on my head and gloves covering my hands, I surveyed what had been my room. Nothing remained to mark it as having been mine.

The sight almost made me sad. Was it possible that once I was gone, nothing would be left to remind anyone that I had lived there?

I shook my head to rid myself of the dreary thought. There was no time for reminiscing or regrets. The Parkers had agreed to take me to the train station and they would be at the front door soon.

At least I would have someone to wave goodbye to when my train left the station.

That was the thing to do, wasn't it? To wave farewell when one left? Or was it easier to just leave and not look back?

I had managed to condense my belongings—well, what was important to me—into three decent sized trunks. Only one would come with me, along with a carpetbag. The other two trunks would remain here until I knew whether I would need them or not. And since I didn't trust Angelica not to destroy or do something else to my things, I had arranged for the Parkers to keep charge of the trunks.

The front door bell clanged in the distance, catching my attention. Breathing out, I left the attic. This was no time for hesitation. I made my way down the staircases. When I was on the second floor landing, I could hear voices.

As I'd known it would be, Mr. Parker was at the door. But it was my sister-in-law's voice that drifted up for me to hear. "There must be some misunderstanding. Elizabeth isn't going anywhere today. Did she not tell you? I'm so sorry you have gone to all this trouble for nothing."

For a moment, I was frozen in disbelief. What was she trying to accomplish? Did she really think lying to the Parkers was going to work? What next? Locking me in my room so I couldn't go anywhere? Didn't she realize I was a grown woman? This was my decision to make!

"Well, I would like to hear from Elizabeth that she has changed her mind," Mr. Parker's voice responded to Angelica. He somehow sounded respectful but firm.

"She was definite about the time, Mrs. Garrison," Molly declared at the same time. "We must ensure she is at the train station on time. It would be awful if we caused an unnecessary delay after she had made her plans."

"Oh, well. You see, she has changed—"

"I'm ready!" I called out, descending the flight of stairs. Was it cruel of me to think that my brother ought to have sent for a doctor? Not for me, but Angelica was clearly not thinking straight. "I'm sorry to have kept you waiting."

There was only a second to observe the scene as everyone's focus came to me. Susan was holding the door open, but my sister-in-law was blocking the entrance. Mr. Parker had his hat in his hand as he stood in the doorway.

Angelica spun around. "But-but—!" she sputtered. "You can't!"

Susan, clever girl that she was, took the opportunity to open the door wider. Mr. Parker stepped in. "I thought we might need a little muscle," he said with a smile. "The driver and I will bring down your trunks."

"Thank you," I told him, grateful he'd thought of that.

"This way, sit," Susan spoke up. "I will show you the way."

"Susan, don't you—" Angelica didn't even finish her threat or command before Susan was practically skipping towards me. The maid smiled as she went past me. She definitely must have found a new position. Mr. Parker and the driver followed her up the stairs.

"Elizabeth, you can't seriously be going through with this!" Angelica protested, facing me. She fluttered her hands. "You've made your point. You can have your room back. There's no need for you to be so dramatic."

Pursing my lips, I shook my head. She was as bad as my brother. "I am not doing this to get a room," I informed her gently. "I am going to Wyoming to be married. There I will have my own home, not just a room. There is no more discussion now. My ticket to Logansport had been purchased."

Staggering back, she pressed her hand against her chest. "Why would you abandon your family like this? After everything we have done for you? You're just going to be selfish?"

"I think everyone is a little selfish in their life," Molly declared from where she had remained on the porch. "It is well past time for Lizzie to have her turn. Come on, Lizzie. Let's wait outside."

I tokk a deep breath and stepped closer to my sister-in-law. "Angelica, you have been a very unkind and thoughtless hostess," I informed her. "I don't know why you have acted as you have, but I will not forget it."

Her eyes widened as she gasped. "How can you say so? Of all the—"

"Good-bye, Angelica," I said to my sister-in-law. I went past her, through the doorway, and onto the porch.

Molly took my carpet bag from me, while Mrs. Parker put her arm around my shoulders. "Your mother would be so proud of you," the woman whispered.

I managed a smile. "Thank you."

~*~

I'd only been to the train station to greet my brother's when they came home to visit. It was such a different feeling to be there for myself. Earlier in the week, I had come to buy my ticket for the first start of my journey. It was the shortest distance I would travel between stations before changing railroad lines.

At least Logansport was not too much bigger than Peru. I hoped that a smaller strange place would be easier for me to navigate and give me the confidence for the next step of my journey: Chicago. Just the thought of stepping foot in such a big city made me quake in my boots.

The wooden platform echoed under my steps. A porter took charge of my trunk while I kept charge of my bag. I hugged my friends goodbye. It was harder to do that with them than it had been with my brother. At the same time, it left me feeling...empty.

For having lived my whole life in Peru, I only had three people to see me off. I knew part of the reason was that I'd had little time to socialize and keep up with my friends. Caring for Papa and then Mother had taken too much of my time. So many friendships had simply faded into non-existence.

Since I was only going a short distance for this first part, I'd chosen the cheapest ticket. My seat was a simple wooden bench with no cushion. However, I was able to sit facing forward next to the window and wave goodbye to Molly as the train set out.

My hands were clammy in my gloves and my heart raced as the train picked up speed. The town I'd always known was soon out of sight and behind me. The scenery passed by at a speed I'd never thought I would experience.

"Are you going far?" asked the older woman beside me. Just as I was, she was dressed in the black attire of those in mourning.

"Yes." Though I had meant to sound confident, my voice broke as I said that single word. Tears welled up in my eyes despite my best efforts. I hadn't let myself think about how far I was going.

"There, there," the woman said, reaching over to pat my hand.

"I'm sorry," I apologized, digging into my reticule for my handkerchief. "I thought...I have been..."

I couldn't even decide what I was apologizing for. Crying? Being honest? What must she think of me?

"No, I understand completely." Her smile was sad as she watched me. "Who did you lose?"

A lump formed in my throat at the reminder. "My mother."

"I'm sorry for your loss." The woman's tone was sincerely sympathetic. "She cannot have been very old."

"No, she wasn't. She had consumption." I shook my head. It was a difficult topic and I didn't want to talk about it in any great detail. "What about you?"

"Me?" She glanced at her dress and gave a slight laugh. "Oh,dear. I'm afraid I lost my husband many years ago. Ten, to be exact."

My cheeks heated up in embarrassment. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have assumed! I didn't realize—"

"How were you to know?" Again, she patted my hand. "If I'm honest, I feel my Peter's loss just as keenly today as the day it happened. He died of pneumonia. I nursed him to the end."

She heaved a sigh and then smiled. "I'm having a bit of a holiday to cheer myself up. I am visiting my sister's house for a month. If we can stand to be in each other's company for that long! I feel like such a traveler in my old age. What about you, dear? Are you going to visit family?"

"In a way. I'm joining my fiance." Would she think me devoid of all proprietary to be married so soon after a death in the family? I was in full black, a sign my loss was recent. But, then again, so was she. "My mother made me promise not to put it off any longer if I were sure."

"Oh, how wonderful! Of course she was right," she exclaimed. "I remember the day I married Peter. He lived on the next farm to my parent's, so I didn't have far to go. What a beautiful day it was! Though it did rain like cats and dogs, I still think of it fondly."

Listening to her reminisce about her life made me relax. With any luck, I would continue to have pleasant company for the rest of my journey!

~*~

Dear Molly,

I hope you will forgive the state of my handwriting for this letter. There is not much to do on a train once you get used to watching the world go by so fast. Watching my fellow passengers is just as interesting, but there is only so much imagining one can do about what might be happening in their lives

I have left Logansport, a sweet town that reminded me of home. That shouldn't be a surprise since it is so close to Peru. I'm sorry I didn't have the chance to explore a little before I set off.

As you have probably guessed, I have taken to traveling. It almost feels like flying to be on a train. Everything is flying by.

Given that I have just started off, not much has happened. I expect I will have much more to add once I reach Chicago.

You've been to a city before. I ought to have asked you what it was like in Indianapolis. I wonder if it will be the same or different from Chicago...