Friends

Savannah

“You’re okay. You’re okay, I got you.”

I’m not okay.

~The sound of the tire blowing and the car jerking to the power of the water we are now skating on.~

~The flip and the hit of the median that sends us off the bridge.~

~He has me.~

~He did this to me.~

“Let go of me.”

~I can feel the cold, dirty river water rushing up my legs and stinging my open cuts.~

“Breathe, feel my hand? You’re here with me.”

~Mom’s blonde hair turning blood red.~

~Her eyes on dad.~

~The heartbreak in them, her hands working on Morgan’s and my seatbelts.~

“Get. Off. Me.”

~Mom yelling at me to grab Morgan and get out of the car.~

~The way my leg exploded with more pain than I had ever felt before.~

~The air filling my lungs when we broke the surface of the river.~

“You are with me, Savannah. Right here with me. Feel my hand? I have you. Trust me.”

~Morgan’s voice.~

~Calling out for mom.~

~Crying for her to come back, but she wouldn’t.~

~She never would.~

“Savannah! Open your eyes!”

~He’s so loud.~

~The wet, brown sand cakes onto us and I couldn’t walk anymore.~

~It hurts too much.~

“Open your eyes! Look at where you are, who you’re with. Breathe, you can do this.”

~Angel.~

“Open your eyes, Savannah. Look at me.”

I can feel his lips on my face.

The memory shakes.

Distorting and fading like some black and white TV that needs to be wound up.

“Breathe, you can do this. That’s it.”

I feel sick to my stomach, like my body was underwater and I am just now rushing air in to feed my hungry lungs.

“Calm down, I got you. Feel my hands? I’m here with you.”

My head on his shoulder, his hands running up and down my back, tracing my spine as he lays kisses on the side of my face.

He makes soft soothing sounds, and with the way I’m sitting on his lap I can feel every bit of his fingertips tracing down my body.

“L-l-let go of m-me.”

I push away from him and stumble back.

My ankle hitting the edge of the sidewalk, making me crash to my ass with a yelp.

“Calm down, breathe. You did good.”

Damon comes up beside me, I can feel his hands back on me and helping me to my feet.

My head feels like it’s on the merry-go-round and I know what’s coming next.

I feel that hot ball of fire settling into my very core, like a volcano about to blow.

This is where Percy or Uncle Jonah would dose me up.

But they’re not here.

And I can’t warn him to get away from me before I erupt in a blind rage.

“Get off me!”

The smoke flies out, ash going into the sky and dancing down like evil snowflakes.

“What is wrong with you?! Was yesterday not enough?! Stay away from me!”

I try to pump the brakes and ease up.

I know worse is coming, especially if he doesn’t let me go.

I need to get away from him.

“Savannah, you just need to calm down.”

He takes my arm before I can slip past him.

Wrong move.

My jacket goes to the gray and white sidewalk as my right hook comes sailing to Damon’s jaw, connecting with a hard click.

Blood sprays the ground around us as he catches himself before falling to his knee.

“Fuck off! You have no idea what goes on in here! Don’t ever try that shit with me again! I’m not a toy for you to play with, you can’t fix me!

“How many times am I going to have to say I’m broken before you get it through your pretty boy, arrogant skull?! Touch me again and I’ll actually hurt you.

“We’re not friends, don’t ever talk to me again.”

I spit at his feet and shove him back before picking up my jacket and running off.

I know that was bad, but not as bad as it could have been.

I run down the street and the rest of the way home.

Percy was waiting for me on the porch, saying uncle wasn’t home yet and he had just got back from one of his friend’s house maybe twenty minutes before.

I didn’t say anything, climbing the stairs and going into my room, sitting down in my closet and rocking my knees to my chest over and over until Percy came in and sat beside me.

He talked about wanting to join Grindr and asked me if I thought it was a good idea.

Percy is really good at distractions.

He has always been, but lately he has really put his skills to use.

I didn’t tell him about the stunt Damon pulled, but I’m sure I would.

Just not tonight.

***

We walked to school like always, but I knew Percy was feeling the thunderstorm around me. He had been slowly tapping into my dark energy all morning.

“So you’re not saying anything. Which means it’s bad. Your hand is cut on the knuckle, means you hit someone.

“You seem tense, on edge and you’re not washing or boxing Damon’s shirt back up, so I think you might have hit him, that’s why you’re in this state.

“If that’s the reason, he probably deserved it and more. You shouldn’t feel bad for it, Van.”

“Good job, detective.”

I stuck my nails into the palm of my hand to punish myself for snarking off to Percy.

That’s not okay, and it never would be.

No matter what is going on in my mind.

“Hey, come here.”

Percy hugs me right outside of the school doors, making me hug back before we walk in.

“Thank you. I think I just need a break or something. It is Friday, why don’t we do… I don’t know, what about a party? That was fun, right?”

I pull back and look at him hopefully. I need a pause button for my guilt and everything else stuffed in here.

I need a new way to feel normal.

I should have never placed so much stake in a person, anyways.

And never Damon Henley.

Percy nodded, holding the door open for me as we walked in, heading straight to our lockers.

I stuffed Damon’s shirt in mine until gym, then I would sneak it back to him.

That would be my way of cutting ties—I could walk away and be done.

If he wanted to cash in his last two favors, then I would for my blackmail, but after last night I doubt he would ever talk to me again.

He probably doesn’t ~want~ to ever talk to me again, washing his hands of me just like I am with him.

School runs by fast, no Sunshine or Moonpie to follow me around. I didn’t see them or Damon—not that I was looking.

Before I knew it, I was sneaking into the boys’ locker room and creeping up to Damon’s locker to slip his T-shirt back in.

No note this time, I said a lot already.

When I shut the locker door, I heard rustling from one of the showers before I heard the muffled moaning.

I moved fast to get out of there; it would be super weird to be caught in the same place as someone else having sex.

As I opened the door, I heard the girl say, “Ahh yes, Damon, yes, I’m coming, baby!”

I didn’t stop; I got back on the track for gym, running my laps.

I am not a jealous girl.

I never have been. Damon isn’t my boyfriend. Shit, we aren’t even friends right now. I have no say over anything he does.

But hearing it, knowing he sleeps around… Duh, of course, but actually hearing it?

It hit a nerve.

Or at least something somewhere inside me.

I don’t think this is jealousy; wouldn’t that feeling make me mad?

I’m not, though.

I…I think I feel…

I don’t even fucking know.

I stop my run and look to the field to find Percy.

I cut through the grass and wade through the jocks to get to him.

“Percy, tonight let’s go to LX.”

The two guys standing around him sucked in a breath and nodded like I was inviting them.

“I don’t think a club is a good idea. You can’t drink, dance, or get in a car, Van, all three things you would be doing.”

I shake my head and step closer to him so it’s only us to hear this next part.

“For one night, let’s pretend it’s old times. I’ll take my meds so I can get in the car, I’ll only drink lightly, and who knows, maybe the meds and the liquor will jumpstart something?

“Please, Piglet? I need a night off from this shit.”

I tap the side of my head, maybe a little too harshly, but nothing is said about it.

Percy nods slowly, making me promise I won’t have much to drink and that if I can’t do it, to not push myself.

The rest of school dragged on.

Waiting for uncle to go to work was excruciating, but finally it was nine o’clock and we were heading out.

A little shot right before left.

Later, we were pulling up to get the night started.

Getting in would be easy; it’s everything else that would be a test.