Anticipation

"Get up you big bum, it's already 1 in the afternoon and you have to get married today, stop being so lazy." Jan-fuck, Riley said as he threw a pillow at my head.

"Boy, I swear to God, I will fight you if you do that again." I mumbled darkly as I rolled over.

I could see his face flush when I called him boy, and it definitely made the extra effort worth it. "Shut up and get moving. Luce will be here soon, she's gonna start getting you ready for your big day."

"You mean this isn't ready?" I rolled over and gestured to myself. I was in a t-shirt and a pair of dark blue boxers, I obviously hadn't showered or brushed my teeth, and later I would find that my hair was sticking straight up on one side.

"Oh yeah, show up like that, let's see how strong your relationship is shall we?" Sh-he smiled and began walking out of the bedroom, but stopped at the door. "Hey, about today and the whole Riley thing, I don't want to take away from your attention, it belongs on you, so don't feel like you have to do anything."

"Do you want me to call you Riley and stuff?" I was getting out of bed, my feet were on the floor and I was checking my phone to see if Sara had texted me.

"Well, yeah, but like I said, it's your wedding and—"

"Then that's what I'll call you. And if you want, I'll correct anyone else. If you don't want me to I won't, I don't want to out you, but if you're ready and you want me to do this, then I will."

Riley smiled and looked down at his feet. "Thanks Dev, really."

"I'm your best friend, I'd be pretty shitty if I didn't treat you how you wanted to be treated. Like I said, I don't want to out you, so if you're not comfortable with this then I won't do it. You can move slower if you want to, I don't want you feeling like I'm pushing you to tell everyone today, I can call you J and stick to gender neutral pronouns if you would be more comfortable like that. I want you to do you the right way."

He nodded slowly and chewed his lip. "I think in front of everyone, that's the best until I come out. But with us, you know Luce and Sara and your brother, yeah, I'd like to be called Riley and stuff. But I'm not sure I'm ready for everyone to know today."

"Then in front of everyone I'll just say J and they/them stuff, or I'll try really hard. You're going to have to give me some time, I'm going to work on it."

"I know, and that means the world to me."

"Do you want me to tell Sara and Caleb?" I asked.

"If you see them before I do you can, but I still want to talk to them myself. I'll probably see them first so it's not a big deal, don't worry about it. Now go shower, you smell."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." I mumbled as I stood up and started walking to the bathroom.

"And don't talk to Sara! You're cut off from her until the wedding!"

"I know!" I called back as I shut the door.

I turned on the water and disrobed before picking up my phone again. I went into my recent calls and clicked call.

It rang three or four times, and just as I was about to hang up a voice came through. "Hey." Sara said in a hushed whisper.

"I miss you." I said quietly.

I could hear her laugh quietly and she quickly turned it into a cough. "Where are you?"

"The bathroom, pretending I'm in the shower. I'm on lockdown technically. You?"

"The closet. I'm 'looking for special underwear that I don't want her to see'. I sent Taylor downstairs to get me something we don't have too, so she will probably be a while. How did you sleep? Did Jan make you sleep on the couch?"

I chewed my lip. "Well, actually, Riley gave me his bed." I said carefully. "He didn't want me sleeping on the couch the night before the best day of my life."

"Who's Riley? I thought you were staying with Jan?" She asked curiously.

"Jan came out to me last night."

"As what? We already know she's gay."

"Well, he isn't so sure what he is. Jan came out to me as transgender. He goes by Riley and is really a dude. He likes girls, but he thinks he may also like more than girls? There's a lot going on." I was trying to be quiet, hoping that the water would cover my voice so Riley wouldn't hear.

"Oh. I can see that actually, it makes sense. So am I supposed to know yet?"

"Well, technically he said if I saw you first to tell you, but that he would probably see you first, but I'm talking to you so I would assume yes. Then again, this is against the rules. He wants to talk to you about it anyways, but I thought I'd tell you so that while we talk I can start getting used to saying Riley and him out loud. We're keeping it on the down low for a while, he wants to give it more time before coming out to everyone."

"Understandable, it must have been tough."

"He handled it like a champ, as always. And Luce is bisexual, not gay, and she's totally cool with the whole thing as far as I know. She's coming over later so I'll get to see for myself. Speaking of Luce, she fixed a problem we've been having."

"Oh yeah? Was it the squeaky window in the kitchen or did she tell you how to do that thing in the shower that we've been trying to do."

I didn't have to look in the mirror to know that my cheeks were bright red at the idea of that thing in the shower. "For your information, I think I've figured out that thing and we don't need to ask Luce about it."

"I'm just saying that she may have done it before, can't hurt to ask, I'd like to try it for the honeymoon and if we keep falling down then it becomes that other thing we do in the shower. Not that I don't enjoy that too." I wish I could have seen her give me a sly wink at that, but instead I was separated from her. For now at least. "So it was the window? Good, it's been driving me crazy and it freaks Coop out, you know what a big baby he is. Every time he hears the window open he starts barking and then the old lady next door complains about it for an hour afterward."

"Not the window either, love."

"Damn. We should get someone in to check it out. What did Luce fix?"

"She punched Carrie. In the face. She knocked her out. We got thrown out of the strip club for it, but it was totally worth it. She was still on the ground when we left."

"Carrie was there?" Sara sounded pissed, of course. I would be pissed if her shitty ex showed up too. Not because I didn't trust Sara, but because I didn't like her ex, and I knew that's what this was about.

"Babe, Luce hit her. Carrie was being Carrie, talking about how we wouldn't last and all of the other lies she says, and Luce told her to get out, and she didn't, so she punched her. I don't think she'll be coming around anymore."

"Pretty ballsy."

"She got free drinks from everyone all night, and if I hadn't been here I think she and Riley would have had pretty crazy sex."

"They got nothing on us." Sara bragged. Where did the shy girl I met at the bar go? I liked this girl much better. This was Sara.

"I love you." I said quietly.

"Not having cold feet are you?"

"Only because the tile is cold."

"So we're still on for tonight?"

I smiled and let my head tilt back against the wall. "I'll have to check my schedule."

"Oh shit. I can't anyways."

My heart jumped in my throat. "Why not?"

"I've got this really big party tonight."

I tried not to laugh, afraid Riley would hear. "Blow it off. Let's go out."

"Where would you take me, stud?"

"Dancing. Let's go dancing."

"You hate dancing."

"Okay, then I'll take you on one of those dinner river boat cruise things." I suggested.

"What if I get seasick?"

"Good point. How about bowling?"

"Just the two of us? Come on, Devon, think of something more intimate."

"We could get married?"

"That's pretty intimate." She replied. "I think that's a good idea."

"I'll see you at five?"

"I'll be there."

"How will I know it's you?"

"I'll wear a white dress."

"Then I'll stand at the end of the aisle and wait for you."

"Promise to be there?"

"Where ever you are, I'll be there."

"Forever?"

"Forever."

"I can hear Taylor coming up the stairs. I have to go."

"Me too, I think he's about to start getting suspicious. I love you."

"I love you so much, Devon. I'll see you soon."

"I can't wait."

I hung up and just stared at myself in the mirror, a giddy smile crossing my face. Married. Today. Me. One Night Stand Queen was settling down for the rest of her life. And God, what a life it was going to be. Filled with Sara every day, how much better could it get?

I finally stepped under the water and began my shower.

I took a long shower, wanting to make sure everything was perfect, that my hair was soft and that I used the best smelling body wash and I washed my face as best I could. I then brushed my teeth better than anyone on the planet has brushed their teeth and styled my hair brilliantly. I spent easily twenty minutes fixing my hair before giving up on getting it perfect until after I was dressed.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous, but it was the good nervous, it was the nervous you got before a rollercoaster, the kind of nervous I had when my Chef was tasting my product for eval, how you feel right before your first kiss with someone. I wasn't having second thoughts, in fact I was more sure now than ever before. And it was the nervousness that proved this to me. Because I wasn't worried about making the wrong decision, I was worried I'd step on her toes when we danced, that I'd get tongue tied from how beautiful she looked and I'd screw up my vows, that my hands would be too sweaty when she tried to put the ring on, that I'd get a stain on my suit. I was nervous at the idea of the next 70 years of my life starting in just a few hours.

I was standing in just a bathrobe at the bed, looking at the six pairs of boxers I had laid out, when Riley walked in. "Damn, what's taking so long?"

"I don't know what to wear." I answered meekly.

"That's okay because your outfit is already picked out. Brown suit, bright blue tie, that's all picked out for you so you don't have to worry about it. You haven't even pulled out the suit yet, you can't exactly get changed at the park. Now let's get your butt moving."

"Oh shut up." I laughed and pushed Riley's shoulder gently. "I'm talking about my underwear."

S-he nodded in understanding. "Big decision. I mean, what if she takes off your pants and finds" Riley picked up a pair of plain dark blue boxers, "this boring article of clothing? Sex is off for the night, maybe even forever. A marriage that is never consummated, all based on this pair of underwear. I'm so sorry."

"You're not very funny." But despite saying that, I was laughing.

"Well these are obviously out." Riley tossed the blue ones to the other end of the bed. Then she-fuck-he picked up a pair of red plaid ones. "Nice, but still boring. It's your wedding night, gotta make a big deal about it right?" and threw them with the first pair.

And then his eyes lit up and he picked up a pair of boxers briefs, something I had recently started wearing. I found typical women's underwear to not really be my style, they weren't too comfortable and I wasn't too feminine. So I wore boxers most of the time, they were comfortable and Sara liked them on me, a lot actually, so I liked wearing them. I had two pairs of boxer briefs, they weren't anything special, one was gray and the other was black. Comfortable enough, but it just didn't occur to me to wear them often. But I couldn't resist buying this pair. They had only come in a couple days ago, and with the wedding hype I had forgotten them entirely. They must have fallen into the bag when I grabbed a handful of boxers from the drawer.

They were black with white stars and galaxies and planets. "They glow in the dark too."

"These. Wear these. They're cute. It's not like she'll be looking at them anyways, but they'll make your ass look better than the rest of these and they glow in the dark. They'll probably get a laugh from her because they glow in the dark, and your marriage is off to a good start with a laugh and a good fuck. There, decision made, now get dressed." Shhhhhhhhh-he then walked out of the room to leave me to get dressed.

I pulled on my boxers and then my plain black bra. And then I walked over to the closet wear my suit hung. Dark brown pants, vest, and jacket, a stark white shirt, and a bright blue tie. Underneath it was a pair of dark brown shoes with a pair of dark gray dress socks with penguins on them. A gift from Sara over Christmas. I wanted something of her when I was getting ready, I was hoping it would ground me a little more on a day when I was afraid of soaring through the roof.

I came out of the room, adjusting my tie and looking down at my feet nervously. Riley was wearing the same suit as I was with a yellow flower. He came up to me with a white rose and started to put in place. "You look good."

"You look pretty handsome yourself." I said with a smile.

"Doesn't he?" Luce said, coming out from the kitchen with a bottle of water in her hand and a big smile.

Riley's face turned red and he stepped back. "Thanks." He said nervously.

"Hey Luce, how's your hand?" She was wearing a Tiffany blue dress that fell just past her knees with a dark brown ribbon belt thing around her waist. It was beautiful, I just didn't have the right words to describe it, I was used to just looking at women in them, not really looking at them. Sara and her bridesmaids had all gone out and looked at them for three days, it took three days to find a nice dress, and then she came and helped us pick out our suits. She was really into the whole wedding thing, I on the other hand was getting really into the getting married thing. I was happy with the wedding, it was exciting, I just wasn't a fan of the planning.

"My hand? Oh it's fine. I'd love to see her though. God I hope she's got a black eye or something. I don't think she'll be showing up to show us though."

"Thank God, I really don't need that. Hopefully she'll never show up again."

"I don't think she will. And if she does, Luce can take another swing at her." J-Riley put up his fists and jabbed at the air. He dropped them and slid them into his pants pockets. "I would, but you know, I'm a gentleman so I shouldn't do that."

"Well I'm not much of a lady, so I don't have any problems with it." Luce said with a smirk.

"So, Luce, I owe you a lot, but I gotta ask. I got two brothers." I said, starting to change the topic.

"Dev, you've got one." Riley muttered.

"I've got two. Caleb and Riley. And I need to know that you love him the way he needs to be loved. That you aren't staying with him because you think that it's the right thing and that you will see Riley as just that. Riley. Him. You are dating a man right now and I need to know that you love him for that and that you're going to help him through everything he's going through, because it's a lot. And I'm going to be there, but you're his girl, so I need to know that you're going to be there too. And that he's not your trans boyfriends, he's not your boyfriend who was a girl, and he's definitely not your girlfriend. He's your boyfriend, point blank."

Luce smiled and took Riley's hand. She looked at him, and he tried to look away but she shifted so they were making eye contact again. "You don't have to worry about me, Devon. I want to be there for my boyfriend and I want to help him feel like the man that he is. I love him. And he's-he's my boyfriend. I want what's best for him, and I want to be the best for him."

Riley was blushing fiercely, I don't think he was used to hearing his name and stuff yet and then all the love directed at him was probably also contributing to it. "Alright you guys, I get it, everyone loves me. Let's get a move on, okay?"

I think I forgot how to breathe.

Have you ever had that happen? Where everything is happening so fast but also too slow and your heart is beating too fast and also not at all? And you can't take in a breath? Your entire body stops. You are moving in slow motion and everything else is moving really fast so it's twice as bad.

Yeah. Yeah that's what was happening right now.

I was standing beneath out willow in my suit, facing Caleb who had been officiated for the sheer purpose of marrying Sara and I. Ja-Riley was standing beside me. Occasionally he would look over his shoulder, but kept telling me not to turn around, that I had to wait. They hadn't started the music yet and my heart was beating in my throat.

And just as I thought that, the music began.

And then Riley leaned close to me and whispered in my ear, "Dev, man, she's beautiful." I started to turn, but he clapped a hand on my shoulder. "Don't look yet, you're not supposed to look yet."

I was biting my lip anxiously and tried not to fidget too much while I waited.

God I could hear her footsteps now.

And I could feel her walking up behind me.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as she took her place beside me.

It was happening.

She was here.

The music had stopped.

Everyone's eyes were on us.

We were getting married.

Here, under our tree.

The next 70 years started in the next two minutes.

Please don't throw up.

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Whew

Sorry this took so long to upload, I meant to do it earlier today (well yesterday, it's 2 in the morning now) but I actually went out on a spontaneous adventure with my friends, we meant to go have lunch and we then turned a diner trip to a picnic that lasted an hour and a half and then we went to Starbucks (it was the first time a Starbucks called out MY name and wrote MY name on a cup, like, you may not really get that but I spent so long with the wrong name and now it's the right one and it was just amazing and I took a lot of pictures with my cup that had my name on it.) and then we took a really long walk over the Hudson River and it was crazy and then I had homework and laundry, so now I'm uploading this chapter for you guys. Also, I finished Cold Front, which is the book after Life Beyond the Temple (which you can buy online at Harmony Ink Press' or the Dreamspinner website or you can find it online at Amazon or Barnes and Noble. It's available on paperback or eBook. So yeah, go buy Life Beyond the Temple by Nikolai Joslin. It's about fantasy fiction and love and magic and stuff.) so that's where I got the time to write this chapter. And everyone reacting so awesomely to Riley's coming out made me feel like he had a really safe place and like I had a really nice place to be on this site and in this book.

Just so you know, every time Devon misgenders or calls Riley by the wrong name is when I write down the wrong thing and have to correct myself. I'm saying this because it's important to know nobody gets it right right away. Even Riley is saying the wrong thing when he talks about himself and when he's thinking. I know because even now, a year after I've come to this discovery of me being a man, I sometimes still have problems. But like Devon, you have to actively correct yourself if you're friends with a trans person, you have to put in effort all the time. And if you're trans, please remember that you are going to mess up sometimes and that's okay, you're still learning too. So if you notice that sometimes it seems a little weird and that Dev seems upset that she messes up, she is, she's trying her best for her best friend and I'm trying my best for my character.

Anyways, are you excited for the wedding? What do you think about Luce's punch? How's it going? I love you guys. I hope you have a nice night/morning/afternoon. Make sure you eat something and get plenty of rest. If you're having a rough day, please know that it's going to be okay and that you have Big Brother Nikolai who loves you and is here to help.