Chapter 333: 326 Talent

He hurriedly put the ten yuan in his pocket, which was at least three days’ worth of meal money for him. Looking again at the table, he saw a lot of food left – hardly any had been eaten. Even the fish was barely touched, making him swallow his saliva involuntarily. He quickly picked up his chopsticks and began eating his stir-fried cabbage.

After finishing his meal, he had to collect his military training uniform. It was time for military training, a mandatory program for all freshmen, while sophomores would arrive on campus after about a week. Some of the early arrivals didn’t go back and were here working part-time or they came to volunteer. The majority of them hadn’t arrived yet.

By the evening, the freshmen had donned their military uniforms. Zhang Yong’an put on his uniform and, despite his ordinary looks and average figure, he suddenly felt superior to the rest.

When the instructor asked for volunteers to perform, Zhang Yong’an bravely stepped forward. While he wasn’t good at many things, his singing was pleasant, especially when he sang Liu Tianwang’s songs. Everyone who heard him sing said his voice had Liu Tianwang’s essence. Of course, Zhang Yong’an thought so himself.

He walked on stage, and as he was about to start singing, there was a “poot” sound followed by a foul smell.

Everyone froze at the moment.

Everyone was looking at each other, clueless about where this unexpected fart came from, and who had released it.

There was another “poot”, louder and smellier than before.

The audience was still frozen, only to be followed by a string of farts, each one more rhythmically-timed than the last.

“Poot, poot, poot…..poot, poot….”

The sound echoed and the stench was suffocating, even the instructor was stunned.

“So, student, this is your performance?” The instructor managed to start speaking but was cut off by another series of farts.

Zhang Yong’an’s face turned red, but the constant farting sound didn’t stop. He covered his face, ran towards the bathroom, his butt emitting a series of “poots” along the way.

Despite being in the bathroom, the “poot, poot, poot” sound could still be heard outside.

The air seemed to carry a strong nauseating smell originating from the endless farting sounds.

When Tang Yuxin came the next day, she heard her younger dorm mates vividly describing the event at the military training.

“Sister Yuxin, it was hilarious…” Ma Tiantian recalled the moment and laughed till her stomach ached. “Our formation was right next to the computer science department. The instructor encouraged us to perform. There was a square-faced boy, no no, not a boy, he looked really old.”

“Yes, quite old,” Cheng Xue nodded in agreement. “Not in his twenties, he looked over thirty.”

Ma Tiantian rubbed her belly which was aching from all the laughter, “When the instructor asked for a performance, the boy immediately volunteered. We all thought he was going to sing – his posture was all ready. Guess what happened?”

“What?” Tang Yuxin already had an idea. She knew what her concoction would do.

“Haha…” Ma Tiantian collapsed with laughter onto her bed, “when the boy was ready to start singing, we heard a “poot”! He farted on stage. And that was not the end, he released an unending series of farts and eventually ran to the bathroom. Even from there, we could hear his farts.”

It was hard to imagine what they looked like while laughing at him.

They had seen all sorts of performances, but this was the first time they saw someone perform with their butt. It was hilariously funny.

Tang Yuxin gently raised her lips into a smile. She didn’t laugh out loud, but others seemed to enjoy it.

She just wanted to know how shameless Zhang Yong’an, this Phoenix Man, could be in this lifetime, and whether there would be another fool like her who would support him, only to raise an ungrateful man.

Whenever Tang Yuxin had time, she stayed in her quadrangle house, reading and looking after the plants she had grown. She also stocked up disinfectants, with the expectation of not having much time left – less than half a year. Naturally, she travelled all over Beijing’s medicinal herb markets looking for what she needed. Even though she had no power to cure the upcoming epidemic, she wanted to protect everyone around her at least.

In one small room of her quadrangle, she was hoarding disinfectants and other supplies. Under normal circumstances, these things would last her for a few years, but now, they might not even last a month, as it was being used frequently. The dorms needed to be disinfected daily, and everyone had to use it to wash their hands. After a few days, a bottle was finished. And now with the spread of SARS for nearly a year, especially in heavily affected Beijing, the usage had only increased.

A week later, freshman military training was over. It was mostly the same as before, except that a farting student became a laughing stock at campus, earning a shameful reputation even for his roommates as well.

“Do you think he’s ill?” One roommate asked after Zhang Yong’an left the room, “He’s always acting mysterious, either eating early or too late. What’s he up to?”

“Who knows what he’s up to?” The roommate wiped his face, “Don’t bring him up, it disgusts me.”

“But what did he do?” Another roommate knew Zhang Yong’an wasn’t very popular. He was stingy and overly cautious. He would use a piece of eraser for an extended period, and if he lost his pen, he would turn the entire dorm upside down. He would even demand each one of them to take out their belongings one by one. This wasn’t just peculiar behaviour, it was madness. All the fuss for a lousy pen? The entire dorm was turned upside down because of it.

“What else?” The roommate recalled the event and felt disgusted, “When he first arrived, I helped him with his luggage, and he sneezed with his snot landing on my face.”

“Haha…”

The other roommate collapsed into laughter onto his bed, pounding his fists against it.

What a peculiar man. An absolute oddball.

Tang Yuxin changed into her white robe – this semester they were starting to learn human anatomy.