Twisted Emotions: Chapter 16

KIARA

I couldn’t sleep after the kiss. My mind replayed it. Nino’s mouth had been so warm and gentle. It was nothing like I’d imagined, nothing like I’d feared. He managed to surprise me every day and had done so since our wedding night.

The door creaked open and someone stepped in. Opening my eyes, I peered through the gap in the blankets. I had them pulled up to my ears because it made me feel safer that way. I left on the light in the bathroom because the dark still held power over me. I could see Nino’s tall form in the warm glow.

My cheeks heated when his eyes settled on me. I’d fled into the bathroom after our kiss, not because of it, though. I had been embarrassed about breaking down and crying in Nino’s arms. I needed time to get a grip on myself. For a man as controlled and emotionless as Nino, being married to me must be a particular difficult task for him. In the beginning, I was sure my marriage to Nino was punishment for my father’s actions, but now I was fairly sure he was the one that could have made a better deal.

“It’s late,” he murmured.

“I can’t sleep.”

He nodded before he moved into the bathroom and closed the door. Barely any light spilled into the bedroom through the narrow gap beneath the door, but I focused my eyes on it and listened to the sound of running water.

After a few minutes, Nino came back out, dressed in briefs. I knew he preferred to sleep naked and now only wore clothes at night to set me at ease. Even in his own bed, he had to hold back on my account. He turned off the light in the bathroom and approached me in the dark.

My pulse quickened when the mattress dipped under his weight—but for much different reasons than it had in the past. What would it be like if I just leaned over and kissed him? No warnings, no handcuffs. Only my lips touching his, my body pressed against him. How would it feel to be free and act on my desires? How would it be not to be shackled by the past?

“Are you alright?” Nino drawled.

How could he know? He hadn’t touched my wrist, so my pulse couldn’t have given me away. “Why do you ask?”

“Because your breathing changed. That’s usually a sign that you’re unsettled by something. Is it because of our kiss?”

I hesitated, wondering what to say, but opted for the truth. “Yes.”

“You changed your mind about the physical aspects of our marriage?”

I wished I knew what he was thinking. He said he wanted me, but maybe my kiss and the teary outburst afterward made him change his mind.

“No, I enjoyed our kiss,” I admitted.

“Good.”

That wasn’t quite the answer I’d hoped for. Had he enjoyed it as well? Did he want to kiss me again?

“Would you like to kiss again?”

It was sometimes scary how easily he could read me, even in the dark, even without understanding my emotions. The inner workings of Nino’s brain were completely inexplicable to me. “What do you want?”

He was quiet. “In terms of kissing or in general?”

“In general,” I whispered, my stomach tightening with nerves.

“Give me your wrist,” he said, and I complied. His thumb pressed against my pulse point, and I had to stifle laughter. It quickly died down when he started to speak in that low, deep voice.

“I want you in every regard. I want to kiss you, of course. I want to show you pleasure, Kiara.” My pulse galloped with every word. “I want to give you an orgasm with my mouth and my fingers. I want to taste you everywhere, and I want to … sleep with you.”

I could tell he had wanted to use a different term, but he chose to soften his words for my benefit. My chest warmed at his consideration. Despite who he was, Nino would always represent safety for me.

“I know every spot on your body that will increase your arousal. If you let me, I’ll make you come again and again.”

I swallowed audibly. My core seemed to liquefy, throbbing with a need I hardly understood.

He tapped my wrist. “Fear?”

I laughed nervously because right now fear was only a small flicker in the corners of my consciousness. “No,” I admitted in the softest whisper.

Nino waited patiently for me to say more. As my eyes grew used to the dark, I could make out the outline of his strong shoulders. He was facing me, breathing calmly, relaxed. Those words … didn’t they affect him?

“Arousal?”

I gave a nod, not sure if he could see it.

“Good,” came his low voice.

I shivered. “And you?”

“Are you asking if I’m aroused?”

I nodded.

“I am,” he said.

My pulse really started racing. “Kiara?”

“Both,” I said quickly, because I was equally scared and aroused by his admittance.

“What can I do to banish your fear?”

“Nothing,” I said, because deep down I knew it was a battle I had to fight on my own. “But I want to try something.”

“Okay,” he said slowly.

“Can we kiss without you being restrained?”

“Of course. Now?”

“Yeah,” I said quietly and scooted a bit closer to him until his warm breath fanned over my face and the sheer volume of heat radiating from his body told me how big he was, how much taller and stronger.

I caught the hint of alcohol on his breath, something smoky and spicy. “You smell like … bourbon?”

“I had a glass,” he said. “But you don’t have to be concerned. It’s not enough to lower my inhibitions. Not even close.”

“I’m not concerned about that.” I leaned closer until his face hovered right in front of me, and then I bridged the remaining distance between us and pressed my lips to his. He waited a couple of seconds before he increased the pressure, and his tongue slipped between my lips, exploring my mouth. His fingertips moved up from my wrist, stroking the soft skin of my forearm, the crook of my elbow, then a little higher before trailing back down. Finally, his thumb pressed against my wrist again.

He did it because he needed it to read me better, to make sure he noticed when I felt overwhelmed or scared. That realization did a strange thing to my heart.

We kissed for a long time, and I started to feel hot between my legs. Nino’s kisses were incredible, overwhelming; he led easily without making me feel like I was under his control. His breathing deepened ever so slightly as his mouth slid over mine, and the friction sent a new surge of heat through my core. I squirmed, pressing my thighs together. If Nino noticed, he didn’t react, but his grip on my wrist tightened the slightest bit.

I put my free hand up against his naked chest and felt his muscles flex beneath my fingertips. His skin was covered with scars, and I began tracing them curiously until I accidentally grazed over his nipple. He groaned into my mouth, jerking slightly, and the motion caused something hard dig into my thigh.

I froze against him. Fear and my own arousal battled within my body. He had told me he was aroused, but feeling it made things more real.

He stopped kissing me and took a deep breath. “Tell me how you feel.”

“I’m okay.”

“That’s not a feeling.”

“I’m feeling okay,” I said again with more force. “Only startled.”

“Maybe we should stop, then.”

I didn’t want to stop, but maybe Nino was right. Even if my body screamed for more, I wasn’t sure if I could actually handle it. I felt … overwhelmed again. “You’re right.”

He released my wrist and rolled over onto his back, farther away from me. A gaping hole opened in my stomach. I swallowed hard once then a second time. I knew I told Nino I didn’t need him to fake affection, but maybe I was wrong.

Nino’s head shifted toward me. “You are upset again.”

I wasn’t sure how he’d noticed this time. Maybe my breathing had changed again.

“I … I changed my mind about the simulated affection.” I was treading across a dangerous path. Living a lie wasn’t something I wanted to do, but with Nino it was all I could have. Maybe simulated affection was better than nothing.

“Okay,” he said quietly. He angled his body toward me. “Would you like to fall asleep in my arms?”

My throat tightened. I didn’t say anything and moved closer to him. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and pulled me against him. His touch was light, never like a cage, always considerate. Stupid tears gathered in my eyes as I rested my cheek against his strong chest. His heart beat a calm rhythm. Did it ever speed up? Did it ever clench when he looked at me like mine sometimes did when I looked at him or like it had when I realized he always touched my wrist to make sure I was all right.

When I woke the next morning, Nino was gone. It was already past nine, so I missed watching him do laps in the pool. I went through my morning routine, put on shorts and a simple top, and headed downstairs. I walked through the main part of the house and into the kitchen. After making myself a quick breakfast of porridge, I decided to eat it outside so I could enjoy the beautiful weather. As I headed outside, the sound of a video game drew me into the gaming room. Adamo was in there again, focusing on a car race on the ginormous screen on the wall.

“Hey, Kiara,” he said without looking away from the game. “Fabiano brought over Leona this morning. She’s sunbathing in the garden.”

“Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

He gave me a strange look.

I smiled at him. “Never mind. Enjoy your game.” I hurried out of the French doors and down the small path to the swimming pool and lounge chairs. Just as Adamo had said, Leona was stretched out on one of them, reading a book. Something about the history of the Supreme Court. She glanced up as I approached, smiling, and put the book down on the table beside her.

“That doesn’t look like light reading,” I said, taking a seat on the chair across from her, my bowl of porridge wedged between my thighs.

“It’s not, but I want to prepare for college. I’m starting in a few months, and I don’t want to be completely clueless. What about you? Have you considered going to college?”

I frowned. I was raised to become a wife and mother. “To be honest, I’ve always only wanted to be a mother,” I said quietly. “I want a family to take care of. Boisterous kids that fill the house with life and laughter.” Maybe it was something I longed for because I never had a family like that. Unconditional love was something only children could offer in our world.

“That’s okay,” Leona said with a smile. Then her brows dipped in thought.

“What?”

“I’m trying to imagine Nino as a father and Remo as an uncle…” she shook her head “…but I just can’t. They aren’t really the family type. I mean they are close as brothers, but otherwise … no.”

I knew what she meant. Nino and his brothers were more than close. They were a unit. It’s us against the world. He’d probably want to keep living with them even if we had kids. Boisterous, loud-mouthed kids around Remo? That was definitely something that made me wary. I shrugged.

“It’s not like we’ll have kids any time soon.” I pointed at my porridge. “Would you like some as well? I made more than I can eat.”

“I already had breakfast with Fabiano.”

I nodded and ate a spoonful. For some reason I wasn’t hungry anymore.

“How are things between you and Nino going?”

My cheeks heated as I tried to form a reply. “Better than I thought they would. He is being very considerate.”

Leona’s eyes widened. “Really?”

I giggled at her expression. “Really. I mean, it’s obviously not easy for him to understand my emotions, but he does his best and that’s all I can ask for.”

“I admire your strength. To be honest, Nino scares me shitless, almost as much as Remo.”

I smiled because I understood her so well. “I know. And Remo still does. I don’t think that will ever change. There’s something so … unhinged about him.”

“Unhinged is a bit of an understatement,” Leona said. “The way he rules over Vegas …” She sighed.

“I’m not married to him. That’s a blessing, I suppose.”

“I really hope he never finds a poor woman he wants to marry.”

I couldn’t imagine Remo settling down for a woman. Perhaps it would just be for the thrill of the conquest or that satisfaction of breaking her. I shuddered and pushed any thought of him aside. “Your Fabiano isn’t any less scary than Nino. You haven’t even grown up around men like him, yet you are with him. He is the Enforcer.”

Leona sat up, her expression thoughtful. “I know what he does is, what they all do is wrong, but I love him. I can’t help it. No one has ever been good to me, but he is. Maybe I’m selfish.”

I put down my bowl of porridge and reached for her hand, squeezing it. “You don’t have to justify your love. It’s something pure and beautiful, and I’m sure everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we just don’t understand why.”

Her blue eyes searched mine. “What do you feel for Nino?”

I wasn’t sure. Gratefulness. Affection. And sometimes something warmer and deeper that scared me. “Falling in love with Nino would be foolish. He can’t return my feelings no matter what they are.”

“Love tends to turn us into fools,” Leona said quietly, but she dropped the subject and reclined on the lounge chair.

I decided to stretch out as well, even if I wasn’t wearing a bathing suit like Leona. Thinking about my situation, I had no intention of becoming that kind of fool. Falling in love with someone without emotions would be a horrible mistake.

In the early evening, I was back at the piano, tinkering with my song, when Nino walked in. My fingers stumbled over the next few notes. He was dressed in only fight boxers, his skin covered in a fine sheen of sweat that made his tattoos stand out even more. My eyes trailed down his ripped stomach then followed over to his muscled arms and his strong hands wrapped in white tape. They were red in places. I quickly tore my eyes away, too late of course, because Nino regarded me with a knowing expression. Thankfully, he didn’t say anything.

“Remo’s ordering pizza for us now. I’m taking a quick shower then we can head over.”

“Sure,” I said slowly. “I’m not sure Remo likes to have me around all the time when you have dinner.” In the past few weeks, they had been increasingly busy planning their attack on the Outfit, so I often had dinner with Leona in our wing or even ate with Adamo, who wasn’t involved in the Camorra’s dealings yet. Nino had also taken me out to dinner twice. Thankfully, spending evenings with all of the Falcone brothers had been a rare event.

Nino tilted his head. “You are my wife. You are family. He can deal.”

My eyes lowered to his chest again, wondering how it would feel to explore every inch of his skin with my fingertips. I’d only briefly touched his chest.

Something in Nino’s expression shifted, and he prowled over to me. There really was no other way to describe his movements. He lowered himself to his haunches beside me so we were almost at eye level as I sat on the piano bench. My breath caught in my throat when his mouth curled into a smile and his eyes reflected warmth.

My God, he was so good at faking affection. Too good. This was going to be my downfall, I knew it, but I could not tell him to stop. The scent of him washed over me, manly sweat and something that was only Nino.

My breathing quickened and so did my pulse. Nino reached for my hand, which lay limply on my thigh, and pressed his thumb to my wrist. Then he brought it up to his face and pressed a kiss to my palm, his gray eyes on my face the entire time. And I stared at his face in turn. That beautiful face, always perfectly cold but now filled with consciously created warmth. Even though I knew this was a lie, a lie that could break me in the end, I leaned forward and kissed him because with him giving me that tender look, I needed to be closer.

He returned the kiss and touched my cheek with his calloused hand. Not wanting him to read what this did to me, I closed my eyes. If I wanted this to work, I needed to either make peace with the truth that Nino was faking emotions for me or I would have to try to pretend they weren’t faked. I knew the latter would be easier because Nino was so scarily good at simulating.

Pushing any thought out of my mind, I allowed myself to drown in Nino’s kiss, in his closeness and scent, and my body sprang to life. When Nino pulled away eventually, my cheeks were flushed, and I was panting. His thumb was stroking my pulse point lightly, and the small touch traveled through every part of my body. He wasn’t only good at simulating emotions, he was good at this as well. Genius and monster.

“We can do some more exploring after dinner if you like?” His voice was deep and raspy.

I gave a small nod, not trusting my voice to come out as more than a squeak. Nino kissed my palm again before he stood, giving me a view of the bulge in his fight shorts, before he turned and headed upstairs to shower. My eyes followed his muscled, inked back, his narrow hips, and his firm butt.

I pressed shaking fingers to the piano keys. Where had I left of? I couldn’t remember. Instead, I turned my current emotional state into music. It was fast and erratic, but eventually the melody mellowed out, and my heartbeat calmed. I found my way back to the song I’d been working on before Nino had arrived. With every passing minute, I relaxed further.

“You have been working on it for a while now,” he commented. I jumped. As usual, he moved so quietly that I didn’t hear him approach. Now he leaned against the wall, hands in his pockets. He was wearing a tight white T-shirt that accentuated his muscles and showed the dark outlines of his tattoos beneath.

“You recognize the melody?” I asked, surprised.

“I have good hearing and a good memory.”

“Is there anything you’re not good at?” I stood and moved over to him. His own eyes lingered on my bare legs, then moved higher, pausing briefly on my chest before they stopped on my face. Warmth flooded my body. It wasn’t the first time I noticed him looking at me like that.

“A couple of things,” he said quietly, holding out his hand. I slipped mine into his grasp without a second thought. “Come on. Remo will be intolerable if the pizza gets cold.”

“Isn’t he always?”

Nino’s mouth twitched. “He’ll be even more intolerable.”

“We don’t want that. One of these days, he’ll make a widower out of you.”

Nino’s hand tightened around mine. “You are the safest woman in the city. Trust me.”

As we headed into the main part of the mansion, I risked the occasional glance at his face. He didn’t exactly look emotionless, more relaxed.

He glanced at me. “Everything okay?”

I nodded quickly, glad that we’d arrived in the gaming room where Savio and Remo were already waiting on us. As usual, dinner wouldn’t take place in the dining room at a proper table but on the sofa with pizza cartons strewn haphazardly around the living room table.

A fight was playing on the big TV screen. Remo sat on one sofa and Savio on the other. Neither wore shirts. It was hot outside, but I really wished they had chosen to wear more than sweatpants. Unlike Nino, they didn’t have any tattoos on their torsos, only the marking of the Camorra on their forearms and Remo’s angel on his back.

They hadn’t begun eating yet.

“Where’s the kid? He’s driving me up the wall,” Remo muttered then shouted, “Adamo, get your fucking ass down here. Pizza’s getting cold.”

I had eaten more pizza in my marriage to Nino than in my entire life before him. Nino led me toward Remo’s sofa, but thankfully he sank down beside his brother. The sofas were huge, so we didn’t even have to sit very close, and yet sitting beside Remo would have been too much. Nino released my hand and grabbed a beer from the selection on the table.

I regarded the five extra-large pizzas. It was pretty clear which one was mine. Spinach, feta, tomatoes—the only one without any kind of meat.

Steps thundered down the stairs, and a moment later Adamo appeared in the living room. Without a greeting, he grabbed a piece of pizza, dropped down beside Savio, and began eating.

Remo shook his head but reached for a piece as well. They all shared pizzas, of course none of them touched mine. I gingerly picked up a slice then looked around for napkins that the delivery service usually packed but found none. “Do you have napkins?” I asked but got empty looks back.

“We have some in the bar, I believe,” Nino said. He was about to get up, but I beat him to it. I turned to head for the bar.

“She’s got a nice ass if she doesn’t hide it under her clothes,” Savio commented.

I stiffened but kept moving.

“Careful,” Nino murmured in a voice that made the little hairs in my neck rise.

“She isn’t one of our whores, Savio. She is Nino’s, and you better remember it the next time you open your fucking mouth,” Remo muttered.

“Fuck. Don’t get your panties in a bunch,” Savio said.

Relaxing, I found a handful of napkins next to a few dirty whisky glasses, picked them up, and headed back, hoping my cheeks weren’t red. Nino’s intent gaze traced my face as I sank down beside him. I put the napkins on the table then placed one on my lap before I grabbed my piece of pizza.

“Savio is sorry, you know? He’s just a stupid idiot,” Adamo said, catching my gaze across the table with a grin. I smiled back.

“Oh, shut up,” Savio said.

I met his gaze. His dark eyes held wariness but also curiosity. He still regarded me as an intruder. I understood it. And other than Remo, he showed it openly. It was one of the few things that reminded me that he was two years younger than me.

Taking another bite of pizza, I was glad when the attention shifted back to the cage fight on the television screen, which I was trying to ignore. I knew Leona had worked there for a while, and I wondered how she could stand the violence.

“Where’s Fabiano?” Adamo asked with a full mouth.

“With Leona,” Nino said simply.

Savio rolled his eyes. “Pussy-whipped.”

After my third piece, I was stuffed. More than half my pizza was left. The men had wolfed down every last morsel of their food, of course. “You can eat my pizza if you are still hungry,” I suggested.

Four heads turned my way.

“There’s nothing dead on it,” Savio said.

“We can change that in a heartbeat,” Nino said dryly.

“I’m sure there are a couple of limbs you don’t need,” Remo added, exchanging a smirk with Nino.

Savio snorted. “If anything’s going on that pizza, it’s Adamo’s dick. He’s not using it anyway.”

Adamo flushed, glancing at me before scowling at his brother. They probably would have started fighting if I wasn’t there.

“It’s delicious. You don’t need to add limbs or other body parts, believe me,” I said before it got out of hand.

Nino shrugged and grabbed a piece then took a huge bite and gave a satisfied nod. “It’s edible.”

I huffed. Leaning back against the headrest, I curled my legs under me. Nino put his arm on the rest behind me. I scooted a bit closer to him until I was tucked against his side. His gray eyes paused on my face for a moment before he lowered his arm and put his hand on my hip.

“Why don’t you eat meat?” Remo asked, reclining against the backrest, on his second piece of my vegetarian pizza. He looked fairly relaxed.

“I like animals,” I said. I didn’t want to argue with them about animal cruelty in meat factories because I doubted they would understand; they tortured humans on a daily basis, after all.

“I like them too. Better than most humans,” Remo said with a shrug. “Doesn’t mean I don’t eat them.”

“I prefer them in sausage form,” Savio said with a grin, but he, too, ate a piece of my pizza and stretched out on the sofa, putting his bare feet on Adamo’s legs, who in turn wrinkled his nose.

“Great, now I have to smell your feet all evening.”

I couldn’t help laughing. Nino gave me a look, but I couldn’t read his expression. Remo, too, had his eyes on me, and for once he didn’t look pissed or furious, but he, too, made it difficult for me to gauge his emotions.

“How about we watch this fight now?” Remo said after a moment and turned up the volume.

I risked a look at the screen, where a massive man with arms as thick as my thighs was beating up his opponent before throwing him into the cage. I shivered at the rattling of the cage and the drunken cheers of the crowd.

Nino reached for my wrist, never taking his eyes off the screen, and I stifled a smile, which died when the giant grabbed his opponent and smashed him down on his knee. The man’s back gave a sickening crunch, and he fell to the ground motionless.

I flinched violently against Nino, and his arm tightened around me. “Is he … is he …?” I swallowed, my pulse racing. Nino brows drew together.

“Dead,” Remo said with a shrug.

My stomach turned violently.

“That was a spectacular move,” Savio commented, stuffing his face with another slice of pizza. How could he eat while a man died?

Nino tapped my wrist, drawing my attention to his face. “We can switch to one of the street races.”

I caught the look Remo sent Nino. He disagreed, and he was right.

“No. If I want to be part of this family, I better get used to watching this.”

Savio leaned back, a challenge in his eyes. “Then you should come to Roger’s Arena in two weeks. That’s when Nino’s got his next fight.”

“What?” I leveled my widened eyes at Nino.

“I haven’t fought in a while. It’s time.”

“That’s why we are watching this,” Remo added. “The huge fucker is his opponent.”

I stared at Nino in disbelief. “You can’t be serious. He broke someone’s back.”

“I will break his neck. That’s easier and has the same effect,” Nino drawled.

I reached for the beer bottle he still held in the hand that wasn’t busy checking my pulse and took a deep gulp. Then I began coughing from the horrible taste.

Nino gently pried the bottle from my hand, emptied it with one long sip, and set it back on the table.

“Women,” Savio muttered under his breath.

I put my head down on Nino’s shoulder and focused on his chest as the next fight played out on the screen. When I felt Nino’s hand on my ankle, I peered up at him, but his full attention was on the fight. All I could focus on were the small strokes of his fingers against my skin. The brothers began discussing strategies for Nino’s next fight as they watched the giant’s previous fights. Nino’s hand shifted again, sliding up to my outer thigh. I stilled, my breathing hitching in my throat. His warm, rough palm felt surprisingly good despite its proximity to more problematic areas, areas that held painful memories.

He didn’t move his hand, only rested it there, and I wasn’t even sure if he’d realized it or not because he was in an argument with Remo about whether it was best to kill fast or let the fight play out for a while to entertain the audience. Eventually, he must have noticed my stillness and lowered his gaze to me. He moved his thumb lightly over my skin, his eyes remaining on my face. Goose bumps flashed across my skin. He leaned down to my ear, whispering. “Fear?”

I considered it for a moment then shook my head. Nervous, definitely yes, but not scared.

He nodded, obviously pleased.

“If this is turning into a fucking session, warn us, all right?” Savio muttered.

Nino narrowed his eyes, expression hardening. “Savio, watch it.”

“What? Now I can’t say fucking because she is here?” He sat back up, scowling at me. “No strippers, no whores, and now you don’t want me to say fucking?” He looked at Remo. “Tell him he needs to stop acting like a fucking pussy and show Kiara who’s boss.”

“I think she knows who’s boss,” Remo said with a twisted smile. “And you stop bitching. Take a whore into your room if you are eager for pussy.”

Savio leaned back with a challenging glint aimed at Nino. “What no ‘watch it’ when Remo says pussy?”

Nino rolled his eyes and relaxed again. “With you there is still hope. Remo is a lost cause.”

Savio chuckled. “Yeah, that’s a given.”

“I don’t care if you say fuck,” I said. “This is your house and you can talk however you like.”

“It is our house,” Nino said firmly. “And he can say fuck and whatever else he wants as long as he doesn’t insult you. You are mine, and I won’t have him insult you.”

“Geez, I didn’t insult her. I asked if you were about to fuck. That’s a valid question, don’t you think?”

Adamo gave me a look, which made me laugh again.

“We aren’t about to fuck, satisfied?” Nino asked.

Savio grinned. “More satisfied than you, obviously.”

Luckily, the conversation returned to fight strategies after that, but Savio’s words kept replaying in my mind. Would I ever be able to satisfy Nino? I wasn’t even sure I would ever be able to touch him there.

When Nino stepped out of the bathroom in only his briefs, I realized how stupid my concerns were. My eyes never seemed to get enough of watching him, but my fingers now itched to touch as well.

“What do you want?” he asked as he walked toward the bed.

“Touch you,” I admitted.

He stopped right in front of the bed, allowing me to see him in all his muscled glory. I swallowed, getting overwhelmed again.

“Do you want me to keep my briefs on?”

I nodded quickly because if he got naked, I’d lose my courage.

“Of course.” He nodded toward the nightstand. “Cuffs?”

“Yes.”

He grabbed the handcuffs from the nightstand, cuffed his left hand to the bedpost, and stretched out on the bed.

I knelt beside him. Nino looked completely at ease as he lay sprawled out on the bed. His eyes trailed over me, taking in every inch.

“You can touch me wherever you want.”

“Where do you want me to touch you?” I knew the answer to that question, of course.

“This is about you, Kiara. Touch me where you want.”

Gathering my courage, I ran my hands over his chest then down his abs until my fingertips grazed his waistband. Then I quickly backed up. I kept my eyes on my hands as I explored his muscled chest, but his eyes were on me the entire time. I ran my fingernails lightly over his chest, scraping across his nipples, and he exhaled deeply.

I stifled a smile and repeated the motion then moved lower. Avoiding his briefs, I moved on to his legs, massaging his strong thighs, before I returned to his torso once more. A while after my ministrations, he grew hard under his briefs. My hands paused on his abs.

“You are in control,” he assured me. His voice was deeper than ever before. My uncle had guided my hand last time, forced it down onto his erection, forced me to rub him. I’d hated the feel of him. Swallowing the growing lump in my throat, I pushed any thought of the past aside.

I ran my hands back up to his chest then down again, over his hips and down his thighs, and then on the way up, I brushed over him with my thumbs, barely touching him. He grew harder immediately, and I repeated the motion then moved back up to his chest. Nino’s eyes were keen as he watched me, his breathing deeper and his body taut like a bowstring. His hand came up to stroke my upper arm, a whisper of a touch that sent tingles into every nerve ending. “I can touch you like that as well if you want.”

“But won’t you need both your hands?”

He tilted his head. “It would add to your enjoyment, but if you feel threatened we should keep me restrained.

“No, let’s try it without the cuffs.” I leaned over and opened them for him. He lifted up, bringing our faces close. I pressed my mouth against his, and he took the lead as he always did. My eyes fluttered shut as warmth settled in my core from the skillful way his lips and tongue worked me. I moaned softly into his mouth, and he pulled back. I peered up at him questioningly.

“I think we can move on now,” I said.

His mouth twitched in an almost smile and a hint of warmth reflected in his eyes. Simulated affection but so good.

“What should I do?” I asked uncertainly.

“You could lie on your back, and I’ll start massaging your legs and arms and see how you like it.”

I scooted lower and lay back. Nino knelt beside my legs, giving me a perfect view up his strong body. The overwhelming sense of losing control, or worse fear, never set in. He reached for my left foot and began massaging my sole with just the right amount of pressure. Then he moved on to my ankle. His touch switched between featherlight and more pressure as he worked his fingers up my calf.

My core throbbed, and I could feel myself growing wetter under his touch. His gaze followed the trail of his hands. “Can I remove your shorts?”

“Sure,” I said quietly.

He unbuttoned them slowly and pulled them down my legs, his fingers grazing my skin. My heart felt ready to burst out of my ribcage. Nino raised my foot up onto his thighs and stroked my knee then applied gentle pressure on the skin just above it. I released a soft breath. Watching my face, he grabbed my ankle again and raised it as he bent forward. He pressed a kiss to the inside of my ankle before his tongue tasted the same spot, hot and wet and inexplicably perfect.

I shivered and could feel myself grow even more aroused. How could this feel so good? He shifted my leg again and pressed a light kiss to my calf. Finally his eyes lowered from my face and darted lower. It took me a moment to realize what he was looking at. The way he held my leg, he could see up to my panties that clung to my throbbing, drenched center.

He released a long breath and his expression became more strained. Embarrassment and insecurity filled me, accompanied by a hint of wariness because of my exposed state.

Nino met my gaze, and his eyes sent another pleasant shudder down to my core. He looked immensely pleased.

“Your body responds perfectly to stimulation,” he murmured. “This is very good. It will make our explorations very pleasurable for you.”

“So confident,” I said with a small, nervous laugh.

Nino smirked and kissed my calf again before he sucked the skin into his mouth and nibbled lightly while his other hand trailed up my arm. I shuddered again. This felt impossibly good.

He released my skin. “I would like to give your chest some attention.”

I paused. My nipples were already painfully straining against my clothes, but I wasn’t sure if I was ready to get out of my shirt and bra yet. Nino had seen me like that before, but for some reason I still had trouble baring myself to him.

“You can keep your shirt on, and I’ll just push it up a bit. The skin over your ribs and on your belly is very sensitive. If I give it some attention, you might come close to climax without any friction between your legs, which I know you aren’t ready for yet.”

It was so very scary how easily he could read me.

“Okay,” I said breathlessly.

His strong hands reached for the hem of my shirt and slowly pushed it up. I shivered when his thumbs lightly grazed my skin as he did it. His eyes locked with mine as he lowered himself to his side, his head level with my ribcage. My stomach twisted with nerves but I wanted this. Nino put his palm against my belly, and my muscles constricted under his touch.

“You tell me when you want me to stop.”

I nodded. He began moving his thumb, brushing my skin and raising goose bumps all over my body. His eyes trailed from my stomach, down to my black lace panties, then over the length of my legs before they focused on my eyes. “You have a beautiful body,” he said appreciatively.

I flushed. “Thank you.”

He moved his hand over my belly and dipped his fingertips under the waistband of my panties. When I tensed, he pulled back. He didn’t go near my panties after that and instead stroked my belly. I held my breath when he lowered his head and pressed a kiss to the skin. How could he be this good at gentleness?

Nino was a patient man. Whenever I flinched, he stopped, only to try something else. Soft kisses and touches. His lips took a long time on the sensitive skin over my ribs, kissing and nibbling. My nipples strained against the fabric of my bra, and Nino regarded them as he kissed the spot where the fabric was bunched. His gray eyes rose to meet mine.

“Would you like to have me restrained again?”

For a moment, I was so caught up in the sensations he had summoned that I wasn’t sure what he was talking about, but I nodded anyway. He got off the bed and came back with the handcuffs. Then he cuffed one of his hands to the headboard as he leaned his back against it. I pulled my shirt over my head before my brain could get in the way.

“If you lean over, I can kiss your breasts if you like.”

So calm, controlled, and clinical but with an underlying tension in his silky voice that betrayed his arousal.

I flushed and reached behind myself to unhook my bra. My hands shook too much.

Nino regarded me calmly. “I can use my free hand to unclasp it. It’s my left, so I may take a bit longer.”

I moved closer and he reached up and unclasped my bra after a couple of seconds. Then he dropped his hand again and rested it on his ripped stomach. I lowered my bra. He had seen me naked on our wedding night, but I was still uncomfortable with his calm scrutiny. I had no way of knowing if he approved of what he saw.

“Scoot up,” he said.

I did and knelt beside him. He reached up slowly and touched my shoulder, his palm warm against my skin. He applied the lightest pressure until I leaned down, bringing my breast toward his face. He parted his lips and closed them around my nipple in a delicious cocoon of heat and wetness. I gasped from the sensation and had to support myself against his chest, bringing my breast closer to his face. His eyes seemed to see right through me and knew exactly what I desired as his tongue began to circle my nipple.

It was incredible, overwhelming, and so good.

He settled back and began to leisurely suck at my nipple, tugging, swirling, nibbling until I was sopping wet. I had never been aroused like this, but Nino’s mouth and his intense gaze caused unexpected sensations. I pressed my legs together, feeling like I was going to implode if I didn’t find some relief soon.

Nino eyes were drawn to the movement, but he kept up his ministrations. I couldn’t look away from his face, from the desire in his eyes and the way he lavished my breast.

He released my nipple with a wet sound and exhaled. My cheeks burned. He lifted his hand off his stomach and moved it to my leg then rested it lightly on my knee. I stilled, but my core sprang to life, needy and desperate. I didn’t know it could be like this.

He lay still too, gray eyes tracing my face. “You can lead my hand if you want.”

“What?” I whispered, my brain barely functioning.

“If you would like to have me touch you and give you pleasure, you can lead my hand.”

“But I wouldn’t even know what to do. You are the one who does.”

“I do, and my touch will be very pleasurable, but you are still tense.”

My brows drew together at his confidence. “You are a bit full of yourself.”

He tilted his head with the hint of amusement. “I’m only good at estimating my own talents, and I’m good at giving pleasure.”

“And inflicting pain,” I added.

“That too, but that’s not something you have to worry about.” His thumb stroked my knee lightly. “Why don’t you let me suck your nipple again. You seemed to enjoy that.”

I nodded and leaned forward. He latched onto my nipple, and I instantly moaned. “Now your other breast,” he murmured when I could barely hold myself up above him. I shifted and he circled his tongue over my nipple then sucked it into his mouth while his hand came up to knead my other breast. My center began to pulsate, lightly at first, and then a shudder passed over me, spreading out from between my legs.

Nino sucked my nipple a bit harder. I gasped and felt more wetness pool between my legs as my center throbbed. I froze above Nino, and he released my nipple.

“What happened?” I asked, stunned.

“I think you might have had an orgasm. It wasn’t a strong one, but my sucking of your nipple was enough to stimulate your pussy without friction.”

Heat rose into my cheeks. “Oh, wow.”

Nino’s eyes were intent as they trailed over my chest then lower. “If I touch your pussy, it will intensify tenfold, trust me.”

I regarded him and my gaze darted down to the hard outline of him beneath his briefs. Not giving myself a moment to worry, I reached for him and cupped him through the material. He let out a sharp exhale and twitched against my palm. I scooted down, despite my racing pulse.

Nino was handcuffed to the headboard. It was safe for me.

I was done allowing the past to hold me down. I was done being a prisoner of Durant’s. He was dead. Nino had tortured and killed him for me. Now it was my turn to kill the man’s memory.

Fingers shaking, I hooked them under Nino’s waistband and pulled his briefs down. His stomach rippled with tension, but he made no sound. I didn’t dare look up at his face for fear of losing my courage.

I had seen Nino naked before, but I’d never risked more than fleeting glances. This time I allowed myself to watch his erection as I brought my palms down on his thighs. There was no reason for me to be afraid of Nino’s nakedness. And I wasn’t disgusted by his body, not even his erection, like I had been of Durant’s. Nino was beautiful all over, even with the scars and the tattoos—or maybe because of them. They were part of him, and I couldn’t imagine how he would look without them.

My eyes lingered on his erection. He was long and thick and circumcised. A brief moment of panic burst through me at the idea of having him inside of me, remembering the pain from long ago, but I pushed it aside. I curled my fingers around the base, and Nino released a low breath, but he kept very still. I was in control of this. Nobody forced me to do this. I wanted it. My choice.

I began moving my hand slowly, up and down, focusing on the present, on my breathing, on Nino’s low exhales, on the silkiness of him in my palm. He was tense under my touch, and when I finally dared to look up, his eyes burned into me with desire.

I shuddered, my movements faltering for a moment, but then I tightened my grip and sped up. This time I kept my eyes on his face, needing to see him, needing to see what I did to him. Nino never looked away as I rubbed him harder and faster, his breathing turning into pants. My own breathing turned labored as I watched him, watched his beautiful face. His free hand gripped the edge of the mattress as his expression twisted and his thigh muscles contorted under my hand. “If you keep it up, I’m going to come,” he rasped.

I didn’t stop. I needed to continue. My lips parted when Nino’s eyes closed. His hips thrust upwards, and he came with a shudder. Nothing was more beautiful than Nino’s perfectly cold face alight with passion. My gaze flitted down to my hand as he came over my fingers.

Stilling, my breathing lodged in my chest. He twitched twice, and then Nino, too, stilled. It became very quiet around us except for the pounding of my heart in my ears.

NINO

Kiara stared down at her hand wrapped around my softening cock with my cum all over it. She was tense and her expression was impossible for me to read. I sat up, unlocked the handcuff, and gently pried her hand off me. Then I stood and tugged her along. She followed me without a word into the bathroom, where I turned the water on in the sink on and held her hand under it, washing my cum off. I could only assume it had triggered memories from the past.

Her brows drew together, and finally she raised her eyes to mine. “Why did you do that?”

I regarded her, trying to read her expression, but it was only puzzled not upset. I dried her hand then curled my fingers around her wrist. Her pulse was fast but not as fast as it was when she was scared. “I assumed you were upset because I came over your hand.”

“I wasn’t,” she said quietly.

I tilted my head. “Then why did you tense? You looked upset.”

“I was stunned and relieved,” she said slowly. “Because I was worried I couldn’t do it. That it would remind me too much of what he did, but it didn’t. I wasn’t disgusted.”

“That’s good,” I murmured. I hadn’t expected her to touch me today, but she must have felt safe with me being restrained. She smiled up at me, and I returned the smile. Her expression softened further. She pressed up against me, and my hands automatically wrapped around her hips. “Let me touch your pussy, Kiara. I want to make you feel good. I want to make you come hard.”

A blush spread on her cheeks. There was still uncertainty on her face.

“My fingers won’t bring pain, only pleasure. Trust me.”

“I do,” she said quietly.

I led her back into the bedroom, and Kiara lay down on the bed, watching me with a small, tense smile. I knelt beside her. “I will massage your legs and work my way up. For now, you’ll keep your panties on, okay?”

She nodded.

As I put my palms on her thighs, her skin tightened under the touch. “You just say ‘stop’ when you want me to stop,” I told her firmly, meeting her gaze.

“Okay,” she said.

I began kneading her outer thigh, and after a moment she relaxed, but I didn’t move on. Eventually, I widened my movements, my fingertips stroking the soft inner side of her thighs where the small scar was. Kiara’s breathing deepened. I brushed my palm higher, finally reaching her panty-covered mound. She sucked in a breath, and I glanced up at her and found her watching me.

“Do you want me to stop?”

She gave a quick shake of her head, and I smiled. “Good.”

I ran my palm over her panties again, and she rocked her hips lightly. This time as I brushed my hand over her, I slid my middle finger over the little dip, brushing her folds and clit. She arched up with a surprised little moan, and I repeated the motion. Her panties stuck to her wet flesh, giving me a perfect view of her slit. Slowing my hand as I ran it over her, I made sure the pad of my finger rested against her nub. I kept my palm pressed against her pussy. Her heat and wetness was tantalizing against my skin. Her heady scent teased my nose and made me want to bury my face in her lap and lick up her arousal.

I moved my fingertip lightly over her clit, and Kiara moaned then flushed, biting her lip. I repeated the motion. “Don’t quiet yourself. Let me hear you. That way I know you enjoy what I’m doing.” Though, her soaked panties were a fucking good indicator as well.

Lightly rocking the heel of my palm against her, my finger brushed her clit. Eventually, she moved her hips against me, her hands fisting the sheets.

Her eyes lowered to my groin area. I knew she’d find me hard.

“Come for me, Kiara,” I ordered.

She moaned again, almost helplessly, her body beginning to shake under my touch. I sped up my finger. “Nino,” she gasped. “I … I … oh God.” Her eyes widened and then her hips bucked, and she cried out as she shuddered violently. I slowed my strokes, enjoying the way her panties clung to her with arousal.

My cock ached for another release, for her pussy, her taste and warmth. She was so fucking wet. It would have been so very pleasurable if I’d fucked her now, but her fear still prevented it.

Lifting my finger, I kept up the pressure of my palm against her center, knowing it would prolong her orgasm.

She watched me with parted lips, her curls a wild mess around her head. “Thank you,” she whispered.

“For giving you an orgasm?” I asked with a hint of amusement.

I climbed back up to her and stretched out beside her. She moved closer, and I wrapped my arm around her. “For never going beyond what I can take,” she said quietly. “For showing me that being touched there doesn’t have to be painful.”

She put her head down on my chest, and my body relaxed at the feel of her warmth.