Chapter 17

Side Story

Jay opened his eyes and saw a very large place with slogans like "Mard ko dard nahi hota" (Men don't feel pain) written everywhere. This place is training men in emotional control, teaching them how to suppress their tears. Jay woke Ranjeet, who rubbed his eyes. Umeed was snoring nearby. A teacher was giving a lecture:

"A man always stays strong. Men don't cry. Crying is a sin for men."

Jay said in very loud but with smile, "But Lord Ram cried! Even Lord Krishna cried for Radha."

The teacher responded, "He was a god; we can't compare ourselves to him."

Ranjeet asked, "What kind of world is this? Over aprox. 10,000 boys are being turned into toxic versions of masculinity."

A skinny boy approached Jay and asked, "Hi, I'm Aman. I want a body like yours. How are your lips so pink?"

Jay replied, "Are they still pink? I thought the lipstick had worn off."

Aman covered his mouth with his hand and said, "Oh my God, what have you done? You wear makeup? Are you a girl?"

Jay smiled and said, "It's just lipstick, why are you so scared? What's wrong with having good-looking lips?"

Aman, remembering Jesus, said, "God will fix you. Everyone here gets their mind straight. You need therapy. I used to walk a bit femininely, but look at me now, I walk with my chest out."

Ranjeet asked, "Are you billionaires now? Not Ambani's six-pack, but he also focuses on his work. Do not fix your walk, fix your mind. So, what did you achieve?"

Aman angrily storms off.

Jay started laughing, "Ranjeet, everyone here is crazy, and they've called us to make us crazy too. Look, they're even practicing not crying while cutting onions. These people are crazier than the craziest."

Ranjeet rolled his eyes, "This place is huge, and all this illegal stuff is happening here, and no one knows."

A second teacher approached Jay and said, "What is this pink shirt you're wearing? You need to wear boy colors. Here, wear this black one."

Jay started laughing loudly, "A gender for colors? How did you find out? Where did this lady in pink & Black in men come from?"

Seeing Jay laugh, Ranjeet also started laughing. Umeed woke up as well.

The teacher scolded Umeed, "What kind of girl are you, snoring like that? Where is your shame and modesty?"

Umeed, irritated, replied, "Oh! Shame? I accidentally left it at home. Should I go get it?"

Jay burst into laughter.

The teacher said, "The girl isn't behaving like a girl, and the boys aren't behaving like boys. Don't worry, this place will teach you everything. If you don't follow the rules, you'll get an electric shock."

Ranjeet and Jay saw someone being given an electric shock.

Umeed, frightened, said, "Jay, what will we do now?"

-------------------------

What's happening to me might happen to everyone. Ignoring feelings is really hard, like that person is some kind of glue sticking to my emotions. No matter how much I try to distance myself, it doesn't work. It's the toughest thing in the world. When you have feelings for someone who's an enemy, but you have to force yourself to maintain enmity because that person isn't good, staying away from them is necessary. Don't forget what they've done.

I feel like I can't make eye contact. Let's start a mission to avoid her. That should work perfectly! Don't feel clumsy, be confident, Payal.

Geet sits on the bed. I just glanced at her legs and avoided making eye contact. I was searching for my phone, feeling really awkward.

Nothing will happen, she's not that bad. You're fine, nothing happened between us. Take a deep breath. Don't overthink it.

Geet said, "Thank you for supporting me."

"Yeah, hmm, fine," I muttered.

Geet asked, "Should we talk about what happened earlier?"

Seriously? I overreacted, and I don't want to prolong the conversation. What kind of feeling was that? There was no big deal. I realize it now. I felt more emotion than I should have. I'm ashamed of what I did, and I think I should just apologize for it.

I looked on the table and the pillow, but I couldn't find my phone. "I'm sorry, I overreacted."

"Yeah, it's fine.... actually..."

The word "actually" is scary. I know what she wants to say. I don't want to hear those things.

She continues, "I liked it."

No NO NO NOOOOO, she liked it. I hate this. I know what I did was wrong, and look at her, she's smiling and feeling shy. Her face is red, and I can see her awkward body language. Probably, I scared her, thinking about what I might say next. Finally, I found my phone, already in the pocket of my light blue pajamas.

She hesitantly continues, "I want to know, do you want to do more?"

I looked in my sock, my eyes wide. I knew it. She's so shameless, asking me for more after what happened. Does she have any kind of shyness? She's looking down, so shy but unable to control herself. She wants more from me.

"Geet! (sigh) I am so sorry. I know you have feelings for me. I did it just to protect you. There is no pleasure included," I replied.

Yes, I said it because if she keeps hoping that I'll love her back, maybe her heart will break.

Geet suppresses her lips.

"At least we can talk?"

Yes, I can talk to her, but what's wrong with me? I can't muster the courage to say no to her. Her innocent face and the way she looks at me, so sad, I can't handle this situation. Her sad and disappointed expression makes me feel guilty. I know that I hate her. I have mixed feelings that I can't understand. I choose the safe way, not to say anything.

She adds something again, "Payal! Let's watch a movie together."

Why can't she understand? I'm not able to share a single moment. My body is full of confusion. I really don't know why I'm reacting this way. I've never touched anyone's lips before; this is the first time. I find myself so vulgar that I kissed or whatever sucked her lips. It's annoying for me. I wish I could be clear past.

She asks me again, "Do you know the movie 'Hereditary'? Where can I watch it? I can't find it in India."

I looked at my phone and said, "Download it from torrent."

"What is that?"

"Torrent. You can download from there; you can find links on any torrent website. It's illegal, but you can find it there. Bram Cohen from the University of Buffalo created torrents in April 2001. He was tired of the long wait times for downloading files from another person's computer, since the download speed largely depended on the file owner's connection. You can download anything for free. There's a story behind this. They wanted to provide premium content for free for poor people."

"Okay."

"Your expression tells me that you didn't understand a single thing."

"Yeah," her eyes glance at my lips. I hid my lips and covered myself with the white blanket. I was sitting on the bed, hiding my face in shame. She started laughing.

"Why are you so cute, Payal?"

"You are making me nervous. I feel guilty that I kissed you or whatever," I admit.

"Don't be. I'm happy that you helped. Maybe you did it as... a friend?"

I remove the blanket.

"A friend?"

"Yeah, friends can kiss each other because no feelings are included, and you were protecting me or us. Only friends can do this."

I felt happy. She's right. I helped my friend, and I was worried that maybe I had some different feelings. I can't describe how she removed my negative feelings in a second.

"Can you tell me one thing?"

I smiled and replied, "Yeah, sure, ask me anything."

"Why didn't you tell me you smoke, and what were you doing, like when you touched my waist and the bruises from the cigarette? Are you trying to seduce me?"

she asked in a normal and funny way. I realized I watched too many movies, so I acted that way. I have a favorite character named Ranjitha in "Waiting for You." That movie is so good. She did the same with her lover, so I acted the same.

"Yeah, sorry, I was not..." I felt awkward.

"I find it cool. Can you teach me how to smoke that way and how to do that?"

"Yeah, super easy," I sighed.

"Okay, let's go then. Who will stay near the door, and I will come to you like you did. Tell me how I did it, okay?"

"I will teach only the hug part, okay? Not anything after that. ...Hmm (cough cough) Sucking and all."

"Nooooo, no, no, it's fine."

I was standing there, frozen. That situation was so awkward; I could not repeat it again. It was so hard for me.

She back-hugged me. She had a pen. She was bruising my waist, her hand on my skin. She could touch just my T-shirt, but she touched my skin. Her hand was so smooth and really soft and light. She started moving to my ear. She was holding a pen that bruised my ear. She kissed my ear. I found out. Did she forget what I did? Did I kiss her ear? When? She continued licking my ear for so long; it gave me pleasure. I couldn't stop her. She slowly moved her hand to my waist. My body turned into a heater. My cheeks were hot red. I was so vulgar that I could kiss her back. She slowly kissed my ear, that meditation on my ear. Fuck! She was so good at this. Why did she want to learn this?

The touch of Geet was like a wet flower brushing against my ear, the fragrance of flowers was like the smell of her lipstick, captivating my heart. Just as clouds appear soft like cotton candy, her lips felt the same. The gentle music that soothes the heart was like her breath that I could hear; it was a melody that turned the mind into a hermit, and I was lost in these valleys.

"Stop!" I begged. My voice was so crying that you couldn't understand how much effort I was putting into not letting anything happen. Honestly, I wanted to continue; why would I stop if I was feeling good? I didn't want a one-night stand. Just like I said, I wanted to kiss the person I love. Lust is not love.

She stepped back and said, "Good night." She had no expression. Why did she do it? She should be sorry. She's so mean. She's taking advantage now. I could say that she was fooling me into doing this. I couldn't sleep. My ear had red marks all over it, and I was continually touching it. That scene was replaying again and again. I felt so vulgar that I had no control over my body. I really needed to touch her, kiss her. My situation was that my ethics denied. I started running, doing jogging, and exercising so I could forget those feelings in night. My mind was now a devil. I kept saying to myself, That's wrong. Control yourself. I couldn't sleep all night, I just kept trying to calm myself. Now, I feel like chanting any mantra will calm my mind. It's like a ghost that has no cure.

Many people perceive desire as negative, but it's a normal feeling that shouldn't be given too much importance. Desiring physical touch from someone is a very simple feeling, but some people consider it a sin. It's a normal desire, but controlling it is our responsibility. When I feel that a person isn't right for you, just physical intimacy, it's against my ethics. I really need correct person who I love.

Love might not matter to some, especially in casual relationships or one-night stands. I'm not against them, I'm just not that person. Fulfilling desires is not wrong until both parties are happy, but in my case, I'm currently searching for the right person. Oh, I'm thinking so much. Sleep, Payal, sleep. It's 3:45 in the half night. I don't feel like sleeping on the same bed. Is that person's body emitting a chocolate smell? Does this perfume also have a chocolate flavor? Damn, I'm overthinking.

How did I become so lustful? I can't believe it. She's bloody fucker, she's a bitch, what she did was wrong, and I'm completely against her. She took advantage of me, proving again how selfish she is. She doesn't deserve my love.

Finally, the sun has risen, bidding farewell to Chanda Mama. I tried to call chipsy, but he didn't pick up; then it started switching off.

Moon came into my room. She was so excited. She asked Geet, "What happened? You and mmm did something."

Geet asked, "What? Are you crazy?"

I wasn't paying attention and irritated asked Moon, "Moon, why are you so excited?"

Moon hid her smile. "Am I? Not."

Geet asked, "I knew that your husband is ready to give you a divorce."

Moon showed excitement. "Yes."

"Oh," strange. Moon was happy and came to share her happiness. Her behavior always confused me.

Geet replied as she was typing on her laptop, "Congratulations! Where is he, by the way?"

Moon looked at me and smiled, "I think somebody knows."

Geet looked at me and asked, "Payal, you know?"

"I don't know. She knows," I replied.

Moon held Geet's hand and excitedly smiled, "I succeeded in kidnapping, and Payal helped me."

Geet stopped typing and looked at me, "How many talents do you have, Moon? Strange."

"Yes, that's why I finally thought whatever I did to her, I forgive her. She and I are friends now."

"Excuse me? You forgive me?" Moon nodded. "Yes."

I sighed and irritably left the room. "How many crazy people are here?"

I'm still worried. Maybe he's angry with me. Why isn't he picking up the call? He's the only one who can understand. Chipsy, where are you? Hope you're fine. I'm feeling... Last night happened, and Geet took advantage of me, and I hated it. She's so selfish. My ear still feels her lips. Why isn't she sorry for that? Now my ear also has her first kiss. Moon is behaving in a strange way.

Earth is having her breakfast and asked, "Why are you so worried?"

"You sound happy. Did you do it right?"

"Yes, we did it. He's now my boyfriend." She sound so happy and her voice sound exciting.

"Dam!"

"You seem happy too. Did you do something? I got some news that you kissed her." I lost my smile.

"No, no, no, wait, yeah, it's called a kiss." Damn! I'm terrible at explaining. How things are fucking changing within myself. Now I'm even starting to trust Earth.

"Areee Yaar, you finally love Geet." Earth is asking.

"No, who likes her?" I gave her a serious look. Geet came out from the room and was smiling.

"Liar! At least, you cared about her. That's why you did it." She's eating paneer salad with a fork, and she showed it to me and told me.

"Yes, as a friend only." No way! I don't even see her as a friend. I don't want to tell everything to Earth.

"Is it friends with benefits?" Friends with benefits, sounds like I've heard it somewhere before

"What is that?"

"It's a movie."

"I like Bollywood movies."

"You can have dot. dot. with your friend... i mean se... never mind."

"Are you not telling that......" I still looked at Geet.

"Yes, stop stringing her first." she interpreted"

"I am not." I looked back to earth.

"Accept it. You are."

(Angrily) "Earth! I am going out! I am getting bored here."

Geet replied, "Ask Moon."

"Geet, are you powerless here?"

Geet replied, "Yes," and smiled.

She never takes things seriously. Even though she's so bad, last night was so ridiculous. I kept thinking about last night. I should stop these things. I need someone. I should date someone now that I'm grown up. I downloaded an app and started scrolling through photos of many guys. I got a match, and he's ready to meet me. I will show her; I can get someone better than her. Who is better than a kiss?

Geet came into my room while I was talking to the guy.

"Are you talking to your brother?"

"Nope, I have a date tonight."

Geet's smile faded, then she smirked. "Are you with her or him?"

"I am straight."

"Are you? (smiled) Wait, let's go on a double date."

"Oh, who is free?"

"Moon will come with me."

"Oh," she's right, Moon is always free for her.

"We are not going outside."

"Why? Will he come here?"

"Yes."

"Can you share something? Are you hiding something?"

"I can lie, but the guy shot is different, and Moon is helping to find that guy. Actually, we didn't kidnap. I asked to keep us protected and hidden from you."

"You're a liar." I felt angry.

I called that guy from the dating app, "Hey Faruk, come here. I will share the address."

"Good! This is good for us!"

Moon prepared a date on the roof. It was so beautiful, and Faruk came and smiled.

"Hi Faruk! You are really rich."

"Don't worry. This is not my house."

"It was a joke. You were asking if one more couple is coming."

Moon arrived, "Yes, darling, me and Geet."

Faruk said, "Wow, both women are so beautiful."

I said, "Faruk! Faruk!"

"Yes?" (wide smile and lost in their beauty.)

"They are lesbians." (He lost his smile.)

"Ouch! Heart attack!" Faruk held his heart.

"Stop the drama," I replied.

Faruk and I sat together, and he held my hand and kept asking about my hobbies.

"I like writing."

Geet smiled, "Faruk, what do you do?"

Faruk replied, "Geet, just like your big sis?"

Moon replied, "No, actually, she's her wi—"

I interrupted, "She's my friend."

"Aww, I am a YouTuber."

Geet asked, "What kind of videos do you make?"

"Do you know Druv Rathi, who explains things?"

Geet replied, "He's a really big YouTuber."

"Yes, I just make these kinds of videos. I have 17.8K subscribers."

Moon asked, "Are you really interested in politics? I think, everyone is a cheater, and everyone is playing games."

Geet asked, "Do you like Payal?"

Faruk replied, "Maybe her smile. She is so cute. Look at her eyes, so deep, so deep."

Moon asked, "How much deep?"

"You can swim," Faruk saying, He said something as if he shared philosophical thought.

Geet replied in serious, "How? Her eyes are so small."

Faruk force smiled. "Joke? Funny"

Moon retorted, "Calm down! That's a line, Geet."

Geet asked, "But seriously, how can you swim in her eyes? You can't even put a finger."

I interrupted, "I think, Faruk, let's dance! Things are getting hotter."

Moon and Geet are really like CID. Faruk is the criminal. They keep interrogating.

Faruk and I are dancing. He kept his hand on my waist. Geet continues looking at me with an angry face; I can easily read it. I bet she's jealous. She'll beat him if I don't stop her. I like it when she gets jealous.

Moon asked Geet, "Do you think Faruk will kiss her?"

Faruk heard and tried to kiss me, and I said, "Wait, hold your horses, buddy."

"What? Don't need my lips?" he asked.

"No, just give me a minute."

His lips were coming near to me, and I wanted to slap him. He's the worst. Moon and Geet are laughing at me. I know they're teasing me. I will prove them wrong; I can find a guy for me.

"Let's go eat something."

We're having lunch, and he touches my hand. He kisses my hand.

Faruk said, "You are so beautiful."

Moon and Geet chuckle, and Moon asked, "How beautiful is she?"

"Anyone in this world would want to kiss her; her lips are so beautiful, her nose is so cute, her hands look like a model's," Faruk replied.

Moon asked, "Oh, have you fallen in love with her?"

"Not yet, I just like her vibe."

I'm eating slowly, feeling bad when he touches my hand. I really want to slap him. He's so irritating. Geet, this thousand times better. How she treats me, I always like. Wait, again, I'm talking about her. What's wrong with me? I said, "I think we should kiss now?"

Faruk's eyes widen. "Really?" Our lips are getting closer, and my mind kept reminding me of Geet's lips and their taste. Geet gets up in anger. Moon is trying to stop them, but both left. He's still trying to get close to my lips. His eyes close, and I get up and say,

"Thanks for coming. I'm married, so sorry."  I'm scared. I don't know why. I don't want to continue this damn date. I have zero interest in dating anyone.

"What?"

"Yeah, your heart stops when you see her, that tall woman, Geet is my wife."

He forces a smile. "Ouch! How many lesbians are here?"

"So many! So ...wait actually, I'm straight."

"Really? And you're married to a lesbian?"

"Yeah! Looks like an arranged marriage setup."

"She is beautiful! Why are you finding a guy? She's perfect for you." (again he is lost.)

"You talk too much! Stop it. She's so selfish." I show aggression.

"Oh, what did she do?"

"Eat and go." (I stand again)

"Don't be angry, but she seems so kind. She's ready to date another guy, even though she's your wife." (He holds my hand and made me sit-down.)

"Right! She is kind. maybe"

" Is the other woman also married?"

"Yes, and she likes Geet."

"How many people like Geet? You like her... and..."

"Wait, who said I like her? Listen do not eat"

"Achha! listen You don't like her?" (He glanced at the red wine, picked up the glass, and took a sip, but his gaze lingered on the pasta.")

"No, never. I hate her."

"Why? If she's married to me, I'm ready to forgive any mistake. She's made of diamond that I wear around my hand every day."  (I looked at him irritably, as if he was speaking nonsense.)

"Wait Dude she is human and one more thing, she is... she's mine. Don't dream about her."

"You've become a protective wife. Are you sure you don't love her?"

"How many times do I have to tell you I'm straight?" I shouted.

"Okay, okay, calm down. Have you kissed a guy?"

"No, but I have many crushes."

"Who is your crush?"

"Right now....maybe ...yes SRK."

"He is cute. I also like him."

"Are you sure you're straight?"

"Yes, perfectly. Even though you are thinking too much! Straight, gay, lesbian, nothing matters. My last girlfriend was bi, and I never liked these types of people. But she told me, 'Do you even like me? If you like me, see me as a person, remove every tag.'"

"So, if I see her as a person, I remove her gender, her sexuality?"

"Yes. Did she meet your expectations?"

(I looked at him irritably, as if he was speaking nonsense.) "I don't know. When I saw her cute personality, I didn't know how to reply to her proposal, and now she changed the whole thing. I actually admire her as she was. Her pure and cute behavior I admire more. Now, she plays games and uses her brain to impress people. She doesn't want to impress me."

"So, you get it. You just want to talk to her, ask her to be honest with you. You can forgive easily."

"I don't forgive her, but at least I can decrease my hate."

"Perfect! My Love is waiting! Bye-bye."

"Love?"

"Yes, my pet name is LOVE. He is very rich and he has YouTube channel," he left.

Does he make videos about dogs? He said everything is right. Geet came back.

"I want to talk to you, Payal." (From her expression, it seems like She's about to talk something very important. Her expression was very serious.)

"Go on."

"You can date anyone. How I reacted in this situation was wrong. Moon told me I was brutal."

"Yes, you were."

"I am ready to give you a divorce."

I looked in shock.

She continues. "Yep. I became selfish. What I did was wrong. I kept forcing you to stay with me even when you're not ready. I looked at you and Faruk, and you're such a happy couple."

I tried to stop her. "Wait."

"Let me complete it..."

"Geet—"

"No, Payal! I think it's time that I should leave you." She's acting like she's spending so much energy, so much power of her body. She is calm.

"Do you really want end? Honestly, tell me." I shouted.