Chapter 30

"I can't do it."

"What do you mean you can't do it? I need to use the toilet, and you're hesitating here?" she said angrily.

I said, "I'll call Moon."

"You're my wife, and you're going to lock myself in the bathroom with another girl?"

"Ohhh!" I said to myself, 'Yes! Be strong, Payal.'

I went to her and touched her pajama. My hand touched her stomach, her skin flickered. I closed my eyes, quickly did what I had to do, and ran out. I covered my face with both hands, looked at myself in the mirror, and thought, "Why am I so red? This was normal. My imagination is running wild. What's wrong, Payal?

A few minutes later, Geet called out. I closed my eyes and went inside.

"You'll bump into something, open your eyes."

"No! Absolutely not, you'll feel uncomfortable."

"Who said that?"

"So what do you want? Should I shamelessly go ahead? You're crazy, should I go crazy too?"

"Payal, move to the right side, watch yourself, look a little... Stop, you'll bump into something!"

"Geet, I reached, right?"

Geet said, "Wait!" She hesitantly raised her hand, and then I opened my eyes. Why was I feeling so scared? Seeing her gather courage, I said, "What are you doing?"

I looked at her face! She was being brave for me! I snapped out of it and focused only on her pajama. My eyes opened wide, my heart started racing, I pulled up her pajama and helped her sit in the wheelchair. I washed her hands, took her outside, supported her, and laid her on the bed. I turned on the AC.

"Thanks, Payal!"

"Yeah."

As I was about to leave, she said, "You didn't see anything, right?"

"I swear!" I immediately replied with an innocent face. Seeing her laugh after so many days made me smile too. Moon came in and said hello, but I wasn't paying attention. Geet laughed and then looked at me, and she too got lost in my eyes. Then Earth came in and said, "Listen! Waitttttttt Moon, what's going on here?"

Moon said, "I don't know, are these two playing some kind of statue game?" Moon added, "These two are lost in each other!"

Earth said, "Really! They look so cute! Let's have some fun with this."

Earth waves her hand in front of me, and Moon snapped her fingers in front of Geet. We both looked around. When did these people come in?

Earth and Moon started laughing loudly.

Moon said, "Are you two up to something? now"

Earth said, "Yaad hai? She slapped that day!"

Moon replied, "Yeah, and said something about Geet... something was there..hmmmm. but these two were pretending in front of us. Payal, did you..."

I interrupted, "Do you two remember what happened?"

Geet joined me, "Yeah, you two said you don't remember anything! Was that a lie?"

Earth, nervously laughing, said, "I have something to do."

Moon said, "Wait, Earth, you remembered?"

Earth nodded her head and said, "Yeah, did you?"

Moon nodded. Geet asked, "Why are you two pretending? If you love each other, just say it!"

Earth said, "Moon will say, she doesn't love me, forget love, she hates me."

I said, "Moon? Do you remember how you cried, you were desperate for her...."

Moon interrupted me, "Payal! I'm Moon, I don't need anyone! I said that because I was intoxicated."

Earth said, "See! She's lying, she can't admit the truth!"

As Earth was about to leave, Moon didn't stop her. I asked, "Moon, why are you doing this?"

Moon said, "You tell me? Can't you see that you love Geet? Why don't you say it? You have your reasons, right? So do I," Moon gripped her tightly.

I thought of teasing Moon! "Geet! I want to tell you something."

Geet was shocked at first, then I held her hand and tapped her finger twice. She understood, and her eyebrows relaxed.

"Geet! I, I, I..." I said, overacting.

I'm getting scared again, what's happening? This is just acting, but still, I can't say it.

Geet is waiting for me to say it, but she seems to understand from my face. "Payal, I have something to tell you too."

"What do you want to say?" It would be easier for me to reply.

Moon said, "Wait, you two are joking, right? Stop this act in front of me! Payal, look at me, you said you hated Geet."

I said, "I forgave Geet, we don't fight anymore."

Moon angrily said, "So you're pretending, like last time?"

Geet added, "It could be true too."

Moon replied, "No, it can't be! Payal is straight, she said so long ago. Now she can't suddenly be gay."

Geet laughed and said, "What's wrong with you? If she's straight, why can't she become gay? What kind of talk is this? You were straight too, and then you fell in love with me?"

"Yeah, and you didn't value it," Moon said angrily.

Hearing that, Geet became emotional. "I'm so sorry, Moon."

Moon said, "Saying sorry won't fix everything."

I tried to handle the situation, calmly "Love is not in our hands, otherwise, with all the hate in this world, no one would want to be gay. Love is not something you can control."

Moon left without saying anything. Geet said to me, "Payal, you've become very understanding these days... you've become very brave, but you still can't say those two words?"

"Which words?"

"The two words that couples say to each other."

"Khana khaya? (Have eaten?)"

"Shut up," Geet said, slightly annoyed.

I laughed and said, "Give me some time, I'm still figuring myself out."

"What's there to figure out? Do you love me or not?"

I nervously said, "I mean..."

"See, you can't say it, can you?"

"What do you think?  I have no idea if I .... you or not, I want to be with you. That's all, but everyone says I .... you, yet I don't feel that way."

"You're just overthinking. Do you miss me? Do you cry for me, laugh with me? What else do you need?"

"Is that what love is?"

Geet chuckled said, "What else?"

"No guitar- Violin- Viola- Cello- Double Bass - Harp- Banjo- Mandolin- Ukulele- Lute- Sitar like - Flute- Clarinet- Oboe- Bassoon- Saxophone- Piccolo- English Horn- Contrabassoon- Trumpet- Trombone- French Horn- Tuba- Cornet- Euphonium- Sousaphone- Drum Kit- Snare Drum- Bass Drum- Timpani- Cymbals- Tambourine- Marimba- Xylophone- Glockenspiel- Bongo Drums- Djembe- Piano- Organ- Synthesizer- Accordion- Harpsichord- Celesta - Electric Guitar- Electric Bass- Theremin- Drum Machine - Harmonica- Didgeridoo- Saxophone- Bagpipes- Pan Flute in typical movies/books?"

"Huh?"

"No Instruments is playing in my heart"

"Guitar? .. All Instruments, it plays for me every time I see you."

"And mine? What about me..." I became a little sad.

"Okay, tell me, how do you feel when you look at me?"

"I feel like talking to you, being with you, taking care of you. Like people say, I feel... I mean, how do I say it, I feel like, I do not want to kiss you. Hugging is nice, but not as much as I've seen others do when they're in love. Am I normal?"

"Oh, such a simple thing, and you were so tense. You're asexual."

"What is that?"

"You have less sexual desire for me. It's still love, but you're less interested in making out."

"What the fuck are you saying? I don't want to make out?"

"You do, but less compared to others. Some people don't want it at all—they even hate it."

"So it's normal?" I asked nervously.

"Yeah, it's normal."

"So I'm bisexual and asexual too. It feels like the entire LGBTQIA+ spectrum is inside me."

"Why are you scared? You're just exploring new feelings. You might be or might not be... (pausing for a few seconds)... Let's check your feelings right now... Come closer."

"What is this?" I sat down, feeling troubled.

The closer I got, the more my fear increased. I felt like I'd be exposed. I sat down next to her. She closed her eyes and gently placed her wet lips on my cheek. As soon as her lips touched my cheek, my heart started racing. My cheek felt very hot. I gripped the sheet tightly. Her lips felt so soft, I wanted to stay right there, but I pulled back out of fear.

"What happened?" Geet asked.

"I'm scared."

"It didn't feel bad, right?" There's something magical about her touch—it never makes me feel bad, and it's so addictive that I just want to get lost in it.

"No!" I'm feeling shy.

"You're just scared. You're not asexual. Does this all feel wrong to you, or is it something you can't accept?"

"No! It felt good. Your touch is like a drug to me..." I said without thinking... Oh, I shouldn't have said that.

"You find my touch addictive?" Geet's cheeks turned red. Her smile grew wider, and there was a sparkle in her eyes, as if she was a little shy.

"Forget all this."

"What? Tell me, I want to hear what you think about me."

"Me?" Should I tell the truth? I'm scared. Will she judge me? I'll say it.

"Say it, Payal. How do you feel?"

"Yeah, I feel a tickling sensation in my heart when you place your lips on my cheek. It felt like my heart would jump out."

Geet started laughing.

"See, see! you're judging me," I said, adding with an innocent face.

"I'm happy. I want you to feel this way because I want you to do all this for me too! I feel the same way."

"Isn't this all too cheesy? It feels so strange."

"Really! Now I need some of your tickles. Kiss me! Fulfill my wish too."

"WHAT!!!" My hands started trembling.

Geet closed her eyes. Slowly, Slowly ....I started moving forward. Forget about being everything, forget that anyone's here. Forget, Payal, this is reality, just do what your heart wants. I gave myself courage. Slowly, I reached her cheeks. My hand touched her heart. The warm beats felt like a warm breeze, giving me comfort. Our breaths were very close. I could feel the warmth of her breath, and maybe she could feel mine too. I kept telling myself, "Be yourself. Do what your heart desires! FREE YOURSELF," repeating it in my mind over and over, and my lips unknowingly landed on her eyelids. My eyes closed, and my other hand met hers. Her fingers really long, I gently touched her cheek. feeling her heartbeat faster than mine.

She's shyer than I am, but she doesn't show it. She's still the same girl who used to be so clumsy. That same chashmish (bespectacled) girl appeared. The warmth of my breath close to her lips, our breaths intertwining. I could feel the cocoa flavor of her lip balm. I lightly inhaled the scent of her lips. I touched lower lip with my index finger, Lips felt dry, she started sucking cutely like baby on my finger as if she was sipping juice through a straw, her cuteness is overloaded. My eyes smiled. then suddenly, a noise startled us.

"Payal, that..." someone's voice, it was the sound of chips. Geet, out of fear, bit my finger, and I screamed loudly.

"Geettttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt!!!!"