Kill Switch: Chapter 12

Present

I was glad Michael and Rika weren’t having their engagement party at St. Killian’s. I refused to step foot in the nightmare they no doubt made of one of our favorite high school haunts.

St. Killian’s was an old, abandoned cathedral we all explored as kids, precious hours spent away from parents and left to our own devices, and when we became teenagers, the catacombs underneath were our obsession. I could still smell the earth and stone and hear the water trickling down the walls. It was decadent and indulgent, and my domain.

We ran and hid, scared each other, drank, and had all kinds of hot fun down there growing up. It was our pathetic little empire, but it was freedom.

And they just had to douche it up by buying it and renovating it into their new, lovely home, probably taking away everything that was wild and primitive about it.

God, please, someone fuck me in the ass. Where the hell did the kids at Thunder Bay Prep go now on Devil’s Night? Did anyone keep up the tradition after we’d left? Was everything we did pointless and dead now, lost in vague memories that wouldn’t outlive anyone who knew us?

I tipped my head to the side, hearing my neck crack, and took a drink of the Stoli in my glass. I said I would stay at this party for three minutes. It had been eight.

They got engaged two years ago, and they were finally celebrating it? Maybe Rika had wanted to finish school first or Michael’s schedule had been too busy. Whatever.

Pods of people loitered around the art museum, dressed in their best and here to wish Michael and his little monster a happy little life. But really, it was just a precaution. Michael and Rika were American royalty and would inherit a lot of power, eventually. Best to pay your respects in hopes of earning a seat at their table one day.

Glasses clinked, chatter melted together, sounding like a flock of birds, and everyone was smiling, except me. They all avoided me. Even though two of my friends went to prison with me, I was the only real criminal here. I was the rapist. The sexual deviant. The sick one. Lock up your daughters, wives, sisters, and moms. Hell, lock up Grandma, too.

I caught their sideways looks at me, and then they’d freak out when I looked back, and they hurriedly turned their heads. I laughed to myself and emptied my glass. Jesus Christ.

Crane, my head of security, approached my side, and I set the empty glass on a passing tray, picking up a new one.

“Where did she disappear to the other night?” I asked him.

“Coldfield,” he reported low for only me to hear. “The new haunted house. With her friends. No men with them.”

I scanned the room slowly, looking for Winter but not finding her. “Did she like it?”

I didn’t know why I cared. Maybe it would tell me if I needed to up my game when the time came.

“I think so,” he said. “I lost track of her for several minutes. Her friends did, as well.”

I spotted Arion and her mother talking to a group of older ladies. Vicious cunts like the rest of the matriarchs in this town.

“Was she meeting someone?” I suggested. She was blind. She would’ve been careful not to get lost by accident. Was it on purpose then?

“I don’t think so,” he answered. “When she reappeared, she looked shaken. Flushed. I think she just got lost.”

I laughed under my breath. She always did scare easily.

“And the attorney?” I asked about the rest of his list of duties I’d given him.

“Yes, the appointment’s set up.”

I locked eyes on Rika on the dance floor with some guy I didn’t know. His hand sat too low on her hip, his fingers brushing the top of her ass, and I narrowed my eyes on them, taking another sip. “And the council?”

Crane chuckled. “Yeah, it’s done,” he said. “If your father finds out how much of his money you’ve thrown around town…”

“Oh, he will,” I mused. “When it’s too late, of course. But I need all my ducks in a row first.”

And then I spotted Michael Crist, my old-friend-now-enemy, heading straight for me. Oh, great.

“Quack, quack,” Crane mumbled, probably seeing him approach, too.

I grinned at his joke as he walked away and squared my shoulders as Michael approached.

“Do you think I won’t kick you out?” he sneered. “The women don’t protect you.”

“Maybe not my women.”

He thought I thought I could be here, because the Ashbys were invited, but my insinuation was clear. Both his fiancée and Kai’s wife held less of a grudge. They may not hate me being here.

“Speaking of which…” I gestured to Erika on the dance floor. “Have you noticed the paws someone’s putting all over yours?”

“She is none of your concern.”

“Do something about it, or I’ll make it my concern.”

Why did I even care? I didn’t know. I spent a lot of time resenting Rika and her influence over the guys that I didn’t really realize…she belonged. Maybe I kind of liked her.

“Michael? Everything okay?” Kai walked over, and I rolled my eyes so far back in my head I almost saw my brain.

Two peas in a pod.

I glanced over to Rika again, noticing by just the guy’s look and smile that he was flirting. And Michael had his back turned, fucking oblivious.

“You know,” I said, stepping forward into Michael’s space, “when the alpha in a pack gets old or sick—weak—the other dogs can sense it.” I narrowed my eyes on him. “And they stop backing down.”

He stepped up to me, too, both of us nose to nose, him gauging how far he wanted to take this at his own engagement party and me not giving a shit. My family had money and connections, too, and I was done vying for a place among them. I was stronger. While Will and Kai took a plea deal on their assault and battery charges, I never gave in. I was in prison longer, and I’d been alone enough. This was my fucking town, too, and if I had to tear everything down and rebuild it to make some of it mine, I would do it.

Kai stepped in as he always did, trying to diffuse the situation.

“Damon, if you’re not enjoying yourself, you can leave,” he said.

“Nonsense,” I taunted, taking in the string quartet, champagne, and servers with trays of shit-colored canapés. “I like your party. It’s so…tasteful.” I laughed, taking a sip of my drink. “I remember when you had an imagination.”

“And I remember when you had a prayer,” Michael shot back, inching in. “I have my own bank account, Damon, with my own money, credit cards, and an education. I have connections outside of my father, friends, respect, standing, a fucking credit score, and the door is open to me at any restaurant, bank, or country club I want to do business with in the world.” He grinned. “Tried to get into Hunter-Bailey lately?”

Prick. He’d had me banned from the men’s club two years ago.

“I can fuck my beautiful fiancée any time I want,” he went on, “and she looks really amazing dressed only in that quarter-of-a-million-dollar necklace around her neck right now. A necklace I bought without asking my daddy for the money.”

“And how about fun?” I retorted. “Are you having any of that without me?”

This was not the party it should’ve been. My sister didn’t get the party she should’ve had, either. God, they were pathetic. We would’ve laughed at this polite, bland, and pretentious snooze-fest back in the day, and then grabbed the girls and taken them for an all-night ride through our underworld. What a shitshow.

Kai looked at me, his dark eyes only a shade lighter than mine. “Banks loves you,” he said. “And we would never disinvite the Ashbys. Those are the only reasons you’re here. You burned down my dojo, you tried to kill us, and you’re not to be trusted around Rika. We’re not friends, so when we run into each other, we’ll keep it brief and civil for the women’s sake, but I’m not ready to pretend anything is okay.”

“Everything okay?” Arion popped up in front of us, asking.

I snorted, the little speech he thought would have me shaking in my boots ruined now.

The whole group arrived—Will and Alex, Margot, Arion and Winter, along with that little shit-stain Ethan Belmont. He was next on Crane’s list of duties.

But I guessed they had to invite everyone to get the pretentious part right. Rika was circulating now, and my sister was AWOL. I imagined these things made her as uncomfortable as me.

“Peachy,” Michael replied and then leaned over to Margot, kissing her on the cheek. “Thank you for coming.”

“Thank you for inviting us,” she said and then joked. “Even if your mother made you.”

“Please.” He chuckled. “Rika and I run our own show now. The misfits stick together.”

She smiled at him, and I knew Michael’s mother and Winter’s mother were friendly, both of them probably finding common ground in their family drama.

He offered her an arm and led her off to the dance floor, Kai faded away, and Arion sidled up to me, taking a sip of my drink. I cast her a glance, able to appreciate how beautiful she actually was in her skin-tight gold dress, long golden hair, and every inch of visible skin glowing and soft.

But she was cold, shallow, and boring. Someday someone might be able to get inside her head and reach her, but it wouldn’t be me. I’d already been there with someone else and never again.

“Wanna dance?” I heard Ethan say.

I looked over to see Belmont with his arm around Winter, and I let my eyes fall down her body, noticing she had changed clothes. Her gown was gone, replaced with a thin, black fabric that draped over a black bodysuit—or leotard—with the gauze twisted into straps over her shoulders and fitted around her breasts. The sheer fabric draped past her ass, down her legs, and not quite to her ankles which were laced with matching black ballet slippers. No tights. Her bare legs were completely visible through the dress, which slit up the middle, giving her free rein to move.

“I was just about to,” she answered. “Rika and Michael asked me.”

Asked you? To dance?

“Sweet,” he replied.

But I cocked an eyebrow. “Why the hell would they do that?”

Was this Rika’s way of keeping an eye on Winter? Installing herself in her life again?

Winter’s chin lifted a hair and she set her jaw. “Because I’m good,” she stated.

“Well, this should be entertaining,” Arion mumbled with a smirk.

I didn’t know if I agreed. Winter would dance. For me. I didn’t like they’d gone behind my back to arrange this with her.

“Oh, Winter, this is Alex, by the way,” Will said and then eyed me. “My new best friend.”

My lips twitched with a smile. Touché.

Alex reached out with both hands, taking Winter’s and shaking it. “Hi, nice to meet you.”

“You, too.”

“Alex goes to school with Rika in the city,” Will explained to Winter.

She nodded, and I chuckled to myself. Yeah, Will, that was how we knew her. Sure.

I lifted my drink to my mouth. “Is Alex for hire tonight?” I asked, gazing down her body, the caramel-colored gown perfectly accenting her deep brown hair.

Will turned his glare on me. “Fuck you.”

“I’m completely serious,” I maintained, turning to my wife. “Do you like her?”

I mean, she was all ready to bring another woman into our bed—or my bed—days ago, right? And this was Alex’s job. As an escort, she should appreciate the business.

Arion remained quiet, her eyes falling and looking uncomfortable. “Damon, it’s not the place.”

“Do you like her?” I pressed, gazing down into her eyes and threading my finger under her necklace, gently pulling her mouth up to mine. “I like her. Tits for days and big eyes. I’d love to see those big eyes on me when she fucks you.”

“Jesus,” I heard someone mumble.

Another person sighed their aggravation.

But Winter remained silent. I could feel her, though. She was all I felt. I wanted her to hate this. To feel hurt that her eyes would never be on anyone, and she would never be as enjoyable or as sexy as Alex or Arion, because they could taunt with a single look.

She was pathetic, and less, and without. Like I could’ve ever enjoyed you like a real woman. Is that what you thought, Winter?

Arion kept her eyes down, not wanting what she was willing to do in the privacy of our bedroom displayed in public and in front of others.

Her lips pursed, but she finally answered. “You’re in charge.”

I quirked a smile, hating that she was so pliable, but glad Winter heard that. I didn’t need her. I could get what I wanted from anyone. Let her sit on that in bed tonight.

Even if I didn’t want it from just anyone.

I dropped my hand, peering over at Alex. “Is it still full price if I just watch?” I teased. “And if we do like a punch card, can you blow me on the eighth visit?”

Arion growled and spun around, walking away, while Ethan grabbed Winter’s hand and left.

“Fucking piece of shit,” Will said, turning to Alex. “Let’s go.”

I laughed, watching him walk away and thinking his little escort was following. Instead, Alex shook her head and sauntered over to stand at my side.

She crossed her arms, observing the party with me. “It is an art how quickly you can make everyone want to kill you.”

I shrugged, hearing the smile in her voice. “I just can’t help myself.”

I took another drink, kind of wanting to kill myself for a second, too. The shit that came out of my mouth. All for Winter’s sake, because she was my sole motivation in everything I did, and I was kind of fucking ashamed she had that power.

I didn’t have to explain myself to Alex, though. She knew what I was doing. I respected her, because she was no nonsense and made no excuse to do what she needed to do to get what she wanted. The world respected people who didn’t crave approval.

“How’s the job going?” I inquired, glancing down at her.

Her brow shot up, looking dissatisfied. “It’s almost not worth what you’re paying me. That old fuck is agonizingly boring, Damon,” she told me. “And pompous.”

“I know.”

Michael’s father had information I needed, and I doubted he’d care that I put Alex into bed with him to get it. It was for a good cause.

“Are you getting close?”

She pulled a flash drive out of her bodice and held it up to me. “I was able to grab this. But there’s more,” she pointed out. “Gimme a few days.”

I took it, hoping lots of good things were on it. For all our sakes. Her computer science minor was definitely a perk for this job.

“Make it two,” I told her, “and you get a bonus.”

I held up the flash drive, looking at it and pleased that everything was coming together. All the ducks. “Quack, quack,” I mumbled, feeling fucking great all of a sudden.

Someone bumped into me, knocking my shoulder, and the flash drive fell to the ground.

“Oh, excuse me,” a blonde woman dressed in a gray gown said.

She dove down and plucked the flash drive off the floor, and then stood up, raising her hand to give it back to me.

But she froze, meeting my eyes. Her face fell, and she didn’t move except to breathe.

Christiane Fane. Rika’s mother.

And even though she had a full-grown daughter and spent years on pills and alcohol, she was still incredibly beautiful. Her hair was loosely pinned back, strands framing her face, and her skin shimmered in the candlelight. Jewels hung from her ears, and her eyes flaunted several shades of blue that made them look exotic.

I wondered why my father never pursued her after her husband died. My mother had left by then, and Christiane was the wealthiest woman in town. She was gorgeous, still young enough to have more kids, and kind of stupid. I’d never understand how anyone remained that weak their entire lives, but here she was.

Why the fuck was she staring at me?

“Like what you see?” I smarted off, snatching the flash drive from her hand.

Jesus, go away.

She blinked, snapping out of it, and then dropped her head and walked away. Was she drunk or something? I thought Michael got her to kick that shit.

Whatever.

“So you going tell me what you’re doing exactly?” Alex asked once she’d left.

I tucked the drive into my pocket, letting out a deep breath. “Getting my family back. I—”

But I didn’t have a chance to finish. The string quartet stopped playing, and everyone exited the dance floor as I was sure a speech was about to start.

But it was Winter’s voice I heard.

“I have a special gift for Michael and Erika,” she said, and I moved a few steps to the right to get a view of her standing in the middle of the dance floor. “Something I hope they’ll find entertaining. But…” she smiled, looking beautiful with her hair piled on top her head. “I hope the lovely couple doesn’t mind—I’m dedicating this to my sister’s new husband.”

What?

And then she moved her head around the room. “Damon?” she called out, making everyone turn their heads in my direction.

“I worked very hard,” she told me. “I hope you like it. You know how much I love Christmas.”

Christmas? The village she wanted out of the basement when she was in high school sprung to mind, and I remembered that she decorated for the holiday the day after Halloween. Which would be soon.

My eyes didn’t leave her as I took a step closer and placed my glass on a tray as the server passed.

She wouldn’t dance for me. Not willingly anyway.

Finding her mark already placed on the dance floor, she settled into a traditional pose, one foot turned out, the other laying behind her, and her arms positioned down, forming a circle.

She never started like that. She always came in already moving, natural and unsophisticated. That was how she danced. Uncivilized. It was what I loved.

The music started, a slow, jazzy guitar sound, the beats all poised and separate. With each string, she moved. Controlled, routine, and trite, a new pose for every chord. Arm out, toe out. Arms up, feet moving from one elementary position to the next. There was no flow. It was like a warm-up.

But then the lyrics started, a deep and raw voice coming out of the sound system, and she popped up on her toes, stepping one foot in front of the other, her body all of a sudden coming to life and slinking from one move to the other.

And that’s when the song registered. You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch.

But it was a cover—some bluesy, rock variation—sexy, slow, and taunting.

I clenched my jaw.

Her shoulders rolled, one after the other, and her hips swayed to the music, her eyes closing and her neck bending like a seduction.

The drums kicked in, building up the song, and she jerked her body with every beat. Then she threw her head back, moved her arms, spun around, and rolled her head, pulling the pin holding her hair up, and it all came spilling down around her as the music let go and the singer’s voice cried out its raw rendition.

“Whoo-hoo!” Shouts went off around the room as people started to lose control, and I balled my fists, watching her.

That wasn’t fucking ballet. She may as well be taking her clothes off.

“Oh, hell yeah,” some guy cheered.

“Shit, that’s hot,” another one chimed in.

Motherfucker.

She twirled and stepped, moving like sex and running her hands all over her body, the muscles of her toned thighs visible through the sheer skirt all the way up to her crotch. The leotard left nothing to the imagination. Her hair whipped around, falling in her face, and her lips parted, making her look hot and breathless. My cock warmed with the rush of blood, and I wanted nothing more than to give her the spanking she damn-well deserved out in the car right now.

God.

“Whoo!”

Michael’s fucking basketball player buddies were going wild, and the song choice was not lost on me at all.

You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch.

A Christmas song, indeed. And dedicated to me with its nasty lyrics meant to describe me, too.

Clever.

I shot my eyes over to Michael and Kai standing next to each other, both of them laughing and sharing words, enjoying this too much. Michael looked up at me, grinning like he won something, and Kai followed his gaze, laughing again. Winter publicly slighted me, and everyone was loving it.

She continued dancing, working every inch of the song and feeding off the crowd, and I buttoned my jacket, using every ounce of control to not lose my cool here.

Someone appeared, and I shifted my gaze away from the dance floor as Michael approached.

“You know what?” he said, laughing and patting me on both arms. “I’m feeling generous tonight. Forget what I said. You can stay as long as you like. Eat, drink…” He tossed a glance behind him to the dance floor and then turned back to me. “Because it looks like you have your hands full enough at home. Ouch.”

I steeled myself, letting him walk away, but the air pouring out of my nose was damn near steam.

The song ended, the crowd cheered, and I saw Crane approach my side again as I watched Winter smile on the dance floor and soak up all that love at my expense.

“She needs to be disciplined,” I said.

“Did you have fun?” I asked, hearing the front door close.

Headlights shone through the drapes, and I pushed my chair back and rose from the dining room table, Winter’s dog popping his head up from my lap to let me up.

I knew she’d come home. Good girl.

And at one a.m., no less.

The headlights outside died, and I stalked into the dark foyer, seeing Winter still dressed in her costume from the party. I put my hand on her abdomen and walked into her, forcing her back against the door.

She sucked in a breath, planting her hands on my chest.

“Four hours,” I scolded. “When I think of all the trouble you could’ve gotten up to in four hours…”

After her dance, she disappeared, and it only took Crane a few minutes to find out she’d left with Ethan Belmont, escaping while she could. I sent someone to his house, but no one was home.

Hopefully that was him who just dropped her off, too.

“I’m an adult,” she shot back. “You have no power.”

But just then protests and struggles rang out loud and clear as people entered the house.

“Get your hands off me!” Ethan shouted as Crane dragged him into the room from the side door in the dining room.

I kept my eyes on Winter, though, a smirk curling my lips.

Perfect timing.

A puzzled look crossed her face when she heard his voice. “Wha—what are you doing? Leave him alone.”

I moved my hand to her jaw, holding it in one hand. “I think he touched you,” I told her. “He kept you out after curfew.”

She clutched my hand with both of hers, breathing hard.

“He’s been dying to get you into bed. Judging from the naked pictures of you all over his bedroom wall, anyway.”

“What?” she blurted out. “Stop it, Damon.”

Belmont struggled against Crane’s hold to my right.

“He’s been photographing you,” I told her, reporting what Crane found when he went to Belmont’s house earlier. “I really hope you didn’t know.”

“It wasn’t like that!” he yelled. “I just… Winter, they’re not bad pictures. I promise.”

I kept my stare on her. “They’re bad to me,” I bit out. “She’s in her bathing suit, her shorts, bending over… All without her knowledge from the looks of it, am I right?”

“Spare me your concern about what happens without her knowledge!” he fired back. “You only care when it’s not you taking advantage!”

I ground my teeth together. He wasn’t lying exactly. But still…

“Winter?” he pleaded when she didn’t say anything. “Winter, I just… It’s not as bad as it sounds, okay?”

She shook, still trying to pry my hand off, but not trying as hard as she could. She didn’t know who to trust, and she was struggling to figure out what to do or who to turn to. I just took away one of her only friends.

“They were candids,” he explained. “You were so beautiful, I…” He stopped and then shouted at me, “You broke into my house?”

“Did you mess with her?” I demanded.

When he didn’t answer, I shot in, whispering against Winter’s lips. “If he touched you, I’ll know,” I told her. “Your skin will be red and flushed. Your lips will be swollen. His stink will be all over you.”

She panted against me, and for a moment, I was reminded of our times together back in the day. When I whispered to hide my voice, but she was mine and I was hers, and she was in my lap, driving my car. Did she ever think about that?

I jerked my chin at Crane, and he spun Belmont around and landed a punch right into his stomach. The pipsqueak dropped like a ton of bricks, crumbling to his knees, coughing, and gasping.

“Again,” I said.

But Winter piped up. “No!” she answered quickly. “He didn’t touch me!”

“I didn’t touch her,” he said, wheezing and still coughing. “I would never hurt her.”

I released Winter but kept my body on her, so she didn’t move.

“Get him out of here,” I said.

Crane picked up the kid on the floor, and after a moment, they were gone through the side door again. Headlights streamed through the window, there were shouts, and eventually doors slammed, and two engines drove off. He was probably worried about leaving Winter here with me, but Crane would make sure he got home, even if he had to give his car a little push with the SUV.

“You thought you were so fucking cute tonight with that little performance, didn’t you?” I taunted. “Now, I like it when you misbehave, just do it in private where we both can take some pleasure in your punishment. You make me wait, it gets less fun for you.”

“I hate you.”

I pressed her back into the door again, and she sucked in a breath as my body molded to hers. She wouldn’t look at me as I leaned down, smelling the remnants of her lip gloss still on her mouth. Where had the rest gone? Did he taste it tonight?

Or maybe she wore it because she knew I liked it.

Her little face turned away, so defiant. But she wasn’t moving, either.

“Are you sure you hate me?” I asked in a low voice.

And I slipped a hand between her legs, swiping my fingers over the fabric of her leotard, and feeling what I knew would be there. She was seeping through. She was wet.

I brought my fingers up. “If he didn’t touch you, then is this for me?”

She slammed me in the chest, and I stumbled back, letting her out.

“You’re a monster. You’re no better than him,” she growled. “You played with me. You took advantage of me not being able to see, just like he did, and got exactly what you wanted. You abused me.”

“Yeah.” I nodded, getting back up in her face. “Yeah, I did. I got you any way I could. I…”

I stopped, finding myself losing control. I couldn’t say too much.

“You wanted to be powerful,” she said. “You wanted to win. You wanted revenge on my family and to cause pain, and you did. You humiliated me. You wanted to humiliate me. You wanted what you wanted, and you didn’t care about me!”

I stared at her, knowing I would never explain myself.

She thought she knew everything. She thought it was black and white.

She thought I’d wanted to hurt her. She thought I’d meant for people to see that video. She thought I wanted to trick her.

The only motive I had was to be around her, and if I had to lie to get it…

I wasn’t taking responsibility for everything. She liked it.

“’I think I love you,” I said, repeating her words to me all those years ago. “Don’t stop. Please don’t stop. I want you to be my first. It’s okay. Touch me.” I stepped up to her, invading her space and throwing all of her shame back at her. “You’ll be the first to kiss me here.” I flicked her ear. “And here.” I touched her neck. “And here.” I brushed her nipple with my thumb. “I want to feel your body on mine. Am I okay? Am I doing it right? It feels good. Don’t stop. Oh, God. Oh, God. Don’t walk away. Please, I want this. You don’t have to protect me. You want it, too. I’m okay. I want it. I want to feel you so bad.”

I threaded my hand through the back of her hair and fisted it, holding her still. “And then you spread those pretty legs for me.”

“I thought you were someone else!”

“I was,” I challenged. “I was someone you kinda liked.”

She shook her head, more denying herself than me as tears welled in her eyes. “You were a lie,” she said. “And all you are now is pathetic. You didn’t earn a cent of the money you throw around, and those men don’t guard you because you’re Damon Torrance. They guard you because you’re Gabriel’s son. You’re nothing!”

I shook her. Bitch.

“I was proof that people change,” I told her.

“The only thing you’re proof of is that not all males grow up to be men.”

I released her, slamming my hand into the wall behind her. She shoved me away and darted around me, holding out her hands to find the bannister and scurrying up the stairs.

I hesitated for a moment before I ran after her, charging up the stairs.

I caught her and spun her around, holding her in my arms and crushing her to me. “Arion thinks I’m a man,” I told her, keeping my voice low and taunting. “She’ll touch me like I’m a man. She’ll ride me in my bed and swallow me, because she wants what she thinks was yours.”

Her jaw tightened, and she didn’t move other than to breathe.

Do you want her to touch me? Do you even care?

“And she thinks she can do me better and erase you from my memory,” I said.

“I don’t care.”

Her expression was flat, and her voice was mechanical.

I nodded, ignoring the needles in my throat. “Good,” I said, feeling her breath on my mouth. “Because when you hear us tonight, I want you to know it’s because I don’t care, either. There’s nothing of you for her to erase.” I gripped the back of her head again, pressing her forehead into mine. “And in your bed tonight, when it’s late and dark, and the rest of the house is quiet, except for my wife’s moans down the hall and you’re pissed and angry, because you think you hate me, but you slip a hand under the covers anyway, because no one will be the wiser if you indulge yourself in the memory of me, I just want you to also know…” I lowered my voice to a whisper, “that’s what red feels like. Anger and fury and heat and need so strong you’re a fucking animal, Winter. It’s primal.”

A tear spilled out of the corner of her eyes, and I could feel her fucking heart pounding in her chest.

I released her, pushing her away and backing up toward my bedroom. “I’ll fuck her and make you come, too.”