Camera Shy: Chapter 37

“We have to make a pit stop,” I say to Palmer as I scour my email. We’re making the most out of the continental breakfast at her extended-stay hotel. There’s nothing like mass-produced hotel biscuits and gravy. This I can actually make. Gravy isn’t that far off from dip.

“Pit stop where?”

“Cancun,” I mumble as I read Mason’s panic-ridden email about how the presentation got bumped up and why the hell I haven’t been answering my phone. I quickly email him back, letting him know I lost it, and that I will meet him at Legacy Resorts by tomorrow. I don’t bother telling him Palmer will be with me. There’s no need for him to spaz out even more.

“How the hell is that going to work?”

I blow out a breath in frustration. I am so exhausted. It’s been the longest twenty-four hours of my life and not to mention not having my phone threw a real monkey wrench into things. I must’ve left it in the ride-share or dropped it at the Las Vegas airport. I’m not sure. All I know is when I got through airport security, I couldn’t find it anywhere. Luckily, I had my laptop with me, meaning I was able to effectively message Palmer with the airport’s Wi-Fi to tell her when and where to pick me up.

To my great shock and surprise, my Jeep is still perfectly intact. I was expecting at least a broken taillight judging by Palmer’s reckless driving.

“I’m going to have to call in a favor with Royalty Airlines, yet again.” It’s a perk from Dr. Ruth, my mentor, that I try not to abuse, but desperate times, desperate measures. She’s still able to fly anywhere, anytime for free, courtesy of her prior position with the company, and she extends this privilege to me whenever I want. “We park the Jeep in long-term parking at the airport, fly five hours to Cancun, do the presentation, fly back to Albuquerque, and drive back to Las Vegas.”

“Well, that sounds fucking miserable.”

“Yeah, it will be. Ready? Go check out at the front desk. We have to go.”

Palmer’s phone chirps in her annoying ringtone and she screws up her face when she snatches it off the table and checks the caller ID. “Hey, you’re calling me.”

She holds up her phone and clear as day, Aves with a heart is displayed on the screen.

“Finally!” I’ve tried calling my phone a few times, but it went straight to voicemail. Luckily, someone found it. I take the phone from Palmer’s hand and shoo her to the front desk. “Hurry,” I say before I answer the phone.

“Hello, this is Avery Scott. You have my phone.”

“Well, hello, Avery Scott. I do have your phone.”

I smile at the sound of his voice. “Finn. Where’d you find it?”

“Nora,” he replies. “I heard you’re in New Mexico.”

My heart knocks like I’m in trouble. It doesn’t look great. I ran out on Finn, then spilled my guts to his ex in a ride-share. But it was bizarre. She was so nice to me. Based on Palmer’s reaction to the whole situation, Nora was being a cunning bitch, but I was just pleasantly surprised she wasn’t openly cruel or snarky just because I was with Finn. I’ve had enough mean girls this summer tell me I’m not good enough for him. I was expecting the same from Nora, but it seemed like she understood the insecurity of being on Finn’s arm. The constant worry that someone was going to try and take what’s yours right from under you. I know she still loves him, but I’m glad she could be civil to me despite that.

“I have a lot of explaining to do,” I say simply.

“That you do, Queen.” But he chuckles, letting me know we’re okay. “Can we start with whether or not you’re upset with me?”

“With you? Finn, I screwed up. I should apologize. I, um…I think I found my limit.” I lower my voice. I know I didn’t say the word threesome out loud, but I’m still in a small breakfast crowd in a hotel dining room. And I don’t have time to explain my sexual exploration summer to this crowd of senior citizens.

“I’d say. We can talk about everything when you get back. But I wanted you to know that after last night, Nora told me you don’t want to move to Las Vegas.”

“It’s not what you’re thinking—”

“Ah, ah. Let me finish before you say anything else.”

My heart thumps with nerves as I lean into the phone. Can Finn technically dump me if we aren’t officially together?

“Lennox gave me some advice. She told me to sit down and make a list of all of my deal breakers for a relationship with you. So I tried, and I couldn’t come up with any.”

“What do you mean?”

“There’s nothing I wouldn’t endure to be with you. Because”—he clears his throat—“you told me in the champagne room that my lips feel like home.”

I blush a little at my heat-of-the-moment declaration of affection. I meant it, though.

“Well, your heart feels like home to me. What I wanted you to understand is that the reason our sex is so good, Avery, isn’t because of what we’re doing, it’s because of us. And it’s going to change. We won’t always be going at it daily, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to be head over heels crazy about you. Whether you’re in sweatpants or a mermaid costume, you’re still a queen to me. The hot moments are great, but so are the quiet ones. I don’t need dirty talk, threesomes, or any other kink you think you need to fulfill for me. I just want you to be exactly who you are.”

I suck in a breath. “Finn, please don’t make me cry in the middle of a continental breakfast.”

He chuckles. “Sorry I’m saying this over the phone, but you needed to know. If you have to be in L.A. for a while, that’s okay. We’ll make it work.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes.”

How is it possible he’s this amazing?

“But I want to say all of this to your face, so when are you coming back?”

“The Legacy meeting got moved up. I’m going straight to Cancun, then back to Albuquerque, then driving back to Vegas. So, a few days? Actually, can I ask you a huge favor?”

“Let me guess. Feed the fish?”

“You’re the only other person who knows how. The fish guy will be there sometime this week, but can you just make sure—”

“Is the spare key still under that ugly toad statue by the back gate?”

“Yes, sir.”

“All right, baby, I got you. I’ll feed the fish and you go knock your presentation out of the park. You just enjoy your last few days.”

“Enjoy my last few days of what?”

“Being single. Because the minute you get home, I’m making you mine, officially. No more gray area. No more questions about what we’re doing. And definitely no more kissing other people.”

“Good, okay, that sounds—”

The call waiting beeps, so I pull the phone from my ear to check who’s calling. I’m mistaken. It’s just a text message, but the notifications make me catch my breath.

“Avery?” I hear Finn ask through the phone, but my head goes fuzzy. My heart is tingling with nervous anticipation. The same sick feeling of dread you get at the top of a roller coaster when you know you’re about to take a plunge.

“Finn, that sounds perfect, but I have to go. We’ll talk soon.”

I hang up and open the message thread. Palmer and Mason were friends while we were dating, and Palmer has stepped in as my intermediary through the worst part of our breakup, so I’m not surprised that they text.

What surprises me are all the naked pictures.

All the dirty text messages.

The I love yous and I want yous.

My heart has collapsed, but my investigative brain doesn’t fail me. I know what’s going on, but I want details. I need more facts. This is my best friend and my ex-boyfriend. Of all the people to rebound with. How they hell could they do this to me?

I run across a familiar message and can confirm Mason’s first lie to me. Rumble app, my ass. He must’ve accidentally duplicated the message and sent it to me because he was talking to me and Palmer at the same time. What a snake.

It takes me another minute of scrolling before I realize the damage runs so much deeper.

This was no rebound.

The messages are constant, and I scroll as far as I can before I’ve seen enough. It’s been a back-and-forth saga of betrayal, guilt, and jealousy and I see clearly for the first time in my life why Palmer loves me so much…why she needs me close.

She loves a competition that she knows she can win.

I take a couple of screenshots of the messages and text them to myself, praying Finn isn’t going through my texts. If Mason getting pissy over the Legacy deal was enough to cause Finn to puff up like a bear and threaten him, imagine his reaction when he finds out Mason committed the ultimate crime in Finn’s eyes.

I watch her finish at the check-out desk and return to our table. In a single moment, Palmer’s entire appearance has changed. She’s wearing the same blue jean shorts and baggie crop top hoodie. Her blond hair is pulled back in the same wispy ponytail that it was ten minutes ago, but the person who joins me at the table has an entirely different identity.

She slumps into a chair across from me. “Fuckers are trying to charge me for incidentals over some stupid cheap lamp.” She groans. “I am so excited not to live in a hotel anymore.” She examines my face and her lips fall into a hard line. “Are you okay?”

“I need my keys,” I force out.

She yanks her purse from her shoulder and fishes out my keys. “Of course. I assumed you’d drive.” Handing them over, she asks again, “What’s wrong?”

I grip my keys so hard my knuckles turn white. “Do you have any idea how much I love you?” I ask.

“What? Yeah…”

“No, I don’t think you do, Palmer. See, I think you were the first person outside of my parents that I ever really loved with my whole heart.”

She holds her hand to her heart but squints. I realize my message and my tone don’t match, so she’s confused about how to respond. “Are you okay? Who called from your phone?” She points to her phone in front of me.

“Everything I know about how to be in a relationship of any kind came from you. It was symbiotic. You’re a taker, so naturally, I became a giver. I became a giver to everybody. Including Mason. He wanted a nice girl, a homebody, no drama, hard worker…”

“Okay… Avery, you’re freaking me out.”

“But he wanted a skank, too, didn’t he? And I couldn’t be that, so you were happy to step in.”

Her face freezes. “Don’t—”

“I know. I know everything. Don’t insult me by playing stupid. Are you really in love with him, or was it just entertaining to play me for the fool?”

Her eyes start to well. “No…no. I’m sor—I’m so, so—Sorry.”

She can barely get her words out as she breathes in short heaves and fear fills her eyes. I don’t know why she’s hyperventilating like that. I’ve never struck a person in my life. I’m not about to start now. Maybe she’s afraid because she knows the only damn person in this world who’s been loyal to her…

Is about to leave her in the dust.

“Just be honest. How long? I at least know you tried to talk him out of proposing to me. That’s all I needed for our friendship to be over. So tell me the truth. You’ve got nothing to lose. You’ve got no one left to lose.”

Her face goes ghost white and red splotchy patches form on her cheeks as her eyes fill with tears. “Since your first date,” she says through cries. “I’ve loved him as long as you have.”

I scoff at the ridiculous sentiment. “That’s not love, Palmer. You helped turn Mason into a cheating, spineless excuse of a man. I brought out the good parts of him. You brought out the worst. Maybe that’s why he kept me around… Because he didn’t like what he was with you. But at the end of the day, guess which version of himself he chose?”

She sobs harder. “You don’t understand—”

“Stop. You could’ve talked to me,” I murmur, my anger cooling, just for a moment as I watch her all but collapse in front of me. “You could’ve been honest about your feelings. I would’ve let you have him, Palmer. I’ve only ever wanted you to be happy. I used to think Mason was a good guy and I wanted a good guy for you.”

“I know. I should’ve talked to you, Avery, please. I’m so sorry.” She tents her hands over her face.

“It’s good you didn’t, though.”

Her brows quirk upward. “What?”

“I needed this to happen, to see what you really are. I’ve made so many excuses for you for so long. But I can’t excuse this.”

She hangs her head again. If she had hope for forgiveness, she must know that’s gone now.

“You know what the shitty part is?”

She won’t meet my eyes. Instead, she shrivels in her seat and merely shrugs.

“I want to tell you that you’re a slutty, conniving bitch. I want to hate you so much, but I’m just sad. That’s what happens when you really love someone, Palmer. They have the power to cut you to the core.” My voice grows cold once more, and the tears I’ve held back for so long, from hating myself in pictures, from all the crushes that picked Palmer, from getting dumped, from all the mean girls who hated seeing me with Finn, from the feelings of inadequacy as a woman…

I let them flow…

So I can finally let them go.

Because now I know the source of all this insecurity in my heart. It was because I wasn’t just ignoring the red flags. I was wrapped in the warning flag for twenty goddamn years in the form of my best friend.

“Getting dumped by Mason with a fucking ring on my hand is laughable compared to how I feel right now. Why? Why did you do this? I was such a good friend to you.”

“I know,” she whispers. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Agreed.” For the first time ever, I change the narrative. “And you no longer have me.”

“Aves, please forgive—”

“No. Don’t even ask. This is unforgivable, Palmer.” I brush at my tears, but it’s useless. We’re both openly sobbing and have attracted the attention of every single person in the room. I rise in my chair, my keys still clutched in my fist. “But I’m going to be okay because once I cut the dead weight, I’m going to feel free and happy. For you, however, I hope the anchor of shame, guilt, and loneliness drags you to the bottom of the ocean so you can drown in how pathetic you are.”

She mumbles something into her hands, but it’s incomprehensible through her open bawling.

“I never want to see you or hear from you again. From now on, figure out your own shit. Starting with your own way back home.”

With that, I rise and head through the sliding doors of the hotel. I find my Jeep and unlock the trunk. I’m immediately annoyed that the smell of Palmer’s perfume has saturated it, and I get a giant whiff of betrayal as the trunk door lifts. No matter. I’ll roll the windows down going seventy on the highway and the stench will eventually dissipate.

I yank Palmer’s luggage that we loaded this morning out of the trunk and place it on the curb. Without another moment of hesitation, I start the engine and peel out of the parking lot.

I drive away…

Changed.

No more pacifying. No more placating. No more Band-Aids for bullet wounds.

I’m ready for a true fresh start.