Chapter 44

TW: Suicide. The suicides experiences talked about are based off my own while severely withdrawing from SSRI's. Please be understanding of other's feelings when talking about topics such as suicide. Thank you for reading almost 100 chapters of this adventure with me so far!

Everyone had gone small. It was hard to see, like I was looking through a shattered window. Many of the enemies ran away from the sight of an unpredictable creature.

"I knew it. I knew what I saw in that dungeon. I don't know what you have done to yourself, but you don't frighten me." Samuel yelled up to me with his fists in the air.

Orion had ran. I could not see him or the queen anywhere.

Samuel got on the back of his dragon and approached me.

The dragon and I were face to face. He let out a mighty roar. I could remember when Galen said that perhaps I could communicate to it, and how my connection could have been stronger than Samuel's.

"Alrepti!" Samuel commanded tbe dragon he was on to attack.

The dragon ducked his head and began to ram it into me.

Please. Please. Listen to me.

I called out to the empty void of my mind.

There were no other voices that could be heard. The dragon swong it's large head into my chest. I didn't want to hurt it.

I tried to remember any way to communicate with dragons in all the reading I did. But there was nothing that could provide use to me.

Please. Don't attack! Ne Alrepti! Please!

It was like the undead dragon was frozen again. It's body stopped moving. It's limbs were like it fell asleep.

"No! Keep fighting! Alrepti!" Samuel screamed at the creature.

Please. Don't hurt us. Ne Alrepti!" I called out to the void. The void responded by lowering its defense.

"What! No! No! Men, get out of here! Flamio!" Samuel said.

Please! No! Ne Fl!"

It was too late. The dragon blasted the beautiful throne room to hot flames. Soldiers ran from the castle.

"Next time, I will kill you, and your disappointment of a prince." Samuel said before kicking the dragon.

They flew out in the hole the dragon created. People were screaming and running out into every direction. My size and strength were no advantage to the large flames that gulped the throne room.

"Flamio Revisocutus!" I heard a familiar voice from the ground.

Galen stood, their arms raised to the flames. Blue streaks floated from their hands to the flames. It was almost like a thick smoke. It swallowed the flames with an airy gulp, before making them disappear.

They were safe for now, I told myself.

My head spun. I tried to remain in control of my heavy limbs, but I couldn't. I felt myself fall face first into the ground. My large head and body began to shrink over the bits of crystal and glass I was flopped over.

"Zander!" Was the last thing I heard.

It was several hours later.

I woke up alone. I could barley see, it was like poking through broken glass. I was laying down, barley any clothes on my body. My dragon scale in my chest was exposed. As was my stab wound. It had already been cleaned and dressed. The physical wounds were nothing I wasn't used to. For a moment, I doubted the effects of Samuel's mystery liquid.

It was the mental anguish that began.

From deep in my head down my limbs, there was a shock. It was like lighting. A painful, zapping flash of lighting.

Zap

Zap

Zap

It happened every second. My finger tips and tongue were numb. My brain felt like it was being fried to nothing but ash.

I took in a deep breath, hoping to get a grip on my bodily feelings. But it felt like that deep breath let the smoke from the ash spread.

It felt like smoke running through my head, then spread out through my body. It was dark and thick. My wound began to ache. I could feel every scrape and bruise throughout my body. My ears s reached like a newborn was crying in it, despite the room being silence was the truth.

The wooden door south of me creaked as it opened.

It was like every sense was amplified. I felt like a million bugs were crawling all over my entire body.

"Zander. You're awake. How are you feeling?" They walked in with a cautious, slow step.

The bugs bit me. Every inch of my skin was on fire. The smoke smothered me with no room to breathe.

It's your fault they're dead.

You did this.

You might as well die too.

You've done nothing for anyone.

You've only caused suffering

End your existence, and everyone would be better off.

I jerked in pain and sat up, frantically brushing the bugs off of me. It became hard to breathe.

"Zander, what are you doing?"

"Getting the bugs off of me! They're everywhere!" They didn't stop digging. I took my nails and dug as deep into my skin.

"Zander! No!" Galen rushed over to me. They grabbed my wrists and attempted to restrict my arms.

"Let me go! Let me go!" I screamed.

"Zander! Please stop!"

I was stronger than Galen, their grip could not contain me for long. I shoved them off, pushing them backwards.

End it.

End it.

End it.

Make it quick.

My head begged for the release of death. All I craved was painless peace. I wanted all the suffering to end. I was useless. I was a weak piece of shit that helped no one.

I analyzed the room as fast as my eyes would let me. There were no weapons in the room, no medicine to swallow. To the left of Galen there was a large window allowing natural light in.

I pushed myself off the bed. The bugs followed me, marching around my skin. I darted towards the window, knowing the only relief would be when I was dead three stories down.

"ZANDER, NO! ORION! CHARLES! SOMEONE HELP!" Galen screamed from the ground.

I made a fist hit out the glass, sending shards in both directions of the window. I watched the little pieces of glasses fall. My only desire was to join them.

"Oh my gods! Zander!" Charles yelled.

Orion ran over to me. He puffed out his arms and tackled me to the ground, away from the window of freedom.

I kicked and fought him, attempting to scurry away. He pushed his full weight down on me. He was still wearing his clothes from the day before. The dagger in his belt called to me.

We tumbled on the ground, twined together. My mind had no other objective but to reach the dagger.

Nobody cares about you.

Everyone hates you.

They want you dead.

Do them a favor and kill yourself.

I reached to his belt for his dagger. He took me and threw me away like the useless trash I was.

"Zander. Please. You have to stop." Orion said, hovering his hand over his dagger to protect it.

Hot tears began to pour down my face.

"Please. Let me end it. Let me die." I pleaded, hoping that Orion of all people would understand.

"I can't let you do that."

My focus on the dagger was lost and was redirected back to the window.

Orion slid his dagger on the ground by Charles and tackled me once more.

I began to sob. Every part of me longed for the end.

"Please! Please! Let me die! PLEASE!" I screamed in his arms.

"I'm sorry, Zander. I'm never going to let you do that."

A wave of extreme exhaustion fell over me. My limbs felt like water.

"I apologize, Zander. It's only to help you sleep." Galen said, their hands danced above my head.

Galen's spell knocked me out for hours upon hours. The dreams were miserable. I dreamt of all the ways I could kill myself over and over. There was no such thing as peace in my head anymore.

"How are you feeling?" Galen hovered over my bed like a cloud.

End it

End it.

Find a way.

My eyes pondered the room. Charles and Orion stood at the foot of my bed. They had moved me to a room with no windows. It was practically empty.

I attempted to sit up, but my hands were restrained. I turned my head down to see my feet were bound as well. They had me tied to the bed.

"I'm sorry. It's so you don't hurt yourself. Samuel put a liquid in your blood stream. Witches often call it dread dew. It is very hard to make and very hard to cure. That is what's doing this to you. I am working on a counter potion, but it has proven itself to be difficult."

Find something.

Zap

Dispose of yourself. Now.

Zap

Do the right thing and kill yourself.

With all my strength, I tried to rip out of the chains they put me in.

"Zander, stop! It's for your own good." Charles shouted at me like a little puppy who didn't obey.

"Let me die. Let me die. Please. Just let me go. Please." The tears returned.