Chapter 61

Despite exhaustion from the journey, I couldn't sleep. I had compromised all of my moral integrity, all of my values and self promises, for a taste of Samuel.

I compromised everything. I put myself and all the people I care about in danger, just for a moment of him. I hated how I let him manipulate me. I didn't expect more from Samuel, I expected more from myself.

How could I let him tempt me in such a way?

I let myself be weak around him after I swore to myself otherwise. This man has tortured me, killed my parents, and destroyed my home. Rage filled every ounce of me. I thought I could play his games without falling into his trap, but I was wrong. I should have struck him with my sword the moment I saw him.

Did I give him a chance because I thought I could play his games? Or did I do that because it's Samuel? I knew for certain I had other feelings for other people. I truly believed I had let go of Samuel. There was nothing in my heart for him except rage.

Yet, if that was true, why did I let him kiss me? Why did I encourage it? Why did I crave it?

He was after my secrets, and I was moments away from him finding out the truth. He almost found our potential secret weapon, a key to the war that was graciously bestowed upon me by a higher power.

My self hatred consumed my mind, like a snake eating a mouse. I deserved every moment of its venomous fangs chewing through me.

I was summoned to meet in the meeting room.

Johnny had arrived with Queen Lapis of Naporia. Mavis, Daniel, Orion, and Charles ringed around the table.

"Johnny, Queen Lapis. It's good to see you. How was your journey?" I greeted.

"Cold." Lapis said shortly.

"The Naporian fleet of soldiers has been trained. I believe the troops should be organized by the highest skill set, to the lowest. Lafayette, Belmonte, then Naporia. Did we receive fleets from anymore allies?" Johnny asked.

I explained to her the absence at Dewsbury, and the trip I had at Darlington.

"Supplies from there would be great. I can send some soldiers if you would like to retrieve more."

I nodded.

"I'm sure King Timothy will be more than willing to help with that." I said.

"Now that everyone is here, I believe we should plan the attack on Salkon, Vendov's biggest ally." Said Orion.

Orion explained the plan to everyone. The goal was to travel through the mountain range and attack them from behind. We would have more coverage, and would not see us coming.

"Will the soldiers even survive the cold?" Mavis asked.

"We will bundle up. I think this is a great move for Lafayette. I am ready to take back our home." Johnny said, taking a proud stance.

Mavis fell quiet.

"I'm ready too." Daniel stated.

"Let's begin, then. Let's tell the soldiers the plan and prep them for the battle ahead. We will make an announcement this afternoon." I said.

The gathering at the table departed.

"A word, Daniel." Mavis said. Daniel followed her out.

The rest left together, except Orion. He turned a different direction than them. I called his name to catch up with him.

"Orion, wait!" I said. He did not stop, he did not turn. He was not responsive to my voice.

I caught up with him and walked beside him.

"Hello?" I said as I caught up to him.

"Do you need something?" He said shortly.

"I thought we could prepare a speech together for the people. You always know the right thing to say." I said.

"Apparently I don't." He said, lowering his head.

"What are you talking about?"

He sighed.

"Last night, Zander."

"Last night? What about last night?" My stomach dropped. Did he know about Samuel? Did he know what I did?

"I must not have been important to you if you have already forgotten."

My stomach fell deeper in the pit. I was so distracted by Samuel and the curse he had on me, I had forgotten what I was planning to do last night; go to Orion's chambers. Words could not have expressed how much I already hated myself for kissing Samuel. The internal hate tripled. I not only hurt myself, but Orion, too.

"Orion, I am so, so, sorry."

"If you didn't want to come you could have just said so. You didn't need to get my hopes up.. I waited so long for you."

"I am sorry, Orion. I wanted to go. I did. Something came up."

"Something came up? What came up?" He lifted his head.

I remembered Samuel's warning about being watched. Perhaps it was a bluff, but I couldn't have Orion anymore hurt than he already was.

"Nothing. I'm sorry, Orion. How can I make it up to you?"

"So, nothing came up? Now you're lying to me? I thought we agreed to trust each other."

"Orion, please. I'm sorry. Can we just leave it at that?"

"Fine, whatever you want. And as for making it up to me, I don't know if you can. If you weren't interested you could have told me, you didn't have to stand me up." He walked away.

I was so angry at myself I could hurt myself. I did not know how to stop harming the one's I love. Was it worth it? I asked myself. Was it worth destroying your relationship with one you truly, deeply, care about, for a kiss with Samuel? Of course it wasn't. I wished I could have taken it back. I wish I would have slayed Samuel on sight.

Orion was uninterested in talking with me, I couldn't blame him. I searched for Mavis, as she would be the one talking to our people alongside me.

I couldn't find her in her chambers, so I headed up to the royal nursery.

The door was closed, I reached along the handle to open it, before I heard familiar voices speaking.

"You cannot go to war!"

"I have to. You knew this day would come."

"No, Opal needs you. I will go instead." Mavis said.

"No, you will not. Opal needs you. Your people need you, they need their queen."

"Opal needs her father."

"She doesn't need me. She has you and Zander." Daniel said.

"You know that is not the same!"

"Everyone thinks it is, so what is the difference?"

"Daniel, you agreed to this arrangement. We agreed to keep her safe."

"What do you think is going to happen once the war is over? Do you think we'll be able to tell everyone the truth? You think your people would accept being lied to? You think the Lafayette people will accept Opal as a knight's child, not a king's?"

"You knew this wouldn't be easy. Going into this, you knew falling in love with a queen would have its complexities. Perhaps once the war is over.."

"When the war is over? What's going to happen? Are you going to seperate from Zander? Are we going to get married and will I be able to call my child my own? I didn't think so."

There was a moment of quiet.

Daniel's tone softened after a deep breath.

"I am incredibly fortunate to catch the eye of a beautiful, kind, queen such as yourself. Never in all of my days would I have expected to be worthy enough to be a glance in your gaze, let alone your entire view."

"I love you more than anything. I will give my life for you ten times over. That is my duty, and I am more than willing to die if it means you and Opal live."

"I can't have you die. I can't. How am I supposed to go on if something happens?"

"You are strong. You will persevere. You always survive what is thrown at you, you would survive losing me."

"Daniel, please. Queen Lapis brought a fortune teller with her. She said that this battle will have a large loss."

"That isn't fortune telling. That's just common sense. War is hard, a large loss can always happen on the battle field. It can happen at anytime. Samuel could show up and torch the castle at any moment." Daniel said.

"Please, Daniel. Don't make me beg you not to go."

"A queen doesn't beg, she commands. And I'm sorry, I know it's treason to disobey your command."

The handle began to twist, I jumped back and booked it up the stairs not to be seen by either of them.

Daniel exited and went down the stairs. I waited a few moments before entering the nursery.

I heard Mavis sniffling.

"May I join you?" I asked her. She quickly wiped her eyes and straightened her stance.

"Zander, of course. I apologize, I didn't see you. Opal is asleep right now." She didn't turn towards me, keeping me from seeing the tears on her face.

I stood over the baby's bassinet to see her fast asleep. She was approaching a year old. I couldn't believe it was almost a year ago when we were living in that toasted cottage that Mavis gave birth in.

Opal's curls were light and whispy. She slept peacefully. Her little fists were closed tight as she slept.

"You seem upset, is something wrong?" I asked, as if I didn't overhear.

"It's nothing, everything is fine." She said.

I sat down in one of the several chairs in the room. I offered a seat to Mavis as well.

"I don't think that's true. You can tell me anything."

She let out a breathy, worrisome, sigh.

"I don't want this battle to happen. I don't want you or Daniel or anyone to go. You cannot die. Let me go instead."

"Your people do need you. And if something happens to me, the people of Lafayette will need you too."

"You sound like Daniel."

"You were always better at ruling than me. It came so naturally for you, it always has. I know my people would be in great hands if something happened to me."

"Lapis brought a fortune teller from Naporia. The fortune teller said we will recieve a large loss."

"Oh, yeah? I don't know if fortune tellers are someone you should take too seriously. I visited one on my journey with Samuel. She said she could 'see' that I was a farmer." I said.

"A farmer?" She questioned, almost letting out a tiny laugh.

"Yes, a farmer that had a big farm. I wouldn't take the fortune teller too seriously, but I do understand your fear. This war is extremely dangerous, and there is always going to be risks. But do remember, I will do everything I can to ensure Daniel's safety."

Mavis hugged me.

"Thank you, Zander. I missed my best friend." She said.

"I missed you too."

Opal began to fuss, causing us to separate.

"She has been so fussy ever since she started crawling. If she isn't asleep, she wants to be moving around. I apologize." Mavis picked her up.

"It's quite alright. She's grown so much."

"I know, eight months goes by fast." She said.

Opal quieted with her mother rocking her.

"You look tired." Mavis said.

"I didn't sleep last night, that's all."

"Were you up with Orion last night?" Mavis asked. I jerked my head at her.

"Is that an incorrect assumption?" She asked.

"No. I mean, yes. I wish I was up with him last night." I said. Mavis pushed her eyebrows together in confusion.

"Sorry. Tired." I repeated.

"Did something happen?"

Samuel's warning popped into my head. Was he bluffing? Was anybody safe to tell? The guilt and pain was weighing on me. If there was anyone who could help lift the weight of the world off me, it would be Mavis.

"Can we talk? Not here. We need to leave the castle grounds."

"Leave the castle grounds? Why?"

"I'll tell you when we get there."

I wondered who could be his informant. A common soldier? A servant? Someone I already knew? Or was his ploy to get in my head working?

Mavis and I discreetly took two horses and rode out of town. We went traveled through the countryside of Belmonte, ensuring we were a safe distance away. I found a spot with a large, frozen over pond.

"Why are we out here? We couldn't have talked in town?" She asked, pulling up her hood.

We dismounted our horses and walked them alongside us.

"What did you drag me all the way out here to tell me?"

"You cannot tell anyone."

"Are you and Orion finally together? I know the rumors are Orion and Daniel, but I don't know if anyone believes that anymore."

"I may have.. Um, had a visit from someone last night. Someone I've had previous affections with."

"SAMUEL WAS HERE? IN OUR CASTLE?"

"Why do you assume Samuel?"

"Who else have you had 'previous affection' with?"

"Fair point."

"Samuel was in the castle? You LET SAMUEL in? MY DAUGHTER lives there! You put all of us at risk! Including MY CHILD!"

"I didn't let him in, he showed up. And I know, I'm sorry. I wish I would have killed him on the spot."

"How did he get in? What did he say?"

"I think he came through my window somehow. Perhaps the undead dragon? But there were no signs of the dragon being there. He came to make a deal. He manipulated me again."

"Zander, he killed your parents. He killed your people."

"You don't have to remind me. I've been destroying myself with guilt. I didn't even just let him talk to me. I let him kiss me. I kissed him."

"YOU WHAT?"

I explained to Mavis in full detail what happened. I told her how I was supposed to visit Orion, and how I truly believed I had no feelings for Samuel except hate. I told her how I let myself get manipulated by his charm, how I thought I could be on his level. I told her how I failed, and how I almost exposed one of our biggest secrets. I told her how he claimed he had eyes on us.

At first, Mavis was upset at me. I couldn't blame her. I did put everything at risk.

"I just can't believe that I did that. I know I don't like him anymore, I hate him. I believe there are others who have my heart. He is ridiculously good at talking his way what into he wants. I just craved what we had, before I knew the truth. Is that terrible?"

"It's not terrible. Samuel was your first love, and he is good with his words. When he bursted into the castle offering to help, I accepted it graciously. It can be hard to not get wrapped up in the past, in the memories of what could have been. It is easy to give in, especially with someone who is so good at saying the right things. The important thing is you stopped it. You realized what was happening before he found out about you. Before you exposed us."

"I guess you're right. But I still ruined things with Orion. I was so excited to meet up with him I didn't even realize Samuel was in my room. I stayed up all night thinking about what happened, I forgot to go to Orion's. I also feel so guilty for kissing Samuel. I can't believe I did that."

"Perhaps you should tell Orion what happened?"

"He doesn't seem interested in talking to me. What would I say? 'Sorry I didn't go to your room last night, I was kissing my ex lover who is also our enemy that works for your evil father?'"

"Alright, it may be hard to explain."

"I also don't know if Samuel is bluffing on having eyes here. If he could infiltrate our castle on his own, he could have snuck some soldiers in among the crowds."

'You think the potential traitors are posing as soldiers?"

"Potentially. I don't know. That's why I didn't want to speak in the castle. I can't trust anyone."

Mavis put her hand on my shoulder.

"You regret what you did. Don't let it weigh down on you and prevent you from doing what you want for the rest of your life. Let's head back and speak to the soldiers, then you are going to talk to Orion."