FORTY-ONE

FORTY-ONE

I woke up to a painful jab hitting me hard in my sides. I filled with the need to move, minimise the pain and try to see what caused it even. But even though I forced every cell of mine, willed every part of me to move, I couldn't. I felt paralysed and unable to do anything that I wanted to do.

I tried to lift my head up to catch sight of the pain stricken area on my body, but that too failed at my haste attempt. Everything felt heavy and wrong. I knew what happened to me, I wasn't rendered from my memories. I knew what happened and I knew that the ability to feel pain was wrong. I had blacked out to a point where I felt as thought I was floating over my own body, able to see everything that was done to be yet unable to feel any of it.

Whilst watching myself I knew that any moment I was going to give in. And I was going to be gone for good. I knew it as much as I knew everything to be real.

So why was I here? Feeling pain that shouldn't be felt?

I rolled my eyes back in my head and tried to go back into my slumber. This time, for good. Until a loud, unwelcoming sound snapped my eyes back open.

"I think you've had enough sleep," a deep familiar voice come from the other side of the room. The side I was faced away from which explained why I wouldn't have seen him when I first came to.

"Is that an attempt of a joke?" I replied back, my voice icy and laced with bitterness. I wanted nothing to do with him, because I even remember what had led me straight into Brandon's arms.

I turned to look at him, ignoring the burning feeling coming from my centre and the intensity of it. It put to shame the pain I felt at my side and it took everything left in me to not cry out in pain. I caught him grim expression straight away.

"Not a pretty sight right?" I said, my voice still containing that bitterness I had for him. Nothing could explain what k felt for him right now. All the things I have shaped my life around came crashing down the moment I saw what he was truly hiding. I wanted to know the reason behind it and I thought he owed me nothing less of it.

"Why?" I crocked out, my voice losing the coldness from it instantly. It was as thought I was stripped down emotionally and my barriers came down. I was beat to the core, I was violated emotionally and physically destroyed. But nothing felt worse than seeing Link staring at me, with nothing to say and nothing to give me.

It all came crashing down after that. The surprise built of my own will evaporated into dust in front of me as I succumbed to my pains and fell back into to the bed. I was weak and it was beginning to take its toll on me. I didn't have enough in me to face Link and he clearly didn't want to speak up.

I closed my eyes once again, trying my best to dull the pain that kept tugging at my centre. It was a hard pull that came from my lower abdomen that finally made me crack. It felt as though claws hands dug deep into my flesh, grab at everything and clung to them to squeeze the life out of them. It felt like it was burning as much as it felt as thought ice was being pressed against my insides. There was no relief in the pain and an agonising cry came out my mouth.

I couldn't focus on Link who jumped off his seat and ran towards the door. He yelled for someone but I couldn't hear who as the pain yanked out a physically reaction from me. I doubled over in pain, clutching my lower stomach as I gagged for air. My breathing became constricted as I fought the stars that appeared in the corner of my eyes. The pain was so much that it alone was going to make me pass out again.

I felt several hands on me, another on my stomach and prying my own away from the burning area. I wasn't aware that I was holding on to anything except my stomach until a voice instructed me to let go, following the orders graciously.

****

There were two distinct voices that I recognised instantly when I came back to consciousness. It was the first visit of the next few visitations I was bound to endure since I had no way of escaping it and it was rude to send away all my friends and family.

Palmer and my friend Versa were in the room, talking quietly but loud enough for me to catch a few words they were saying. Regardless of that, I couldn't have my mind piece together the words to make sense of what exactly they were talking about.

I mustered all the energy I had in that moment and shuffled on the bed, telling them without actually speaking that I was awake and aware of them. Versa rushed to my side instantly, grabbing my cold hands into her warm ones.

"Ori," she breathed out, relief at seeing me staring at her. I couldn't pinpoint the last time I saw her since everything was fuzzy in around my head but damn did I miss my best friend. Did I miss those days where we would do nothing but chat endlessly about pointless things. She became occupied with her new boyfriend Ryan and I was busy dodging and sparing with Link.

"Hi," I said back for the lack of a better thing to say. I missed her so much but I couldn't see myself telling her that. It was as if I was closed off from really displaying any sort of emotion towards anyone.

It's just too much effort right now... a voice assisted me in my head even thought I knew it was a lie. Granted I was drained from all the beating I took but I could at least pretend I cared enough to show my friend how I really felt.

"We were so worried- all of us. Palmer, Thomas, Ryan and Nolan. We've been waiting all outside for you."

I should have felt some appreciation for their worry and care but again, I didn't feel anything. I lifted my gaze to look up at the woman who was nothing less of a mother-figure to me even though my own mother was well alive. A part of me hoped that seeing her would break me out this emotionless trace but when my eyes connected with her concerned ones, I still felt nothing.

I tried to smile at her. "You feeling okay?" I asked her, a stupid question to ask I noted as soon as it had been directed.

Palmer rolled her eyes at me. "Ori honey, are you feeling okay?"

I nodded at her. I couldn't feel anything so I wasn't exactly in pain or anything. "Nothing too bad." I told her.

It was clear in my voice how bland and dull everything was for me and Versa and Palmer quickly took a hint. They didn't stay long, didn't ask much questions expect what I wanted to eat and what clothes for Versa to bring for me. I told them no food and a simple outfit would really make my life easier as soon as I could leave the hospital.

They shortly left after that.

The next visit was from the Nolan. He stepped in as soon as Palmer and Versa left.

"I mean," he started to say as soon as he closed the door behind him. "I thought I was a friend. A friend enough for you to come to me about this bullshit."

I raised an eyebrow at him in question.

He seated himself in the chair closest to my left side. He got comfortable before turning a serious hard look at me. "You should have told me."

I fought back a scoff. "I don't think I was obliged to tell you. About anything in fact."

This time it was a Nolan who raised an eyebrow at me.

"So it's true what they said." He mused out loud.

"What's been said?" I asked.

"It's a rude and icy Ori in the room. Not the warm welcoming one we've all been losing sleep over for the past few days."

I didn't know what to say to that and gulped down the heavy bulge in my throat. Palmer and Versa did indeed detect the dullness in my voice but decided it was me being icy instead. And it didn't help that he had to throw in the last part of his sentence in an accusing way.

"I didn't ask for you guys to lose sleep over me," I replied back. "Just go home and sleep."

"You can't really mean that."

I really didn't mean that. I knew that I would be crying in a different circumstance if any of my friends lost sleep over me and cared far too much. But today was not the day. Nothing was working for me. I was tired even though I spent the better most of my stay asleep.

Nolan stared at me hard, finding it difficult to pinpoint a reason for all of this. I wanted to tell him I've been through shit but my missing feelings were not the reason for that. There was something else going on and I didn't know what it was myself.

Nolan, seeming defeated pushed himself off the chair. "I'll let the others know." He was gone before he could hear my silent cry for help.

The following visit was from a nurse. I welcomed her with open arms as opposed to all my previous ones. I wanted to ask her when I could go. And my plan was to pack my shit and actually just go. Screw finishing my exams. I was fucking gone the second these people said I could go.

She came to my side and shot me a worrying look.

"How are you feeling?"

"Just fine," I told her. If I told her of any of the pains she would definitely keep me for a few more days. And that was something I didn't want.

"You remember what happened before you-?"

I frowned at her words. "You mean what Brandon did to me?" I asked her cautiously. But I was sure that's what she wasn't getting to.

She shook her head. "When that young man was speaking to you and you suddenly got this pain in your lower stomach."

It all came back to me. The pain. The claws. The burning.

"What happened to me?" I asked the nurse, my voice breaking towards the end.

I listened, closely to what the nurse told me. I laid there in disbelief at what would have happened and scared of what did. How close everything could possibly have marked the rest of my life and how I could have possibly never returned from it.

"Was I?" I asked the nurse as my eyes shot to my lower body.

"He didn't have the time but it was close." She assured me.

I couldn't remember if he had or hadn't but knowing that I could be medically checked out was a good thing. Because now I knew for certain. But her words were swirling around in my head which explained why I had suddenly lost all sense of emotion.

But why were they still gone after finding out a blow like this?

The last visit surprised me to a point where I actually sat up. I knew I shouldn't have done that, since every bone in my body ached and cried out in pain. And after what the nurse told me, I couldn't be so haste in my movements. I clasped my mouth shut attempting to make the hurt I inflicted on myself whilst simultaneously keeping my eyes glued on the man that strolled through the room.

I didn't except him here, not of all places. He would be the last person to cross my mind to come see me even though he should have been the first person here.

The last time I saw this man I confessed my crime to him.

"I hope I'm not wasting your time." I was the first to break the deafening silence. I grew up hating the whole notion of a father because mine resembled nothing of the sort. I wanted nothing but him being a safety net for me. All that bullshit of over protective fathers always sounded appealing to me.

"You're not." He said back quietly. He hovered at the end of the bed for a few seconds before pointing at the chair.

"Please sit."

He sat down. I made a quick note of what he was wearing. Nothing less of smart, a blazer and smart pants. He was probably working before he came to see me.

"I came as soon I heard."

I wanted to retort back something smart but just kept my mouth shut. I also wanted to ask if Mother bothered to come since it was her lover who had done this to me. But I hoped she hadn't because I finally decided that I never wanted to see her again.

It was like he read my mind. "She's gone for good so you don't ever have to worry about seeing her again."

I looked at him closely. "You know what happened?"

He nodded slowly. "To the last detail."

I sucked in a breath. This would be the moment where several people would be needed to restrain a father from murdering the person who did those things to his daughter. But my Father didn't show one bit of hatred. He kept his face expressionless and hard for me to read.

"Why are you here?" I asked him.

He ignored me and instead asked me his own question. "Was it true what you said to me before you left the house."

I nodded at him. "Up until an hour later after that moment, yes it was true. But not anymore."

"No such crime was done by yourself?

I shook my head. "No. But I believed I had for two years."

"You kept it all to yourself for those years?"

I nodded at him again, finding it harder and harder to string words together. I didn't know what was happening to me. Maybe it was the directness of my Father and how he asked me simply questions that cost most of myself to answer. I was proving it harder for myself to accept what had happened and the ugly twist that had bind the whole events that followed.

"I couldn't tell anyone about it-" I started to say when a weird sound came from my father.

I was lost between a growl and a pained sound. As if he was the one bound in this bed and going through all sorts of pain. His face twisted into something new, something I've never seen crossed his face.

My Father was hurting.

For me.

I chocked back on my own laboured breathing, massive tears streaming down my face. Disbelief washed over me as equally strong emotions swept all over my body. I was feeling everything in that moment, all the dullness I was feeling replaced by this war of emotions. Which one could get the best of me. Either way, everything was strong and overpowering that I didn't even attempt to conceal it. I trembled as tears poured out my eyes, hiccuping over each set.

The last person who I expected to break me down into this mess was my Father and I didn't hold back. Especially when I felt his strong arms wrap around me and hold me tight.

////

> mate, don't I have the second book of Link Dane set up nicely after this chapter (y'all probably don't see it yet)

> check out my new story KEVIN if you enjoy the same vibe as Link Dane :))

> forever grateful for every single one of you that has read, voted, commented and all that nice stuff <3