Chapter Fifteen: Part Two

After a few moments the door opened once more and I wanted to groan at the earthy and masculine scent that filled the room. "Go away, Dickhead." I honestly didn't want him to see me in a curled up teary-eyed ball. I felt vulnerable and I didn't feel comfortable to let him see me like that. It would give him ammo, give the bond an opportunity to feed. The fucking thing had gorged itself enough in the past few hours. Dickhead said nothing as he closed the door and made his way over to the bed. I waved my hand in his general direction, as if it would ward him off. "Go away." My croaky voice was muffled by the comforter and I felt embarrassed. I was an Alpha, I wasn't supposed to cry or show emotion, it was what I had been taught my entire life.

The bed dipped and I groaned as I felt him lay down beside me. I could sense about two feet of space between us and I turned my head as I wiped to my eyes, trying to look at him. He was on his side, staring at me with a small frown on his face. His eyes darkened then lightened, he was having another inner battle with his wolf.

He pressed a fist to his chest. "I could feel the hurt." He said it softly and I let out a groan and buried my face back into the bedspread. "I wanted to come right away. I wanted to take it away but Gamgam was with you. I wanted you to let it out where I wasn't." He sounded pained and I frowned and slowly turned my head to look at him. Why on earth would he do that?

His grey eyes locked onto mine and he reached out with his hand before he pulled it back, clenching it into a tight fist, his knuckles white and his eyes darkening once more. "I knew you didn't want anyone else to see that. I didn't want you to think I would use your past to my advantage. I don't want to invade your privacy, not like that." His eyes are showing me the truth of his words. He was giving me space, he was giving me privacy at the expense of his wolf and himself. I knew how the bond must have been gnawing at him, punishing him for his inaction. "But I have to lay here for a while and make sure you are okay. He won't let me do anything else." He said it softly, as if expecting me to shout at him and demand he go away and I wanted to. I didn't want him there but I honestly didn't want to be alone and the bond was affecting me just as much as it was him. I had no choice, not really. It was him or it was death. I wanted to give an unamused laugh at that. It seemed fitting.

I let out a small sigh and he rested his hand in the middle of the space between us. I knew how much his wolf wanted to touch me, to hold me, and I appreciated his restraint in that. I didn't think I was actually ready for the contact his wolf wanted. I stared at the hand and slowly reached out between us with my hand. My heart thumped in my chest and I glanced at him, wondering what I would see in his eyes but they were blank. I swallowed thickly before turning my gaze back to where my hand brushed his. The contact made my skin tingle and I slowly and carefully slid my hand underneath his.

I paused, holding my breath as I waited for the over-whelming intensity to slam into me again, the panic to swamp me so I couldn't breathe. I waited several heartbeats but it never happened and I let the air out in a whoosh. His hand was coarse and rough but it was warm on mine and I could almost feel the bond's contentment with my action. He didn't grasp my hand, he just let his lie still, covering mine but allowing me to retreat if I wished too. I glanced at him and he was looking at his hand with a faint smile on his face. A gleam of happiness at the small touch I had willingly given him.

"I don't like being trapped." The words came out in a whisper and I swallowed hard as his fingers twitched on my hand.

"I know but I can't let you go." There was an edge of finality to his voice that would have rankled me if I hadn't been so emotional but there was nothing I could do about it.

I gave a heavy sigh, "I don't know how to be a mate, Sterling." I said the words softly and his fingers twitched over my hand once more, my own hand twitching in response.

I glanced at him again and his grey eyes stared at me intently. "I know." There was a level of understanding to his voice that I didn't expect. "And it's okay." I hated how true they were. He didn't care if I wasn't ready to be a mate. He didn't care that I didn't know how and for some stupid reason I had a feeling he was perfectly content sitting at the sidelines watching me try and figure it out. The worst part was, that is exactly what I would have wanted him to do.

I already knew I was sinking further into the trap. Gamgam was right. I wouldn't be walking away from Dickhead, I wouldn't be walking away with a thirtieth rejection. I would be dead. My wolf would die and then I would follow her. If I was lucky I would go quickly but I knew I would most likely end up suffering, growing weaker and weaker until my body gave out.

The totally honest truth was. I was scared. I was terrified of letting Dickhead have the pieces of my heart because I knew they could easily be broken once more. I was terrified of giving him that much control over me. He scared me because he possessed the ability to completely and utterly destroy me. I closed my eyes. I was so confused. I didn't want a mate but fate and Mene had tied me to one. She had given me one last chance and it had been him.

The fact Mene had all but ordered me to stay with him rankled me slightly. She hadn't show up for any of my other rejections and a few sporadic dreams where she did some weird shit and spoke to me with words I didn't remember did not really count. An order from the Goddess wasn't to be ignored. I had wondered if it was because I was quite literally trying to bang down Death's door asking for Dickhead to reject me.

"You confuse me." I said it carefully and to my surprise he chuckled and his thumb brushed against my skin in a faint caress that sent a lick of fire from my hand and up my arm. I wanted to yank my hand back at the strange feeling but I forced it to remain where it was. I needed to master my own body and I hated that I knew his touch almost chased away the pain radiating through my chest. This mate bond had opened way too many old wounds for me to be entirely comfortable.

"You irritate me." At his rumbling words I smiled at him, my cheeks almost hurting from the intensity of it. A feeling of smug pride filled me up. My mission was accomplished. "Of course that would make you smile." He chuckled again before his hand squeezed mine gently before he pulled it away from mine. I felt the smile falter for a second before it slid off my face completely. I wasn't supposed to want his hand on mine but it didn't stop me from missing it. He sat up and I looked at him in slight confusion.

"My pisică, don't give me that look." He said it with a faint frown and I stared up at him.

"What look?"

"The one that is telling me you would prefer me to stay on the bed." He sounded amused and I opened my mouth to tell him off but I couldn't get the words out. I felt my face flare red when I realized that was exactly what I wanted him to do. In fact the bond had nothing to do with my little want. That was all on me.

"So what if I did?" I glowered at him and rolled over, presenting him my back. I was kind of upset that he had called it out and seemed amused by it. It wasn't something funny.

"I would love to lie in bed with you, Pisică, but Gamgam has alerted me that supper is being served." His voice had that ever familiar softness lacing his words and I slowly sat up as I wiped at my sticky cheeks.

"I don't want to eat with everyone." Not when I looked like what I did. Not when I felt as shitty as I did. The thought of sitting out with the pack made my stomach churn. I just wanted to curl up in a corner and be alone.

"You can eat in the kitchen if you want." He said it quietly and I glanced at him over my shoulder in shock. I expected him to put up a fight like he always did when I refused to eat meals with him.

"Really?" I couldn't help the faintly hopeful tone in my voice.

"Really. Not saying I won't come and get irritated a bit more so don't get your hopes up." He flashed me his rather irritatingly sexy crooked smile and I looked away, hating how the bond twisted at it. The greedy little thing wanted more, like his hands all over my body. I grimaced at the thought. The bond could kiss my ass if it thought it could force that on me. I slowly made my way to the edge of the bed and stood up. "I will be coming to check on you, Pisică." He said it sternly as if he believed I thought he wouldn't.

I rolled my eyes, "Of course you will, Dickhead, you can't let me eat a meal in peace." I scoffed slightly as I moved around the bed. I avoided looking at him as I moved by him and towards the door. I slipped out of the bedroom and towards the kitchen without a sound. I shoved open the kitchen door and smoothed down my hair before wiping my nose with a grimace. I moved to the sink and washed my hands quickly before splashing water on my face, trying to rid myself of the stickiness of the tears. I quickly grabbed a tea towel and dried my face and hands before I moved to sit at the table.

I wasn't hungry, crying had a way of making your stomach feel queasy and make food look unappetizing. I brought my knees up to my chest and let out a heavy sigh. Things were starting to get complicated. No, things were complicated and I had no idea what to do. I still hated the bond, I still hated Dickhead for forcing it on me but a tiny part of me wanted to feel what it meant to have that innocent hope again.

I wasn't sure where to go. I was stuck. Mene told me Dickhead was my punishment for my sins. Dickhead straight up refused to reject me and I understood that another rejection would kill my wolf, which in turn would kill me. I was trapped and I hated the feeling. I glared at the top of the table for a few moments, trying to sort out my options.

Death or the bond.

People might have called me dramatic but death seemed preferable to the bond. Giving another person so much control over my life, so much control over the amount they could hurt me did not not appeal to me. My heart had been mutilated too many times before for me to simply trust another person.

"That table say something nasty to you, dear?" Jovan's voice was inquisitive and I didn't remove my eyes from the wooded surface. It was a dilemma. I did not trust the bond and as a result I did not trust Dickhead.

"How do you get yourself to trust something that has hurt you every time you gave it a chance?" I slowly lifted my eyes to look at the old shifter as he sat in the chair across from me.

He gave a thoughtful frown for a moment. "Trust is sometimes a very fragile thing. It's so strange that something so easily broken at times holds our most important bonds to us. Learning to trust again is not easy, my dear." He shook his head and I let out a heavy sigh. I knew there wasn't an easy fix for my issue, I had always known that. "You have to let your walls down, hold back your fears and hope that you are making the right choice in letting someone else in."

"Are you alright? The table didn't say something nasty to you, did it? Because I will defend your honour if it did." His tone was light but I could hear the worry his voice carried. I shook my head, a small smile tugging at my mouth. I forgotten how it felt to have someone worry about me.

"My grandfather was a cruel male, Jovan. Please understand that." I fought back against the tears that wanted to well up in my eyes.

"I do and I understand your little problem with your mate. You don't trust the bond between you and that is perfectly alright." He said it softly and reached over the table, gesturing for me to take it. I reached over the space and he grasped my hand gently in his. "A bond can be used to bring untold happiness but sometimes it is the cause of our greatest pain. The bond is simple. It grows and it learns with the couple until such a time when it is no longer needed." He spoke softly and I watched as he covered my hand with his other one, cradling it as if it were easily broken.

"But a bond requires trust and if I remember anything about your grandfather, I understand why you do not trust it. It is alright to feel hurt and afraid of something that has caused you pain." Understanding shone in his eyes and I nodded as he patted my hand. "But in order to move forward you will need to let go of some of the pain and fear and place your trust in Alpha Sterling. You are mates and you deserve to feel what a true mate bond is." He patted my hand once more before he let my hand go and I let out a small sigh before giving him a tentative smile.

"Thank you, Jovan. That means a lot to me." I still wasn't sure about the bond or how to work around it but any insight was good insight that I appreciated.

"I know it does." He smiled at me once more before his expression turned serious. "Alpha Sterling cares for you deeply. Did you notice he stood behind your chair in the study?" The question was odd but I nodded. I had noticed it and I had been almost irritated by it. I didn't like him hovering over me like I wasn't capable of standing on my own two feel. "He came into that room and he could have taken the chair left open for him. The Alpha's position. I thought he would but instead he stood behind you, providing you with his care and protection instead of choosing the place of power." Jovan looked at me carefully. "He chose you over his position and it is something I approve of greatly. He let every person in that room that no matter what, you are his priority. That nothing would ever matter more to him than you."

"Family before pack." I muttered the words and Jovan nodded slowly.

"Family before pack and he chose you." He said it softly and I felt oddly touched. I hadn't paid much attention to the positions of power in the study. I hadn't realized the meaning of his action of standing behind my chair. He had chosen me and for once the bond didn't feed off of the knowledge, my broken heart did. "That has to mean something for you, right?" It did but I wasn't about to full on admit it to anyone but myself and even then it was like swallowing slugs, fucking repulsive.

"You know, I only stayed for dinner so I could enjoy it with a lovely female, such as yourself. But imagine my surprise when I get to the dining hall to discover that she is nowhere in sight." Jovan gave me a playfully stern look and I laughed lightly.

"I can't eat with the pack looking like this." I gestured to my face. "They might think Dickhead beats me or something." I froze as soon at the words came out of my mouth and Jovan stared at me before he threw his head back and practically roared with laughter. The sound of it echoed through the kitchen and I found myself laughing with him.

"Oh, my dear, I have not laughed like that in quite some time." He managed to get the words out between chuckles as he wiped at his eyes. "Dickhead." He shook his head with another short burst of laughter.

"You are something else, Shey Lazera." He gave me a rather fond smile and I smiled back. I liked the old shifter, he was rather good company.

"Fetita, Sterling has informed me that you are eating in the- Who the fuck are you?" Gamgam's voice cut through the air like a whip, sharp and cracking. Jovan looked over his shoulder and I stared at her before giving her a hesitant smile. Her face was turning a rather funny shade of red as she glared daggers at the councilman.

"Gamgam, this is Jovan Edwards, the councilman I was telling you about." I widened my eyes, moving my head towards Jovan in an attempt for her to calm the fuck down. The last thing we needed was for her to insult a councilman and have the Council knocking down our door.

"Oh I know who this jackass is. If you think you can just waltz into my kitchen and mess around with puiu meu de lup, you have another thing coming, you pretentious bag of shit!" She stormed over, her blue eyes blazing as she stared down at him.

"Gamgam!" I stared at her through narrowed eyes. I felt horrified. Jovan didn't exactly need to have her shouting in his face.

"Don't 'Gamgam' me, pup! This puffed up, starched Council asshole came here for a reason and I highly doubt it was to meet puiu meu de lup!" He glowered at me and I met her gaze evenly.

Jovan watched her with slightly wide eyes, her turned his gaze to me before pointing at Gamgam. "Do you know this female?" He looked half amused, half startled and I nodded.

"I apologize for her behaviour, Jova-"

"Don't you apologize for me! I am not in the least bit sorry." She crossed her arms over her chest before she turned to glare at Jovan. "Why the fuck are you here?" She snapped the words out and I watched as Jovan's eyes narrowed slightly at the disrespect. I felt honestly awful for Gamgam's behaviour.

"I wanted to meet Alpha Sterling and his mate." He gestured to me and Gamgam scoffed.

"Oh that is real convenient. The Council doesn't get involved in piddly little things like murdered Hunters! Are you here to scope out the territory, try and usurp puiu meu de lup from his place as Alpha?" The accusation was venomous and I opened and closed my mouth, unable to find the words to stop the escalating argument.

"I wanted to meet the male who killed my great great nephew, you old hag." Jovan's brown eyes were cold and I slunk down in my my chair, my eyes growing wide as Gamgam let out a snarl.

"Old hag? I'll show you old hag, you-you dusty old fart!" Gamgam's hands clenched into fists and I fought back a sudden laugh at the insult. It was not an appropriate time to be laughing.

"Dusty old fart? You are a fine one to talk you bitter old crone." Jovan stood up and I slid down the bench, further away from them.

"So says the pompous jackass who thinks he can just show up unexpected and act like he's lord and commander!" They were standing so their noses were practically touching. I could see a vein throbbing on Jovan's forehead and Gamgam had one throbbing in her neck.

"That's rich coming from an old shifter bitch who is insulting someone above her rank. Stand down!" The power threaded through the words was enough to make me flinch but Gamgma seemed unphased as she narrowed her eyes further.

"I'll stand down when you shut your foul mouth, you little cretin! Crawl back into the swamp you call a headquarters and leave my family alone, you Colonel Blimp!" The insult was unfamiliar but from how Jovan puffed himself up, I gathered it was not a pleasant one.

"Oh go fuck yourself, you wrinkled old bag!" Jovan's face was red and I bit my lip hard to keep from smiling.

"I gladly will, you bloated goat!" At the insinuation I bit my lip harder, the laughter tried clawing its way up my throat.

"Bloated goat? Insufferable old biddy!" Jovan looked highly insulted at the words.

"Biddy? Fucking codger!" Gamgam looked affronted and I swallowed down the laughter as hard as I could. This was becoming funnier than I ever could have hoped.

"Old, used-up nag!"

"Washed-up old asshole!" At that I promptly lost it. The laughed bellowed from my mouth without abandon. I couldn't stop the rolling laughter that was escaping me and I didn't want to. I could only imagine how much of the shouting match had been heard elsewhere but I hoped anyone who heard it was laughing just as hard as I was.

"What the fuck is going on in here?" Dickhead's voice boomed through the kitchen and I clutched my sides, tears streaming down my face.

"I can't breathe!" The words were wheezed out and I held onto my stomach tightly as another round of laughter rolled out of my mouth without restraint. She had called him a washed-up old asshole. That took insults to a whole different level.

"I can hear shouting all the way from the main foyer. What the fuck is going on?" Dickhead sounded deadly calm and I tried my hardest to hold back the laughter that had caused a rather painful stitch in my side. Dickhead didn't seem amused and I honestly didn't want to make it worse. A silence fell that was only interrupted by a few escaping snorts of laughter as I tried to hold it back. "Well?" I wiped at my eyes and Gamgam and Jovan were in a rather intense, hate filled staring match but looked like they had been caught with their hands in the cookie jar. The silence was starting to grate on me and found I wanted it to end, and quickly at that.

"He called her a used-up nag and she called him a washed-up old asshole!" The words blurted out in a rush and I slapped my hands over my mouth and stared at Sterling with wide eyes. He did not look impressed or amused.

"He deserved it!" Gamgam hissed the words out and Jovan inhaled sharply, his eyes narrowing.

"I deserved it? You started it!" They were like bickering children and for two shifters as old as them it was fucking hilarious.

"Enough! That is enough." There was a rather strong command in his voice and Dickhead glanced at me and I swallowed back the giggles, wiping my face, trying to hide the evidence of my willingness to listen to their childish banter. "Why didn't you think to stop them?" He gave me a pointed look and I narrowed my eyes at him before smiling brightly.

"I thought they were bonding so I figured it was best to leave them be." I went for innocence and I blinked at him as I shrugged.

Jovan chuckled at the display and Gamgam slowly followed suit. "Bonding sounds about right, Alpha Sterling. I apologize for the noise. We got a bit too rowdy in our friendly banter." Jovan's polite, political tone coated the words and Gamgam was gritting her teeth but she nodded in agreement. Dickhead stared at me, his eyes narrowing slightly. "Are you here to eat with us, Alpha Sterling?" He said it loudly enough that Dickhead's attention was onto him and I straightened in my seat and wiped at my face again, trying to look presentable.

Gamgam narrowed her eyes at me but her mouth twitched as she turned on her heel and moved further into the kitchen. I could hear her slamming cutlery and plates around and from the sounds of it, pots and pans as well. I glanced at Jovan as I took his seat once more, it was better the items in the kitchen than her rearranging Jovan's face.

Dickhead slid onto the bench beside me and I glanced at him. His profile was rather stunning and I grimaced at the thought. The bond was having too much fun with my imagination but I had to admit the strong lines of his jaw, cheek, and nose were rather aesthetically pleasing. "You didn't stop them because you found it funny." There was a faint accusation in his voice, he didn't turn to look at me and I couldn't help the rather shit-eating grin that spread across my face.

"Damn straight." I stared at the table with that grin still smugly planted on my face. I didn't want to interrupt them because their screaming match had been amusing and I needed the laugh.

"Pisică, what am I going to do with you?" Dickhead let out a heavy sigh.

"Fill her full of pups." Jovan and Gamgam said it at the same time and my mouth popped open in shock.

"Gamgam! Jovan!" I looked at them with a rather horrified expression. Why was everyone concerned about putting babies into me? I was the one who would have to get them out and that was something I never, ever, ever wanted to do. Condoms for me one hundred percent of the way. I would say birth control as well but shifters processed it differently than mundanes and it usually didn't work.

"Well there is that." At Dickhead's rather nonchalant words I snapped my gaze to him. He had a rather rakish grin on his face as he blatantly trailed his eyes down me. I hated how my body reacted to the simple look.

"Dickhead!" I hissed the word out. "Keep it in your fucking pants." I narrowed my eyes at him and the smile turned into a smirk as his eyes darkened. The look he gave me made a red flush crawl across my face. That look was telling me that he knew exactly what my body was telling him to do and it certainly wasn't to keep it in his pants. My face felt overly warm and I glared at him. "I hate you." I spat the words at him and he shrugged.

"I know." His blase attitude about everything was starting to piss me off. The male was so wrapped in the bond it was sickening. I couldn't understand how no one could see how the bond manipulated a person. How it gave them urges and feelings that weren't theirs. It forced people to fall in love and Dickhead was willingly falling into it and he seemed hellbent on dragging me down with him.

"Fetita, you need to eat something." Gamgam set a plate down in front of me as well as a fork. I smiled at her as I picked it up.

"Thank you." I inhaled the scent of the roast beef and potatoes. It was a hearty meal and designed specifically to stick to a person's ribs. It didn't hurt that Gamgam always seasoned things to perfection. I took a piece of roast in my fingers and popped it into my mouth. I sighed happily as the taste of it spread over my tongue, that was heavenly.

"Here's yours, Sterling." Gamgam set a plate down in front of Dickhead gently before practically dropping Jovan's in front of him. She gave him a saccharine smile. "I hope you choke on it."

He returned her smile. "If it gets me away from you, I hope I do too." Jovan looked pleased as he grabbed his fork. Dickhead coughed suspiciously loud to cover what sounded like a chuckle. I glowered at him as he quickly shoved some food in his mouth. He could laugh at them but I wasn't allowed? I wanted to stab him with a fork.

"Behave." He said it rather sternly and Gamgam cracked him upside the head with her hand.

"Tell me what to do again. I dare you." She glared at him and Dickhead looked up at her.

"Gamgam." There was a warning in his voice and I smirked as she repeated the gesture.

"I am a hundred and fourteen years old, boy. Do you think you can take me out?" There was an edge of dangerous expectation to her words and I looked between her and Dickhead. Picking a fight with an old shifter wasn't something that would ever be considered smart. He stood up and looked at her. I couldn't see his expression but he simply kissed her cheek, whispering something into her ear before moving into the kitchen. I narrowed my eyes at Gamgam. Despite who she was and the respect she clearly deserved what she had done

"Insulting and disrespecting an Alpha in front of guests is low form, Gamgam." I said it softly and she jerked her gaze to me, her eyes narrowing slightly as they met mine.

"I will tolerate disrespect to me, Carrie, because you are my family but if you disrespect my mate in front of guests. We will have an issue." Dickhead's voice held a thread of steel through it as it echoed in the kitchen and Gamgam simply smirked at me, her blue eyes dancing with amusement.

"I do believe that there will be a pup in her belly before the year is done." She glanced at Jovan and he tilted his head, a similar smirk tugging at his own mouth.

"I hate to agree with an old cow but I do believe you are right." His brown eyes were amused but hard as he glanced at Gamgam. I could tell there was no love lost there.

"Nasty old geezer." Gamgam said it under her breath as she glared daggers at the councilman. Sterling returned with a plate and handed it to Gamgam before taking the seat beside Jovan. Gamgam slid onto the bench and pushed Sterling's plate towards him. I turned my gaze to my plate and let out a small sigh as I started to pick at my food again. I glanced up and rolled my eyes at the current death stares the two old shifters were exchanging.

I was certain dinner was going to be more than exciting. I took another bite of food and smirked. I wasn't exactly sure who to put my money on but I knew the fight would be more than entertaining.