Chapter Five

I was staring at the wood of my desk. It had been three days since Bennett and Maricella had arrived. Benji hadn't said anything about the meeting tomorrow. I was trying to focus on everything but Doc Howard stood in front of me. He wasn't telling me what I wanted to hear but I knew what I wanted to hear would never pass his lips. His voice was a continued murmur in my head and I shook myself a little to force myself to focus. I didn't want to but as his words finally registered I knew I had to.

"So you are saying she has less than a year?" The words were croaked out and he pressed his lips into a thin line, sympathy practically radiated off of him as he nodded.

"With how her mind is deteriorating her body just can't handle it. She has about eight months left, maybe even less." Each of his words was like a sharp spike through my heart. I didn't want to hear that bullshit. I truly didn't but it didn't make it any less true. My mother had regressed once more. She couldn't even remember them leaving and now constantly asked where they were and we had to lie to her again and again.

"There is nothing we can do." It wasn't a question. It was a statement of my worst fears and Doc Howard let out a sigh.

"I wish there was, Alpha Sterling, but there is no magic pill to make this go away, to make her better." He shook his head slightly and I dropped mine into my hands. I was running out of time with her and I wanted to cry. My mother, the female who had birthed me, raised me, was going to die and there was nothing I could do to stop it. "I am truly sorry. Just keep doing what you are doing. Keep her happy and comfortable." With that he left me alone.

I could hear Michael and Ezekiel whining at me, nudging me with their muzzles. They were trying to get me to respond but I was frozen. My worst fears had been confirmed. She wouldn't last the year. She wouldn't live long enough to hold her grandchildren. She never had a chance to be a grandmother like I never had a chance to be an uncle. Rage, hot and burning, soared through me and I let it. I needed to let it.

"Get out." I said the words low as I rubbed my face. Ezekiel whined and nudged at my arm and I lowered my arm before staring at him. The rage was hot under my skin, it was burning me up and I wanted it to. He shrunk from my gaze. "Get. Out." My voice shook with rage and his claws skittered on the floor as both he and Michael left the room. I stood up slowly, trying my hardest to hold back as I moved to the door and closed it softly, turning the lock quickly.

My wolf howled in my head battering relentlessly against me. He needed it. I needed it. I felt my breathing grow heavier. My mum would die and I was too useless to do anything about it. She would grow weaker and weaker. Her memory would grow worse until she forgot who I was. The anger was sharp and biting and I let it consume me. I took two strides to the nearest chair, my chest heaving before I picked up the heavy piece of furniture and hurled it against the bookcase with a roar of rage.

The sound of splintering wood barely registered as I grabbed a lamp and hurled it against the wall. The glass body shattered as I let out another soundless roar. Life had kicked my mother so much it was killing her. She never got to hold grandchildren. She never got to be a doting mate-mother. She never got to say good bye to her husband or her two beloved sons and I had been left to deal with the aftermath.

I yanked one of the old, heavy bookshelves away from the wall and practically threw it part way across the room with another cry of rage and there was a loud boom as it landed. My wolf loved the destruction. He wanted things to be broken but the lifeless furniture lacked blood and he wanted blood on our hands and in our mouth. He wanted to rip and tear flesh until the problem was solved but we both knew the problem was impossible to solve.

I turned to the newly cleared wall and punched it over and over again until plaster fell from the wall, leaving wooden slats exposed. I kept punching until my fist screamed with pain. Each blow getting harder than the last until I pulled back and picked up a chair and threw it through one of the window. The shouts and cries of rage were endless as I destroyed everything I could get my hands on.

Glass shattered. Wood splintered. Furniture was reduced to small balls of twisted fabric and wood chunks. I destroyed it all. Our rage was all consuming. Red painted our vision as we continued our mindless destruction of everything but the symbol of my father's authority. The large desk sat oppressive in the office as if it had been silently watching us.

My father would have called the display childish. He would have told me that my tantrum would solve nothing. I stopped, my chest heaving as I looked at the destruction I had created. The destruction had accomplished nothing. I had done nothing but create a mess so I pulled my wolf back and locked him up once more. That is why I never let him dictate our actions. He wanted mindless destruction and it never accomplished anything.

With the anger gone a deep sadness filed my bones. It ached and twisted at me. I hadn't felt such a profound sadness till the few weeks after my brothers and father's funeral. I had pushed it away then because I had to be an Alpha. I had to be strong so I fought it back but with the door locked and the office in shambles I let it fill my veins, making me feel so heavy that I couldn't stand any longer.

Tears filed my eyes and I slumped against the desk, bringing my knees up to my chest. My mum was going to die. I only had a few short months left with her and she would forget my face, forget my entire person. I inhaled, my breath stuttering in my chest before I allowed myself to cry. I couldn't be viewed as weak when no one could see.

I muffled the sobs in my arms, trying to stay quiet. My entire frame shook with grief. It was as if the doctor had told me she had died. I was losing her without her actually being gone and I wondered if it would have been better for her to have just died. If she had then I could have grieved, I could have moved on but she was still there. She was still there, forgetting every important thing that had happened in her life. She would forget me and it hurt me more than the thought of her death.

I pressed my face harder into my arms, ignoring how my tears made my skin feel sticky. It felt good to cry even though the reason for it made my chest tighten and made it hard for me to breathe. I felt suddenly light headed as I gasped for breath through my tears. My chest tightened further and I resisted the urge to claw at my skin. I couldn't breathe. I was suffocating because of the pressure squeezing my chest.

There was a loud pounding but I wasn't sure if it was coming from my head or not and I gasped frantically, trying to take in the air I needed to breathe. I was going to die, my heart thudded so loud in my chest it felt like it was trying to escape my rib cage. The pounding faded away or simply stopped I wasn't sure. I clutched at my chest, gasping for air, trying to breathe, trying to survive. Small hands gripped my arms and pulled them away from me before a small hand grasped the back of my head and pushed it so it was between my knees.

"Breathe, Luka. It's okay." The sweet melodic voice felt like my rock in the ocean and the small hand rubbed up and down my spine, even and easy. "Breath in." The hand smoothed up my spine to the back of my neck. "Breath out." The hand moved down my back. I felt myself starting to breathe with the movements from the hand and the terror and panic receded. My body felt heavy for a completely different reason and I glanced over. Maricella was staring at me with soft grey eyes. Her entire demeanour was soothing and concerned as she stroked my back. "It's okay, Luka. It will be okay." She shushed me gently as she moved closed, hugging me tightly.

"It's not okay, Maricella. She's dying." I choked on the word and a new wave of tears filled my eyes. She made a sound in her throat before she pulled me tight to her chest. She was small and fragile but the comfort she brought was encompassing and warm. She said nothing else but simply let me cry as she ran her fingers through my hair and rocked me from side to side. I clung to her and let the grief and sadness pour from me.

Time felt meaningless as I cried for the female I was watching fade away right before my eyes. I cried for the female who baked me cookies and always let me know I was loved. I cried for the one female had always believed in me no matter what I wanted to do. I was losing her so fast I couldn't come to grips with it.

"Shhhhhh, that's it, Luka. You can cry. Let it out." Mari murmured the words into my hair and I tightened my grip around her waist and buried my face into the crook of her neck. I shook from the force of the sobs but they were muffled. It was soothing to hear Maricella's soft voice letting me know it was okay to let it all out. I felt like I had permission to feel like less of an Alpha for a moment, to feel less of a male.

The sobs slowly died down and I let out a stuttered breath before pulling away and wiping my face. I felt embarrassed, I felt weak. I let Mari go and wiped at my face before she pushed my hands away and used the edge of her shirt to do it instead. I started to push her hands away but a low growl from her throat made me pause.

"There." She let the edge of her shirt fall before cupping my cheeks and kissing my forehead. I let out a sigh and resisted the urge to curl up into an embarrassed ball and hide from her. She stood up and held her hands out for me.

"How did you get in?" My voice was slightly raspy and hoarse and she let her hands drop for a moment.

"Angie taught me how to pop locks. Yours was an old style lock, very easy to pick to be honest. You should update your security for the office." She looked completely unrepentant as she held out her hands once more.

"Go away, Maricella." I turned my head away from her and she stomped her bare foot. I winced. There was glass everywhere on the floor. She would cut herself if she wasn't careful.

"You just had a panic attack, Luka. I'm not going anywhere because whatever that male said to you, hurt you deeply. So that is why I am taking you to bed." She held out her hands and I ignored them.

She reached for mine anyway and I pushed hers away sharply. "I said go away." I said it through gritted teeth. I wasn't fit to be in anyone's company at the moment. I needed time to regroup, to push everything to deal with at another time.

"And I'm ignoring you. Come on." She reached for me again and I glared at her.

"This can't be fixed with a fucking nap, Maricella." I spat the words at her and felt a bloom of regret as she flinched from them. After a second anger flared brightly in her eyes as she looked down at me.

Her form shook as she glowered down at me. "You think this is what I am trying to do? Fix you? You are fucking dense, Luka." She hissed the words and I flinched from the hostility in her tone. "I'm being a friend. I'm extending comfort and love and you have the audacity to throw it back in my face." Her sweet face twisted with rage and I leaned back slightly. "Were you trying to fix me when I would wake up screaming and you would come into my room and hold me to calm me down because only you could get me calm enough for anyone else to help? Were you trying to fix me when I got so terrified I couldn't breathe and you would pick me up and hide us in a corner so I could feel safe?" She spat the words at me and I felt guilty for getting upset with her. It wasn't her fault.

She knelt down in front of me and I avoided her gaze but she grasped my face in her small hands, the anger slipping away to a soft warmth. "Luka, I am your family and I want to help you. Not fix you. I just want to be there for you. Please don't push that away." She grasped my limp hands in hers and pulled me to my feet. I hung my head as she wrapped an arm around my waist and lead me to the door.

I wasn't sure what I was feeling but it wasn't nice. I had pushed Maricella away in anger and frustration and I turned away her comfort because I was overwhelmed with everything but she was still there, holding me up. I wasn't even aware we had left the office until Maricella started speaking. "Don't, Ezekiel. Michael, stop that. Can you give us a bit of time?" She was pleading and I waved my hand at the two guardians who were trying to weave between our legs. Their whimpers tugged at me and I winced. Comfort from friends and family. I let out a sigh and gestured for them to continue to follow us.

Maricella didn't say anything as we continued the short journey to my room. I watched as Ezekiel nosed open the door and Michael followed him. Maricella led me over to the bed and pushed me to sit down. I stared at my hands. I was unsure what to do. I wasn't used to having her angry at me or even doting on me. It was strange and disconcerting. She shoved some clothes onto my lap and placed her hands on her hips.

"Get dressed into those and I will be right back." She turned and left the room, closing the door behind her as she did so. I let out a sigh and rubbed at my forehead as Michael and Ezekiel pressed close to my legs. Their forms were shaking and I could feel their slight fear through the bond. I wasn't sure if they had been scared of me or for me. I pushed them away and started to pull off the clothes, replacing them with the ones Mari had given me.

I stared at the floor. I had never felt so emotionally and physically drained before. My limbs felt like lead and my head was nearly swimming with exhaustion. I barely reacted as Ezekiel nudged me with his nose. He whimpered but I didn't have the energy to tell him it was alright. Even if I had the energy I couldn't tell him it was alright because I never lied to my guardians and nothing at the moment was alright. The door opened and Mari came back in, her entire demeanour brisk and almost professional. She walked over and pushed on my chest so I sat back on the bed.

"Come, come. Into bed." She shoved on me until I was lying down on my side before she tugged the covers over me. I felt strange having someone take care of me but Mari didn't seem to notice as she crawled over me and laid down beside me. Her arm went around me as she snuggled down further into the bed.

"This is weird." The words were raspy and in response Mari grabbed my shoulder and tugged me so I was lying on my back.

"Shut up." She grabbed my limp arms and wrapped them around herself. "Okay, so you are going to hold me and we are going to talk about this." I kept my arms limp. I didn't want to hold her because she was mated to another male and it felt almost like I was betraying Bennett. That our tentative friendship would disintegrate if he saw us. I never felt anything but brotherly affection and love for Mari but that didn't count when one got caught snuggling in a dark room on a bed.

"Bennett wouldn't appreciate this." I muttered the words and Mari chuckled.

"Bennett understands." She started to run her hands through my hair, the action was soothing and I was vaguely aware that it was a motion I had done to her several times after a panic attack or a nightmare.

"I doubt that." I couldn't help myself and I let my arms tighten around her. I rolled over slightly and buried my face into her stomach. I closed my eyes tightly. I wanted to cry again.

"He does but if it would make you feel more comfortable he could join us." At her words a hot flush covered my face. There was no way in hell that I would allow Bennett to see me hugging his mate in a dark bedroom, on a bed, while I was crying. That was against quite a few Bro-Codes. "I take your silence as a no." She continued to run her fingers through my hair and I fought uselessly against the tears. "Tell me what happened, Luka. I'm here for you." She whispered the words softly and I couldn't help the silent sobs that shook my shoulders. My mother would tell me the same thing, she would crouch down to my level, pull me close and tell me that she would always be there for me.

"My mum has Alzheimer's." The words were stuttered and choked and Mari made a small sound in her throat as she used her other hand to rub up and down my arm. "She has been getting worse and the doctor says she has eight months or less left before her body gives out. She's dying and I'm so useless I can't stop it. I was supposed to keep her safe. I was supposed to protect her and keep her healthy but I failed." I buried my face back into her stomach and cried. She didn't say anything but continued to rub my arm and run her hand through my hair.

She crooned gentle, soothing words and noises and let me cry. I hugged her tighter, needing the comfort she was offering. How many times had I done this for her? How many times did I hold her as she screamed hysterically because she was caught in the grips of a nightmare? How many times did I gently soothe her as she panicked about one of the many things her brain couldn't handle? There were too many to count but for me, this one act she provided, this one action of comfort seemed to mean more than all of them combined.

I hadn't had someone comfort me like she was since I was a child. I felt my sobs lessen and I felt the familiar feeling of shame fill me. I was an Alpha, I needed to act like it.

"Stop thinking like that." She said it softly and I scowled.

"You don't know what I'm thinking." Despite the stuttering words there was an edge to them and Mari squeezed my arm gently.

"I can practically taste the shame that is radiating off of you. It is alright to cry, Luka. It's natural and you have had some very harsh news. It is okay to react with tears." She stroked my hair and I pulled my face from her stomach. My eyes felt scratchy and Maricella released my arm and once again wiped at my face with her shirt.

I pushed her hands away with a groan. "I'm fine." I let her go and rolled onto my back, covering my face with my hands

"No you aren't." She shifted on the bed but made no move to touch me like I thought she would.

"You don't know ho-"

"How many times have I said that, Luka? I have lost count of how many times I have said those exact words when on the inside I feel like I was tearing to pieces. I know how you feel because I have been where you are." The words were said softly and I scowled beneath my hands.

"Well excuse me but your life seems pretty fucking perfect from where I am standing." I hated the bitterness that poured from my mouth but it was true. She had a loving mate, people who would bend over backwards for her, to protect her. She was sheltered in a small world where the cruelties of life could no longer reach her. The silence grew longer and I pushed away the regret I felt for saying the harsh words. Someone had to say it.

"You know, I used to sit on my window sill and watch the forest wondering if it would have been better if Victor had died like I had thought he had as I grew up." Her words were soft and I jolted slightly. "Because it hurt me every time he looked at me and pretended I didn't exist. My father. My biological, birth father would sit there with this fucking blank look on his face as if I wasn't real. As if I meant nothing to him." She gave a rather cold chuckle that made me want to shift away from her.

"You sit there, Luka, and you tell me I have a perfect life. How is it even remotely perfect? Explain to me." She hissed the words out and I could feel the slight pressure of Ezekiel and Michael pressing in on my mind to make sure I was okay.

"You have Bennett, your mat-"

"I can't be intimate with him. I am stuck in this fucked up head where whenever we get close to doing anything intimate I freeze up and go scared. I flinch from him at odd times when he has never even tried to hit me. I wake up from nightmares and will fight him off from touching me because I am stuck in the horrors of my mind. He makes me cry sometimes just with how he says things. My mating is far from perfect, Luka. Try again." She spat the last two words out and I felt my mouth go dry at the thought of her words.

"You have your family. Davin and Uncle Jace, your-"

"Yes, Maricella, your family is protective and they love you. Yes they do. They love me to the point where it feels like I am being smothered to death. Like I need to have my hand held or I'm going to shatter into a billion fucking pieces." Her breathing was hard and angry and I sat up slightly. "And when they aren't smothering me they completely forget I exist. I can float around for days without anyone but Bennett acknowledging my existence. Davin has Bailey now, Seamus and Angie are expecting a baby. I'm too terrified of Uncle Jace to be alone with him. Jay and Collin run off to neutral territory to get drunk and hook up with random females." She made a sound low in her throat. "They have their own lives. Even Amber and my father are going to be staring at each other like love struck fools." I inhaled sharply at the amount of venom she was spitting out. This was very unlike my usually sweet Maricella.

"Maricella, that isn't very-"

"Very what? Nice? I'm tired of being nice. I'm tired of pretending that everything in my life is perfect or wonderful. You don't have to deal with the fucked up psychological damage that I have. You know what, there are some days where I go down to the river and have to hold myself back from drowning myself because everything is pushing down on me to the point where I can't take it anymore, till I can't breathe." She took in a shuddering breath and I sat up fully, staring at her in the dark. I was surprised at the sheer amount of anguish in her voice. "So do not fucking sit there and tell me I have the perfect life, Luka. That I should enjoy what I have because sometimes all I have is crippling anxiety, shot nerves, depressive episodes, night terrors, panic attacks, serious bouts of acute stress disorder, and an inability to be with my mate fully because of some god forsaken reason that I can't begin to understand." She was breathing hard and I was almost scared to breathe. I had dealt with many of Maricella's episodes but cold, rage laced anguish was not one that I found familiar or even knew how to handle.

She took in several deep breaths and I slowly reached for her but she slapped my hand away. "Don't." She spat the word out and I withdrew my hand. I didn't know what to do. I had somehow triggered a bout of anger from the normally subdued female. Several more moments of silence fell before she let out a shaky sigh and reached over and grasped my hand. "Your mother is going to die, Luka. You can't change that but you can spend the rest of her life making sure she feels loved and cared for. That is your only job. You are far from useless in this situation." She was shaking her head and I watched as she discreetly wiped away some tears and guilt ate away at my stomach. I had made Maricella cry.

Her words finally registered and I flinched away from them. "She's going to forget who I am." My voice cracked and I attempted to pull my hand from hers but she held it tighter.

"Then simply be a person who brings her happiness. Deep down, even when she has forgotten herself, the bond between you two will still remain. You will still be able to bring forth feelings of love, of happiness for her and that is the best thing you can do for her." Maricella shifted closer and rested her head on my shoulder. "You had five extra years with her, make these last few months count for something."

I winced at the reminder. "It's not enough time." It wasn't. I wanted longer. I wanted her to be able to live for years longer than she would. I wanted to stop being a bitter little shit and find myself mate. I wanted her to hold my children. I wanted to give her that but I couldn't, not anymore.

"It's more than enough because if someone gave you the chance to spend eight months with your father or your brothers, you cannot tell me you wouldn't take it. If they gave you the chance at a few days even, would you take it?" The question was soft and I knew the answer without even thinking about it.

"I would." A few days with my brothers seemed like more than a gift. I wanted to hug them, to tell them how much I had missed them, how much I had loved them. My father too. I wanted to tell him how much I regretted ever foul thing I had said to him growing up. To tell him how much I had looked up to him.

"Someone is giving you time with your mother. Take that gift and make sure she feels loved and cherished every moment you get with her." She sniffled. "You have time with her. Regardless of how short." I wrapped my arm around her and closed my eyes. Time. I had time with her. I still didn't like it, I didn't want to accept it but I knew I would have to. Sticking my head in the sand would do nothing for either of us.

"I'm really sorry for what I said, Mari." It was the truth. I had hurt her with my words but in her little rant I had learned a few things about her. Her mind was a truly complicated place and I did not envy her having to live with it. Sometimes it was easy to forget the scars one couldn't see. She wore a mask much like I did in that respect. To not let anyone see past the ever present 'I'm fine'.

"Don't worry about it. I was about due for an emotional outburst anyway." She nuzzled her head closer and I let out a sigh.

"Still, what I said wasn't fair. I lashed out in hurt." I had an unfortunate tendency to do so. I lashed out angrily at anyone when I felt hurt or overwhelmed. It was like I had a rather terrible instinct that I couldn't control when it happened. That I needed to make them hurt just as badly as I was hurting.

"So did I. You just got some pretty shitty news and I sat there and ranted about my own life like some sort of narcissistic bitch. That wasn't right. I wanted to make you feel better, not guilty." She squeezed me tighter, bunching her hand in the fabric of my shirt and I frowned, remembering what she had said.

"Do you really get thoughts of killing yourself?" I asked it carefully and she stiffened.

"Don't fucking tell Bennett or I will end you." Her voice was a mere hiss and Ezekiel and Michael gave low growls at the threat. I waved my hand and the growls disappeared. She tried to pull away from me and I held her to my side tightly, wondering if I should share my own little secret. "I know it seems pathetic and cowardly but I can't help what I feel like sometimes." She let out a small, almost sad sounding sigh.

I shook my head. "No. It's just... I feel like that too sometimes." I shifted uncomfortably and I could feel her looking up at me in surprise. I avoided her gaze, staring at the blanket she had pulled over me.

"Really?" Her voice was small and I nodded.

"Sometimes everything just gets so overwhelming and I just want to run away and when I can't, the thought of just ending it all seems appealing." Suicide wasn't supposed to be an option but with everything that was going on it felt like the only likeable one. I didn't take it lightly but when I got so stressed I couldn't even think. I would stay awake wondering what would happen if I did kill myself. If I took the seemingly easy way out.

"I know. Amber says sometimes our minds have an inability to be able to cope with changes or pressure properly. She says our mind puts thoughts into our heads that we normally wouldn't think." She swallowed thickly and pressed herself closer to me. "She says it worries her that I get those thoughts but it's normal with how my brain can't cope with things. Although she says she would much prefer that I come see her when I get like that." She sounded so small that I gently moved her onto my lap and placed my chin on her head.

"Amber says it's also a good thing to talk about it. To let the feelings out and to not let the fester inside of your mind." Mari let out a small sigh. "How's about we make a deal? If I start feeling like that I call you and if you start feeling like that you call me." She shifted and looked at me. I wanted to say no, that I could handle it but her grey eyes showed her how scared she was of the feelings she was getting, of the feelings I was getting. I couldn't let her drown in an ocean when I held a potential lifeline.

"That sounds good, kiddo." I pressed her against my chest again and forced myself to breath evenly, to push away the stress. I could deal with everything later. I had to be level headed for a moment or two, to collect my calm and push forward. After tomorrow I could figure everything out but I needed my head.

Maricella shifted on my lap before practically hopping off. "I nearly forgot! Gamgam and I got something for you." She leaned over me and turned on the lamp, sending a yellow glow through the room before she dug into her pocket and pulled out a necklace. It was a stone with a rather startling scarlet colour but it was split rather jaggedly, a third of the stone was pure white. I could faintly feel energy thrumming from it. She handed it to me and a warmth filled me as soon as the stone touched my palm. I resisted the urge to drop it at the strange feeling it produced on my nerves.

"It's crackled fire agate. It's a highly protective stone. Gamgam and I went to see a witch. She blessed it with a protection spell. Just to keep negative energy away from you while you deal with everything that has been going on. The spell only lasts a few weeks but you can still wear the stone long afterwards." She was rambling and I looked over the stone. It let off a feeling of safety that I liked. I pulled it over my head and shivered at the feeling of it settling onto my chest. Like a warm blanket had been cast over me. "I got a necklace for everyone at home but I wanted to make sure yours was the most special. I heard you were having troubles with your pack and I wanted to make sure you would be safe." She looked at me, her grey eyes earnest and I chuckled before kissing her cheek. It was a great gift.

"I love it. I am sure it will help." I watched as she giggled happily with the praise, she graced me with one of her infamous dimpled smiles. She wiggled slightly like a happy puppy as she smiled at me. I leaned over and kissed her cheek once more. "Thank you, kiddo." It didn't seem possible but her smile grew wider and she threw her arms around me. It was strange how quickly Mari could go from serious and deep to cheerful and exuberant. It felt like the negative emotions, once released in a burst, left her completely.

There was a firm knock on the door and Michael barked aggressively. I whistled and both he and Ezekiel jumped onto the bed, lying across my legs protectively. I scratched their heads, letting the motion relax my still slightly tense muscles. "Come in." I watched as Bennett stuck his head inside of room. His face was blank but there was a slightly edge of amusement to his gaze.

"Delta Benji wanted to have a meeting with you but you seem to have destroyed your office." The corner of his mouth twitched and I grimaced as I ran my hand through my hair. I couldn't justify replacing all of the furniture in the office. Maybe if I went completely second hand but even then I couldn't really justify the purchase for replacing the perfectly fine furniture I had wantonly destroyed in anger.

"How much is broken?" I let out a heavy sigh. If some of it was fixable or salvageable then I wouldn't have to replace all of it.

"Everything but the bookcases, the desk, the cabinet, and surprisingly the chair you threw through the window." The amusement was clear and I looked at him in shock. There was no way the chair survived the throw I had given it.

"Really? That's like a twenty-five foot fall." It should have smashed when it hit the ground. I frowned, what the hell was the chair made from?

"It's fine. A few grass stains on the fabric but otherwise okay." Bennett shrugged, he seemed just as surprised at the chair's resilience as I did.

"Well that saves me from replacing it." I shrugged and Bennett gave me an amused smirk. One of the first expressions he had given me that wasn't cold.

"Maybe you should call Azrael and tell him you have found him a potential mate." At that I burst out laughing. It felt good to laugh for a moment.

"Well it is resilient and did survive an Alpha throwing it through a window and a twenty-five foot fall to the ground. Not many shifters could claim that." I had to give the chair some respect in that regard. I could hear Maricella's faint huff and I half expected her to say something in defence to the Mountain Alpha but she surprised me as she jumped onto Michael's back with a pretend roar.

"Ahhhhhhhh! The beast is attacking the Alpha!" She shoved at Michael's form and he looked at her in surprise before she managed to actually push him off of the bed. He let out a surprised yelp right before she launched at him again. They rolled on the floor before the surprise Michael felt faded to realization as he yipped excitedly. He and Maricella hadn't really been allowed to play since she had gotten to the house. I had been so riled with the pack I had forgotten how close the two wilds were with the small shifter. I watched with amusement as they wrestled. Maricella looked positively tiny next to the large wolf but she climbed on him as if she was the bigger of the two.

"I don't understand this." Bennett watched them with a puzzled expression and I shrugged.

"I honestly don't either but they seem to enjoy it." I watched as Michael made a fake lunge for me and Mari grabbed the scruff of his neck and yanked him back. He looked surprised by the strength of the action. I chuckled at it. "I see you've been learning, kiddo." She ignored me as she straddled the large wolf with a war cry of victory.

"I have succeeded in protecting the Alpha! I'm the best!" She jumped up and crawled on the bed before sprawling on top of Ezekiel. He let out a groan as she flopped her rather small weight onto him. "I am the greatest warrior in the world!" She was breathing heavily and Bennett walked over, ignoring Ezekiel's small growl as he grabbed his mate around the waist.

"Come on, warrior female. Alpha Sterling needs to get ready for his meeting." He gave me a look as he lifted Maricella off of the wild and walked out of the room with her dangling from his arm.

Ezekiel gave me a look and I shrugged once more. "He's her mate and she didn't seem to mind being carted around like a sack of potatoes." I flipped the covers off and Michael whined form his place on the floor, upset that his playtime with his packmate was cut short. I patted his head as I slipped off of the bed. I felt better than I had an hour or so before. I wasn't sure how long I had been in a rage or how long I had cried for but I was guessing about an hour. It seemed right.

I looked at the flannel pants and the t-shirt Maricella had given me to dress in before I shrugged. I didn't care what anyone thought, so they would do for a meeting. I made my way to my bathroom to wash my face. It still felt sticky and I grimaced when I saw my reflection. My eyes were red and slightly puffy and my skin looked almost pale. I quickly turned on the water and washed my face with the icy liquid. I stared at my reflection with a frown. It didn't particularly help but it did make me look more like I had allergies and less like I had been crying.

"Ezekiel, did I leave my glasses in the office?" I dried my face and the wild sent me the memory of me setting my glasses on their usual spot on the desk. I sent him a quick thanks as I moved towards the door. I hoped I hadn't broken them in my rage but I couldn't actually remember touching the desk so I figured they were probably safe enough.

The two wilds followed me as I made my way back to the office. I looked at the open door and slipped inside. Most of the wreckage had been cleared out. I hated the fact that some of the pack members had to clean up after my tantrum. I should have been the one to put everything back into order. I moved over to the desk and grabbed my glasses. I didn't need them all the time, usually I just wore them while driving or reading but when I got tired my vision sometimes blurred and the glasses helped.

"Had a little bit of excitement in here, I see." Benji looked around as he walked in and I shook my head.

"I had a tantrum. Close the door please." I gestured at it and he nodded before closing it behind himself and looking around before spotting a white chair with green stains on the fabric. I smirked at the piece of furniture.

"What happened to this thing?" He looked it over with a frown and I couldn't help faint chuckle that escaped.

"That chair I threw through that window." I pointed between the chair and the now boarded up window. Benji looked at me before shaking his head in disbelief.

"No way. The chair would have broken from the throw, let alone the landing." He looked at me and I shrugged.

"I swear to Mene that I tossed that chair through the window and it survived." I was almost proud of the inanimate object and gave a small cough. "Okay, so Bennett said you needed to see me." I knew exactly why he needed to see me but I knew it was important for him to tell me himself. Pride was a strange and fickle emotion. He bowed before walking over to the desk.

"In regards to the pack meeting tomorrow I have thought of several ways that this could play out but every scenario ends in Hunter intervention." He was frowning and I looked at my desk as I resisted the urge to scowl. I did not want to hear that.

"Still doesn't change the plan." Hunters or not I needed to remove the problem from the pack.

"I know, Alpha. That is why I have come up with an idea that might work." He pulled a paper from his pocket and opened it. It was a map of the clearing. I raised an eyebrow as I looked it over. It was fairly detailed and he had obviously spent some time drawing it out. He tapped as several names that were placed around the perimeter. "Most of the warriors are loyal to the bloodline. These twelve have already been given their orders to watch the perimeter for tomorrow in wolf form." At that I bristled. No one was supposed to be given orders until tomorrow.

"I apologize, Alpha, but orders for meetings are always handed out the day before so the warriors can prepare. If the orders weren't given they would suspect something was going on." He bowed his head, baring his neck in submission. The action soothed my wolf and surprisingly it put me at ease as well.

I nodded, "You did it because it needed to be done. Continue." I gestured to the map of the clearing and he cleared his throat, his face serious once more.

"The twelve will watch the perimeter as I told them to. However tomorrow they will be given the list of those not allowed to leave the clearing. I did not need them questioning why those specific shifters aren't allowed to leave and tip them off for an escape." So the old male was just as smart as I remembered. I knew I had picked right in my Delta. He had been a great Beta for my father and I was happy that he had agreed to be my Delta. It felt nice to talk politics with who wasn't a wolf ninety-nine percent of the time.

He pointed to the map at another few names. "These nine are going to be within the crowd in normal form. They will be watching for the fourteen dissenters. Again, names and faces have been withheld till the last minute to preserve the integrity of the plan." His hand moved across the map and tapped where the speaking platform was. "This is where you will be and the entire purpose of the meeting has been made to look like you are introducing your new Delta." He looked up at me as if for permission and I nodded.

"You do need to be introduced and the pack needs to be informed of your new rank." I turned back to the map and I could feel his nervousness.

"After you introduce me to the pack as Delta you need to get them to challenge you for your position. The warriors and I will keep them in the area but you need to force them to challenge you." He sounded firm but nervous and I bit back a groan.

"I don't want them to challenge me." I scowled darkly at the thought. They needed to be eradicated, not given a chance at taking my position.

"That is the only way the Hunters won't get involved." He said it carefully and I understood where he was coming from but I didn't like it. I scanned my brain trying to figure out a solution.

"If they don't challenge me, then I can't kill them and I need to leave them in the pack. Banishment just opens it up for them to come back and leaving them in the pack is not an option." I frowned, looking the map over once again.

"Alpha Sterling, this is the only solution I could find." He said it softly and I held up my hand, a motion to make him stay silent for a few moments.

"No, there is another one. Just let me think." I knew there was another solution, it was touching the edges of my mind but slipping away before I could grasp it completely. I was stuck in the middle of a plot, surrounded by scheming people who wanted my position because they perceived me as weak. There had to be a solution to the conspiracy that surrounded me. I froze. "Conspiracy." I frowned, holding onto the word.

"Yes there is a conspiracy, Alpha." Benji looked at me as if I had lost my wits.

"No. Conspiracy. In the event of shifters grouping together and conspiring against the current Alpha, if they admit they have been conspiring against him and the leader challenges the Alpha. The Alpha can give the shifters the same punishment as the challenger. Whatever that punishment may be." I smirked as I remembered the loophole. My wolf surged forward, wanting and craving the blood that was to come. "Conspiracy." I looked up at Benji with that small smirk still firmly planted on my face.

"You get them to admit to a conspiracy and get Dylan to challenge you. After that it doesn't matter what the rest do." He looked at me with an almost nervous expression and I nodded, shoving my wolf away. He had a very intense ability to make people uneasy.

"Exactly." I looked over the map. "So twelve around the perimeter and nine within the pack. Once all fourteen have been found, they are to be escorted up to the stage where I will force them to admit the conspiracy and get Dylan to challenge me."

"How will you get them to admit the conspiracy? No offense Alpha but your Command is not strong." He looked ready to flinch and I held up my hands slightly in a faint shrug. I knew my Command wasn't anything to speak of.

"Pride. I will make them say it by manipulating their pride. I crush the weakest link and because of their own pride they will give me what I need." It was the easiest way to manipulate a person. You fucked with their pride just right and they would say things they normally wouldn't or even do things they shouldn't. "People do many stupid things in the name of pride." Benji looked at me carefully.

"Let's hope this is not one of them." He muttered the words as he glanced at me and I tilted my head, keeping my eyes locked onto his.

"Benji, there is no pride in this. I take no pride in attacking my own pack, my own people, but I will fight for my family and for the legacy my father, my grandfather, and his father built. I will not allow some shifters, so puffed up with their own self-importance, ruin my family's name because I am too weak to command them to stop." I watched as he lifted his head and met my gaze. It wasn't challenging but I still didn't appreciate it. "This is about letting this pack know once and for all who their Alpha is. This is not for pride, this is for respect."

"Yes, Alpha." He bowed his head, breaking the gaze. I could hear his heart thudding in his chest. For some reason I made him nervous.

"Why are you so wary of me, Benji?" I asked it softly and he kept his head bowed.

"You lack balance, Alpha, and for once I do not wish to see you when you don't lack it." He glanced at me, his face was pale. "I have a feeling you would paint the world red with destruction if you did." My wolf was pleased at the thought and I simply smiled, shoving the blood thirsty beast away.

"I get that feeling too, Benji. You aren't alone in that." I turned my gaze to the map in front of me before I carefully folded it before I absently grasped the necklace Mari had given me. "Make sure everyone is aware that the meeting is mandatory for everyone over the age to eighteen. The children need to be kept away from the clearing." Despite my feelings and my wolf's feelings we did not wish for the children to witness the bloodshed that would happen.

"Yes, Alpha." He nodded, his back straight. Despite his previous words he was every inch my father's old Beta and my new Delta. Strong and steady.

"Thank you, Benji. For being honest with me." I nodded at him once more before he bowed and left the room to do as instructed. I dropped my head into my hands. I could do what was required of me. I could fix my pack and gain the respect I needed. It just wasn't going to be pretty and a large part of me relished in the thought. Five years of disrespect taken away in a moment as claws tore through flesh. My wolf panted in his cage, he wanted it and it made me a little bit nervous to know what I wanted it just as bad as he did. He was a blood thirsty beast, he was supposed to crave the destruction, the blood and if I did the same what did that make me?