Chapter-46 |•|

Chapter dedicated to NidhiMittal8 Thank you for your undying love towards the roller coaster ride of Sitaara and Abhimanyu.

Toxic but beautiful

Author's POV

"You will never leave me?" She asked with tears and snuggled into his body seeking warmness and assurance.

'Or it is also a empty promise like Raj did?' Her heart cried.

"Never" he whispered hugging her closer.

"Am tired" she whispered.

"I know" he mumbled.

"Mentally!" She said.

"I know that" he said caressing her hair.

"Am tired, Mani. I can't take this pain anymore. Every second is adding pain to my already painful and regretful life, it is making me weak. I tried my level best to be strong but...reminding myself to be strong, not to develop any kind of emotions, avoid attachments with people is making me weaker. I Am scared to be alone. I don't want to be alone yet I want it, to stand on promises I made, to stand strong for fulfilling my responsibilities" she cried. He kissed her crown.

"You are not alone. Am there for you. Standing by you doesn't mean that just taking care of you or loving you, it's making your pain mine, your responsibilities mine, your people to mine, everything that's yours mines too, either it's happiness or grief" he whispered cupping her cheek while she looked into his eyes.

"I want you to kiss me" she whispered as a blush crept her cheeks. He looked at her bemused.

"You want what?" He asked shocked.

"I want you to share my pain with this kiss. Will you?" She whispered. He shook his head in no.

"I already told you, I love you, I don't lust you. I don't need this physical thing to share your pain. You always have my back, Taara" he said and kissed her forehead.

"Kiss is not something physical, Mani. It's a pure thing that we do when we seal our vows, express our love, making our bond strengthen" She said.

I hate you.

I hate your touch.

I hate your presence around me.

If feel burn my skin where your filthy hands got laid.

Molester! Molester! Molester!

"You sure? By chance are you testing me if am a self-controlled man or not? If yes, am very much self-control as I told you 1 and a half months ago. I would have done it long back if am not self-controlled" he said bitterly.

"You say you love me but you don't understand me! What kind of love do you have for me?" She asked with tears at his misconception.

'Damn! I screwed up again! This... this is what am scared of! I love you so much that it always turns toxic for you in the end, hurt you and your self-esteem in the end. Why? Why only me?' He thought.

"Never question my love for you, sweetheart. The depth of love I have for you, makes you drown both in happiness and pain, it chokes you to death but provides you with the warmth and assurance you need to survive, it pushes you in dark but makes you feel the beautiful thing you never felt all your life, it will be challenging and also helps you to win, it hurts you to an extent where you can't withstand looking at yourself and also it makes you feel ecstatic to love yourself more and more. My love for you is toxic but beautiful. But you can't say my for you isn't real because I told you it can be toxic too... it's just you don't know me completely...what you see isn't me...am still mysterious, that can't be solved... am mysterious I don't want to discuss about" he said thinking deeply about his every issue.

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"I love you. Want you to drown in my toxic but beautiful love because I can't let you back off. Once anything is mine will be mine forever. Not an obsession it is. But... it's something I 'need' to survive not a 'want'" he said.

"You are scaring me" she whispered. He chuckled.

"And?" He asked raising his eyebrow.

"Assuring me" she added with a smile. He smiled back.

"Hope you understood what I mean earlier 'toxic but beautiful' hmm?'' he said smiling caressing her bandaged wound. She smiled back and brought her face closer.

"Mi Amor seems to be desperate of-"

"Love, attention, care," she said cutting off him looking at his lips.

'I don't know if am doing right! I don't know if am cheating on my love! I don't know if am not loyal to my 15 years of love. Right now! I only know that Mani is making me feel what Raj made me feel, wanting me to drown in the same love Raj always had for me, My Mani is filling the void Raj made and making me feel lively which Raj's departure sucked away from me. If this is wrong, then I want to make wrong things' she thought.

"I love you" said Abhi and their lips brushed against each other delicately and moulded soon. Him, moving his lips gently and her, following his movements.

The kiss was more like a promise, expressing the love they have, he assuring her that he will understand her by diving below her broken heart while she assuring him that she would handle her hopelessness and enigmatic. He devoured her lips like he is promising to cure her pain and she reciprocated back promising to drown him in her love to make him forget the world which betrayed him.

Cupping her cheeks he pulled her face closer deepening the kiss and she wrapped her arms around his neck pulling him to her by his nape.

A tear rolled down from both their closed eyes, realising the cruel game their fate playing with them. Wants to be with each other yet want to be far away!

Suddenly he came top of her supporting his weight on his elbows, pushing his tongue into her mouth tasting every nook of hers in his own way. In his intoxicating way. She snaked her arms around his neck, running her fingers in his hair.

They were so much into eachother that they didn't realise someone opened the door and closed it immediately seeing them and ran away.

"That's my first kiss" she mumbled with a smile. He smirked and pecked her lips.

"Am glad I took your first kiss" he mumbled looking at her lips. She pulled him to her holding his shirt joining their lips once again.

He smiled into her mouth when their tongues danced with each other fighting for dominance though she wasn't kissing perfectly rather clumsily.

"I like you, Mani. Very much" she whispered between the kiss. He deepened the kiss looking into her eyes. As she opened her eyes, a wave of regret, a fear but more than anything, a 'different' emotion which he carved for, flashed in her doe-like eyes. He wanted to name that 'different' as love but he wanted to hear it from her, from the woman who stole his heart and he tried his luck!

"Then, why can't you love me? Don't you love me?" He asked pulling back from the kiss. Tears filled in her eyes.

"I have some regrets in my life" she whispered.

"You think loving me make you regret it?" He asked with hurt lacing his voice as tears already escaped his eye.

"You are getting me wrong, Mani. It's very hard to explain... it's... it's like I don't want you to be sad and heartbroken at the end" said Sitaara looking away.

"Your rejection is hurting me very much, Taara," he said and rolled beside her.

"You know why I used to taunt you? Be cold at you? Behaved like a beast on our engagement? Your rejection!! I was behind a person protecting her from many bastards and when I came to know the person was you at my office, I felt like dancing in happiness but you rejected to meet me, you directly opposed the idea of getting you married to me when Sisira ran away though I didn't have any intentions of marrying you because of my issues and your disapproval face hurt me don't know why, when you pushed me away, when you prioritised someone over me, it hurt. Infinitely. It hurt like bitch. Just the thought of rejection by you used to make me lose my mind" he said. She looked at him with tears. He sighed wiping his tears and turned to her. Kissing her eyes, he wiped her tears.

"I don't want to force you to live with me, love me but I need you again. My 'need' for you is making me selfish and am sacred what if my inner self makes me do which I regret later" he whispered looking into her eyes.

"Am sorry. But you deserve someone better" she said placing her head on his chest.

"If not you, no one. If I didn't deserve you, I wouldn't feel anything I felt in all these days which no one in my life made me feel even once, Taara. Am not forcing you, sweetheart, just think over the decision of getting divorced, am giving 10 day's Taara and I want to listen to your reply, after that, I will respect your decision whatever it is. And till then am not gonna disturb you with my feelings" he said.

"Now sleep, sweetheart. You need to take a rest" he said pulling her in his embrace and both of them dozed off.

***

Abhi woke up after some time and saw Sitaara sleeping peacefully with pouted lips. A smile adorned his lips remembering the kiss they shared.

So sweet just like strawberries!!

He caressed the bandaged wound on her forehead and kissed it. Getting down the bed, he covered her properly and walked to the washroom after glancing at the clock which is ticking at 7:30. He freshened up and went downstairs. He saw Sitaara's whole family in the main hall, by looking at their faces anyone can say they cried but now they are smiling, talking to his family, still, he could see the distress on their faces especially Dev who is wiping his sweat beads formed on his forehead.

"Hello everyone" he greeted. They all looked at him smiling and greeted him back in unison.

"When did you guys come?" Asked Abhi sitting beside Sid.

"2 hours ago," said Akhira.

"You should have come to see her. She will be happy to see you people" said Abhi.

"We came but you guys were busy to acknowledge even our presence," said Ved with a teasing smile. A blush crept his cheeks as the memory of sharing their first kiss came into his mind, he looked away scratching his nape.

"She is sleeping" he whispered looking here and there.

"Can we see her, Abhi?" Asked Dev and started walking even before Abhi replied to him.

"He is just anxious about her condition," said Mridula smiling awkwardly.

"I understand and it's perfectly fine. Go and meet her" said Abhi smiling warmly at his mil. Everyone started moving.

"Miss Shetty" he called Sisira. She turned to him.

"Think before you speak to my wife. Am not good all the time. This is my mansion and I don't think twice before throwing you-"

"Abhi" warned Sakshi. He glanced at her and turned back to Sisira.

"Go!" He mumbled not looking at her and Sisira went away feeling embarrassed.

"Mummy not again, please. You all know I hate people who hurt Sitaara. Now, your words aren't gonna change my views nor my feelings towards that woman" said Abhi when Sakshi was about to scold him for his behaviour towards Sisira.

"We are on Anna's side cousins" added. Sakshi sighed. Abhi smiled at his cousins.

Abhi saw Aarya and Disha moving towards steps.

"Wait! Where are you both going?" Asked Abhi.

"To Situ, anna," said Aarya.

"Come back. Let her spend some time with her family" he said. They nodded and Disha was on the couch while Aarya went to the kitchen to get some snacks.

"Anna, Riaan Sharma is coming on this Saturday to make a deal which is 5 days away from now," said Naman.

"Look after his hospitality, Naman and our points should be flawless. I don't want to lose another deal" said Abhi.

"We won't," said Naman. Aarya came back with pakora's and they all sat together watching cricket.

After some time Abhi stood up and walked to the kitchen and found Sakshi and Anjali preparing lunch.

"You here, Abhi?" Asked Sakshi amused.

"Sitaara is slightly burning in fever mummy. I want to make soup for her" he said smiling and made soup for Sitaara. Anjali and Sakshi smiled at his love and care for Sitaara.

Placing them on a platter, he walked to their room. Opening the door, he saw laughing and talking Sitaara while Ved was cracking jokes. He opened the door wide and entered inside. Seeing him Sitaara blushed as she turned into a beetroot colour. Mridula stood up immediately as Abhi came inside.

"No formalities like this, athamma(mil). You can sit" he said.

"It's fine, Abhi. We ate bounded to give that respect towards our SIL's" said Mridula.

"I don't care all those. Am your son and you wouldn't do this with Ved or Sid or the twins, then why me? For me the respect for your age comes before these things" said Abhi. Sitaara chuckled at him as he told this many times since they got married but Mridula being kind of orthodox never paid heed to him.

"Okay" muttered Mridula smiling, sitting on the couch far where Abhi can't see her. Abhi shook his head at his mil's some stupid beliefs. He sat beside Sitaara.

"Chocolate cake?" She asked excitedly. He rolled his eyes and put the bowl of chicken soup in her lap. She scrunched her nose and shook her head in no.

"She hates any kind of soups" said Arjun coming inside with Vikram and Aarya.

"Yes! I don't like them. Now, throw it away" Sitaara said.

"You are burning woman! Am not taking no from you, Sitaara. You have to eat it whether you like it or not" he said sternly.

"Mani-" *he placed one spoonful soup in her mouth*

"No-" *second spoon*

"Please-" *third spoon*

This time she shut her mouth cupping it. He smirked and pinched her arm making her gasp and he put another spoon.

"You are bad, very bad!" She said pouting. He chuckled and fed her while she kept on making baby faces and he was falling for her again and again.

"Juice?" He asked.

"You are asking as if you are gonna take no as my answer. But still...wait I'll drink after 10 minutes" she said.

"Okay!" He said wiping her lips making her blush remembering the kiss they shared.

"Why is she behaving like a girl? Blushing and listening to husband like a perfect wife?" She heard Ved muttering making everyone chuckle and she threw a pillow on his face.

Abhi was about to move, she clutched his wrist. He turned to her.

"You told you would never leave me!" She said.

"And I won't! Am gonna place these used bowls back in the kitchen and come back" he said.

"Ask Geetha aunty for help. You be beside me, I don't want you to leave me even for a second" she mumbled as tears filled in her eyes. He smiled nodding his head and sat beside her. Him, leaning on headrest and her, resting her head on his shoulder with intertwined fingers under the blanket that covering themselves till their abdomen.

'I want you beside me, Mani. I don't want another person go away from me who loves me the most. I can't take that risk. Leaving Raj for one evening changed my fate and I don't want you to leave me as Raj did. Am sacred. Very much' She thought.

Everyone were about to move, Abhi stopped.

"You guys can stay. Let's talk something" he said. They nodded and her cousins started telling about her mischievous things making everyone laugh and Situ pout.

"Situ you remember how you bet Vishnu when he proposed you?" Asked Sid.

"I just bet him with my water bottle but you and Ved anna were the one who trashed him badly and were suspended for straight one whole month" said Sitaara.

"Which grade you were then?" Asked Abhi.

"May be 5th grade or 6th grade" she mumbled.

"Once these 5 best friends fought with a guy and Sitaara was the first one to pick up the fight, later Arjun, Vikram, Aarya and Rio joined her and bet that guy till his shirt was tattered, nose bleed had a cut on lips. When he fainted these five idiots jumped out of the school compound wall and hid in our mansion" said Adhira.

"The funny thing was that guy was Sid anna's friend who came to guard Situ, akki and me secretly as Anna has gone for basketball match. But Sitaara misunderstood him as following her like a creep and trashed him. Like seriously? That guy was 12 grade and these friends were 7th grade" said Adhira chuckling.

"Not to forget he was so fat yet he couldn't even push at least one of us away," said Arjun.

"You are violent unlike your looks," said Abhi.

"Well looks are deceiving, anna and Sitaara is the synonym of violence. She can't survive without beating at least one guy in a day" said Vikram.

"Having two overprotective brothers who taught me how to beat guys, I implied it there" she said shrugging her shoulders.

"We taught you self defence, not rowdy ways to get yourself into trouble," said Sid and Ved together.

"Whatever" she mumbled rolling her eyes.

"Ask her how she met us," Said Arjun. Abhi looked at Situ while she grinned sheepishly.

"I and Aarya were best friends from the first day of my school life. We both used to be very bossy as both our fathers were trustees of the school we were studying. Arjun was my friend since diaper days as both our fathers were best friends but he never used to speak to me and used to be behind his mom. Being an attitude even I didn't bother him much. But Arjun and Vikram were best friends like Aarya and me. Then another nerd joined our school in the middle of the year. That was Rio. He used to be alone all the time and used to cry even if his slate pencil break.

One day, my father didn't get lunch on time. So, I and Aarya shared her box but that didn't satisfy our hunger. Then, Arjun came running to me complaining that one of our fellow students snatched his and Vikram's lunch box, that was the first time I and Aarya spoke to Vikram. Then, I and Aarya bit that boy's hands making him give boxes back but we both being hungry ate their boxes instead of giving them to Arjun and Vikram. When Arjun and Vikram started crying, whining about the boxes, I threw mud in their eyes. After so much cries and struggle they left us and sat at the corner. Then, Rio came forward and gave them his box. We bet him too...and ate his boxes too but being a foodie like Arjun, he brought spare boxes for himself but he gave them to Arjun and Vikram without eating anything for his sake. I was touched by his selfless act at such a tender age, so when my father brought lunch, I gave him. Since then we all became best friends" said Sitaara making everyone smile.

"Rio?" Asked Abhi.

"Our other best friend. Don't know where he is! He left all of us in Engineering 3rd year in the middle saying that he won't come back again" whispered Aarya.

"That cute boy with chubby cheeks? He used to blush at the sight of Disha?" Asked Abhi. Aarya nodded.

"Not only Disha but he used to blush at the sight of any girl," said Aarya.

"Why don't I remember your friends Aarya?" Asked Abhi.

"Because you used to spend most of the time at Samhith Anna's mansion. Like seriously, you used to be at our mansion only 2-3 days in a week" said Aarya rolling her eyes. Abhi fell silent. Sitaara squeezed his hand making him look at her and she smiled. He smiled back squeezing her hand back assuring her that he is fine and they continued talks between Sitaara had her juice and tablets and dozed off.

"She must be tired. We will leave now" said Mridula. He nodded and made Sitaara lay back on the bed properly.

"You both stay here, athamma and mamayya (mil and fil). She will feel better. I'll take another room" he said. They smiled.

"She didn't want you to even leave for a second and she will freak out if she doesn't see you in the morning and we will leave and come back tomorrow," said Mridula.

"Stay back here. Mom arranged your stay here" said Abhi.

"No! It's improper to stay at daughter's inlaw home and our home is not far, Abhi. It hardly takes 30 minutes" said Dev.

"Mammaya (fil) this is your daughter's house. You have the right to stay here. If you guys still feel it's not right, am begging you to stay for one night for Sitaara's sake" said Abhi pleading.

"We will. But never beg us, son" said Dev. He smiled thanking him. Later everyone had dinner while Abhi and Sakshi had in Abhi's room to stay beside Sitaara. After Sakshi went away, Abhi lay beside Sitaara and dozed off.

**************

They shared their first kiss!! 🙈🙈

Abhi is such an amazing guy! Can anyone unlove this man?

I Hope Sitaara start realising her feelings. It's high time!

Precap:- The guest.

Surya.