11. SUBJECT: MY DATE
In Your Own Words
Texts sent February 22, 2017 at 10:06pm
Weston Maguire: How are you?
Peter Moore: Better.
Weston: Yeah? You don't have to sugarcoat it.
Peter Moore: I'm not great, but I'm okay.
Weston Maguire: Okay. Do you want to catch the end of the game?
Peter Moore: Sure, but I can hear the play by play from my room. Why so loud?
Weston Maguire: I'm trying to get a rise out of Will. He ate my leftovers.
. . .
from: [email protected]
subject: Going on a date tonight
sent: February 23, 2017 at 12:18pm
Dear Cassie,
Your email was appreciated. You said a lot of helpful, sometimes forward, things that I haven't stopped thinking about. So, thank you.
You are a bit crazy, by the way... but I dig it.
Simon sounds like a good guy. It must be great to have a friend who isn't afraid to tell you what to do for your own good. I wish I could do that with Peter.
But I don't feel like I have the right to tell him anything, regardless of whether or not it would help him. It feels like any advice I give is invalid since I have no experience with what he's going through. Another burden of the well-adjusted, maybe.
Nothing bad has ever happened to me. I mean, yeah, my parents aren't married anymore, but that's not very original; practically everyone's parents are divorced. And, as far as divorces go, it isn't so bad. My mom and dad are still on okay terms.
When I was a kid and they first separated, I got sent to a Divorced Kids Camp. No kidding. I had to play soccer, make crafts, and talk about Jesus with other kids with divorced/divorcing parents. My family isn't even religious, but I guess they couldn't find a secular divorced kids camp for us.
There was one night when we made those paper cups and string telephones, and a girl in my group crushed her cup in her hand. Like a tiny blonde Hulk. The camp leader, who was obviously annoyed, and maybe a little weirded out, asked her why she did that. She huffed and said that she didn't want to make a telephone because she had no friends.
Even I, who was seven at the time, knew that her attitude was the root of the problem.
The guy sitting beside me, I think his name was Gilbert, said that she could play with him and his friends.
Nice kid, right?
But you'll never believe what this girl did: she rolled her eyes and said she didn't want to play with Chinese people. Like, the way someone might say they don't eat potato salad. It was so unnecessarily mean.
So me and the rest of the kids are incredulous while Gilbert just shrugged. "Okay, but maybe if you played with Chinese people you'd have friends." A fucking king.
The camp leader looked like she was going to pass out. I can't remember what happened after that, but I will never forget how unfazed Gilbert was by that girl. It was like her hate didn't touch him. It's a good thing he didn't get upset because as much as I'd like to think I would have stood up for him, I don't really know what I could have said. And that fucking sucks.
Nobody should have to fight by themselves. It kills me to see really good people, especially someone like Peter, face terrible things and not be able to help. I just don't feel like I have a foot to stand on when it comes to what he's going through.
Pete's always been convinced that I'm living a charmed life. And I guess he has a point. There's so little for me to complain about. But Peter's always had to work hard with school, sports... even girls. Pete's a good looking guy, but he's shy.
He isn't petty or bitter about the luck I've had, and he's never given me a hard time. I just don't know how to say the right thing. Coming from me, it'd probably be the wrong thing.
What can you do?
I'm going out with Mel tonight. We've hung out a few times since the dance, which has been nice. We're going to a movie, and then out for dinner afterwards. I think this might actually turn into something.
I'll tell you how it goes,
Wes
. . .
from: [email protected]
subject: My date
sent: February 24, 2017 at 12:58am
Hey Cass,
Mel picked the movie. You've probably seen the trailer, it's a rom-com where two people make a pact to get married, which leads to other stuff, which leads to love.
The movie was bad, but the date was pretty good. There was only one weird thing... it was about you, actually.
We went to dinner after the movie, and we were talking about school and life and the film (if you could call it that) we watched, you know, average first date stuff. I think people choose to do dinner and a movie because the movie gives you something to talk about at dinner.
It was nice getting to know more about her. I haven't had a lot of time to date this year. At one point, she mentioned that she had taken a literature class.
So I asked her if she knew you. You're still kind of a mystery, Cass, and I don't know anyone who really knows you. I know that's a little weird, but I was curious.
Mel stopped mid-chew. She took a while to answer which made me wonder if acknowledging the existence of another girl is considered bad date etiquette.
"Uh yes, I've met her before. Sort of. How do you know her?" Mel seemed put-off.
I haven't really told anyone about this job you gave me. Not for any particular reason. But it's a hard job to explain, so I kept it simple and told her we're friends. I hope that it's okay I said that. We are friends, aren't we?
"Really?" She sounded skeptical. "She seems like one of those girls who thinks she's better than everyone."
I told Mel that I've never had that impression. Honestly, I don't like people who sit around and talk shit about others. I figured if that was Mel's idea of a good time, we probably weren't going to get along long-term.
"Okay, well it's possible I just don't know her well enough," she admitted. "Maybe she's changed."
"Changed?"
Then she told me that you two had a class together a couple of years ago. She said you sat alone and didn't talk to anyone unless you were correcting people... that made me laugh. Mel and her friend Alissa sat beside you, and there was one day Alissa was having a relationship crisis. Before the class started, she was telling Mel about how her boyfriend was supposed to come over the other night, but he called her and said he needed to stay home. Something like that.
At this point in her story, Mel rolled her eyes, obviously not a fan of the guy.
Anyway, she said that you were "eavesdropping" and you laughed at Alissa, and then you told them that it sounded like her boyfriend was cheating on her. Alissa got upset and accused you of sleeping with him. Mel said you didn't deny it. You just raised your eyebrows and went back to ignoring them. Alissa confronted her boyfriend that night, and he admitted to cheating. But he said he didn't know you---he'd been sneaking around with a townie he met at a club.
"Like, why not say that she wasn't the one messing around with him?" Mel asked me as if I know why you do the things you do.
I guess it was a fair question, but it felt like her side of things was a little unfair.
I shrugged. "It isn't Cassie's fault though, is it? At least she told your friend."
"Well she wasn't sleeping with him, but she should have been nicer to Alissa." Mel went back to eating.
Then she told me about how the two of them egged the guy's car the next night. I liked that story much better.
Do you remember any of that? It doesn't bother me one way or another, I'm mostly curious.
Take care,
Wes
. . .
from: [email protected]
subject: Re: My date
sent: February 26, 2017 at 2:15pm
Wes,
Jesus, some people really hold a grudge. I'm not sure where to begin. Is she really still thinking about this? For goodness sake.
Alissa was deliberately obtuse . I know that isn't very nice, but it needs to be acknowledged. Mel might be ignorant of the fact that her friend was an idiot, but it is very important that you understand.
What would you have done?
There's two girls (who I don't know at all and mean nothing to me) talking in class. One is complaining about her boyfriend. Loudly.
"He isn't spending time with me. He ignores me. He makes me feel unimportant."
Then, and I remember this clearly, she told a story about the other night in which he called her after midnight from his bathroom.
I mean, honestly, she knew he was cheating before I said anything. You only call your girlfriend from the bathroom if there is a pressing reason that you cannot call her from your bedroom.
The reason likely being that there is someone else in his bed.
Then Mel, who I'll admit seemed slightly smarter and more level headed, suggested her friend open up communication.
"What if he gets mad and breaks up with me?"
I believe that's when I laughed. I admit it was inappropriate---but I'm only human.
I stand by the things I said to her that day. It was a matter of principle. They asked me what my problem was, and I simply explained that the evidence suggested he was cheating. At least I gave her the opportunity to save face in front of this guy.
I only regretted it when her face twisted up and she accused me of fucking her boyfriend.
Yes, Mel was correct. I didn't deny it. I knew it wouldn't matter what I said, and it wasn't worth the effort to argue.
She said that girls like me think we can do whatever we want. "Just because of the way you look, you think you can do whatever or whoever you want." Clever wordplay for such a clever girl.
She wasn't wrong.
Being pretty comes with a load of benefits, particularly when someone is pretty the way I happen to be pretty. Certain rules no longer apply; people want you to pay attention to them, and they want to do things for you.
Nobody wants to disappoint someone who is better looking than them. I don't know why that is, but people bend over backwards trying to impress those they deem beautiful. We just assume pretty people are better in every way.
Admit it, Weston, the only reason you assumed that I lived in a McMansion is because of the way I look. It isn't just you. Everyone is judged, and judging, based on appearance; I should be grateful that I'm not being written off for looking like a possum. But it kind of sucks for everyone. Have we not evolved enough to realize that there is no skill in being naturally pretty?
Simon has always said that the only reason I like being around him is because he's never talked about my face or ass. He might have a point. I love knowing that my favourite person has never used my looks as a factor in our friendship.
Look, I know it isn't hard to be beautiful. It isn't a burden. It's just different. Being pretty is like being a princess at Disney World. I went two summers ago with Simon and his family.
It looks really wonderful and exciting to be a princess, but it mostly consists of smiling through Florida humidity and strangers touching you without permission. I literally saw a child wipe chocolate ice cream on Snow White's dress. The poor girl didn't even notice that it looked like she had a shit stain on the back of her yellow skirt.
Simon says missing that moment is the most tragic outcome of his blindness.
The girl in the costume was so clearly miserable, but she was still smiling and talking about her darling Prince in a voice that could crack the glass. Meanwhile, all anyone could see was the brown stain.
Poor thing.
Being pretty fucks up girls more than boys, I think. I'm sure you never give yourself a hard time about the way you look. You look in the mirror, and you see you. Just like the rest of the world.
You're a big name around here; people know you and they like you. Not for a face, but because of your skills as an athlete, your good nature, and sense of humour, and then, maybe somewhere down the list, your looks.
Don't get a big head there, pal. I'm just making a point.
The point being that everyone maintains a reputation, and for me, that reputation is largely based on something I lucked into rather than something I control.
Alissa isn't the only person who thinks of me as Mel described. Most people think I'm a bitch because of the way I look, which just isn't the case. I am a bitch, but that has nothing to do with my pretty exterior and everything to do with my icy interior.
Thank you, by the way. It was generous of you to defend me. I'm sure I'll find a way to repay you for it.
Best,
Cass
Vote, comment, tell me how you feel!