seventeen: ride or die

Greg ❤: hi

Greg ❤: fuck

Greg ❤: this is awkward

Greg ❤: are you even paying attention

Jeong-Soon can't help the small grin that slips across his face at that. He also can't help turning just the slightest bit to peek at the back corner, where Gregory's crammed. A pair of laser-sharp dark eyes stare back at him. No visible expression crosses Gregory's features, but his gaze says it all.

The bruising's nearly gone---Gregory heals surprisingly quickly---but then again, it's been a week since that fateful day in the rain. A week since the kiss on the balcony and both of their near-death experiences. Jeong-Soon almost hates to think about it, how they both could have died alone---Gregory mashed to a pulp in an alley, Jeong-Soon plummeting five floors down. Falling as fast as he'd fallen for Gregory Gan in the first place.

this is our first text conversation and you're already swearing

wow

Greg ❤: it's not my fault you never told me you unblocked me

i did

Greg ❤: well you still should have texted me first

Greg ❤: it's been a WEEK

Greg ❤: and they always say 'ladies first'

how heteronormative of you

Greg ❤: fuck you're right

Greg ❤: i'm a disgrace to the gays

Greg ❤: you still should have texted first

i'm sorry

i'm a terrible boyfriend

Greg ❤: oh we're boyfriends now?

Greg ❤: fucking finally

Greg ❤: great now i have someone to choke me

A chuckle escapes the corner of Jeong-Soon's mouth at that. And it's crazy, how it's only been a week since they'd started dating. A week between punches and kisses. A week between enemies and boyfriends. A week between hate and love.

His fingers creep into his hair, tugging at the dry strands nervously. It's all too fast, moving along at the speed of light, blurring the lines of everything he'd thought he'd known. Too many problems left unsolved, too many conversations left unhad, too many words left unsaid. It doesn't feel right---it leaves a sinking feeling writhing at the bottom of his stomach, as if the unresolved tension between them might reel back to bite them in the ass.

"Jeong-Soon!" A wooden ruler slams itself down on his table, and Jeong-Soon nearly drops his already-cracked phone. Ms Eliza's scathing blue eyes burn holes in his face as he looks up meekly. "Instead of texting your girlfriend, how about paying attention to my lessons for once?"

Jeong-Soon feels his cheeks flame. Not exactly a girlfriend this time. "Sorry, Ms Eliza."

The moment she turns around, Dillon instantly leans over. "What does Mia want? Must be pretty serious, huh?"

"Huh?" Jeong-Soon's brain struggles to connect the dots.

"She never texts you during class," Dillon points out.

"Uh---we---we---" Jeong-Soon's not sure if he can tell Dillon that Mia hasn't texted him since their breakup---understandably so. "I, uh, wasn't texting her."

Dillon raises an eyebrow. "You had this dopey little smile on your face, man."

"I---"

"JEONG-SOON!" The ruler comes down again, so hard Jeong-Soon watches it crack down the middle. Splinters of wood fly into the air. He slowly turns away from Dillon, only to be greeted with his Maths teacher's furious glare. She points towards the door with her broken ruler. "Out! Now!"

"Uh, Ms Eliza, I kind of started talking to him first---" Dillon squeaks.

"Not now, Dillon," Ms Eliza interjects, continuing to glare at Jeong-Soon, who's pretty sure sweat's trickling down his forehead by now. She looks like she wants to smack him with the ruler. "Get out!"

Jeong-Soon freezes.

As if sensing his hesitation, Ms Eliza stretches out her hand. "Either give me your phone or get out!"

But Jeong-Soon can't move. He's petrified, stuck to his seat, trembling fingers glued around the device in his hand. He knows he should accept the lesser of two evils---should get up and get out, but he can't. He can't move, pinned to his chair by Ms Eliza's scorching gaze. Time stiffens around him, the concerned stares of his friends and classmates piercing him to the bone. The tittering of those around him nips at his ears and chills his limbs into blocks of ice.

So many voices, tacet in his personal whirlpool.

"---you hear me?" Ms Eliza's words flood his bubble in a rush. Her face is bright red---probably from screaming at him, her cheeks puffing out with bluster and her blue eyes bugging out of her head.

Jeong-Soon doesn't reply. He can't. His chest is so tight he can barely breathe.

"How about you stop bitching and look at him for a second?" an all-too-familiar voice pipes up from the back of the class. Jeong-Soon can feel the heads concentrated on him turning, turning to look at the person who'd so foolishly dared to open their mouth. No. Not Gregory. The words repeat in his head like a mantra, even though he already knows the answer.

Ms Eliza's face swells, her lips parting, but Jeong-Soon can't hear what she says. He can't hear anything---not until a hand taps his shoulder insistently, ritmico through the thin fabric of his t-shirt. He manages to tilt his head up, finding himself staring straight into the onyx eyes of Gregory Gan.

"Let's go," Gregory says, a scowl firmly plastered on his face. "She's kicking both of us out."

Like a dog, Jeong-Soon obediently stands up and follows his boyfriend out, doing his best to ignore the curious stares of his classmates.

"I thought they didn't like each other?"

"Why would the angry guy stand up for Jeong-Soon? What happened?"

"Did you see the look on Ms Eliza's face? Man, I wish I had a camera!"

"I thought the guy insulted Jeong-Soon and the others? Why is he following him?"

"I take a nap for five seconds and next thing I know, Ms Eliza's screaming bloody murder at Jeong-Soon. Why the fuck do I always miss the drama?"

The moment the door slams shut behind them, blocking the chattering classroom out, Gregory instantly grabs the collar of Jeong-Soon's t-shirt, yanks him down, and aggressively crushes their lips together. A million thoughts run through Jeong-Soon's mind---someone could see us, what if someone walks past, Ms Eliza could randomly open the door again---but when he feels Gregory's fingers digging into his hip, he throws caution to the wind, hands dropping to his boyfriend's waist as he kisses him hard.

Gregory's the one to pull away first, mouth agape and cheeks flushed as he sucks in air in staggered gasps. "What the fuck was that?"

"I don't know." Jeong-Soon's hand drifts away from Gregory's waist, tangling itself in his own chestnut hair. "I just...I just couldn't."

"Yeah, I could see that," Gregory grumbles. "Skipping two classes in a week. You're a bad influence on my grades. I hope you know that if we get expelled, it won't be my fault for once."

"I'm sorry," Jeong-Soon apologises, pulling Gregory to the nearest pillar. It's not enough to shield them from the universe, but it blocks the world from them---even if only for just a moment. "Thanks for standing up for me."

"You owe me one."

"Oh, hell no. Last time I promised I owed someone one, it was to save your ass."

Gregory rolls his eyes. "What's new?"

"Nothing, apparently." Jeong-Soon leans down to press their mouths together, one hand making its way into Gregory's dark hair while the other clasps his waist in a gentle grip. He feels his boyfriend melting into his hold, sagging against him as the fire seeps from his bones.

A gasp interrupts them. Dillon stands just a few feet away, hands over his mouth. Jeong-Soon instantly darts away, almost relieved when Gregory's head snaps back as well.

"I promise me and Mia are no longer together," Jeong-Soon blurts out.

"Um. Okay." Dillon shifts. "Ms Eliza sent me to tell you guys to come back in, but, uh, you seem a bit busy right now..." He cocks his head to the side. "I thought you like, hated him just last week?"

Jeong-Soon's pretty sure he's going to spontaneously combust soon. "Shit happened."

"Shit that is none of your business," Gregory butts in.

Dillon wrinkles his nose. "What kind of enemies to lovers fanfic are you in? Does Mia know about this?"

Jeong-Soon winces. "Yeah."

"Don't like, kill me for this, but I always kind of thought you were straight," Dillon admits.

"Don't like, kill me for this, but can you fuck off," Gregory snaps mockingly in an overly nasal voice.

Dillon seems almost amused. "I think your boyfriend hates me."

"He hates everyone," Jeong-Soon says, feeling Gregory bristle at his side. He quickly wraps an arm around Gregory's torso, afraid he'll lunge at Dillon and try to punch him. "Um, Dillon, I think..."

Dillon gets the message, starting to inch away. "I'm gonna just---go---Ms Eliza says you guys can come back in---oh wait, I said that already." He gives them a swift salute, then starts running. "Welcome to the Alphabet Mafia, Jeong-Soon! We have rainbows and snacks!" he yells, before flinging open the classroom door and dashing inside.

"Your friends are all so annoying," Gregory complains.

"You think everyone is annoying," Jeong-Soon replies.

"Especially you."

"Thanks."

Gregory exhales heavily. "Are you going back in?"

"And deal with Ms Eliza again?" Jeong-Soon can't help chuckling. "Nah. Want to go up to the gym floor and relive my near-death experience again? We can kiss and skip class and I can be a terrible influence on your grades." The sinking feeling rises in his gut again, an odd discomfort over their still-unresolved issues. He clamps it down and pushes it away. I will not overthink this. I will not overthink this and ruin everything.

"Tempting," Gregory remarks dryly. He leans against the pillar, and Jeong-Soon's once more struck by how thin he is, his body mere fragments of wire against the backdrop of the world. The sunlight hits every angle of his haggard face, highlighting the gauntness of his cheekbones and the dark circles beneath his obsidian eyes.

"Have you been eating properly?" Jeong-Soon asks.

Gregory rolls his eyes. "I consume the irritating substance you mortals call food once every millenium or so."

"Gregory."

"Fuck off."

Jeong-Soon cards a hand through his hair with a sigh, not missing the way Gregory's sharp gaze follows every movement of his fingers. "What?"

"You do that a lot. When you're agitated and shit."

He feels his cheeks pink. "Oh. You noticed?"

"It's hard to not notice everything about you." A scowl spreads itself across Gregory's features. "Fuck, that sounded creepy."

Jeong-Soon can't resist it---laughter bubbles up his throat and out of his mouth. "Not when it comes from you." He stretches his arms out. "Come here."

"I'm not a dog," Gregory complains, but he still follows---sinking into Jeong-Soon's hold and pressing his face against Jeong-Soon's chest. He can feel Gregory's light breathing against his heart, just a thin layer of cloth, blood, and bone separating them. Jeong-Soon can't help it, leaning down to place a kiss on Gregory's head, relishing the way his boyfriend instantly relaxes in his arms.

"Are you still ignoring your sister?" Gregory asks, words muffled by Jeong-Soon's t-shirt.

"Yeah." It's true---he's been crashing at Dillon's place for a week, having only snuck back to his house once when he'd known that Si-Young would be at work for clothes, toiletries, his schoolbag, and his phone charger. It helps that Dillon's parents adore him. "I don't want to talk to her."

"Why isn't she calling you? The way she reacted over a boy who broke her little brother's heart, you think she'd have blown up your phone by now." Gregory's tone is dripping with sarcasm. Jeong-Soon hadn't expected anything else.

"I blocked her."

He half-expects Gregory to chastise him, but then he recalls---admonishment isn't Gregory's thing. Never has been. Instead, the response is an incredulous snort and a thin face burrowing itself further into his chest. "Petty. I like it," Gregory says.

Jeong-Soon chuckles, only to instantly clamp his mouth shut when the door swings open. "You two---" Ms Eliza yells, right before stopping dead in her tracks. Jeong-Soon debates letting go of Gregory and pretending that they hadn't been openly canoodling in a school corridor, but he decides it's too late for that.

"Hi," Jeong-Soon says.

"What are you looking at?" Gregory snaps, turning away from Jeong-Soon to glare at their Maths teacher.

Without a word, Ms Eliza turns on her heel and slams the door behind her.

"I guess that means we don't have to go back to class now," Jeong-Soon chirps.

Gregory rolls his eyes. "Joy."

٩( ᐛ )و

Dill Pickles: I NEED A FAVPUR

Dill Pickles: FABOUR

Dill Pickles: FABHIR

Dill Pickles: FAVOUR FRIXK

Dill Pickles: any chance you could crash at the house of the boyfriend i just found out about today or with like magnus or aimee or mia or sully or whoever

Dill Pickles: RYLEE IS COMING OVER

Jeong-Soon's fingers shift to the keyboard hesitantly, not missing how Gregory glances over from his perch. They've found themselves outside the gym again, a hassling decision that had been met with much complaining from Gregory. They'd stayed there even after the school bell had rung, wrapped up in their own little bubble, silent against the rest of the world.

is that the mcdonalds guy

Dill Pickles: YES FRICK IM GOING TO HAVE HIS BABIES

Dill Pickles: EXCEPT IM A CIS GUY AND I CANT HAVE BABIES

what kind of name is Rylee?

Dill Pickles: dont nameshame my future husband

don't scare him away

Dill Pickles: aHnEewAy my rents won't be home until 10 and if its ok id like to get into his pants or smth so would you mind finding somewhere else to sleep tonight im so sorry

Dill Pickles: i mean if you cant its fine cause like im sure i can stash you in the attic or smth or just tell him,,,to like,,,not come over,,,

Dill Pickles: pls im sorry

Dill Pickles: from one bisexual to another im sure you understand how important this is

im not bi

queer

unlabelled

gregory-sexual rn

"Nice to know you're exclusively attracted to me," a voice remarks drolly, making Jeong-Soon jump fifty feet into the air. (An exaggeration, but still.) His boyfriend sits right behind him, head almost resting on his shoulder.

Dill Pickles: oh frick i am so sorry did i really just assume your sexuality WOW IM DUMB im so sorry aaAaAaaAAAAaa

Jeong-Soon feels his cheeks turn pink. "It's not polite to read other people's texts."

"When have I ever been polite?" Gregory rolls over, flopping down on the ground and dropping his head into Jeong-Soon's lap. Taken aback, Jeong-Soon finds himself flinching, before his instincts take over and thread his fingers in his boyfriend's messy hair. It's soft and tangled---nothing like his own dry, overdyed locks. Probably should ease up on the bleaching. "He's even more annoying than I thought."

"Who, Dillon?" Jeong-Soon pouts. "He's my best friend."

"Still annoying." Gregory keens into his touch, pushing his head into Jeong-Soon's stroking hand---almost like a relatively big cat. Jeong-Soon half-expects to hear him purr, although he knows Gregory would never do that. "So you're temporarily homeless again because your very annoying best friend has found himself a man, intends to make babies with that man, and does not want you around to interrupt him making babies with said man?"

"Don't say it like that."

"You don't want me to say it because it's the truth." Gregory taunts. He closes his eyes, his fiery dark pupils disappearing beneath tanned lids. "Come home with me."

Jeong-Soon freezes, phone nearly falling from his hand. He looks down at the boy in his lap, who's acting like the conversation they're currently having is the most normal thing in the world. "Sorry, what?"

Gregory's eyes flutter open, and Jeong-Soon finds himself staring into the abyss. "Come home with me." A pause, then he adds, "I haven't eaten all day."

"You have to eat something!" Jeong-Soon bursts out immediately. His free hand travels to his pocket, feeling for spare change. "Did you not have enough money? I'll get you something! There's a convenience store opposite school. If I can find five bucks, we can get sandwiches or---"

"No!" Gregory groans. "That wasn't what I meant, damnit!" He sits up, pushing himself away from Jeong-Soon. "Not eating. Fasting. Fasting." He draws the word out like Jeong-Soon should know what he's trying to say.

Jeong-Soon's brow furrows. "Are you doing that forty-day fast thing? I didn't know you were Christian." Gregory's never struck him as a particularly religious person.

"I'm going to fucking kill you. You know what I mean."

He doesn't. "I think we're, uh, on an entirely different page here. I don't get what you mean. But come on, you have to eat, and---"

"Forget it," Gregory interrupts. He stands up. "Come on. I'm taking your oblivious ass home."

"Wait, really---"

"I'm dangerously close to changing my mind."

Jeong-Soon feels a grin pull at the corners of his mouth. "Really?"

"No. Not really." A light flush spreads over Gregory's face. "You didn't hear that from me, though."

It's then that Jeong-Soon stands up too, and he can't resist wrapping his arms around his boyfriend, enveloping Gregory in a tight hug. "Sure I didn't."

And it's almost euphoric---how the world shifts, how the stars align, how the universe coalesces perfectly into a single pulsing heart that beats only for them. For a moment, the fear of the inevitable crash and burn fades away, and nothing matters---nothing except the dolce flutter in Jeong-Soon's chest as Gregory Gan hugs him back.

٩( ᐛ )و

Gregory seems to be on the upper side of the middle class. Jeong-Soon decides that the moment he walks into Gregory's house---a modest two-storey with an ample amount of space and a small garden.

"Will your dad be okay with me staying over?" Jeong-Soon asks.

He's surprised when Gregory scoffs bitterly. "Dad won't care. Too busy with his whore. And that stupid slut doesn't have a say in the matter."

Jeong-Soon frowns. "You shouldn't say that."

"I don't give a shit." Gregory locks the door behind them, ripping the key out of its hole a little too quickly. The trembling, clenched fold of his fingers over the key reveal traces of the anger Jeong-Soon had been so afraid to invoke, the anger Gregory had kept at bay since their kiss on the balcony. But it shows now, cracks of rage burning through the fissures of his fragile physique. "Fuck them both." Then he smacks his forehead against the door with a thud so loud it makes Jeong-Soon wince. "I'm fucking messed up," he whispers, and Jeong-Soon doesn't miss the way his hand balls itself into a fist. "I don't know how you can stand me."

"Gregory," Jeong-Soon calls. When his boyfriend doesn't reply, he tries again, a little louder. "Gregory, come on. Don't---" Words escape him completely, and he makes a frustrated noise in the back of his throat, grabbing Gregory's clenched fist and prising the key out of his palm. "Don't do that to yourself." The sinking feeling gathering in his stomach grows, threatening to swallow him whole.

Gregory turns to him, and Jeong-Soon's shocked to see the glossy sheen over his midnight irises. "I love you. Shut the fuck up." The usual myriad of emotions are gone from his eyes, and instead, a bottle of shadows resides in the empty space. So desperately hollow that Jeong-Soon wants to cry too.

"Gregory, please. I just want to---"

"Shut up. Shut up shut up shut up. Don't do this to me right now." Gregory shakes his head. "I don't want to talk, damnit! I want to kiss you and fuck you and love you and---" His chest rises, falls. He breathes in, out. And then his mouth is on Jeong-Soon's, kissing him hard.

Jeong-Soon knows he shouldn't---that he should continue their conversation, that he should do a million other things other than giving in right now, but caught off-guard, he lets Gregory kiss him until his head is a muddled mess and he can't think straight.

"I'm taking you upstairs," Gregory mumbles. Jeong-Soon snaps back to reality, and the fire is back in Gregory's eyes---whole and bright and alive. The deathly hollowness that had earlier occupied the space beneath his pupils is gone, and so is the rage that had flexed through every vein in his fist.

They should talk. But he can't quite find the words.

"Okay," Jeong-Soon replies dazedly, letting Gregory lead him up carpet-coated stairs and to a brown door that had probably once been shiny, but now lies covered in scratches and scuff marks. The reason behind the door's dishevelledness is evident when Gregory kicks it open.

His boyfriend gestures wildly. "Just...sit anywhere, I don't know. I'm going to take a shower. Touch whatever you want, because I know you'll be too scared to actually touch anything."

"Don't call me out like that," Jeong-Soon mutters. Gregory snorts in response, snatching up a towel slung over a chair and storming out of the room.

Gregory's room is nothing like his personality. In fact, it's almost normal, with white-painted walls half-scribbled over with Sharpie doodles and various items haphazardly kicked into one corner of the room. There's one desk and one chair, and the bed is noticeably unmade, a patterned blanket tossed half on the mattress, half on the floor. A large window sits on one of the walls, veiled with thin curtains. Despite the comfortable messiness, the room is almost impersonal. No posters on the walls. A forlorn handful of books chucked carelessly on the shelves. No memorabilia or instruments propped against the table. Nothing but a few sheafs of sheet music stacked atop the desk.

Jeong-Soon doesn't know why, but it feels like the kind of room Gregory would hate, not the kind he would have.

True to Gregory's prediction, Jeong-Soon doesn't touch anything---too scared of disturbing any moments in the life of Gregory Gan. He remains standing in the middle of the room for at least another half an hour before Gregory finally reappears, hair evidently damp.

"Wow," he says. "I actually didn't expect you to really not touch anything."

"What took you so long?" Jeong-Soon asks, a faint blush painting his face at Gregory's observation.

To his surprise, it's Gregory's turn to flush. He turns away, cheeks blazing as red as the threadbare jacket bunched up on the bed. "None of your business."

"Okay."

To his surprise, Gregory rolls his eyes. "You're supposed to press further, not agree."

"Okay."

Gregory smacks his face with his palm. "Ask me why I took so long in the shower, Jeong-Soon. You're so fucking oblivious."

Oh. Jeong-Soon wants to kick himself. He's so red he's pretty sure he looks like a tomato now. Gregory's blush probably pales in comparison to his own. "Sorry. Uh. Okay. Why did you take so long in the shower?"

"Cleaning myself out."

It's a flippant statement, so nonchalant Jeong-Soon almost misses the multitudes behind it. But then it sinks in, slamming into his brain like a fifty-tonne truck. Jeong-Soon feels his jaw drop and his cheeks flame. "You're serious."

Gregory rolls his eyes. "When have I ever joked around? Of course I'm serious." In one fluid movement, he twists around, grabs Jeong-Soon by the shoulders and shoves him down on the bed. It catches Jeong-Soon off-guard, and he finds his back meeting the firm mattress, a particularly stubborn spring digging into his back. "When I said I wanted to fuck you, I meant it," Gregory mumbles.

"Uhm." Sweat's spreading over Jeong-Soon's palms. Gross. "I, uh, I'm not exactly sure what to say." The broken boy he'd been sparring with is gone. Instead, the Gregory Gan that leans over him is the Gregory he'd known two years ago, full of fire and sin and confidence. Something hazily familiar blazes in his eyes, like a vivid dream half-forgotten. It suits him perfectly, molding over his striking features like a burning mask. And it leaves Jeong-Soon as flustered as he'd been two years before, breathless and flailing for all the right words to say. His senses shut down one by one, leaving nothing but his heart, struggling in its ivory confines.

Gregory instantly pulls away, straightening, his mouth twisting into a frown. "Fuck. I was too presumptous, wasn't I? Of course you wouldn't want to---"

"No! It's not that!" Jeong-Soon blurts out. "I, uh..." Pink creeps up his neck, all the way to the tips of his ears. "I do want to have sex with you. But don't you think we're moving a bit too---"

"Fast?" Gregory interrupts. There's a dangerous glint in his stare---something heated, so full of desire it makes Jeong-Soon shiver. "Perhaps you're just moving too slow." The hunger in his eyes momentarily subsides. "But if you don't want---"

"I---" Jeong-Soon swallows hard. He does want to---so badly it rips a hole in his gut and sends fire sprawling over a certain part of his anatomy. And he knows he shouldn't---but he wants to. "I'm, uh, a virgin."

"Aren't we all?" Gregory says, and the cocked raise of his eyebrow lets Jeong-Soon know he isn't kidding. He's pretty sure his eyes widen. Gregory notices. "What, surprised? Thought I'd have fucked every boy on the block by now? You wound me."

"No---but your boyfriend---"

Gregory instantly snaps back upwards, storming over to his desk. He yanks open one of the drawers lining its side and snatches up something. He tosses whatever's in his hand onto Jeong-Soon's chest, and Jeong-Soon immediately flushes when he sees what it is.

"We bought these last year. Never used them. Fucker wasn't worth it," Gregory remarks.

"You're telling me you had lube and condoms stashed away in a random desk drawer for a year---oh, gosh---" Jeong-Soon resists the urge to cover his face with his hands. "How did your dad not find them?"

"He doesn't give a shit about what I have in my room." Gregory shrugs casually, but Jeong-Soon senses the tension lining his slim shoulders. He does his best to brush it away, though, especially when Gregory heads over to the bedroom door and locks it. "Last chance to pull out, Jeong-Soon."

Jeong-Soon can't help the smile that tugs at his lips. "You should say my name more often. It sounds nice coming from you."

"Make me." Gregory flops down on the bed next to Jeong-Soon. To Jeong-Soon's shock, his boyfriend grabs his right hand and examines it intently. "You've got really long fingers. That's good."

"Um. Thanks. Why?" Jeong-Soon's pretty sure he knows the answer, but he asks anyway, and damn, he feels like a freaking idiot once the question leaves his lips.

"Oh my gosh." Then Gregory's lips part, and a sound escapes from his mouth---a sound Jeong-Soon's never heard before, and he realises with a start that Gregory Gan is actually laughing. "You're such a fucking virgin. Have you never watched porn before?"

"I don't---I---" Jeong-Soon feels his cheeks heat up. He's surprised he hasn't combusted by now, with the way he's been blushing all afternoon. "Yeah, I have. Gosh, this is embarrassing."

Gregory laughs even harder, and Jeong-Soon thinks about how badly he wants to tape that chuckle and play it on repeat. It's throaty and rough, almost hoarse, as if Gregory's not used to laughing. He probably isn't, really. Jeong-Soon realises he's never actually seen him laugh---or even smile.

Until now, that is.

"Come on, virgin," Gregory taunts. "No need to be ashamed of that."

"It's embarrassing," Jeong-Soon whimpers, finally giving in to the urge to cover his face with his hands.

"It's normal."

"Still embarrassing."

"You're about to have sex for the first time and you're embarrassed about watching porn." Gregory rolls over, easily prising Jeong-Soon's hands off his face. "You're so stupid. Pretty as fuck, but fucking stupid."

"You're terrible," Jeong-Soon responds.

"Yeah, I know." Gregory sits up, and just like that, he's pulling his shirt over his head, revealing a concave torso and jutting limbs. His skin sags in places, as if it had once stretched over flesh instead of bone. His chest is paler than his face and neck, spotted with a few fading bruises and scars. And despite the sharp, almost unnatural angles of his skinny body, he looks strong, confident---any trace of fragility evaporating from his very being.

Gregory is the fire, and Jeong-Soon wants nothing more than to burn.

Then Gregory's standing up, slipping his pants to his ankles, and the way he moves is almost memorising---bruises marked over his tanned legs like kisses to honeysuckle, his mouth twisted up in what could almost be called a smile. His eyes almost glow when he shucks his boxers off, and he's beautiful like this, wreathed in flames and sinew and bone. Jeong-Soon's blood rushes through his veins, flaring like the heavy thumps of his heart when Gregory curls over him, their lips melting into heady shivers of fire and ice.

"Come on," Gregory breathes into his ear, condom packet crinkling in his palm. "Show me what you've got, Jeong-Soon."

It's not perfect. The gasps and whimpers that tumble from Gregory's swollen lips are ones of pain at first, and the marks that cling to Jeong-Soon's neck sting and swell. He keeps stopping, only to be met by muttered curses from his boyfriend and urgent, tugging hands. It's not perfect, but when Jeong-Soon stares into Gregory's pleading, tear-filled eyes, full of fire and ichor and need, it tips him into the flames and fills his veins like nicotine---a sweet tang that courses through his fingertips as Gregory pulls him closer, his name a mantra on his boyfriend's mouth, his name the sin spilling from Gregory's tongue.

A song that he never wants to end.

It really isn't perfect---the clumsy way their thighs meet, the hands arched up in Jeong-Soon's hair, pulling until his scalp aches, the hurried, trembling jerks of his hips. It's not perfect, but it's beautiful, how Gregory's ecstasy-flushed face tilts back, digging into the mattress, lust on his lips and sweat beading the halcyon shadows of his skin, silhouetting his bruises in pure, molten gold as his shuddering fingers grasp and clutch.

It's not perfect, but it feels so right when Jeong-Soon lets the wave sweep him away, coating his vision in white as his hands move faster and Gregory cries out, Jeong-Soon's name a scarlet letter over the breathy murmurs of his coral mouth. He brands Jeong-Soon's bare shoulder with the edges of his teeth, and Jeong-Soon feels every nerve in his body erupt into flames as he plunges into heaven, clouds slipping through his fingers with every jolt, every jerk, every sordid hiss from the boy beneath him.

And it's not perfect, but Jeong-Soon wouldn't have it any other way.

hi, i'd like to apologise for the huge mistake i made in the previous chapter. i haven't had time to edit lately, what with exams and lockdown stress and all, and i genuinely forgot i was in Gregory's POV when i was writing that part. i'm really sorry about everyone's comments on that paragraph disappearing, and that i accidentally crushed your hopes.

i'd really appreciate if you forget that you read that paragraph (before the edit, i mean) as i have bigger plans for that part, which will be revealed later in the book. (to those who saw the mistake before i edited it, please do not tell anyone who asks. i'd like to keep as many people in the dark as possible. to those who have no idea what's going on, please do not ask.) i know i've jeopardised my own story by making such a careless mistake, and i'm truly sorry for that. i understand if you want to stop reading because of my screwup, because this is an imperfect book and even though i'm constantly trying to improve it, some big mistakes still evade my notice.

i'm not perfect, and neither are my books. and i completely understand if you want to read a perfect book rather than this mess. i screwed up really bad, and i get that a lot of people might look at my editing/writing skills with disdain after i made such a huge mistake. i'm really sorry that i've failed everyone once again. i promise i will try to edit more next time, so i can give you guys the quality writing you deserve and not the unedited, shoddy, careless trash i've been putting out.

glossary:

tacet — used as a direction in music to indicate that an instrument is not to play during a movement or long section (silent, essentially)

ritmico — rhythmically

dolce — soft, sweet

me after writing 4k words: i'm sorry this chapter is so long i promise they'll be shorter next time

this chapter, nearly 6k words: sike beech

(i am aware that it is Way Too Long. am i sorry? no.)

anygays, i hope y'alls enjoyed my attempt at not getting dEmOnEtiSeD (read: i didn't wanna mark this stupid book as Mature, and if i had an actual sex scene, i'd have to mark it as Mature. also, half of you were like NOOO NO SEX WE R GUD CHILREN and the other half were like GIVE ME DEM SHREKSY TIME FATHER so i decided to DISAPPOINT EVERYONE). so yes. you get VERY STRONG IMPLICATIONS of shreksy time, but none of the do-the-do is actually explicitly described. because i am a coward. and a chronic disappointment.

*silence*

oNiOn hAsEyoOOoO~

stream Mixtape: Oh because HYUNJIN IS BACK BABY

OKAY. so. i finished this chapter TODAY itself (usually i finish chapters by like Wednesday and then spend the rest of the week editing) soOOoOo it's kinda unedited? yeah. it sucks. i know. this is a really sucky chapter and it was supposed to be my redemption from the previous chapter but instead we got...this mess.

so i'm gonna be replying to comments as well as catching up on my reading next week (hopefully) since YOUR GUY JUST FINISHED HIS EXAMS whooo so yeah that happened, hell is over for a while, yadda yadda. also my district went into full lockdown. r/suffering. i'm gonna die in quarantine man

aNygAys, thoughts on the chapter? as you can tell, i do not believe in a perfect first time. i am also still a virgin. and a fricking terrible writer, as this chapter perfectly displayed. but i'd like to hear y'alls thoughts anyway, because i'm curious :>

love y'alls lots <333

xoxo, Alex