two: don't leave me

A day ago, if someone had told Gregory that he'd be falling in love at a music festival, he'd have laughed in their face---which is saying a lot, considering how he doesn't laugh.

And yet, here he is, kissing a boy he hardly knows anything about. But recalling how angry he'd felt when the weird, oddly touchy bitch had grabbed Jeong-Soon's arm sends his mind into a spiral of truth---he is absolutely enamoured with Jeong-Soon.

It's been forever since Gregory can remember feeling anything but rage and emptiness, but every press of Jeong-Soon's lips on his composes a new melody in his formerly-dead heart, and all he can think about is how damn glad he is that he'd decided to cough up the festival's entry fee.

He's not sure what he'd ever expected for his first kiss, but it certainly hadn't been this---which is something straight out of a fairytale. His whole body is on fire, and the pulsing bass of whatever band's playing onstage echoes through his bones. His fury slips away, melting into oblivion.

They only break apart when a passing woman gives them a nasty sneer.

Gregory begins to glare back at her, his fists itching for a fight, but he pauses when he sees the look on his companion's face. Jeong-Soon's cheeks are flushed pink, his mouth slightly swollen, and damn, Gregory feels fucking proud of having put that hopelessly giddy expression on his face.

Jeong-Soon runs a shaky hand through his obviously dyed blonde hair---it's black at the roots---before seeming to regain his composure. Through his reddened lips, he whispers, "Happy birthday, Gregory." The way he says Gregory's name makes it sound like a song, one full of hope and promises and a future.

It scares him, how he's only known this boy for a few hours but can already see a future with him. It scares him, how he'd easily let his impulsive tendencies take over when he'd asked Jeong-Soon whether he'd ever been kissed. It scares him, how quickly his heart is beating, how shallow his breaths are, how his brain is so fucking messed up that he can't think straight.

"Happy birthday," Gregory mumbles, shocked at how meek his own voice sounds. He can't bring himself to say Jeong-Soon's name. He's afraid it'll just make him fall---harder, faster, more.

The blue headphones shift around his neck. Gregory straightens them---he won't lose them, because even if his whirlwind feelings fade when the sun dies, he'll keep the memories alive.

"Give me your phone number," he says.

Surprise spreads across Jeong-Soon's face. "What?"

Gregory's not good with people---he prefers them to come and go, stepping in and out of his life, never leaving a trace behind after their exits. But there's something about Jeong-Soon that makes Gregory want to keep him around. He wants to light the other boy's smile up like a flame and keep that fire for any pockets of darkness in his existence. "You just let me kiss you. Surely you don't think I'm just going to fuck and go?"

"Oh." Jeong-Soon blushes harder. It's cute. Heck, he's cute, despite being too tall for his own good. Gregory watches his brown eyes brighten as he rattles off a string of numbers, a small grin lingering on his rosy lips. There it is. Gregory wants to bottle up that light and hold it to his chest forever.

Gregory types the ten digits into his phone. He saves it as Jeong-Soon, and without thinking, he adds a blue heart. Once his action has fully sunken in, he realises what he's done. His thumb pauses over the keypad, ready to delete the heart, until Jeong-Soon leans over his shoulder. The brilliant smile that illuminates Jeong-Soon's face is enough to make Gregory backtrack, leaving the heart alone and shoving his phone back into his pocket.

Fermata, calls his brain. Attacca, goes his heart. And even though his heart has already gotten him expelled twice, Gregory listens to it anyway. He slips his hand into Jeong-Soon's, feels it throb against his palm. He savours the shaky breath that Jeong-Soon lets out and the way he laces his long fingers between Gregory's own. He lets the frayed hem of Jeong-Soon's denim sleeve brush against his wrist, and he etches every detail of the other boy's face into his mind. Brown eyes, blonde hair, pale skin, flushed cheeks. Gregory locks each feature into his brain and throws away the key.

He won't forget.

"Let's go," Gregory says, making Jeong-Soon's head snap in his direction. "We've got a festival to explore."

The sun's long gone when Jeong-Soon's sneakered feet finally give up on him. Wincing, he lowers himself down on the nearest bench.

Gregory's face is hard to see in the dark, but the occasional multicoloured strobe lights that flash their way reveal concern creasing his forehead. "Do you want me to find your sister so she can take you home? Or something like that?"

Jeong-Soon shakes his head. He can feel blisters rising on his heels---he's never walked so much in his life---but he doesn't want the night to end. He doesn't want to go back to his old bubble. He doesn't want to go back to a life without Gregory Gan. "Maybe we could...just...sit down for a while?"

"Affirmative." Gregory plonks himself down, and Jeong-Soon finds the nerve to wrap a hand around the other boy's waist. When Gregory doesn't push him away, he moves closer.

Gregory whips out his phone and begins scrolling. Then he freezes, going stiff against Jeong-Soon's grip. In the light emanating from his phone, Jeong-Soon notices the way his mouth falls open. Gregory stands up swiftly. "I have to go."

Jeong-Soon's lips part to ask why, but when he sees the expression on the other boy's face, he presses them together. Gregory flips his phone back into the pocket of his red jacket and adjusts the headphones around his neck---bright blue in the near-darkness. "I'll be back soon, I promise. Just wait for me here, okay?"

Jeong-Soon nods mutely. As Gregory rushes away, he can feel every footstep in his chest. Thump. Thump. Thump. Each one's almost like a pinky promise affirming his return, and the thought gives Jeong-Soon hope. He fiddles with the red headphones slung around his neck.

Don't be dramatic. He'll come back. He promised. All I have to do is wait.

The sensations of Gregory's mouth still linger, and Jeong-Soon finds himself touching his own lips reverently. Despite what his friends had told him about music festivals being a good place to kiss strangers, he'd never imagined that he'd actually end up doing it. But there's something about Gregory Gan that doesn't feel like a stranger, almost as if Jeong-Soon's known him forever.

He waits. His leg falls asleep.

Jeong-Soon checks his phone---there's no word from Gregory, and there's no message from Si-Young. I hope she's okay. But he's not particularly worried; the easy affinity for talking to strangers appears to run in the family, and there's no doubt that his older sister's having the time of her life with some random twenty-somethings in some obscure corner of the festival.

He waits. His phone flashes 21:00.

Jeong-Soon reminds himself of the look that had crossed Gregory's face when he'd recieved the message. He'd looked worried---crushed, almost. His shoulders had slumped and his nervous fire had coalesced into speed. It's definitely something important.

He waits. It's been three hours.

Jeong-Soon can't help feeling tears prick at his eyes, threatening to fall with every second that passes. He's coming back. He promised. He's not unreasonable. Gregory definitely had a good reason for leaving, and he'd be coming back. He definitely hadn't gone off just to get rid of Jeong-Soon.

Right?

It's past twelve when his older sister texts him. Almost relieved, Jeong-Soon brushes clear liquid from his lashes and tries to calm the ache in his chest. He'll text me, even if he doesn't come back. But he'll come back. He promised. Si-Young's messages are choppy and full of typos---she's probably drunk. Tipsy, at least. He sends her a quick message informing her of his location. She reads it but doesn't reply.

His foot jiggles in place, held down only by gravity and the sinking feeling gathering in the pit of his stomach. He's overreacting. He knows that. And he knows that even if Gregory Gan had really decided to walk away under the guise of a fake emergency, leaving him cold and alone on a park bench, he shouldn't take it personally. After all, it's not like they'd known each other for that long. And first kisses could always be replaced.

Still, what Jeong-Soon also knows is that he'll never quite be the same again.

When Si-Young finally stumbles up to him, he's curled up into a tiny ball on the park bench, tears trickling freely down his pale cheeks. Diminuendo, diminuendo, diminuendo. The song in his heart is nothing but a whisper now.

Si-Young looks unbelievably dishevelled---understandably so, since she's been missing in action for hours. Lipstick marks, too pink to be her own, line her neck and forehead. One strap of her tank top is half-hanging off her shoulder, revealing a cluster of dark hickies. Her shorts are on backwards, and her brown eyes are bloodshot. But at the sight of Jeong-Soon, she seems to sober up immediately. "What happened?" she almost screeches.

It's then that Jeong-Soon finally lets himself admit how much he'd really liked Gregory Gan, pouring his heart out to his older sister in a mess of tears and snot. By the end of it, Si-Young appears completely coherent again, and she awkwardly puts a hand around his shaking shoulders. "I'm so sorry," she mumbles, and all Jeong-Soon can do is cry.

And that's how the coda of his first love song ends, in tears and heartbreak and broken promises. In cold night air and wasted first kisses and pretty lies. With buried hope that had lived a few hours too many, and semiquaver butterflies that had long transformed into minim bats. Fine.

ⁱ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ⁿᵒ ᵉˣᶜᵘˢᵉˢ

y'alls get angst because i miss my boyfriend (and no, before you ask, i'm not gay, because the common reaction when i say i have a boyfriend appears to be "YOU'RE GAY???" i'm biromantic grey-ace tqvm)

anyways, i just found out a few days ago that à la carte was spelled à la carte and not alakat 💀💀💀 am i dumb or am i dumb. also, no writing self-criticism today (even though i really didn't like this chapter tbh) because people complained and tracy threatened to boycott me

fermata — hold, pause

attacca — go straight on

diminuendo — getting softer

coda — a passage that brings a piece/movement to an end

fine — the end (pronounced fee-nay)

also, we finally hit the 2k word count! and overshot it by like 1500 words! thank you so much for all your support and i really love you guys 🥺💙 please continue to stay with this book!

xoxo, Alex