Chapter Fifty Four

Friday;

It's finally Friday, and I'm practically counting down the hours until the weekend. This whole week has been a whirlwind of bizarre, confusing moments, and I'm more than ready to leave it all behind. No more lingering on the weirdness, just focusing on the positives.

Like my birthday dinner with my Aunt. Honestly, it was a surprise that she even managed to get the night off to take me out. I wouldn't have blamed her if she couldn't, but it felt good to have someone genuinely make time for me. It was cozy, just the two of us, and made me feel seen—something I didn't realize I'd needed so much.

Yesterday, I caught up with Lea and told her about the gifts Montgomery gave me. Let's just say, she wasn't exactly thrilled about it. She practically fumed, saying she'd personally "beat Montgomery's ass" if she ever tried to hurt me again.

As for Montgomery, she wasn't on campus yesterday. We had a substitute take over her lecture, which was a relief. I even shot her a quick email, asking if there was anything I needed to catch up on or help with, but... no reply. Nothing.

Not that I'm complaining. The day without her snarky attitude and constant tension was oddly refreshing. It was like a weight had been lifted, and I could breathe easier, even if just for a day.

I was at Midnight Mocha, comfortably perched in a corner seat, waiting eagerly for my iced coffee. Did I think about ordering something for Montgomery? Absolutely not. Not after everything. She didn't deserve that level of kindness from me—not today, at least.

As soon as the barista called my name, I sprang up from my chair, a small grin tugging at my lips. "Thank you!" I chirped, collecting my drink before heading out the door.

Settling into my car, I picked a playlist, letting the music fill the space as I reversed out of the parking lot. My destination was campus, and yes, I was going in early just to be in Montgomery's office. But if I made the effort to get there only to find her missing again? I was going to lose it.

Once I parked on campus, I waited in the car, letting the song finish before switching off the engine. Slinging my bag over my shoulder, I stepped out, taking a long sip of my coffee. The warmth of the sun was perfect, balanced by a gentle breeze that carried the crisp scent of fall leaves and freshly cut grass. Birds chattered in the trees above, adding a soft background to the quiet of the morning.

Today was beautiful, no denying that.

With a final glance around, I took a steadying breath and started down the hall toward Montgomery's office. There was no sign of Lea at the fountain where I usually found her. She was probably still in bed, sleeping off her late-night Monster binge or something.

Reaching Montgomery's door, I knocked softly, waiting for her familiar, clipped response. Silence. I frowned, gripping the door handle and giving it a twist, only to find it locked. "Are you kidding me right now?" I muttered, a touch of irritation slipping into my voice as I half-heartedly kicked the door in frustration.

"Dude," came a familiar voice, snickering beside me. I spun around to find Lea standing there, a smirk plastered on her face. "Bet you're relieved I'm not Montgomery," she chuckled, crossing her arms. "She'd probably rip you apart if she saw you treating her door like that."

"Don't care," I replied, rolling my eyes. My voice pitched a little higher as the frustration bubbled up. "She's starting to really piss me off. If she isn't going to be here, the least she could do is shoot me an email. I could've stayed home instead of wasting my time."

Lea cracked open a Monster, taking a long sip with a sly grin. "Want me to beat her ass?" she offered, barely containing a laugh. When I shook my head, she let out an exaggerated sigh of relief. "Thank fuck. She looks like she could punch me straight back to last week."

I snorted, rolling my eyes in amusement. "What are you even doing here?" I asked, watching her down more of her energy drink.

"I was on my way back from the restroom and saw you," she shrugged, glancing over her shoulder. "By the way, you might wanna avoid the bathroom for a while."

"Uh, why?" I asked, giving her a wary look.

She winced, trying to keep a straight face. "Let's just say I...uh...bombed the place."

"Bro!" I laughed, linking my arm through hers and steering her away from Montgomery's door. "You seriously have zero shame, do you?"

"None at all," she snickered, taking another unapologetic sip of her Monster as we walked down the hall together, leaving Montgomery and her locked office behind us.

Back at the fountain, Lea and I settled on the weathered stone bench, our gaze drifting over the peaceful courtyard and its symphony of soft splashes and sunlight-dappled water. Lea leaned back, stretching with a lazy yawn before turning to me with a narrow-eyed stare. "Alright, I need to see these gifts Montgomery gave you," she declared, stifling another yawn.

I held up my wrist, letting the light catch on the sleek bracelet with a delicate lock charm she'd given me. "You already know about this one," I said, shrugging as I listed the rest, "plus, there was a meerkat plushie and a bouquet of sunflowers."

Lea rolled her eyes, feigning exasperation. "Yeah, yeah, I know about them. But I need to see them. With my own two eyes."

I grinned, glancing at her. "Guess you can swing by my place later, then. Maybe stay over? You could even help me out at the hospital again tomorrow."

Lea's face lit up instantly. "Sounds dopeee," she trilled in an exaggerated high-pitched voice, her fingers wiggling in rhythm as she drew out the note with her eyes shut. I watched her, a mix of amusement and confusion on my face, not quite sure how to respond to her mini-performance.

I leaned back, my thoughts drifting to Elizabeth. I was excited to see her again, to check on her progress since she'd been taken to surgery. It stung that Montgomery had pushed me away that night, acting like I meant nothing to her. I couldn't fathom treating anyone that way, not even someone I disliked, let alone someone... well, someone like her.

Lea nudged my arm, pulling me back from my wandering thoughts. "Thinking about the old lady again?" she teased, a glimmer of amusement lighting up her eyes.

"Maybe," I said, my voice soft as my gaze drifted over the fountain's sparkling surface. The thought of seeing Elizabeth again brought a warmth to my chest, a quiet sense of comfort. "I still can't believe she almost died," I murmured, dropping my eyes to the ground. The fear that had gripped me was still fresh, even though she had pulled through.

Lea's hand found my shoulder, squeezing it gently. "But she didn't," she said, her voice low and reassuring. Her smile was gentle, like she understood just how much Elizabeth meant to me. "I bet you anything, when we walk into that hospital tomorrow, she'll be the same old Elizabeth—bright and cheerful. So, don't waste your energy on what might've happened."

She was right. Elizabeth was still here, her spirit unbroken. It was incredible how quickly she'd found her way into my heart, becoming a quiet but unwavering support in my life—like the mother figure I never had, alongside my aunt.

Lea leaned back on the bench, crossing her arms with a thoughtful expression. "You know what I still can't figure out?" she mused, tilting her head. "The crazy gap between Montgomery and her mom's personalities. It baffles me. How did someone as sweet as Elizabeth end up with a daughter like that?"

I chuckled, unable to help myself. "I wonder the same thing every time I'm around them," I said, shaking my head. "At first, I joked to myself that maybe there was a mix-up at the hospital—like they accidentally swapped her with another baby. But after a closer look..." I trailed off, picturing the striking resemblances I'd noticed. "They do have the same blue eyes, the same blonde hair, even the same nose and smile. It's kind of uncanny."

Lea let out a low whistle, raising her eyebrows. "Makes the difference in personality even weirder, though," she muttered, smirking. "It's like they're from two different worlds."

I nodded, laughing softly as I leaned back and let the moment settle around us. The sun was warm, the fountain's gentle trickling soothing, and for a moment, everything just felt... peaceful.

Lea clicked her tongue thoughtfully, glancing at her watch, before groaning dramatically. "Bro, why am I even here this early? We've still got, like, an hour and a half before Professor Martin's lecture."

"Well, I thought I needed to be here early, but nooo, Montgomery just loves wasting my time," I huffed, leaning back on the bench with a sigh. As I glanced up, I spotted a squirrel darting up a nearby tree, its tiny paws clutching an acorn. The sight brought a brief smile to my face before a sudden realization hit me like a lightning bolt.

"Oh my goodness!" I shot up from the bench, staring at Lea with wide eyes. "We have an assignment due today!" My hand flew to my forehead. How could I forget something so crucial? And Martin was notorious for being strict with deadlines. Extra time? Not a chance.

Lea chuckled, grabbing my wrist and gently tugging me back down. "Relax," she grinned, clearly amused by my panic. "I sent you home and stayed behind to finish it up for us, remember?" She raised an eyebrow, waiting for it to click.

"Oh... right," I muttered, a relieved laugh escaping me as I scratched the back of my neck. "Let's just pretend that little outburst never happened, yeah?"

"What outburst?" Lea replied with a smirk, feigning innocence. I chuckled, lightly punching her shoulder before sinking back into the bench, a wave of gratitude washing over me.

"I seriously love you, Lea," I said softly, glancing at her. "Thank you for putting up with me and... well, sticking around."

She wrapped an arm around me, pulling me close in a warm, reassuring hug. "If anyone's thanking anyone, it's me," she murmured, squeezing my shoulder. "You've kept up with all my quirks. I mean, I know I can be a bit much—sometimes annoying, often hilarious, and wise, in my own... unique way."

I hugged Lea a bit tighter, our laughter fading into comfortable silence. But when movement caught my eye, I let go, squinting toward the distant figure. The glint of blonde hair gave it away, Montgomery.

"Well, speak of the devil," I muttered, nodding in her direction as she strode into the building.

Lea raised an eyebrow, her mouth curving into a smirk. "Does this mean you're going to head over now?"

I sighed and slung my bag over my shoulder, feeling the weight of what was likely to be an unpredictable encounter. "Guess so. I'll catch you later." I waved, flashing her a small smile before making my way toward Montgomery's office.

As I walked, I couldn't help but wonder what kind of mood awaited me. Montgomery was as unpredictable as a summer storm—one moment, harsh and biting, the next, oddly civil. I braced myself, mentally flipping a coin. Awful or tolerable?

Reaching her door, I didn't bother knocking and stepped right in. The sight that greeted me was unexpected, Montgomery, her head slumped against the desk, her posture utterly defeated.

"Uh... morning?" I greeted, eyebrows pulling together in confusion. Why on earth was she sitting like that?

"Please, not today, Valentina," she murmured, her voice muffled, her head still down.

"Not today what?" I asked, plopping down into the chair across from her. "You're acting weird."

With a sudden burst of energy, she whipped her head up, shooting me a look as sharp as a dagger. "I'm not acting wei—" She paused, her voice dropping to a tired, almost vulnerable tone. "I'm not acting weird... I'm just not feeling good." And with that, she let her head drop back onto the desk.

I stared, completely stunned. My jaw slackened as I took in her face, all bruised and swollen. She looked even worse than I had that time I ran into a pole. It wasn't just one bruise—her face was marked with an ugly, mottled array of purple and green, a haunting shadow across her cheek and under her eyes.

"What happened to your face? Did you... run into a pole or something?" I asked, half-joking, leaning back into my chair.

She scoffed, lifting her head just enough to give me a deadpan look. "No," she replied dryly. "I actually ran into a wall."

I asked if she'd run into a pole only because that's exactly what she'd asked me when I showed up with a bruised face. She hadn't shown much concern then, so I tried to keep my tone indifferent now, as if her injuries didn't faze me. But they did. She looked awful—dark bruises under her eyes, cuts at her cheek, and a painful grimace she tried to hide behind her usual smirk.

"Do you have any work for me?" I asked, trying to keep my voice steady. She gave a half-hearted wave toward the shelf, revealing swollen, bruised knuckles, mottled and purplish. My stomach twisted. What on earth happened to her?

I jumped up, closing the space between us, and grabbed the back of her chair, spinning it so she was looking right at me. The injuries on her face were worse up close—small cuts trailed along her jaw, and the bruising around her eye looked deep and painful.

"Oh my goodness," I breathed, my eyes widening. "Did you get into a fight?" My fingers wrapped around her hand, lifting it gently as I examined her battered knuckles. Her hand was warm in mine, and she winced at even the lightest touch.

"I'd rather not talk about it," she said quietly, her gaze steady, her eyes locked onto mine with a vulnerability I hadn't seen before.

"Well, you look like shit," I muttered, my voice softer than I intended, and she let out a small, tired scoff.

"Do I at least look a little bit hotter?" she teased, a weak smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

I raised an eyebrow, pressing my lips into a firm line. "No." She clicked her tongue with a playful glint in her eye, despite everything, and gave a small smile as if that response was all she'd hoped for.

If she really got into a fight... What happened? With who? And, who won? A million questions were spinning in my head, leaving me slightly dizzy. Gently, I let her bruised hand go, trying to make sense of it all. "Did you punch someone for looking at you wrong?" I chuckled, though a part of me knew this was only half a joke. Montgomery definitely had the demeanor of someone who'd throw a punch just for a sideways glance.

She sighed softly, the weight of something unspoken hanging in her voice. "All I did was protect what's mine."

Her words threw me, but I masked my surprise, raising an eyebrow instead. "Good to know, then," I replied dryly, giving her a halfhearted thumbs-up. "Glad to see you still have a shred of human decency left." I rolled my eyes, ready to walk back to my chair, when I felt her grip tighten around my wrist. She winced as she held on, her face twisting with pain, but her grip stayed firm.

"Sweetheart," she murmured, her voice so low and soft that it sent a shiver down my spine, "I may be a bitch, but I would never let harm come your way."

Her words made something inside me tighten, emotions swirling that I couldn't fully understand. But I yanked my arm out of her grasp, narrowing my eyes as I saw her expression falter, her face scrunching in pain as she let me go. "You had a funny way of showing it at the bar," I hissed, voice laced with the bitterness I'd tried to keep buried. The hurt from that night was still fresh, raw and unhealed. She'd done nothing to stop it, nothing to protect me.

In a flash, I was pinned against the bookshelf, Montgomery's hand gripping my arm as she winced, pain flickering across her face, but she didn't release me. Her voice was raw, almost desperate, as she whispered, "I didn't know." Her gaze bore into mine, tears pooling at the edges. "I swear on my life, Valentina, I didn't know what your father had done to you." Her voice cracked, yet she held on, eyes glistening. "If I'd known, if I'd even suspected he hurt you... I would've been on him in a heartbeat. Do you really think so little of me?"

My heart pounded as her words sank in. My father. How did she know...? And then it hit me, the bruises, her torn look. "You... You got into a fight with him, didn't you?" I asked, disbelief slipping into my voice. "That's why you look like hell—you actually fought him."

Her hand, bruised and swollen, lifted to my face, brushing gently across my cheek. Despite the rawness in her gaze, a small, exhausted smile softened her expression. "Like I said," she murmured, "I had to protect what's mine."

My pulse quickened, the meaning of her words sinking in, stirring something I barely understood. "How can you say I'm yours when you're still with someone else?" The words spilled out, my voice sharp and edged with confusion. Her smile faded, and she let out a heavy sigh, slowly stepping back, letting her hand fall from my cheek.

"I broke up with Carol," she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper.

My brows furrowed. "When?"

She lowered herself into her chair, her gaze dropping to her bruised hands. "The day after we had the picnic with my mother."

Yeah, right. I didn't believe her one bit. There were too many moments where they still seemed... together. I shook my head, crossing my arms. "I don't believe you."

Montgomery's eyes flickered, but she gestured to the chair across from her, a calm smile on her lips. "Please, sit down and tell me why."

I studied her for a moment, still skeptical, before lowering myself into the chair. "Alright. Let's start with the other day," I began. "I saw the two of you walking toward the parking lot together. Each of you had a coffee in hand. You even looked at me, just for a split second, and then looked away."

Montgomery tilted her head, nodding as if she'd anticipated this. "That was nothing," she explained softly. "She stopped by to drop off some textbooks of mine that had been at her apartment." Her response was calm, steady, but I couldn't help feeling suspicious.

I frowned. "And then she showed up in the hospital a little while after that."

Montgomery leaned back, holding my gaze. "She wasn't there with me," she replied, sounding sincere. "Don't you remember? I was as shocked as you were when I found out she'd shown up. Carol came by to talk to my mother, to explain why we broke up."

"Alright. Then what about the second time? When I saw her again at the hospital?" My voice held an edge, a challenge, and I could see Montgomery's mouth tighten.

She let out a slow breath. "That was at my mother's request. She wanted to speak to both of us, to understand both sides of... everything."

I paused, still unconvinced, and decided to push further. "And what about when she showed up while your mother was in surgery?" My tone was sharper than I intended, frustration lacing my words.

Montgomery sighed, her shoulders drooping slightly. "I didn't know she'd come, truly," she murmured, her voice dropping. "And for what it's worth, my mother has since removed Carol from her emergency contacts."

So, she really did break up with Carol. But... why? Carol was always so sweet, so gentle. Confused, I blurted, "Why did you break up with her? She's literally the sweetest person I've ever met."

Montgomery let out a quiet, bitter scoff, the kind that sounded more exhausted than amused. Slowly, she pushed herself up from her chair, wincing as she bit her lip to stifle a flash of pain. Once she steadied herself, she leaned against the edge of the desk, mere inches from where I sat. Her gaze softened, but a dark frustration lingered in her eyes.

"Carol..." she began, sighing as if the word itself was too heavy, "She cheated on me. Not once, but twice." Her voice held a strange mix of resignation and sadness.

My eyes widened. Carol? Sweet, dependable Carol? The idea was so absurd it almost felt like a joke. "She doesn't seem like the kind of person who'd... do that," I said, disbelief coloring my words.

Montgomery rolled her eyes and gave a hollow laugh. "Trust me," she replied, her tone laced with bitterness, "I thought so, too." She looked away, almost as if trying to shake off a memory. "It was time to move on."

After a beat, she pushed herself off the desk and stepped closer, her hand reaching up to brush a stray strand of hair from my face. Her fingertips were soft, lingering a moment longer than they needed to. "Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, my voice a fragile whisper in the space between us.

She tilted her head, thumb brushing gently against my cheek as she gave me a faint smile. "You never asked," she murmured, her voice warm but guarded. "And, it's not exactly something I'd just bring up."

For a second, the room felt still. Montgomery's hand lingered on my cheek, her eyes searching mine. "Do you still love her?" I managed, my question carrying a mix of hesitation and curiosity.

A shadow passed over her face before she shook her head. "No," she answered quietly. "My love for her vanished the first time she betrayed it."

"Only a fool would cheat on you," I scoffed, shaking my head in disbelief, unable to understand how anyone could take her for granted.

Montgomery's lips curved into a smirk, her eyes narrowing with a hint of challenge as she tilted her head ever so slightly. "Only a fool," she murmured, her voice low and deliberate, "would stay in a loveless relationship when something real could be right in front of them."

So, she broke up with Carol, confronted my father, and put herself through all of this just because... she likes me. Then why did she still make me feel so small? Why the constant humiliation?

I opened my mouth to speak, but she suddenly bent down, taking my hands in hers as she sank onto her knees. Now, she was slightly shorter than me, and for the first time, I could look straight into her eyes, even if the bruises painted across her face distracted me. Her gaze was intense yet vulnerable, emotions flickering behind the steel-blue irises.

"Valentina," she began, her voice barely a whisper, laced with hesitation. "There's been so much I'm uncertain about lately, but the one thing I knew for sure... was you." Her fingers tightened around mine, grounding herself as if her words might slip away otherwise. "You've been like a breath of fresh air... with that annoyingly bright smile of yours." She gave a small, almost self-deprecating scoff, her lips lifting into a faint smile. "I've grown obsessed with that smile."

For a second, I thought she'd lighten the moment with a joke, but her face turned serious, regret shadowing her features. "I know I messed up. I know I was this rude, selfish woman," she continued, her voice raw, "and I realize now how much I hurt you. And for that... I hate myself."

"Jo—" I tried, my voice gentle, but she silenced me with a pleading look, her eyes shimmering.

"I promised you once that I'd give you the world, that I'd work on myself for you, and I plan to keep that promise." A tear slipped down her cheek, her thumb brushing absently over my knuckles as if seeking solace in the touch. "I don't expect you to forgive me... but I'll do everything in my power to become someone worth your care."

I chuckled softly, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. "But... I already care about you. Why do you think I haven't given up on you yet?" Her eyes widened, a spark of surprise flickering behind them. "Sure, you piss me off constantly with that rude attitude," I admitted, smiling a bit, "but I know there's a kind, loving soul buried under all that stubbornness—a part of you that truly cares about the people close to you."

A single tear slipped down her cheek, catching the light as it traced a path across her skin. She looked vulnerable in a way I'd never seen before, her usual confidence replaced with something fragile and unsure. "D-Do you forgive me?" she asked, voice barely more than a whisper, her eyes searching mine with a mix of hope and hesitation.

I couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped, raising a playful eyebrow at her. "Yes," I replied softly, "but on one condition—do you promise you'll work on your attitude toward me?"

Her hands tightened around mine, a gentle but earnest grip. "Sweetheart," she murmured, her gaze unwavering, "for you, I'd chip away every part of myself that stands between us, no matter how painful."

The sincerity in her voice made my chest ache. "Alright," I breathed, letting the weight of her words settle over me. "Now, can I please take a look at those bruises?" I gestured toward her, trying to catch her eye.

She sighed, her usual stubbornness flickering back into place as she struggled to rise from her knees, waving me off dismissively. "I'm fine," she said, brushing it aside and moving back to her chair, where she practically collapsed into the seat with a wince she tried to hide.

I rolled my eyes and stood up, following her as she limped back to her chair. "You're not fine," I scoffed, shaking my head. "You can barely move."

I opened my mouth to address her more formally, "Professor—" but she cut me off with a small chuckle.

"Pretty sure we're past that," she said with a slight smile, her voice soft. "It's Johanna for you... or whatever you want to call me."

I raised an eyebrow, a smirk creeping onto my face. "Jo-Bear?" I teased.

She shot me a look that could kill. "I will literally punch you in the face."

"Whatever you say, Jo-Bear." I grinned as she tried—and failed—to hide her discomfort while settling into her chair.

She sighed, leaning back slowly, and I moved closer, bending down. "Alright, let me take a look," I murmured, catching her eye with a determined look.

She rolled her eyes, letting out an exasperated groan. "Valentina, I'm not a baby."

"Then stop acting like one," I shot her a look, my eyes narrowing in concern as I gently traced my fingers over the bruises on her cheek, careful not to hurt her further. I felt a pang of guilt seeing the dark purple marks—she had stood up for me and paid for it with nearly every inch of her skin. My fingers moved down to her hand, swollen and scraped, the knuckles marred by angry bruises. "Is this why you didn't show up yesterday?" I asked softly, my attention shifting to the rough patches and swelling.

She nodded, her voice low. "Yeah. I looked horrible... I still do," she admitted with a wince as I applied light pressure on her knuckles. "But I couldn't just stay away—I have work to do. There'll be a substitute again today, though."

I straightened up, frowning. "If you're not going, then I'm not going."

Her eyes sharpened, shooting me a look that was as stubborn as ever. "Yes, you are, and don't even think about trying to talk your way out of it."

"But—" I began, only for her to silence me with a single, pointed look.

"You're still a student," she reminded me firmly, her tone leaving no room for debate. "You need to attend lectures."

I clicked my tongue in frustration, but a faint smile tugged at my lips. She only pushed me like this because she cared. But it was obvious that something was wrong, especially the way she moved, her whole posture stiff and strained, each step gingerly placed like even breathing hurt. I had a feeling her ribs were bruised too, but knowing her, she'd rather bite her tongue than admit it.

"Sit up straight," I instructed, my voice a gentle command. She raised a brow, looking at me a bit confused but complied anyway, her shoulders lifting slightly.

I took a breath, trying to keep my voice steady. "I'm going to lift your shirt up—just to check for bruising, okay?"

"Oh, no," she chuckled, brushing me off with a wave. "That's fine. I told you, I'm good."

I let out a loud, irritated sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose. "Can you stop being so stubborn for once and just let me look?"

She huffed, clearly annoyed, but gave in with a small nod. I gave her a grateful smile before slowly lifting the hem of her shirt, revealing the bruises spread across her skin, harsh purple and blue patterns marking her ribcage and stomach.

"Fuck..." I breathed, my voice barely a whisper as I traced over the bruises with my fingertips, careful not to press down. Her skin shivered beneath my touch, goosebumps rising, but she remained still.

"Did you go to the hospital?" I asked softly, my fingers brushing the side of her ribcage.

Her breaths came quick and shallow, her chest rising and falling under my hand, but she didn't respond to my question. "Did you go to the hospital?" I asked again, looking up to catch her gaze.

She was staring right at me, her mouth slightly parted, her eyes holding something deeper, something intense. Slowly, she leaned in, her face inching closer. Was she... about to kiss me?

My heart pounded, and I let my hand fall from her stomach, leaning toward her without even thinking. Johanna's gaze dropped to my lips, lingering there, like she was lost in thought or in some silent debate with herself.

It felt like time stretched, the seconds long and full, until finally, her lips met mine. The kiss was soft at first, a gentle touch that sent warmth coursing through me. But then, her hand slid to the back of my neck, her fingers threading through my hair as she pulled me closer. The kiss deepened, and her pace quickened, her lips moving against mine with a fierce urgency that made my head spin.

It was everything I'd dreamed of—magical, intense, breathtaking—but also strange, clumsy, my first kiss. I didn't really know what I was doing, but I tried to keep up, following her lead, letting her guide me through it.

After a few endless, exhilarating moments, she pulled back sharply, wincing as she fell back into her chair, her face twisting in pain. "Fuck," she whispered, rubbing her side and looking at me, her eyes filled with something that looked like regret. "I can't believe I just did this," she muttered, almost to herself, and pushed her chair away, as if trying to put distance between us.

I blinked, my mind racing. What did she mean by that?