Chapter 4

Stevie McGabe

Darryl’s skin pales, his chest heaving, before he bolts from the kitchen. My mom catches my eye and tips her chin in the direction he’d fled, the message clear. Go make sure he’s okay.

I slip out of the door, leaving the rest of our family gathered round to console each other. The house is empty. I step out onto the street and spot his army boot-clad foot sticking out from around the corner of the house.

He’s slumped against the wall, one leg outstretched in front of him, the other bent up with his arm resting on it, eyes tightly closed and a lit cigarette dangling from his fingers.

I sit down next to him, trying to ignore the trickle of excitement that I get whenever I am close to him, whenever that familiar smell of Darryl permeates my nose. Now was so not the time to get turned on!

“You okay?” He snorts, not turning his head or opening his eyes. I sigh. “Okay, stupid question.”

He lifts the cigarette and takes a drag, humming in agreement. “Is there anything I can do?” I slip my hand into his, feeling an unexpected trickle of excitement which burns my skin at the contact, and he opens one eye a crack, fixing me in his glare until I withdraw my touch.

Closing his eye again, I sit in silence with him until he stubs out the cigarette and gets back to his feet. He sucks in a deep breath, running his fingers through his hair, looking down the street.

“They were waiting for the right time to tell you, you know? They didn’t want you to go through this alone.”

He pushes himself up and starts pacing, so I stand up too.

“Then why the fuck did they drag me away from all my fucking friends?” I jump at his outburst, fear making me shiver as he turns his narrowed eyes on me. “You knew? You fucking knew and you didn’t fucking tell me?!”

He takes a step towards me, and I can’t help but take a step back. I’d never seen so much venom in a look before. I completely understood the phrase if looks could kill in this moment.

He drops his head back, a guttural yell bursting from him, so full of pain that I start to reach my hand out before I can stop myself. He barges past me, and I watch with tears in my eyes as he sprints off down the road.

“Stevie?” Jake steps outside and wraps his arm around my shoulders.

“He—he’s gone…I’m so sorry, Uncle Jake.” Jake just shakes his head.

“We knew he wouldn’t take it well. We’ll just have to give him a little time.”

***

It was past midnight before we left Jake and Abi’s house. Darryl still hadn’t reappeared, and he wasn’t answering anyone’s call—not even Vinnie’s, which was completely out of character.

It had taken me a while to fall asleep, unable to comprehend what Darryl and Vinnie must be feeling. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how I would react if my mom said she was sick, and that the doctors were testing her for cancer. It was such a scary word.

A noise from the driveway wakes me up, and I pad softly to the window, lifting the curtain to one side and peering out into the darkness.

Stumbling in the small amount of moonlight which had found its way between the clouds, I could see Darryl weaving on uncertain feet outside the house. As I watch, he misjudges the curb stone and falls flat on his face. Fuck!

Without a second thought, I run downstairs and wrench the front door open. He’s still lying on the ground, and for a second, I worry he’s knocked himself out, but then I notice his shoulders are shaking. Is he crying?

I hadn’t seen Darryl cry since we were seven and he sliced his hand open trying to get a drink for his baby brother.

I tiptoe closer and realize he’s chuckling to himself. “D-Darryl?” He rolls over onto his back, a manic grin plastered on his face, his eyes unfocused on the night sky. I get closer, leaning over the top of him, my hands resting on my thighs. “Darryl? Are you okay?”

I let out a squeal of surprise when he reaches up and grabs my wrist, pulling me down to the ground with him. Up close, I can clearly smell the strong stench of weed and alcohol, blocking his normal aroma. “Oh, Stevie…how did it all get so fucked up, huh?”

His fingers tighten around mine, and he rolls his head heavily onto my shoulder. I rest my forehead on top of his, and sigh.

“I have no idea.”

We lay in the cool night not talking until I start shivering—it might be summer, but booty shorts and a sports bra weren’t really offering the protection needed to be out at this time in the morning.

“Fuck…you’re fucking freezing,” Darryl runs a fingertip down my arm, adding to the goosebumps.

“Yeah…let’s go inside, yeah? Maybe get you some water?” Between the two of us, we manage to get him standing and slowly make our way into my house. “Where have you been all evening? Your folks were really worried.”

Darryl scoffs, wobbling slightly as he tries to stand on his own. “Yeah, right. They showed just how little of a fuck they gave about me earlier. They’ve been fucking lying to me for months.”

Without thinking, I point him in the direction of my bedroom. His toe catches on the bottom step of the staircase, and he falls to his hands and knees, chuckling to himself.

I hold my breath, waiting to hear if my parents had heard, but no one comes out of their bedroom to check, so I help him get to his feet again and slip his arm over my shoulders.

Somehow, we make it up to my bedroom with no more incidents but lots of me shushing him, and I drop him onto my bed, which complains loudly at his sudden appearance.

It’s only once I see him under my lamplight, that I realize his nose is bloody, and there is the beginning of a bruise forming around his right eye. “What the hell happened to you tonight?!” I gently run my finger over his eye, and he hisses, flinching away.

“Made some new friends.” He closes his eyes, and I watch his chest rise and fall for a moment. “So…did you all have a good fucking laugh about how poor little Darryl didn’t suspect his mom was fucking dying.”

“It wasn’t like that, Darryl…” I sigh. “I overheard our parents talking in the car on the way back from the airport. They didn’t know I was listening.

The others didn’t know until tonight—only my parents and your grandad. It wasn’t some evil conspiracy to keep things from you. And plus, we don’t know what’s wrong with her yet. No one has said anything about her dying.”

Darryl tilts his head towards me, and I notice the glint of a tear in his eyes. “What the fuck am I gonna do, Stevie?” His voice was full of the raw vulnerability of the sweet boy who used to be my best friend.

I sit down on the bed next to him, and he rolls over, so his head was resting in my lap. I start to run my hand over the velvet-like shaved back of his hair.

“I don’t know, Darryl. But you know I’m here for you, right?” I don’t get a response, and when I look down, he’s asleep.