Part 23

"I'm so glad you could come and visit me!" Queen Amerande smiled excitedly at me while she poured tea.

I took my cup, one sip confirming that she had brewed it strong and sweet, exactly how I liked it. She had always taken small details like this into consideration, despite her high status. It was hard not to feel comfortable around her.

"Well, your letters were... delayed, and I felt I should apologize in person for my rudeness in not responding sooner."

She shook her head. "Don't worry about rudeness, I'm just glad that you're doing well! If I hadn't heard anything soon I might have broken down the doors to your home to find you!"

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"Has the Queen answered any of my letters?" I hugged myself, sitting in the chair by the fire in my room.

Angela stared at me with a pitying expression. "No, Milady."

"Do you think she might stop by?" My voice cracked on the last word, my distress all too obvious.

I felt a gentle hand pat my shoulder, offering little comfort. "Why should she? You're no longer useful to her."

I slumped in my seat. It made sense. That was why my own mother hated me after all.

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I pushed back the bitter memory, Looking at her enthusiastic expression, I couldn't help but chuckle.

"I would have liked to see Hallers face on how to deal with the Queen breaking down the door."

Queen Amerande grinned. "I suppose he would already have tea ready to serve, and would offer to brush the debris from my coat."

We both laughed at that. Feeling refreshed, I bent forward, taking another sip from my tea.

"... You've changed, dear."

Her soft statement caught my attention, and I paused in my action, almost burning myself. She was studying me with a happy look, seeming almost near tears.

"Changed?"

"You're happier, more relaxed... That's the first time you've given me a true smile in years." She sighed. "I never wanted to push you, but I'm just so relieved we can spend time like this!"

I felt shocked. Had I changed? I thought about all the time we had spent together over the years, her unrelenting love and support. The contents of the letters she sent me after the engagement was broken, assuring that she still loved me as her own daughter, no matter what. Her relief and tears just at the sight of me smiling. Even now I wanted to reach out, to comfort her, but confusion held me back.

Why is this life so different?!

I felt torn, wanting to keep away from her, to protect myself of the agony I had gone through in my last life. But it was harder than I expected.

I wanted to believe her.

After all, Prince Ronan had dropped me, and here she was, just as loving as before.

Could I have misunderstood things in my last life?

A cold shard of pure terror pierced my chest at the thought. I shook my head, forcing my mind away from these thoughts, afraid that if I examined them too closely, all my defenses would fall apart.

And so my only response to the Queen's declaration of my change was a silent shrug.

Her smile drooped a small amount, but she still looked happy. "Baby steps." I heard a soft mutter as she moved to sit on the couch next to me, decreasing our distance. "Now tell me all about how you have been since Ronan's horrible lapse in judgment."

I only hesitated for a moment, but then decided to tell her everything. From Ronan's proposal, to the attempted rumors, to the plot to bury the duchy in debt. The Queen's face slowly became enraged, and by the end of my talk she had to set her tea down due to the trembling of her hands.

"THAT RAT OF A SON!" Her eyes were blazing with anger. "I'll hold him down and let you punch him!"

I looked at her, bemused. "Isn't he supposed to be my future king?"

She waved off my concerns. "Who cares, he needs a beating!"

I told her about the "Ronan the Ridiculous" song, and my suspicions about Hallers taking revenge for me. She cackled as I sang her a few verses.

"I'll send him some suggestions for additional verses." Her promise set me off and it was some time before either of us started laughing.

"Unfortunately, I believe His Majesty to be the driving force behind this." I had tactfully left out my spying on the conversation between them, but even without this the Queen easily agreed.

"Yes, in the beginning, I was the one pushing for the engagement, but once he saw the chance to ally the Royal House to the Duchy of Armeny, he became obsessed with the opportunity to cement our family's position." She sighed, the cheerfulness gone. "I will speak to him, but I have rarely been able to change his mind once he has decided on a course of action."

I noticed that her voice held no affection as she spoke of her husband, her eyes cold.

"Well, it has been a week since the last attempt, maybe they've given up?" I found myself wanting to comfort her.

"I hope so." The queen murmured, before reaching out to hug me. "You've been through so much these past few weeks and I was completely useless. I'm sorry."

I patted her shoulder, but she simply hugged me tighter. "It's fine. I needed to handle it on my own."

"You'll ask if you need help?"

"I promise."

After a few more moments of a rib crushing embrace, the Queen finally let go.

"Everyone seems to be hugging me lately." I joked, sighing with relief.

Her eyes narrowed. "Who exactly has been hugging you?"

"Umm... Nate." I had a brief feeling of regret as i spoke his name, wondering if I might have caused him some trouble.

The Queen chuckled, but her gaze remained intense "Did he now?" She laughed again, causing the hairs on the back of my neck to rise. "Hugging my daughter? It seems he's already forgotten about our little... chat. I'll have to have him back for tea." The last bit was barely audible, but still managed to be terrifying.

Wanting to change the subject to something more comfortable, I asked about her plans for her birthday.

"Oh I'm glad you reminded me!" She clapped her hands, her intense atmosphere disappearing, causing me to question if I had only imagined it. "They're holding a two day banquet in a few weeks to celebrate, and I wanted to hand you your invitation in person as my letters have had trouble reaching you!"

Moving to her desk, she rummaged around until she pulled out a large envelope, beaming with pride.

I glanced at the address on the front and immediately understood. In large letters "To my beautiful daughter" was written.

"Your parents are invited as well..." She sounded much less excited about that. "As the banquet will last until quite late you will all be my guest in the palace for the night, will that be alright?"

I felt a moment of unease of staying in the palace with everything that had been going on. But looking at her expectant expression, I couldn't' bring myself to refuse. I sighed quietly.

"Of course I'll be there."

It took quite a while to calm Queen Amerande's excitement down after that.

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I thought over the invitation as I walked through the gardens on the way back to my carriage. Given my feud with the king and the prince, staying at the palace wasn't the smartest course of action. I considered turning around and telling the queen I had changed my mind, but... She had been so happy.

I idly rubbed my sternum, hoping the aching deep within my chest would go away. I was so preoccupied with my thoughts, unfortunately, that I didn't pay enough attention to my surroundings.

An action that I greatly regretted, as I nearly ran straight into an unexpected and unpleasant surprise.

"Lenora!"

Edith, clutching Ronan's arm between her hands, looked at me with a look of shock and embarrassment, her cheeks dyed with a light pink blush. "I didn't expect to see you here!"

I paused in my steps, caught off guard by their sudden appearance.

Letting go of the prince's arm, she clasped her hands in front of her, staring at me with an imploring expression. " I'm so sorry that you had to see this! It must be so... painful for you to witness our affection personally." Her eyes glinted with satisfaction as her eyes searched my face, studying my reaction. "I never meant for you to be hurt like this, I wanted to give you time..." She wiped a non-existing tear from the corner of her eye, looking remorseful.

I let out a small sigh of relief.

Finally.

I had felt trapped, surrounded by people who insisted they cared about me, their constant presence and understanding support slowly undermining everything I had come to believe since my rebirth. I had begun to question my convictions, but here in front of me was a beautiful example of love. My former fiancé and my best friend, clutching each other in a way to express affection but both seeming more concerned with making sure I was hurt by their open display.

This, this is much easier to be around. I found myself smiling at them, feeling grateful for their petty minded and spiteful ways.

"Don't feel bad. I have never been happier to see the both of you together!"

That took them both by surprise. Ronan's eyes glanced around the garden as if suspecting a plot, his face betraying a discomfort at being near me. Edith, however... wasn't nervous at all.

She continued to smile, but it was obvious from the stiffness of her posture and expression that she was furious. She didn't look like someone who had gotten the reaction she had been trying to achieve.

Stepping away from Ronan, she patted me on the arm, twisting her lips into a more sympathetic grin. "What brings you here, Lenora? I wouldn't expect to run into you now..." She broke off her words suddenly as if too embarrassed to continue.

"Now that my engagement to Prince Ronan is completely gone and will never be renewed?" I filled in happily. Ronan was now frowning, likely thinking of his father's reactions to my words. I continued on, ignoring his displeasure. "I was visiting the Queen."

"The Queen?" Edith's smile faltered, her eyes burning with anger. "Why would you see her?"

I spread my hands, "What can I say, we're very close. She treats me like a daughter." They both looked unhappy with that. "Actually we were discussing the plans for the Queen's birthday."

"The Queen's birthday plans?" Edith glanced at the prince with confusion clearly written on her face. Ronan was glaring at me, obviously wanting me to stop talking but I was having fun now.

"Oh, you didn't know yet?" I sighed. "I probably spoiled the surprise, I'm sure the prince was planning on inviting you during your visit here today. The Queen is having a small banquet in honor of her birthday! We're invited to spend the night in the castle as it's expected to go quite late."

Edith turned to Prince Ronan. "Why hadn't you invited me yet?" Her tone was accusing, all pleasantness gone.

He glared again at me who grinned shamelessly. Obviously he hadn't planned on inviting her as the King still wanted him to be pursuing my hand in marriage. But would he tell her that?

"I was just waiting until a more romantic spot in our walk, dearest!" He explained through clenched teeth.

"Oh of course! If only the surprise hadn't been spoiled by outsiders." She glanced over in my direction, as I struggled not to laugh.

"I look forward to seeing you both there together."

Edith now looked confused at my continued positivity at their relationship, while Ronan was staring daggers at me. I tapped my chin thoughtfully, an evil thought forming deep in my head.

"That reminds me, have you seen His Majesty?" I looked around the garden. "I was hoping to speak to him."

Ronan paled. "About what?"

"Oh nothing," I shrugged, "The sights around the palace. I also wanted to express how we've spoken and how I support you two and hope you'll be engaged soon."

Edith now looked absolutely lost, while Ronan recognized my words for the threat they were.

"The King is visiting another city." His answer was wary.

Of course he was. Ronan would never flaunt his new relationship so openly if he thought the king would see him. Of course, the king was the type to keep tabs on things, even when physically absent. I'm sure Ronan's activities had already been reported in detail to his father.

But it might still be a chance to make some money.

"Perhaps I'll write him a letter instead." I started sticking out my hand in a now familiar gesture, preparing to demand hush money from my former fiancé now turned cash cow, but as soon as my hand moved, he jumped back, his hands reaching down reflexively to protect his pockets.

"I- we have something.... We have to go!" Grabbing Edith, he turned, almost running in the opposite direction.

"WHAT ARE YOU...?!" Edith started to shout indignantly, but was soon pulled around the corner and out of sight.

I stared after them, shocked, and then started to laugh.

I think I've scared him. I frowned. I only got to extort money from him twice and he had already wised up. Still, him running away in fear couldn't be considered a bad outcome either...

Shaking my head, still chuckling, I headed home in the carriage.

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On my arrival I informed my father of the invitation, who sat back in his chair, a thoughtful expression on his face.

"Alright. I'll write your mother to inform her."

His words surprised me. "You don't have to."

"..."

He stared at me silently for a few moments, his usually foolish expression gone. We had grown apart in the five years since I started this new lifetime. Initially I had only thought to take control of some of the Duchy's inner workings, trying to weed out corruption and put us in a stable position. I hadn't thought to completely take his responsibilities on, but he had willingly given up his role, content to focus on his own amusements. We spoke less and less over the years, and now with the exception of larger gatherings, parties, and occasionally having dinner together, for all intents and purposes we were practically strangers.

"She's your mother." Was his simple reply.

"Has anyone told Her that?" I snapped, irritated at even his paltry defense. She had been gone for years, and he had never once complained about her antics, never once stood up for himself or for me where she was concerned.

"I-... Dear... " He paused for a long moment, as if gathering his thoughts. "It's complicated." He finished lamely, his expression uncomfortable.

"Seems very simple to me." I smiled coldly. "She hates me, and makes a fool of you. Should I welcome her with open arms then?"

He winced at the word "fool," shaking his head slowly. "I can't excuse her behavior... but neither can I afford to judge her."

What wonderful parents. I knew my face had grown even colder than before as he looked away rather than face my gaze. "There's a lot you could not afford to do."

I turned, thinking to walk away, but he called my name, stopping me.

"Was there something else?" I asked, feeling bitter.

"How is your friend?" He looked even more discomfited than before.

His question took me completely by surprise. "What friend?" I was honestly confused.

"The young woman you used to play with every day?" He swallowed, not meeting my gaze.

"Edith?" I stared at him. "Why?"

"I- I just don't want you to always be alone! I worry about you!" He said beautiful sounding words, but they rang hollow in my ears.

"She spends her days with the prince now." I watched his reaction, curious. "They should be announcing their engagement soon."

"They...?" His voice trailed off, he stared at the wall, processing my words. He didn't look shocked. "I'm sorry, it's been hard for you dear."

"Why are you apologizing?" I wanted to leave, his insincerity hurt more than if he had never spoken at all.

"We all have our sins, Lenora." He whispered in reply. "Some of us are just still waiting to pay the price for them."

I walked out, slamming the door behind me, leaving him to his thoughts without another word.

I felt regretful that I had spoken to him as long as I had. I already had enough to worry about with the upcoming party, and the possible plots and scheme from the monarchy, I shouldn't have added to my stress. After all, nothing good had ever come of talking to either of my parents. My mother only saw me as a tool to achieve what she wanted, but my father...

He had never seen me at all.