Tempting - Chapter 16: Let It All Out

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"I've... never really thought about it. I suppose I don't realize when I'm not cursing."

"It defiantly turned me on a bit." We sit in silence for a few blissful minutes, the smell of his mild

forest cologne filling up every pore, every part of my being. I start to feel like I'm finally in a

relationship, that I just got home from my job and waiting in the bedroom was my lover. It filled

me with a warmth that I thought I'd never acquire. I don't want this moment to ever end...

"I'm going to go take a shower. You're free to use my other bathroom upstairs if you want." He

says, stretching off the bed while accompanied with a few cracks. I almost jet my hand

towards him, but thankfully held back... I don't know quite yet if I'm thankful for

holding myself back but I see David walk into the bathroom, closing the door behind

him.

I swallow, my mind racing a mile a minute. Was he going to go back to ignoring me? Should I

have said something? I mentally kick myself, warning to not fall too deep into the rabbit hole I

call the darkness of a thousand questions. I don't want any what ifs right now, he clearly found

some type of attraction towards me, or he wouldn't have done this with me, right?

I'm defiantly right... I believe I'm right... I think I'm right. I shake my head, sliding off the silk

crimson sheets.

I bite my bottom lip, looking towards his bedroom bathroom. I didn't do anything wrong Calvin.

Stop it. And yet, a huge cloud of guilt quickly settles around me.

Just to keep my mind busy, I walk out of his room and stop at the defined, ruby colored staircase

adorned with gold patterns. David really likes the color red, I've inferred. And gold, and ivory.

I brush fingers along the rich wooden hand rails and look up dauntingly at the top floor. I hate

stairs, not because of the stereotypes associated with a big person, just because I hate how its

something I personally can't get up normally.

I've always had to watch my entire life people go up them without a ounce of frustration or

fatigue, but I'm the odds one out, it brought attention to me even when I just wanted to

disappear.

I go up one by one, and as fate has it, beads of sweat forms on my top eyebrow and I heatedly

wipe away at them. I'm already at the half point, but my breathing has gotten lagged, and my

wrists are trembling.

I don't notice until seconds later that I feel tears running like cool rain over my hot face as I stare

at my quivering fingers.

What's the point?

And that's the last thing I think as I turn around, my heart in my ears. I hear the dogs yipping in

the kitchen, probably eating their snacks, but I could care less.

I open the main entrance and leave, without a trace of a goodbye. I just want to go home.

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As I'm walking over to my apartment in the dim light of the evening, I feel a chill kind of run

down the back of my neck, standing my hairs on end. I look slightly behind me, but all I see are

cars skimming down the street, disappearing behind corners.

I make it to the entrance of my lobby, taking out my keys to walk through when I see something dark and sleek glint in my peripheral.

I look to my right, and I wish I hadn't. I see the dark outline of a man in a car's window, his face

hidden behind the lens of a camera. All the blood drains from my face as the camera disappears

behind his rolling up window, and the car moves out of park and drives down the street.

What... was that? Was he just taking pictures of me? I slowly stalk into my building, closing the

door behind me.

I take the elevator up to my apartment, the small box jerking slightly from years of use. I wonder

who that man was, and if he was taking pictures of me? Probably not, maybe he was taking

photos of something else.

I walk into my living room, throwing my bag on my couch. I sink my face into my hands, thinking

back to what happened at David's house. I'm starting to regret leaving, but at the same time I

couldn't bare to face him again. I felt like even after we... we did it, he didn't like me, even

though he just went to use the bathroom.

Maybe I'm just overreacting? If I was overreacting, then that would mean I just left his house

without any indication that I was going, and he won't know until a hour later because he thinks

I'm still in the bathroom.

I have to call him, like right now. Why did I even leave in the first place, what was I thinking!?

I grab the sleek phone from my pocket, its mint-condition surface flooding more guilt into my

stomach. As I'm about to type on the keypad, I realize something.

I do not have his number yet.

I face palm so hard that I think I left a lasting red spot on my forehead.

Suddenly the phone buzzes to life in my hands and at this point, I'm not as surprised by it as I

should be.

I press the answer button right away, without thinking about what I should say.

"Calvin, what in the hell-"

"I am so sorry! I don't know what happened but I wasn't feeling good so I left. I'm sorry."

"You couldn't tell me anything? The upstairs bathroom was still open and I almost jumped when I didn't see you in there. Why wouldn't you say anything to me, I have medicine."

"I... I don't know."

"Calvin, this is starting to sound like a broken record." He growls, but his deep voice doesn't fill me with its usual warmth, but dread. I bow my head like a kid being reprimanded.

"What's the reason you left? I went to go take a shower and you just... left... Hold on, was it what happened in the room? Did you not like it? Was I too rough?" His tone softens as I bite my bottom lip.

"No, it wasn't that at all! I actually e-enjoyed it." I say breathlessly as there's a pause on his end.

"Then what's the problem here Calvin?"

"The problem is..." I pick at the corner of my furniture as I feel myself sink further into the floor.

"Really, this has nothing to do with you. The reason I left has nothing to do with you. The reason I'm such a idiot has nothing to do with you, okay? I don't want to make your life complicated. I don't know why I'm making things so complicated for myself." I spill, feeling unwanted warmth

spread on my cheeks. I can't believe that all came out. David doesn't respond so I go on.

"I'm just sick of guessing. Like I can't keep up with you, or even my work. I just feel like i'm lagging behind. I don't know if this is for me yet."

"What do you mean 'for you yet'. You mean us?" He asks.

"I don't even know what 'Us' is." I try to keep my voice from trembling but I finding as the minutes deteriorate, so does my willpower.

"I know I probably sound dumb because not really anything serious has happened between us, and you might see it as 'fun', but I care a lot! I've been burned in the past, badly, to a point where I thought that I'd never find someone who liked me, or someone who'd give me a chance, but then you showed up. It's only been probably a week since I've known you but I'm so deep in. I try to bottle it up when you ignored me or when you would stop what I had to say, but its really hard when from the beginning I liked you a lot. I still like you a little too much. So yeah, I know you don't probably feel the same way but you're the first person I think I've ever felt this close to. No, I KNOW that your the first person I've felt this close to."

New solid tears flow down my cheeks, but I hardly acknowledge they're there. I just focus all my energy in talking.