Chapter 59
Ex-Husband’s Regret
A surprise
Itâs been a month since the whole thing with Ethan happened. Am I okay? Definitely not. Does it
still hurt? Fuck yes. Have I moved on? Absolutely not.
Things havenât been easy. Every day I find myself drowning further and further in a sea of pain and
heartache. I thought I was doing okay when I decided to move on with Ethan. I realize now
that I was probably just lying to myself.
Ethanâs betrayal has drenched up all the other pains I tried burying. All the hurts I tried
forgetting. It was like I was now back to square one. Only thing is that I had a few more new scars
marring my heart and soul.
I go through the days in a fog. Just living numbly. Time and things pass me by because I wasnât
really living. I am just surviving. Taking each day one at a time.
Everyone seems to have moved on, but I feel like I am just stuck. Stuck in a never ending cycle of
pain and heartbreak. My world right now is dark and cold and I feel all alone.
âMiss Sharp, are you okay?â Mark, one of my students asks me.
Fuck, I hate that name. It serves as a reminded that the people who gave it to me broke me. I
wanted to change it, but I didnât know which name to take. I didnât want to take the Howellâs name
given I donât know that much about them. There is also the fact that I havenât spoken to them
since that day at my house.
âYes, I amâ¦focus on the classworkâ I reply to him before looking down at the books on my desk.
I loved teaching, but nowadays it has become like a chore. Every day I come to work, I canât help
but wish the hours would fly by quickly so that I can go home. I wanted solitude but I wasnât
getting enough of that with Letty and Rowan checking up on me every damn time.
My students have noticed something is wrong. Classes arenât as fun as they used to be. I wasnât as
cheery as I was before. I was like a robot. Lifeless. Because of this some of my students have
started skipping class. I just donât know how to bring back the old Ava.
âInstead of trying to bring the old you, why donât you try to create a new version?â an internal voice
asks.
Was that even possible? Creating a new version. A version of me that is different from the child,
teen then woman who has been broken too many times to count.
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Before I can answer that question or think too deeply about it, the bell rings Taking my things, I
dash out of my class without saying a single word to my students.
I keep my head down as I rush to the teacherâs lounge. I just want to breathe a little before I have to go
to my next class Luckily, no one stops me in the hallway. I wasnât really in the mood to talk
to anyone
I get to the teacher lounge and freeze up. I was expecting it to be at least somewhat empty, but it
was damn packed. I release a groan as I walk to the furthest seat.
My phone rings just as I sit down. Noraâs name flashes. Iâve ignored their calls not really sure how
to handle them. Especially given their relationship with Ethan I go to hang up, but I press the
accept button instead
âHello, Ava?â she calls out.
I donât say anything. Just release the breath I was holding.
âPlease my dear, please donât shut me out. Donât shut me and your father outâ she whispers her
voice catching at the end.
I still donât say anything. I couldnât even if I wanted to. My mouth refuses to move. To utter a single
fucking word.
âYouâre my daughter, Ava and I want to be in your life. I want to be the mother I was supposed to
be. I know youâre hurting and I want to be there for you. I already lost one child, please donât makeme
lose another. Losing you again just after finding you would kill meâ she pleads, crying and it
breaks my heart.
Tears fill my eyes. Damn it. Iâve been so emotional these past few weeks.
âI need timeâ I tell her slowly. Trying to push back my emotions.
She releases a breath. âIâll give you time if thatâs what you need, but always remember that I love
you. Iâve always carried you in my heart even when I thought you had died. I hope you can trust
me and know that Iâll always be here for you if you need meâ 1
Gosh. It feels so good to be wanted, but I donât know if I can trust them yet. Only time will tell.
âOkayâ I reply before hanging up.
I get what sheâs saying, but I just donât know. What if sheâs just looking for someone to hang on to?
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+15 BONUS
the gap. Thatâs what Iâm afraid of. Of being used. Of being a second choice just like I was with
Rowan.
I wasnât being cold or anything like that towards them. I was just trying to protect the remaining
pieces of my heart.
âDamn girlâ Carol says walking towards my table.
âFuckâ I groan under my breath.
She was a junior highschool teacher and she had a way of annoying the hell out of people. Mainly
because she likes to stick her nose in other peopleâs businesses.
âAll that foodâ she looks at me in shock. âWith the way youâve been eating and how moody you are
nowadays, one would think youâre preggoâ she finishes with a laugh. 2
I know she was joking, but I freeze in my seat. Her words ring in my mind like a broken record.
Driving fear through every fiber of my body.
She notices my behavior and frowns. âAre you okay, Ava? You have to know that I was just joking
right?â
I quickly stand up as panic starts coursing through my body. Rushing out of the lounge, I blindly ran
through the hallway till I am out of the school. I immediately jump into my car and speed out
of the parking lot.
Shit. This couldnât be happening. Please donât let it be happening. 2
I try to think back. Try to do the math, but my mind is so jumbled that I cannot think straight.
I drive fast, not caring that I will probably be pulled for over speeding. I needed to confirm that
Carol was wrong.
Getting to the store, I park my car and rush out. Unluckily for me, I bump into Emma.
âAva?â she calls a bit surprised. Probably because I look like a big fucking mess.
I ignore her and ran to the ladies section. Finding what I need, I take a bunch of them and quickly
move to the counter. Once I have my purchase, I leave.
I get into my car and soon Iâm at home. I know the drill. So I drink around three glasses of water
and then head to my bathroom and take the test.
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+15 BONUS
Breaking point
[Warning. The following chapter contains content that maybe triggering to some]
No This canât be happening to me. I canât be pregnant. Not now and definitely not with Ethanâs
baby
âWhy God?â I whisper as the tears fall down my face.
I wait for an answer but none comes. He doesnât tell me why this was happening to me. He doesnât
tell me why he had to make me this unlucky.
I try to pick myself from the bathroom floor, but I just donât have the energy. Iâm completely
drained.
Was it my lot in life to have unplanned pregnancies? First with Noah and now this one. 2
I stare sightlessly at the tiled floor, thinking back. Ethan and I had unprotected sex once. I was
supposed to take a morning after pill, but I completely forgot. By the time I remembered, a few
days had already passed.
I told Ethan about it. I expected him to be angry about it, but he wasnât. Instead he calmed me
down. We both reasoned that it was unlikely for me to be pregnant. 1
I noticed some changes, like my period being late, but I thought it was due to the stress I was
under. I never gave much thought to my increase in appetite since I always eat when Iâm stressed
or sad.
The banging on my door startles me, but I donât get up. Now more than before, I didnât want to see
anybody. When the banging continues, I put my head between my knees and cover my ears. I just
wanted whoever it is to leave.
It becomes silent for a while. I breathe a sigh of relief but then start to panic when I hear the door
open and heavy footsteps walking upstairs.
Before I can do anything, like maybe hide, in case it was an intruder. A shadow fills the door way
to my bathroom.
âAva?â Rowanâs deep voices resonates through the entire room.
The moment my eyes meet with his, I start crying again. Of all people, why did it have to be him?