Chapter 66
Ex-Husband’s Regret
His letter
1 stare at the piece of paper on my table, not really sure what to do about it.
I was now at home. I had gotten back like an hour ago. The whole time, I spent it debating whether I
should open it or tear it to pieces
The paper had been burning a hole in my purse the entire time I drove back home. Now, here I am
Still staring at it.
A part of me was curious about it contents. The other didnât much care about what was written. The
man who wrote it hated me. What good could come out of reading a letter written by him?
I pick it up, about to tear it, but a voice stops me.
âJust read the damn thing. Whatâs the worst that could happen?â my inner voice whispers.
I cringe at the words.
Famous last words. I think to myself.
The worst thing that could happen is he hurts me.
Words were dangerous. They cause more damage than any weapon can. I still remember some of the
harsh words my so called parents said to me over the years. The wounds their words inflicted
have never truly healed.
âJust open it!â the voice screams.
Not giving myself a second to back out, I unfold the letter.
[Dear Ava,
If youâre reading this then itâs because I didnât make it out of surgery. Truth be told, I donât think I
will. Theyâre trying to save me not knowing that their efforts are futile. I am too far gone and I can
already see you grandparents calling me to come join them. It may be the imagination of a dying
man or not, but I believe I have a special place in hell for how I treated you.
You were such a sweet girl when Winnie left you with us, but we destroyed that. We destroyed
your light and I will forever regret that I did that to you my sweet girl.
I remember when she still had you. I used to play with you and Emma. You were so innocent and
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evening and playing with you, Travis and Emma]
I pause reading the letter. My mind confused. None of what he said was making any sense. If he used
to like being around me when Winnie was still alive, then what the hell changed?
Looking down at the piece of paper, I continue reading.
[I donât know what happened. I donât know why I turned out to be such a monster to you, but when
Winnie died and she asked us to take you in, something just shifted inside me. Inside all of us.
I am not using this as an excuse because nothing can make how we treated you right. It was
downright disgusting and uncalled for.
I know that this is my punishment. Karma is really a vengeful bitch. I am getting exactly what I deserve
for how I treated you my darling Ava.
Before I leave this world, I want to tell you how sorry I am. For everything I did to you. It will never
be enough to make up for what I did and said, but itâs all I have. Iâm so sorry for being a fool. Sorry
for being the worst father. Sorry for being the monster in your fairytale,
I wonât ask for forgiveness because I donât deserve it. What I deserve is to burn in the pits of hell.
All I ask is that you be there for your mother. Sheâll need you. She has a good heart and once she
realizes her mistakes towards you, sheâll break.
Always remember that I love you. I may not have showed it to you, but I do.
Goodbye my darling sweet girl.]
I fold the paper and shove it back in my bag feeling angry for some reason.
I donât know why the letter affected me so much when motherâs tears didnât. May be itâs because
this was the last thing he wrote before died. Correct that, he wrote it while dying.
I stand up abruptly and leave for my bedroom. I push every thought away.
I donât want to think about them. I donât want to think about the pain they caused me. I just donât
want to think about anything. I block them because I know that if I allow them to run rampant in
my head, then I would drown.
I canât afford to be weak right now. It would cost me more than Iâm willing to bargain. I had already
reached my breaking point. I wasnât going to risk going back to the darkness that almost claimed
my soul.
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I get on my bed and lie down Refusing to let the tears flow. Iâve cried enough for these people. I
wasnât going to waste my tears on people that didnât deserve anything from me.
Soon tiredness catches up to me. The fatigue, both emotional and physical weighs me down and I fall
into a dreamless sleep.
When I wake up itâs around eleven oâclock.
Shit! I scramble from my bed, falling down in the process. I was supposed to pick Noah up at nine since
Rowan had to fly out for a business meeting.
I scramble to take a shower and get ready. Doing it in less than ten minutes. Once Iâm done I rush
down the stairs, praying I donât trip and break my neck in the process.
I stop in my tracks when I notice Rowan and Noah in the kitchen having breakfast. He was wearing a
suit and was making pancakes. It was so weird given Iâve never seen him cook.
âMommy, youâre finally awakeâ Noah screams with his mouth full. âI wanted to wake you up, but dad
told me to let you sleepâ
âWhatâs going on here?â I ask in confusion.
âIâm making breakfast. Take a seat and eat something. I want to finish these before I leaveâ Rowan
replies while flipping the pancakes.
âArenât you already late for your meeting? You should have woken me upâ
âFuck the meeting. You looked like you needed the sleep, so I let you sleepâ he says as if it were that
simple.
He was so out of character that I donât know what to think. This was a side of him I didnât know existed.
I donât want to see it because I donât want to think of him as the good guy. I donât want to see this caring
and kind version of him because I wasnât ready to forgive him for the pain he
caused me.
I place some eggs and toast on my plate almost robotically. Still not sure what the hell had gotten into
him.
âWhen is your next doctorâs appointment?â he asks me out of the blue.
I look up and stare into his eyes. Trying to figure out what kind of game he was trying to play.
âNext Friday. Why?â I narrow my eyes into slits, completely suspicious
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âNothing. I just wanted to knowâ
He turns off the stove once the last pancake is cooked and turns.
âI have to leave.â He checks his watch before looking up again.
Moving around the kitchen island, he comes and bends down giving Noah a kiss to the cheek. He
turns to me and I hold my breath as I see the indecision in his eyes.
I still and pray that he walks away. I didnât want him near me. His presence was already
suffocating me, making it hard for me to breathe.
âIâll see you two when I get backâ he says and I breathe a sigh of relief when he backs away.
âOkay dad. Remember to bring me a presentâ Noah tells him and I just nod my head instead of
answering.
He gives me one last look. Like heâs debating on telling me something, but thinks otherwise. His
face shuts down. The cold and indifferent Rowan I was used to, now back in place. Turning around
without another word, he stomps out and leaves.
I continue staring at the place he was. Still trying to figure out what was wrong with him. Why
the hell was he behaving as if he actually cared about me?
Laughing humorlessly, I push a piece of pancake in my mouth. Rowan didnât care about me. He
was just playing along for the sake of Noah. He was keeping up pretense. Just like we always do.
That was it. There was nothing more to it, right?