Chapter 90

Late Realizations.

Rowan.

I stare at the door, wondering what the hell I was doing here. I should give Ava her space, but fuck it. I

can’t seem to stay away from her. I’m drawn to her in a way I can’t fucking explain.

Knocking, I wait rather impatiently for the door to be opened. A minute later, the door opens

revealing Noah.

“Dad” he throws himself at him and I catch him. “I thought I would have to wait till Saturday to

see you”

I hug him close to me. Feeling myself relax and melt. “Hey buddy”

How could I ever have hated Ava? I wonder. She gave me the best gift when she gave birth to Noah. I

should have appreciated her then instead of punishing her. The night I thought was the

worst night of my life, brought about the best gift I could have gotten.

I didn’t see it then because I had my head so up my ass I couldn’t see straight. My eyes are opened

now. I see it so fucking clearly. Ava was right. I used to regret that night not realizing that without

there wouldn’t be Noah and no matter what, I would never regret my son.

that night happening

“Come in. Mom is in the shower. She said she needed to soak her tired, aching bones.” He informs

me. “I’m having my dinner and there is enough. You can have some if you haven’t eaten dinner

yet”

He leads me into the kitchen. He gets on the stool and resumes eating after pointing to the food. I

shamelessly take a plate and pile food on it.

I didn’t appreciate it when we were married. Taking the small things for granted. I admit that I’ve missed

her cooking.

“So…Mom is a real catch” Noah begins making, me turn to him.

“Yes” I agree, not really sure where he was going with this.

“A lot of good looking guys want her…just a few days ago there was a man here who’d come to visit her.

I wonder who’ll get her as his wife” he says it so casually, but I see the smirk he is trying to hide.

“What man?”

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I try to contain the jealousy, but it’s fucking hard. The need to scream that Ava is mine is intense. “I don’t

remember his name, but mom said that he was her new friend” the smirk is still in place as he say that

“He was scary looking but I liked him, now I don’t know who I like better for mom. Him or Uncle Cal. He

had tattoos which Uncle Cal doesn’t and from what I know women dig tattoos

and abs

I glare at him, but he just chuckles

Fuck it. I know he was trying to make me jealous and I should let it go, but I can’t. I have never

liked my son less than I did at that moment.

“Noah, who was at the door?” her voice comes from the other room, interrupting me before I can

say anything.

She walks into the kitchen in a robe. Her hair is wet and her face is free from makeup. She looks so

damn beautiful that I can’t put it into words. The robe leaves nothing to the imagination and I

want nothing but to tear it from her body.

“Rowan? What are you doing here?” she ask, her face changing into an indifference mask.

I hate that too. She used to be so expressive, now I barely know what she’s feeling or thinking.

“Rowan?” she calls again.

I don’t know what to fucking tell her. How am I supposed to tell her that I missed her? That I just

wanted to see her.

“I’m out of here. Don’t forget to tell me when you’re leaving, dad” Noah breaks through the tense

atmosphere.

He doesn’t wait for us to say anything before he flees the room. Within seconds we are left alone.

“Who is the man Noah was talking about?” I ask standing up and getting close to her.

“What man?” she tries backing away from me, but there is nowhere to go.

“The one among your many suitors” my voice turns hard. I was jealous and pissed off because I wanted

her to my fucking self. (2)

“I don’t know what you’re talking about or what he was talking about.” She sasses. “Could you just

leave? It’s late at night and you shouldn’t be here”

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“And why is that? Is it so you can entertain one of the many men who Noah seems to think are interested

in becoming your new husband” I growl.

I was pushing it. Pushing her, but I just didn’t care. Not when envy was boiling in my blood. Or bitterness

was clouding my brain cells.

“What is wrong with you? I don’t entertain any man” she whisper–shouts at me.

It doesn’t faze me as I walk closer to her.

Wrapping my hands around her waist, I bring her closer to me. I feel every inch of her body. Her belly

and her breast are pressed close to my chest and abs. I harden when I feel the hardened

peaks of her breast.

What I felt was more than arousal. It was something else. Something much more potent.

“Get you fucking hands off me” she shrieks but I still don’t let her go. Instead I press closer to her

while being mindful of her baby bump.

She tries to push me away, but I’m solid. She can’t move me. Not only because I was stronger than

her, but because I couldn’t pull myself off her even if I’d wanted. She felt perfect in my arms. I

could stay with her like this forever.

“Not a chance, Ava. Why would I when this is exactly where I want you? You’re mine”

“What the hell are you talking about? I’m not yours. I’ve never been yours. Now let me go before Noah

finds us like this and thinks we are getting back together”

“Noah will be happy. About the other thing, you will always be mine and I won’t let you whore yourself to

other men when you fucking belong to me” 14

Her eyes twitches. Fire burning inside her brown orbs. I don’t see her hand move. The punch comes as a

surprise, so because of the shock I release her. 1

“Whoring myself? First of all, I was a fucking virgin when we slept together for the first time in case

you’ve forgotten. Second, I can fuck whoever I want. I am a free woman and nothing is holding me back

from sleeping with men who actually want me. Men who aren’t thinking of the love of their fucking life

while they’re buried deep inside me” (4

I knew those words were going to come back to bite me in the fucking ass. 3

“Ava…”

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“No! What the hell do you want Rowan? Because I just don’t get it. You yourself told me that you slept

with me while imagining Emma. You told I was just an object for scratching an itch. That I would never be

the woman you want, so what the hell are you doing here? Why won’t you leave

me the hell aione?”

There are so many things I want to tell her. To explain to her. The words instead get stuck in my throat. I

don’t know how to express my feelings to her.

“I do want you, Ava. So fucking much” my voice turns soft and it shocks both of us.

“Why now? We were married for nine years. Nine fucking years. How then can you be this- this”

she struggles to find the right word.

“This what?”

“Interested. How can you all of a sudden be interested in me when you’ve ignored me for the entire

length of our marriage? It’s just not making any sense.”

She had me there, but how can I explain something that I didn’t understand myself? I don’t know

where my feelings came from or when they came to be.

“Is it too difficult to accept that I want you?” I ask instead.

“Yes it is! You’ve hated me for so long, so yes, it’s hard to believe that you are now attracted to me.

It seems so farfetched.”

The words were on the tip on my words. The name of the emotion I’ve been trying to figure out.

The feeling I have for her.

“Please leave Rowan. You’re just confused. Even if you are attracted to me, it doesn’t mean

anything.”

“It means something. It means we have something to work with” I insist almost to the point of begging.

“No it doesn’t. Not when I can still clearly hear your voice in my head telling me that you were using my

body as a substitute for Emma’s”

I want to say more, but I know that she already has enough of me. She was already drained and I was

making things worse for her.

“Okay then, I’ll leave for now. Please just call Noah for me so I can say goodbye”

She nods her head and goes to cell our son Hosh comes back, but Ava doesn’t Ignoring the

questioning look on his face, 1 tell him good bye before leaving I make sure he’s locked the door

before driving away

This wasn’t over. Not by a long shot. I wasn’t going to give up on her that easily

It was as I was driving that the realization hit me. I had to pull over so that I don’t get into an accident as

the gravity of everything hit me

My heart almost collapses in itself, as I’m finally able to name the feeling I have for Ava. The feeling I

was too blind to realize what exactly it is.

Love

Fuck. I love Ava. 7

That realizations comes with fear and crashing quilt. I all but destroyed her heart. I fucking killed

the love she had for me. How the hell was I going to fix that?

I was a dumb shit. I fucking love her, but would she ever believe me or even give me a chance?

Karma was truly a fucking bitch.

Evelyn M.M

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Important Notice

Hey loves, I want first of all to thank you for all your continued support. You’ve all been so

amazing with your love for this book. It wouldn’t be where it is without your love and support.

Thank you for the gemstones, comments and reviews they have come a long way in helping to

rank this book. With that being said, pretty please vote if you haven’t already and remember to

leave a review if you’ve come this far with me.

I also want to let you know that I’ll be taking a break this coming week. I’m supposed to be moving

to a new place and I haven’t done any packing yet. I won’t stay gone long. A maximum of one week

should be enough to finish what I’m required to do and then I’ll be back after that.

Lastly I want to address the issue of updates. I’ll be updating daily in November except on the weekends.

Because of your insistence, I’ll be alternating between two chapters a day and one. I h ope that will be

enough since my goal is to complete it by December. I don’t want it dragged out. W ith how tight my

schedule is, it’s the best I can do. I hope you can understand.

That’s all for now. Thanks for your understanding, I’ll be seeing you in a few days. Bye, take care and

stay safe.>