{120}✔️
Don't Hug Me I'm Scared {Billie Eilish}
A/N: ok but are y'all listening to/enjoying the Spotify playlist? ð¤
************
Dahlia's POV
*************
"You absolute idiot. He's gonna be so pissed off when he finds out!" Billie yelled.
"Yeah, that's why I wanted to talk to Patrick. I'm not sure if there's legally anything he can do about me tricking him like that, but if there is, I wanna be ready. I didn't deposit the money into my bank account or anything like that. It's green money. Can't be detected." I smirked.
"Why the hell would you take his shit? He's gonna be so pissed off when he finds out." She sighed, this time sounding exhausted. "What if he gets so mad that he hires a hitman?" She pouted.
"I'll die ten thousand dollars richer." I snickered. "I don't think he's gonna do anything, though. Seriously, I have a gut feeling about this. He's gonna be mad as fuck, yeah, but he won't do anything drastic. It's not like he can call the police or anything either. What's he gonna say? 'I popped up at this teenage girl's schoolâYou know, the one that my son assaulted?âAnd tried to bribe her to drop the charges and she cheated me out of my money!' Yeah, I don't think so." I rolled my eyes.
"You could've just asked me for ten thousand dollars, you know?" She grumbled. "Instead of doing this dumb ass shit."
"What would've been the fun in that?" I smirked, patting her leg before standing up from my chair. "Just relax. He doesn't even know that I lied to him yet. It's been two days, I haven't dropped the charges, and he clearly hasn't checked to see if I have because he hasn't popped up again to yell at me."
"I'm hiring you a security guard." She muttered. I rolled my eyes and leaned down to give her a kiss before letting out a small sigh.
"It's Friday," I grinned. "Friday seems like the perfect night to have a movie night, huh?"
"Are you asking me out on a date?" She raised a brow.
I scoffed. "As if!"
"I'm leaving the meeting early today because I have a 'tooth dentist appointment.' So I'll find us some nice movies and set up lots of pillows and blankets and have everything ready by the time you get ready to come over." She smiled.
"Okay, but we're not watching anything scary!" I told her quickly.
"But if we don't watch anything scary then I'll have to work harder to get you to jump on my lap and bury your face in my shirt." She pouted.
I flicked her forehead before turning to walk onto the stage. Cadence was screaming at people as usual, so I walked right past her and headed behind the curtain to get to my little work station.
I was surprised to see Madi back there, all alone, lying down on the floor, and he seemed to be coloring a picture which I knew was bad because Jules said he only colored when he was upset.
I walked over to him and sat across from him before clearing my throat. "Hey, Madi. Are you okay?"
"No."
"Well, what's wrong?"
"Madi is...Uh, upset. I am upset." He muttered.
"What made you upset?"
"Who made me upset." He corrected.
"Who made you upset?"
"The bowl cut boy's friend."
"Jasper?" I tilted my head.
"Yes, it was him."
"What'd he do?"
"H-He was talking about you which I did not like because I like you so I did not like for him to do that." He explained softly.
"Oh," I smiled, resting my cheek in the palm of my hand. "There's no reason to be upset about that, buddy! I don't care if he talks about me!"
"But he was talking badly about you." He said, looking to the side of my head. "He was saying what happened in the bathroom with...Bowl cut."
"Was he telling people that I beat up bowl cut dude?" I tilted my head.
"No, he was saying that bowl cut hurt you. And that he almost h-had sex with you."
I bit my lip and rolled my eyes, shaking my head to myself. "Well, I'll talk to him about it."
"Are you upset?" He questioned.
I let out a small laugh. "No. Jasper is an absolute idiot and so are all his friends. They don't know how to spell half the words they say. I'm not upset by anything he says."
"I wish that I was like that." He sighed. "I do get upset with the things he says about Madi...Me."
"What does he say about you?" I asked quietly.
"That I am stupid because I am autistic. I am autistic but I am n-not stupid." He huffed.
"That's right. You're one of the smartest people I've ever met!" I smiled. "I think I'll have a little talk with Jasper and maybe he'll leave you alone afterward, okay?"
"I do not think it will work."
"You never know until you try." I shrugged, standing up again. "Hey, I know what'll cheer you up!"
"W-What?" He asked.
"Don't tell Billie I told you, but I know for a fact that she's got a whole bag of takis out in her car. I'm sure if you gave her the puppy dog eyes she'd give them to you!"
"Yay!" He clapped before standing up as quickly as he could. "I do like takis!"
He ran past me and I chuckled as I watched from behind the curtain as he ran to Billie and began begging her for takis. She lied and said she didn't have any but he gave her the puppy dog eyes and she sighed and stood up, grabbing his hand and leading him toward the auditorium doors.
When they disappeared, I looked around until I spotted Jasper. He was standing with his raggedy ass friends, not rehearsing like they were supposed to be. I rolled my eyes before calling his name and gesturing for him to come behind the curtain with me.
The second he was behind the curtain and out of his friends' sights, I shoved him against the wall and glared at him. "What the actual fuck?!" I whisper yelled.
He held his hands up in defense, squirming uncomfortably. "Dude, I literally haven't done anything!"
"Why the hell did you call Madison stupid?!" I questioned. "Why are you wasting your time picking on him when he's done nothing to you when you need to be focusing on trying to memorize a damn line?!"
"Are you serious?" He scoffed. "Why do you even care about that little retaâ"
"I suggest you don't finish saying that word." I spat, narrowing my eyes even further. "I care about him because he's my friend and I'll be damned if I let some asshole make one of my friends feel bad! He literally does nothing to anyone. He just minds his own business all the time and he's an absolute sweetheart. There's no reason for you to be messing with him."
"Look, you're acting like I go out of my way to mess with the kid! I don't. I don't say two words to him most of the time. It's just when I'm around my friends and they talk about him, and you know, I justâ"
"You just follow the leader so you can appear to be cool." I rolled my eyes. "You tell your fucking friends to keep their mouthes closed. If I find out that you guys have upset Madi again I will beat all your asses, I swear to god I will. You guys are disgusting!" I huffed, finally letting him go. "You wanna pick on somebody? Pick on me. I dare you."
He nodded slowly before inching his way closer to the curtain. When he saw that I wasn't trying to stop him, he quickly ran past it and back onto the stage.
"Fucking moron." I muttered.
***
I was glad when the drama club meeting was finally over. Today had been pretty boring, which I guess is good. I'd rather it be boring than busy, I guess.
I'm ready to go to Billie's house and watch movies now, though. I'm glad it's finally the weekend. Not that that means much these days. I have to spend four hours at an adventure club meeting tomorrow, and then, of course, I've got to come to the drama club meeting, and then I'm going to another parenting class with Denny and Julia. Billie really wanted to go to the next one because of the childbirth videos. I don't know why she couldn't just watch some on YouTube at 3 am like normal people, but whatever.
I sighed as I tiredly trudged toward my car, rubbing my eyes as I did. I don't think I'm gonna be able to stay awake long enough to get through a movie, but I'll try for Billie.
I was halfway through the parking lot and almost to my car when I heard the most annoying voice I could've possibly heard, seemingly not far behind me.
"Hey, Dahlia. Miss me?"
Rufus.
"How could I? Your less evil and more annoying twin has been coming to visit me in the parking lot ever since I beat your ass in the bathroom." I rolled my eyes as I continued to walk. Why is it that I can't fucking come to the parking lot without getting stopped by one of these assholes?
And shouldn't Rufus still be at home, nursing himself back to health after I almost ended his life not that long ago? Jesus, I can't catch a damn break.
"Dahlia, don't walk away from me!" He hissed.
"I'm having a movie night with my girlfriend. It's a whole date! I don't have time for you, come bug me another time." I grumbled.
Stop walking and turn around!" He shouted.
I ignored him and continued trying to get to my car.
"Stop right there before I shoot!" He screamed.
I let out a long sigh and turned around, narrowing my eyes as I looked at his hand and noticed that he was, in fact, holding a gun.
My eyes flickered up to his face and I crossed my arms over my chest, mentally cursing him out as I noticed the smirk on his face.
"Not so tough now, huh, Doe?" He chuckled. "You thought I was just gonna let you get away with beating me up in a bathroom? You thought I wasn't gonna do anything to you after the crap you pulled?! You made me look like an absolute idiot and now you're gonna pay for it!" He screamed angrily.
My eyes flickered down to the gun again and I let out a quiet laugh, and then a loud one. I couldn't hold it in no matter how hard I tried.
"What the fuck are you laughing at, bitch?!" He questioned angrily.
"I'm sorry, it's just...Come on man, this is ridiculous even for you! I mean...You really expect me to be scared of you shooting me? With that pussy ass gun?" I tilted my head.
"Seriously, why the fuck aren't you scared?" He questioned shakily.
"A lot of reasons. Number one, that gun is pussy, as I mentioned before." I chuckled. "Number two, I don't think you'd be able to get me even in this range with how much you're shaking. Number three, you've literally got that shit pointed at my toe, so...You know, the worst that could happen unless you ever decide to raise your arm a couple inches is I lose a few toes and end up walking with a limp...like a pimp. Like Megan thee stallion! Love her!" I gushed. "And also, the main reason; I don't really feel like dying today."
"YouâYou don't feel like dying today?!" He questioned in disbelief.
I shrugged. "Yeah, no, it's just not that kind of a day for me, you know?"
"Not that kind of aâYou're fucking insane! I'm pointing a gun right at you and you're not even fucking scared?! What the fuck?!" He screamed.
I shrugged again, letting out a small sigh. "If you had any plans of shooting me you would've done it by now. You probably wouldn't have even taken the time to say two words to me. You would've just shot me in my skull while I was walking and that would've been that. And besides, that gun isn't even loaded."
"H-How do you know that?"
"Cause when I turned around, your scary ass jumped and squeezed the trigger. It was an accident, but it made you realize that the safety was on, so then you turned it off. Then you jumped and squeezed the trigger again just a few seconds later, while you were yelling. Nothing." I sighed as I looked at his dumbfounded face. "You know, even if it had been loaded, you probably still would've missed. The angle you're holding it at is really awkward and it's not very likely that you'd get me on the first try. Maybe on the fourth." I snickered.
"WhyâHow the fuckâIf somebody was holding a gun at me I wouldn't be paying attention to that shit!" He sounded bewildered as hell and it made me giggle.
"Paying attention to detail has always been my strong suit. Anyway, I have somewhere to be and it's pretty clear that I'm definitely getting out of here alive so...Can I just go now?"
"I can't let you go! You'll just call the cops on me!"
"Wow, Everything you've said and done tonight has shown just how stupid you truly are, so I'm surprised you even know that that's what I'm gonna do!" I laughed. "Okay, so then we're just gonna stand here all day and you're gonna hold me at gunpoint with a gun that has no bullets in it, out in plain sight where everybody can see us?" I tilted my head.
"I have bullets in my trunk!" He shouted weakly.
"Okay, do you want me to wait here while you go get them or what?" I questioned, annoyed.
"I...Don't know what to do here." He sighed. "I don't want to kill you. I just wanted to scare you!"
"Yeah, all of what you said just then was pretty obvious from the get-go." I rolled my eyes. "You're so damn stupid, Rufus. You can't even terrorize or assassinate somebody right." I grumbled as I quickly walked up to him. "What the hell was the plan? If you didn't plan on actually killing me and you just wanted to scare me, then what the hell were you expecting to happen afterward? You had to know I was gonna call the cops!"
I was dialing 911 as I spoke.
"I just...I've never really been able to think things through." He mumbled sadly. "S-Somethings wrong with me, Dahlia."
"Oh, don't I fucking know it." I scoffed.
"911, what's your emergency?" The lady questioned through the phone. I shook my head and placed a hand on my hip, tapping my foot impatiently.
"I'm being held at gunpoint by an absolute dipshit." I spat. He just looked down, biting his lip. "I don't need an ambulance or anything. Just police."
She was silent for a long moment before speaking again. "Ma'am is this a prank call? You don't sound scared."
"Well, how the hell could I be? This guy didn't even load the fucking gun!"
"IâI don't thinkâ"
"Listen, just send some cops to the high school. Pronto." I hung up quickly and turned to stomp away from him, flipping him off as I did. "Don't you ever fucking try this shit again on a night when I have a date planned with my girl, you asshole. Now I'm gonna be late! You wanna try to assassinate me?! You check with me to make sure I don't have any fucking plans first!" I screamed at the top of my lungs until I finally got into my car. I slammed the door shut and put my seatbelt on before backing out of the parking lot.
The sounds of sirens filled my ears as I left the school parking lot and red and blue lights started to fill it. I knew the police station wasn't that far away, but damn, they came fast as hell.
It's been a long damn day. I wonder if Billie would be willing to watch Cinderella tonight?