{121}✔️

A/N: it's not rlly smart of me to update a second time today considering I don't even have most of the next chapter written & don't know if I'll be able to finish writing it by tomorrow but whatever lmao. Anyways I've posted some pics of me on my insta story for those of you who missed the face reveal. My insta is, ofc, @bilboaaa

I also happened to post a lil preview of the next chapter (I've been doing that a lot lately idk why) Soo yay okbye.

{Edit: thank you so much for 200k reads!!}

************

Dahlia's POV

************

"Okay, well, which one of us is gonna get down there and push?" Billie questioned.

"I have a skirt on so I don't think I—"

"Perfect! You get down there and spread your legs wide! I'll get in front of you!" She said quickly.

"You're supposed to be behind me—"

"It's fine, we're doing it this way today!"

"You two kids are disgusting!" The lady beside us spat. "I can feel the love you two have for each other from here and I don't like it! This is a child birthing class, there is no love in here!" She narrowed her eyes and shook her head. "Everyone in here is miserable and we all hate each other and that's the way it's supposed to be! It's the only way to bring a child into this world successfully and survive. You need pure hatred and lots of drugs. Isn't that right, Samuel?" She called to her husband who was glaring off into the distance.

"That's right, honey bun!" He said quickly, rubbing her back.

"You make me sick!" She screamed at him, causing us all to jump.

Billie and I stared at them for a while and they stared at us. The woman glared and Samuel looked terrified. "We're getting married soon." He mumbled after a while. Her frown turned into a smile and he faked a smile as well as she showed off her ring.

"Congratulations, you both seem like such...Loving...People." I stated weakly. "Okay, billie, maybe we can find another spot—" I whispered

"Already on it." She whispered back.

We just got to our second parenting class and I already hate everything about it. The last one was fun because at least I got to compete with people. This one won't be as cool because all we're doing is watching those stupid videos, discussing what to put into the hospital bag, and practicing breathing. Boring shit. It's a shorter class than last week's though, so at least there's that.

"Sit next to us!" Denny quickly grabbed my arm and dragged me over to where he and Julia had put their stuff down. I argued the whole time, not wanting to sit next to him. I'm still mad at him for always treating me like I'm his damn child rather than his sister.

"I'm gonna be honest, I'm nervous as shit for today." Julia sighed. "I'm gonna have to see what it looks like to push out a big, slimy blob that I'm gonna have to take care of for the rest of my life. I don't know if I'm ready for that."

I smiled softly as I sat down beside her and rubbed her arm. "I totally get why you're nervous, but you'll be okay. I mean, moms are really strong by default. When the time comes, you'll be more than ready."

"Sweet." She smiled before rolling her eyes. "I wish it didn't have to come out of my coochie. Why couldn't it come out of my asshole? I've taken so many shits in my lifetime, it'd literally be nothing new—"

"Dude, What if you could choose which hole you wanted it to come out of?" Billie questioned as she sat next to me. "What if you could just tell the doctor, 'hey, I wanna throw this bitch up, make it happen', and they actually did?! That'd be sick!"

"Ew," Denny shook his head. "I'd never wanna throw up a baby. Then you'd have to taste all that gunk," He shivered "I'd want mine to come out of my belly button."

"That would be the most uncomfortable feeling in the world! I hate pressure on my belly button! Imagine how much pressure a whole baby would be!" Julia cringed.

"Well, I only have so many holes," Denny shrugged. "It's either my mouth, belly button, or asshole. I choose belly button."

"Yeah, he likes for things to go into his asshole, not come out." I mumbled.

"I am not a bottom!" He whisper yelled.

"Dude, you forgot a whole bunch of holes." Billie cackled at her own joke for a few moments before continuing. "Your nostrils, your earlobes. Your 'I'm totally gay' ear piercing, and even your dick hole."

"My dick—Ew! Ow! No!" He shook his head quickly. "That's way too small! Be realistic!"

"Yeah? Cause pushing a baby out of your belly button is totally realistic." She scoffed.

"Yeah, and it's not like my hole is all that big. If I can push a baby out of my vagina, you can push one out of your dick hole." Julia rolled her eyes.

I turned away from them all as I heard somebody coming to stand beside me, and I let out a loud sigh as I noticed that it was Tom and Martha. Of fucking course.

"Tom." I greeted dryly, holding my chin up in the air.

He looked over and let out a sigh of his own. "Delusional—I mean, Dahlia." He grumbled before sitting down. "Lovely to see you here. Kinda weird that you are, considering you're not actually pregnant. I don't suppose you're here to see who can push the baby out the quickest, are you?" He questioned bitterly.

"I could push a baby out of me way faster than Martha could!" I shouted.

"Well, I guess we'll never know since you're not even pregnant." Martha rolled her eyes as she squatted and slowly sat down on the floor as well.

"You think I won't get pregnant just to prove a point lady?! I will! After you push this one out you need to get pregnant again and we'll just see who can push a baby out the fastest!" I screamed. "Somebody get me pregnant!" I yelled, looking around the room.

"Baby, trust me, I've been trying, it's just a little difficult because of my anatomy!" Billie sighed.

***

"This position is actually really relaxing," I whispered as I intertwined both my hands with Billie's. I was laying back between her legs with my head resting on her stomach and my legs spread wide open in the pregnancy pose pictured on the screen in front of us. I have shorts on underneath my skirt anyway, and Billie refused to be in this position. Don't judge me. "I totally get why dudes man spread all the time now." I grinned.

"Shh!" Tom whispered, drawing my attention to him. "Some of us are actually trying to learn something!"

"What's so damn hard to understand about this, Tom?" I questioned, not able to hide the annoyance in my tone. "All she has to do is keep her legs spread and push the damn thing out."

"We can't hear the fucking video because you keep talking!" He growled. "How are we ever supposed to learn the proper way to breathe if you keep talking over the video?!"

"In, out. In, out. There! That's how you breathe! You're welcome!" I hissed.

He sighed and shook his head at me. "It's bad enough we're stuck watching some stupid video that looks like it was filmed in the 90s because you made Joyce quit last week—"

"Me?!" I whisper yelled. "I did not make her quit! You made her quit!"

"How did I make her quit?" He scoffed.

"You were so damn stupid that she couldn't take it anymore. You didn't even know how to swaddle the damn baby—You took thirty minutes to change one stupid diaper! Seriously, it was depressing to watch!"

"Hey, I eventually got the hang of it!" He spat. "And she did not quit because of me! She quit because you made the class miserable because all you cared about was winning some nonexistent competition!"

"You know what this is about?" I chuckled bitterly. "You're just mad because I won and you didn't! Me! An eighteen-year-old! I just beat your forty-year-old ass and you're upset about it because—"

"Wait a damn minute! Forty?! I'm 26!" He growled.

I let out a small snort. "Sir, those wrinkles say otherwise."

He gasped loudly. "Take that back!"

"I don't think I will."

"Take it back!" He screamed.

He was shushed by all the other people in the room and I snickered as he turned bright red.

"I wish I'd brought popcorn," Billie whispered, speaking for the first time since the childbirth video had come on. "This is some good shit. Holy fuck, look at all that gunk! Dude, look at the head!"

"This is disgusting." I mumbled.

"This is cool!" She whisper yelled. "Holy fuck, I see an arm!"

I didn't look at the screen. I wanted literally no parts in that.

"Oh, no," Julia muttered. "I—I can't do that! I won't! I've decided I'm not going to have a baby. It just can't happen."

"Yeah...Maybe if you'd said that seven months ago..." Denver mumbled. She elbowed him and he winced. "No need to be violent!"

"This is all your damn fault! You did this to me!" She cried.

"Oh, please. You jumped on me every chance you got! You were always the one to initiate the sex! And, boy, did you initiate it a whole lot." He grumbled.

"I was in fucking love with you for whatever damn reason! I thought that fucking you every chance I got would make you wanna be with me forever, for Christ sake! Pussy is power!" She fussed.

"True that," Billie chuckled before gasping. "Oh my gosh, look at how the baby just slid out of her! If I was pregnant I'd want it to be like that. Just one big push and then, yeet! That bitch is slipping right out of me."

"Will you guys, please, shut the hell up?!" Martha growled.

"My God, are you kidding me?! What exactly do you need to hear?! All you have to do is watch and see how to push a baby out of your vagina, what's so damn complicated?!" I huffed.

She narrowed her eyes at me and pointed one of her bony little fingers. "I'm sick of you and your bullshit! I'm taking this class so I can learn what to do when I—When—"

Her eyes widened as she looked down.

"What's wrong, honey?" Tom questioned, sounding concerned.

"I...Think my water just broke? Either that or I peed myself, but I'd really like to think that my water broke."

"Oh my god!" Tom screeched. "Oh my god! No! You broke her water!" He yelled, turning to look at me. My own eyes widened.

"What?! What the hell do you mean I broke her water? I did not! I did not touch her water! I wasn't even near her water!" I whisper yelled.

"You were stressing her out! You sent her into labor!"

"Well—Well send her back to when she wasn't in labor then!" I huffed, scooting away from her. "It's probably fine! It's probably—She could've just started her period or something!" I argued weakly.

He sent me a look. "Somehow, I don't think that's what it is!"

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!" Billie yelled, sounding excited. I fell flat on my back with a thud as she quickly got up, running to stand in front of Martha. "Oh my god, let me deliver your baby!"

"Are you kidding me?! No, get away from me!" Martha screamed before wincing. "The hospital is ten minutes away, if we leave now, we can make it! Tom, help me up!"

"Honey, getting you off this floor could take ten minutes itself!" He mumbled as he stood up as well. By now, people were starting to take notice of what was happening and they were coming over to help.

"Let me deliver the baby! I can do it! I've watched thirty minutes worth of childbirth videos, I can totally do it!" Billie jumped up and down like an excited toddler. "It seems easy enough, I mean, you just grab the baby and, like, yank on the head a little so it comes out! And I know it's already slimy and shit, but if it's really hard to come out, we can just get some butter and grease you up a little bit so it'll just slide—"

"Somebody get this bitch away from me!" Martha screamed. "And help me up!"

The room was mostly quiet for a few moments before it turned into total chaos. About five people started dialing 911 at once and they all seemed to start screaming down their phones at the same exact time. Tom, Denny, and two other men were trying to get Martha up without touching any of her...Water. Some of the other pregnant women began crying and screaming as they were concerned that they were in labor too. Julia was still sitting on the floor, terrified, as her eyes flickered back and forth between the childbirth videos on the screen and Martha. Billie was still begging to deliver the baby. A few couples began running out of the room, not wanting anything to do with what was happening in here. They all fought to get out of the door first. I crawled as quickly as I could to a corner and covered my ears with my hands, squeezing my eyes shut and trying to pretend that I was somewhere—anywhere—else than here.

"If I can get some gloves and a spatula, I'm sure I can deliver the baby just fine! Just give me a chance!" Billie yelled over the chaos. "If I don't do it right this time, I'll just try again next time!"

"Oh my god, she weighs like, three thousand pounds!" Denny complained as he was trying to help get her off the floor.

"Hey, buddy, that's my wife you're talking about!" Tom spat. "I know she's a whale, but you don't have to say it! And FYI, she's really hot when she's not pregnant!"

"Yes, send all the ambulances you have! This woman's about to give birth for Christ sake!" One man yelled before hanging up the phone. He froze in his spot afterward and shook his head, facepalming. "Oh, no! I think I called the fire station! Do we need a fire truck for this?! Maybe, I don't know!"

"Okay, just, like, look at the video and do exactly what they're doing, right?!" Billie tried to help her. "Think of it as if you're just at home watching beauty gurus do their makeup and you're copying them, okay?! Except in this case you're not watching beauty gurus, you're watching pregnant ladies give birth! Just push when they push and scream when they scream and—"

"Oh my god, their medical bill is gonna be so expensive!" I cried, rocking myself back and forth. "Ambulance rides are like thousands of dollars themselves! This is the last thing they need when they're bringing a baby into the world! Debt!"

"Oh my god, it's okay!" I continued muttering to myself. "They've probably got insurance, right?! If not, they could always fly to Canada. How long is that trip from here?!"

"We've gotta go!" Some lady screamed. "I don't want my baby to hear what's going on out here and get any ideas! I don't want this thing coming out of me any time before I'm drugged up and in a hospital bed!"

"I bet you're only like, six feet dilated!" Billie continued trying to comfort. "I mean...Six inches ovulated? I don't...I don't know!" She began freaking out. "Oh, god, I don't know anything! I can't deliver this baby! Well, maybe I could if I just had fifteen more minutes to watch a few videos?!"

"Are we sure she didn't just start her period like I said? They really do just pop up at all the wrong times, you never know!" I shouted before letting out a small groan. My god, I'd do anything to be back in the parking lot being held at gunpoint by Rufus. That was a lot less stressful than this.

I shakily pulled out my cellphone and dialed my dad's number, praying that he'd pick up even though he's at work. I let out a sigh of relief once he did.

"Dahlia? Hey, is something wrong?"

"Yeah, I'm at the parenting class and some lady is in labor!" I sobbed. "Make her stop, dad!" I whined.

"Honey, I don't think I can do that."

"But you're, like, a superhero or something!" I cried.

"Well, it's sweet that you think so and I might very well be a superhero, but my powers definitely don't include making pregnant ladies stop being in labor. Is there anyone there who knows how to deliver a baby?" He questioned.

"Billie's watched a lot of childbirth videos." I sniffled.

"Right...So, no then." He mumbled. "Did anyone call 911?"

"Yeah, but—"

"Then it's handled! Listen, I've gotta go because I've got a lot of work to do, but call me back if Billie does actually end up delivering the baby. That's definitely a story that I'd like to hear about." He chuckled before hanging up.

I stared at my phone with my mouth hanging open after he did. Literally, how dare him?! How could he just hang up on me like that when I'm in the middle of a crisis?!

"Okay, we don't have any pain medication or numbing shit, but, like, what if we just give her some liquor so that she gets drunk enough that she won't remember anything?! I mean, I know she's pregnant and she's not supposed to drink, but it's coming out soon anyway, so I don't think it matters!" Billie yelled.

"I think I hear an ambulance pulling up outside!" A woman screamed. Billie stomped her foot.

"Are you fucking kidding me?! I could've delivered the baby! Me! I studied up on this for thirty whole minutes, now they're just gonna show up and steal my moment?!"

***********

A/N: okay I'm sorry this is a short chapter but hopefully the next one will be better.

I'm gonna do a time skip so that it'll be the night of the play (& I hope you guys don't mind that. I don't like time skips that much but maybe that's just me) and there will probably be another time skip after the play too.

It's just that I feel like all these recent chapters have been trash. I mean some of them have been decent and there's definitely been some great moments, (& chapters 113 and 116 were rlly lit 💀) but compared to the beginning of the book I just feel like they're not as great. Either they're boring af (IMO) or a whole lotta shit is going on and idkkk

I'm ass at words so I don't know how to explain it but I don't think I've liked a single chapter I've written all that much since chapter 99. And because I feel like the chapters aren't that great, I'm not writing as much because every time I do write I get annoyed bc it just doesn't seem like anything I write is all that good. That's why I haven't been updating all that much (still a lot, but not much for me)

I'm really excited to write all the chapters that'll come after the play/after they get out of school because I've had those planned for a while and I do think I'll enjoy writing those more. It's just writing about this play and all that, I have a bit of a plan for these chapters but...not rlly a plan? I have a rough outline of what I want to happen ig? IDK WORDS. So anyways, it's just harder for me to write these chapters.

But again, once we get past all this play stuff I think I'll be back to normal/writing a whole bunch again.

I just wanted to say all that because idk I just wanted y'all to know a bitch been struggling Lmfaoo. Mostly because you guys (absolute sweethearts) seem to think that I'm magic and that anything I write is gold. WRONG. Lmfao I'm trash. & also because idk if u guys have been thinking that my chapters haven't been as good lately, but if you have been thinking that then don't feel crazy, u right lmao.

Also I just wanna mention now that the end of this book is somewhat near. Don't freak out, it's not near near. I have no idea how many more chapters it's gonna take me to write everything I wanna write but I do know it'll be a lot. We might end up with 200 chapters in this bitch. U never know.

Also...

*sighs*

I said I wasn't gonna say for sure that there'd be a sequel because every time I do that I end up not writing the damn thing. But the odds of this book having a sequel are GREAT because I've literally got a whole lotta shit planned for a sequel.

There's a two percent chance that it won't have one tho so don't @ me if I for whatever reason don't write it!!!!

Also thanks for enjoying the chill playlist even tho that's off topic as fuck. I think I've already asked this once but what other playlists would you like to see? I remember someone said r&b.

But anyways, I think I've said enough. In conclusion, I'm sorry if my recent chapters have sucked, thank you for still reading if you are, the end is somewhat near but, like, not fucking really, and thank you for coming to my ted talk!