{24}✔️
Don't Hug Me I'm Scared {Billie Eilish}
Dahlia's POV
*************
I sighed as I turned off my read receipts and then opened up Billie's texts.
Bilboa:
Hey, beautiful, you doing okay? 8:53 am
I know I can't be at school with you and that sucks but I hope your day doesn't suck as much as you think it will. Maybe people are already over it? ð¤9:16 am
Dude, I know you're probably really busy right now and probably hella overwhelmed but I can't stop thinking about you. I feel like I'm as nervous as you. 10:14 am
Okay, I'm definitely not as nervous as you but I'm still really nervous. 10:15 am
Bro I wish you weren't in school ;( Finneas keeps trying to make me eat vegetables and I have no one to rant to about it. 11:13 am
Fucking broccoli of all vegetables. Like come on dude. 11:15 am
Baby do you not have your phone on you? Why don't you have your phone on you you hoe?! 1:44 pm
Are people giving you shit? Lmk so I can pop up if I need to. 2:12 pm
ANSWER ðð» MY ðð» MOTHERFUCKING ðð» TEXTS ðð» BEFORE ðð» I ðð» BEAT ðð» FINNEAS' ðð» ASS ðð»ðð»ðð»ðð»ðð»ðð»ðð»ðð» 3:39 pm
You're out of school now bro what the fuck. 4:11 pm
After reading the texts, I sighed again and threw my phone down before lying down and putting a pillow over my head. I feel like such a bitch for not replying to her because I know she must be worried about me and she just wants to make sure I'm okay, but I can't talk to her right now. I have no idea what to say.
She'd be able to tell that somethings up even through text messages, so I can't talk to her. I don't know what to do about Kai, I don't know if there is anything that I can do about Kai, and if there isn't then that means I'm just stuck doing what she wants me to do, and what she wants me to do is stop talking to Billie. I don't want to do that. It'd hurt Billie and it'd make me miserable.
But I can't have Kai telling everyone about what happened with my mom. Nobody knows about that besides my family and I, and now Billie. She knows a little. Caden and Cadence know a little too, but they don't know everything and I don't want them to. I just want to move on from it, let the past be in the past. I don't want Kai to tell strangers about what happened to me.
Plus, if I tell Billie about what happened with Kai today, there's no doubt in my mind that she'd find her and beat her ass again. I can't have that. Billie could get into serious troubleâmore trouble than she's already in. She's already suspended because of me. I don't need her getting arrested because of me too.
Kai wants me to screw her whenever she wants and I can't fucking do that either. I don't want anything to do with her anymore. I regret the fact that I ever laid my hands on her, I regret the fact that I ever even laid my eyes on her. Every time she so much as looks at me I feel sick to my stomach. I hate the fact that I have to be in the same building as her.
During our classes today, she made it a point to sit extra close to me and squeeze my thigh under the table every chance she got, just like she used to, but this time it was different for me, obviously. It's not different for her. To her, everything's just gone back to normal between us. She touches me when she wants and how she wants, flirts with me, talks about fucking me just like she used to. For me...it just makes me feel so dirty and disgusting and stupid. I don't know how I got involved with her and never once figured out that she could be so damn cruel.
She was never the nicest to most other people, but I kinda just ignored it. She was always nice to me. I just figured she sucked at making friends.
Every time she leaned over to whisper in my ear I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. Every time she touched me, I couldn't help but flinch, my skin developing goosebumps wherever her disgusting hands were. I felt people staring at us, watching us closely. How could they not? This girl had just posted my naked picture on Facebook and now we were cuddled up together?
Even Caden and Cadence were confused by it, but they didn't ask any questions and I was grateful for that.
I heard my phone vibrate again and felt around for it until I finally found it. I squinted my eyes at the bright screen before letting out a small gasp and sitting up abruptly.
Bilboa:
Screw this. I'm coming over. 5:13 pm
I threw the phone down quickly before looking around my room and then hopping off my bed. I cannot see her right now. She's gonna know something's up and she's gonna get it out of me and then it's all gonna be even shittier than it already is.
Billie lives like fifteen minutes away so I figured I had time to quickly throw on some clothes and dip.
I grabbed the nearest pair of sweatpants I could find and didn't bother putting on a bra before I threw on a hoodie that was lying on my floor. I put on my usual chunky black boots and didn't bother looking in the mirror to see if I'd even put the clothes on right before running down the stairs.
"Going on a jog, love you, bye!" I screamed to my siblings as I passed their rooms. I ran across the living room and swung open the door, almost bumping into Billie as I tried to run out, but quickly stopped myself. My eyes widened and my mouth flew open as I saw her standing there with her hands on the sides of the door, a small smirk visible as she stared at me.
"Going somewhere, shorty?" She quizzed as she stood up straight and then walked into the house, closing the door behind her. I backed away from her quickly, trying to figure out what to say, but I was speechless. "Deja vu, huh? Remember the first day I came here and you just stood there staring at me?"
I tried to speak but nothing came out. I felt like I could pass out, honestly. Not just because I was panicking like fuck, but also because she happened to look really good. She had on all black other than her neon green shoes and beanie. She looks really good. I know this isn't the time to think about that butâwow.
"I figured you'd try to skip town before I got here." She joked before looking at me seriously. I backed up all the way against the wall and she trapped me there, putting her hands beside my head as she stared down at me intensely, her eyebrows furrowing as her eyes searched my own. "Why are you trying to run away from me, baby?" Her voice was so quiet and small. She sounded so hurt and it made me want to cry. "What did I do?"
I stared at her for a few more seconds before my eyes drifted down to her lips. I closed my eyes tightly before pulling her closer and smashing our lips together. I could tell by the way she grunted that I'd surprised her, but she quickly recovered and grabbed my hips, pushing me against the wall even more as she tilted her head to deepen the kiss. I wrapped my arms around her neck and moaned a little as she brought a hand up to grab my neck and then my jaw, her tight grip making me feel...safe. As long as her hands were on me I felt safe. Like nothing could get to me.
I didn't have time to think about how corny that was as she once again moved her hand down to my hip and then lifted me up. I couldn't focus on any one thing. There was so much to think about. Her hands on my ass. How softly she laid me down on the couch before she rested between my legs, her body hovering over mine. How sweet she tasted and how she must've had pancakes with lots of syrup pretty recently...how amazing she smelled.
"Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, What the fuck?! Is going for a jog meant to be code word for something now and I just didn't know it?!" Billie pulled away from me quickly as Denver's booming voice filled the room. I blushed and didn't bother looking at him as I hopped off the couch and grabbed Billie's hand, dragging her toward the stairs so we could get to my room.
"S-Sorry, I didn't meanâwe weren't gonnaâugh...Bye!" I stuttered out as I ran up the stairs two at a time.
Once we were in my room and my door was shut, I turned to her and smiled shyly before trying to kiss her again. She quickly stopped me by putting a hand on my chest and pushing me away. I frowned as I looked at her, waiting to see why the hell she didn't wanna pick up where we left off.
"That's not what I'm here for." She shook her head. "You're not gonna distract me again. Why have you been ignoring me this whole day? If I did something, you tell me and I can try to fix it. That's how this works."
How could she expect me to keep myself from kissing her again when she was in here looking like that and giving me orders? I really could've jumped her right then and there.
"I'm sorry," I sighed, turning away from her. "I just needed to think about shit and be by myself."
"Well, you could've told me that." She huffed. She sounded angry, but she also sounded hurt.
"Billie, I don't want to talk about what happened today, but it was bad. I don't know how to deal with it." I told her honestly as I looked at her again, plopping down on the edge of my bed. I know she must be confused and frustrated at me for not telling her exactly what's going on, but at least I told her that little bit, right?
"I could help you. I could do whatever you needâ"
"I just need to figure this out on my own. I'm really happy to know that if I need your help, I've got it, though." I smiled as she came to sit on her knees in front of me, between my legs. She wrapped her arms around my waist and rested her head on my thighs as she spoke. "If that's what you need to do I'll let you. But I hope you know I'll do anything to help you if you need it. I'll beat a bitch's ass again for you, you know?"
"I know." I giggled.